Michael Moore: 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists

[Eric the Red]

From: "Michael Moore" <maillist@michaelmoore.com>

 

 

Subject: 17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Reply-To: <maillist@michaelmoore.com>

 

11/5/04

 

Dear Friends,

 

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in

the words of Monty Python, 'always look on the bright side of life!' There

IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

 

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

 

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

 

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since

Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

 

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults

(Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always

wrong and you should never listen to them.

 

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the

country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

 

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the

Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the

Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do

their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

 

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of

our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West

Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water,

all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in

lava. And no more show tunes!

 

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any

old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut.

May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

 

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will

no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If

you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly

golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

 

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married

in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't

have to buy now.

 

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress,

including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to

have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates

can't.

 

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

 

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

 

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3

chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state

legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the

2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53

chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47

chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber

(Montana House) is still undecided.

 

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than

the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out --

and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work

that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th

grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the

next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the

ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his

point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

 

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very

dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two

scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the

Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear

that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that

history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for

too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or B) He will become so cocky and

arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such

major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from

office.

 

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting

age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it

means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards

to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of

those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go

home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three

yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are

coming!!!

 

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the

candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total

number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore.

Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for

a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time

since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has

always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is

that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact,

that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones

who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November

2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of

surprise in 2008.

 

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My

Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a

wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

 

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

 

Yours,

 

Michael Moore

MMFlint@aol.com

www.michaelmoore.com

[slacker]

Poor Mike, trying to make everyone feel better. After all that you have to remember Bush still won.

[Pedro Guerrero]

Moore is a retard. His attempt at trying to win the election for Kerry backfired. I think a lot of people got sick of him and other famous people telling them how to vote. Oh well he will just make another movie spewing his agenda and the left will eat it up. ( Kind of like Moore at a Buffet.) Oh well Bush won and Moore lost.

[DaveH]

This is probably the funniest quote I have ever heard with regard to Moore. I think he is a jackass that speaks out against the evils of big corporations and America but at the same time has no problem making millions working with these so-called "evils". I guess you can have your cake and eat it too. But in this case, it's probably multiple wedding cakes.

 

"I just think if you are going to speak out against the excesses of American capitalism you shouldn't weigh 450 pounds." - Greg Giraldo

 

*edited just for kramer.

[kramer]

"I just think if you are going to speak out against the excesses of American capitalism you shouldn't weigh 450 pounds." - Greg Giraldo

Hey Dave you were saying........

 

Nothing irks me more than when someone starts a thread by just dropping a quote or some other asinine thought without backing it up. It usually means they don't really have anything. I am not saying you do this regularly, just something that irks me smile.

[DaveH]

"I just think if you are going to speak out against the excesses of American capitalism you shouldn't weigh 450 pounds." - Greg Giraldo

Hey Dave you were saying........

 

Nothing irks me more than when someone starts a thread by just dropping a quote or some other asinine thought without backing it up. It usually means they don't really have anything. I am not saying you do this regularly, just something that irks me smile.

True, I guess I should has specified that I was talking more in the context of discussing Husker football and thus the main purpose for this board.

 

This on the other hand is more or less the bullpoopy forum. So I thought I would post my favorite quote about that waste of space Moore. Since I got called on it, I will edit it.

[klong]

Moore is a retard. His attempt at trying to win the election for Kerry backfired. I think a lot of people got sick of him and other famous people telling them how to vote. Oh well he will just make another movie spewing his agenda and the left will eat it up. ( Kind of like Moore at a Buffet.) Oh well Bush won and Moore lost.

Here was a reason to vote for Bush: Just imagine Moore in a smug press conference on the Thursday saying, "I did it, I beat Bush!!!". You know he would.

[Utah_Husker]

For a laugh everyone needs to go back and look at all the movie posters for Moore's old films. He gains about 30 pounds every time the Republicans win an election. If they gain seats again in 2006, they'll need a crane to lift him onto the stage at campaign appearances for Hillary in 2008.

[DaveH]

For a laugh everyone needs to go back and look at all the movie posters for Moore's old films. He gains about 30 pounds every time the Republicans win an election. If they gain seats again in 2006, they'll need a crane to lift him onto the stage at campaign appearances for Hillary in 2008.

[HuskerBob]

or take a look at huskerbobs pic after every husker losss. me head is the size of a h2o melon..

[DJR313]

Moore is a retard.  His attempt at trying to win the election for Kerry backfired.  I think a lot of people got sick of him and other famous people telling them how to vote.  Oh well he will just make another movie spewing his agenda and the left will eat it up. ( Kind of like Moore at a Buffet.) Oh well Bush won and Moore lost.

Here was a reason to vote for Bush: Just imagine Moore in a smug press conference on the Thursday saying, "I did it, I beat Bush!!!". You know he would.

Sorry, but sadly the only reason to vote for Bush would be to hear the word "strategiary."

[joshuavacek]

If I would have had to listen to Kerry for the next four years, I probably would have slit MY wrists.

 

Kerry and Moore are both what is wrong with america today. Idiots.

[klong]

Moore is a retard.  His attempt at trying to win the election for Kerry backfired.  I think a lot of people got sick of him and other famous people telling them how to vote.  Oh well he will just make another movie spewing his agenda and the left will eat it up. ( Kind of like Moore at a Buffet.) Oh well Bush won and Moore lost.

Here was a reason to vote for Bush: Just imagine Moore in a smug press conference on the Thursday saying, "I did it, I beat Bush!!!". You know he would.

Sorry, but sadly the only reason to vote for Bush would be to hear the word "strategiary."

It's the choice between a turd sandwich and giant douche. I think we got the turd sandwich

[Utah_Husker]

Moore is a retard.  His attempt at trying to win the election for Kerry backfired.  I think a lot of people got sick of him and other famous people telling them how to vote.  Oh well he will just make another movie spewing his agenda and the left will eat it up. ( Kind of like Moore at a Buffet.) Oh well Bush won and Moore lost.

Here was a reason to vote for Bush: Just imagine Moore in a smug press conference on the Thursday saying, "I did it, I beat Bush!!!". You know he would.

Sorry, but sadly the only reason to vote for Bush would be to hear the word "strategiary."

It's the choice between a turd sandwich and giant douche. I think we got the turd sandwich

Are you kidding? You couldn't have had more contrasting personas, political views, and world vision as those two. I feel like we were presented with a real choice. If you didn't find something to agree with in one of them, you might want to check and see if you have an opinion.

[DaveH]

It's the choice between a turd sandwich and giant douche.  I think we got the turd sandwich

Are you kidding? You couldn't have had more contrasting personas, political views, and world vision as those two. I feel like we were presented with a real choice. If you didn't find something to agree with in one of them, you might want to check and see if you have an opinion.

You don't watch South Park do you?