Red November Posted October 31, 2004 Share Posted October 31, 2004 Jeff Foxworthy on Nebraska If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Nebraska. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because it's the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Nebraska. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Nebraska. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Nebraska. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Nebraska. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Nebraska. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Nebraska. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Nebraska. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Nebraska. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Nebraskan WHEN: 1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend. 2. You measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings). 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 14. Down South to you means Kansas. 15. A brat is something you eat. 16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed. 17. You go out to a tail gate party every Friday. 18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." 21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Nebraska friends. Quote Link to comment
klong Posted November 1, 2004 Share Posted November 1, 2004 Jeff Foxworthy on Nebraska If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Nebraska. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because it's the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Nebraska. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Nebraska. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Nebraska. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Nebraska. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Nebraska. If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Nebraska. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Nebraska. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Nebraska. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Nebraskan WHEN: 1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend. 2. You measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings). 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 14. Down South to you means Kansas. 15. A brat is something you eat. 16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed. 17. You go out to a tail gate party every Friday. 18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." 21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Nebraska friends. I've been through at least half of these. Our Dairy Queen in Kimball closed in October, not November Quote Link to comment
Benard Posted November 3, 2004 Share Posted November 3, 2004 them are pretty funny. I know i've did number 4 alot. Quote Link to comment
HuskerBob Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 this guy is a complete hak. jus says the same crap over and over and fills in the blanks. you cud apply that drivel to any state in the upper midwest. friggin comedy mad libs. unorginal and not funny. Quote Link to comment
DaveH Posted November 4, 2004 Share Posted November 4, 2004 this guy is a complete hak. jus says the same crap over and over and fills in the blanks. you cud apply that drivel to any state in the upper midwest. friggin comedy mad libs. unorginal and not funny. I have to agree, for the most part. Quote Link to comment
kramer Posted November 7, 2004 Share Posted November 7, 2004 this guy is a complete hak. jus says the same crap over and over and fills in the blanks. you cud apply that drivel to any state in the upper midwest. friggin comedy mad libs. unorginal and not funny. Something tells me there's something else behind this anger. Quote Link to comment
bluewhitebenji Posted February 7, 2005 Share Posted February 7, 2005 this guy is a complete hak. jus says the same crap over and over and fills in the blanks. you cud apply that drivel to any state in the upper midwest. friggin comedy mad libs. unorginal and not funny. YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE Nebraskan WHEN: 1. "Vacation" means going east or west on I-80 for the weekend. 2. You measure distance in hours. 3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once. 4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again. 5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching. 6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings). 7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked. 8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them. 9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow. 11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction. 12. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce. 13. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age. 14. Down South to you means Kansas. 15. A brat is something you eat. 16. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole shed. 17. You go out to a tail gate party every Friday. 18. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost. 19. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 20. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly." 21. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Nebraska friends. The same things can be said for Pennsylvanians. Maybe we arent so different after all. 1. I80 cuts PA in half. 2. St. College is 3 hours from philly 3. Im in this group. Got good baloney out of one. 4. Dont have AC in the truck 5. Truck doesnt go 65mph anyway...but any snowfall is no problem 6. More of a blaze orange hometown crowd. 7. Motion sensor on the back porch, doors never locked. 8. True. I also made her change her own tire...just so she knows. 9. Dont have any kids. 10. True. Never been to NE, but PA has notoriously horrible roads. 11. St. College has: 1 day of Autumn, The dead of winter, 1 day of spring, the dead of summer. 12. And the deer has bullet holes in it. 13. Not enforced. 14. Inapplicable. 15. Inapplicable. 16. Inapplicable. 17. Friday and Sat. 18. 96 degrees and 100% humidity. Id think id rather frost. At least the beer stays cold. 20. Went to work last week, it was 9 degrees...said out loud "Oh, i didnt expect it to warm up today.' Dairy Queens are never open come Halloween and are never open before May. Quote Link to comment
joshuavacek Posted February 10, 2005 Share Posted February 10, 2005 this guy is a complete hak. jus says the same crap over and over and fills in the blanks. you cud apply that drivel to any state in the upper midwest. friggin comedy mad libs. unorginal and not funny. Something tells me there's something else behind this anger. It is funny and you don't have to think about it much. that is my type of comedy. There is nothing wrong with being a redneck. Anything is better than DENNIS MILLER on MNF. Quote Link to comment
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