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Depression & Suicide


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A guy from my hometown committed suicide last week because he suffered from depression & anxiety. Left behind a wife and two twin daughters. Everyone is posting things on social media about how great of a guy he was, and honestly, I didn't know him at all.

 

I've been having a bit of a difficult moral situation with this. I feel horrible for his family and have even thought about donating to their go fund me site that someone set up to offset funeral costs and such. Then there's another part of me who thinks this guy is a selfish coward to leave behind 2 young (2 years old) daughters who will never know their daddy because he couldn't muster up the strength and courage to do it for them.

 

I lost my job in June and I'm pretty sure I've gone through a bit of depression (subjective - not diagnosed, but my wife agrees) while struggling to find a new job, but never once have I considered ending my life and leaving my wife and son behind without a husband/dad.

 

Does this make me a bad person to think like this? It just annoys me that all these people are talking about what a good guy he was, and I tend to think otherwise, even though I never personally knew him.

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Applying logical thought to a situation where someone is depressed enough to actually kill themselves doesn't really work. It's essentially the same as attempting to project your own thoughts onto a serial killer and then wondering why they're so mean they feel the need to kill people. Serial killers do not think like you do (presumably), and neither do people who are depressed enough to kill themselves.

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Applying logical thought to a situation where someone is depressed enough to actually kill themselves doesn't really work. It's essentially the same as attempting to project your own thoughts onto a serial killer and then wondering why they're so mean they feel the need to kill people. Serial killers do not think like you do (presumably), and neither do people who are depressed enough to kill themselves.

Good point. I guess I'm looking far too deep into it...or either not deep enough.

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Applying logical thought to a situation where someone is depressed enough to actually kill themselves doesn't really work. It's essentially the same as attempting to project your own thoughts onto a serial killer and then wondering why they're so mean they feel the need to kill people. Serial killers do not think like you do (presumably), and neither do people who are depressed enough to kill themselves.

Good point. I guess I'm looking far too deep into it...or either not deep enough.

 

 

Think of it this way, and maybe it'll help you realize how devastating mental illness is. This guy had a wonderful wife and 2 beautiful twin daughters, and yet he killed himself because he didn't feel he was worth their time.

 

I can not stand it when people say suicide is selfish. In their mind, they're killing themselves out of compassion for their loved ones. In their mind, their loved ones should not have to be burdened by a failure. It's not selfish. It's anything but.

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I can not stand it when people say suicide is selfish. In their mind, they're killing themselves out of compassion for their loved ones. In their mind, their loved ones should not have to be burdened by a failure. It's not selfish. It's anything but.

 

I never thought about it like that.

 

I sincerely appreciate yall's thoughts on this. I didn't feel like there was anyone around here that I could talk to about this.

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I see where you're coming from, killer cacti. And I feel sort of the same way. Then again, I've met people with legitimate mental problems. They seem to get into a rut of irrational thoughts. I guess they just can't help themselves.

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Applying logical thought to a situation where someone is depressed enough to actually kill themselves doesn't really work. It's essentially the same as attempting to project your own thoughts onto a serial killer and then wondering why they're so mean they feel the need to kill people. Serial killers do not think like you do (presumably), and neither do people who are depressed enough to kill themselves.

Good point. I guess I'm looking far too deep into it...or either not deep enough.

 

 

Think of it this way, and maybe it'll help you realize how devastating mental illness is. This guy had a wonderful wife and 2 beautiful twin daughters, and yet he killed himself because he didn't feel he was worth their time.

 

I can not stand it when people say suicide is selfish. In their mind, they're killing themselves out of compassion for their loved ones. In their mind, their loved ones should not have to be burdened by a failure. It's not selfish. It's anything but.

 

 

As someone who only suffers from a mild diagnosis of depression and anxiety, but has a wife and a best friend who have severe cases and are medicated, I can speak to this quite a bit from various different levels.

 

The quote above comes pretty close but doesn't quite encapsulate it, not for any other reason than depression/anxiety is very hard to truly describe and very very hard to understand, sometimes even for me when I have only a mild diagnosis. The way I described it to my therapist was to imagine the absolute worst day of your life. It could be anything, usually I equate it to losing someone very, very close to you, like the love of your life. Or maybe, dying alone without anyone there to help. The heartbreak, pain, helplessness, feeling lost, and worthless, all those emotions. Then imagine feeling that way every single minute, every single hour, of every single day. No matter what you do, your brain takes you back to those feelings, those thoughts and you have absolutely no control. You then bottle it up out of fear of embarrassment in front of others. You say absolutely nothing about it. Then for the anxiety folks, panic sets in. I am talking "Fight or Flight mode" and you just pounded a kilo of amphetamines. You get very scared. More scared than ever (or what feels like ever) and the panic absolutely takes over your mind and now your body too. You actually start developing symptoms of a heart attack just from panic alone and you literally feel like you are going to die.

 

Yet you have absolutely no control.

 

Every minute. Every hour. Every day.

 

And that is just how I felt, with my mild case. It's simple to think that you can just change your thoughts and it will go away but I can assure you, while even I think that at times, that's definitely not how it works. Your brain has placed you on an airplane at 35,000 feet, the plane just lost cabin pressure and all its engines are dead and its crashing whether you like it or not.

 

My wife, has severe panic attacks when she is in the kitchen alone because she thinks she is going to poison the food and kill everyone that eats it and not realize she did it. You know, sorta like when you are driving for a while, sorta space out and then all of a sudden you are 50 miles down the road. My best friend and I have the same trigger, death in general. Anything death related can throw us into a spiral. Others I have heard have other triggers that may seem just as ridiculous but are triggers nonetheless.

 

The biggest thing anyone can do is show compassion. You won't understand and it will likely seem ridiculous why. If you can, recognize the signs and get to that person who is suffering before suicide and try to talk with them. Let it happen naturally but getting them to talk helps for a number of reasons, one it helps drop them out of panic mode, two it releases a lot of pressure, three it gets them to open up about what is happening. It's easy to say a therapist can do all that but we as family and friends are the front lines and often depressed people will deny that kind of care. Helping a sufferer understand what is happening can help them figure out their triggers, what things help when panic/depressed mode sets in and also can be a solid gateway to the suggestion that there is a problem and it is more than okay to seek help. You should go to absolutely ANY LENGTHS to help someone you know that may be struggling.

 

My best friend for example...we went to DQ with our wives one night and halfway through a panic attack set in. He completely shut down, walked outside and didn't say a word, which completely freaks his wife out. After sitting on the curb in the parking lot for quite a while he gets up without saying a word and just starts walking and without hesitation I follow him, our wives stay behind. We ended up walking back to his house, over 6 miles away, sometime after 10pm in shorts and t-shirts and flip flops on a cool fall night. I walked with him for a couple miles before he said anything to me and when he finally started talking, that is when he really opened up and just let it all out. We talked about every last detail of his struggle and mine and it was that night that he realized it was time to take control and get help. If that is what it takes for me to help anyone, that is what I will do and I encourage all of you to do the same.

 

I am only saying all this to show how serious it is and how sufferers can be helped and overcome depression and anxiety. It will be very hard and will take a lot of work but it can happen. No one has to die.

 

The big thing to remember is depressed or anxious is not who they are, depression and anxiety is just something they have.

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Here is something to think about here. You might look at the deceased person how ever you want or feel. But, attending a funeral or donating to a fund to help the family isn't about the deceased. It's about that wonderful wife and two kids who now need the help of people around them. By not helping them, you are punishing them for what ever their loved one did.

 

And, yes, I agree with what most have said about depression. I have suffered from it at certain parts of my life. It isn't something you can apply common logic to.

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Here is something to think about here. You might look at the deceased person how ever you want or feel. But, attending a funeral or donating to a fund to help the family isn't about the deceased. It's about that wonderful wife and two kids who now need the help of people around them. By not helping them, you are punishing them for what ever their loved one did.

I agree 100%. I said in my initial post that I was thinking about donating to the family (wife and two little girls) and the only reason that I haven't yet is because I don't currently have a job and our finances are tight at the moment. Once bills are paid, I will give them what I can. I feel horrible for those 3 ladies.

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The problem with depression, is sometimes it has nothing to do with have bad luck or a bad day.. more just chemical in-balance.... No matter what you do, you can never be happy... Everyday you feel like you are drowning and trying to just be normal but many people dont know what normal is.

 

Suicide seems like the only way out to stop their pain even if it causes others pain. I agree it is a selfish way out.. it ruins the people around you, especially if you never reach out for help, but when some people are so deep in, I dont think they think like we do.

 

Robin Williams is a great example of someone many people look at and think "He is so funny, he must be happy" but he was dying inside..

 

 

When it comes to donating.. They didnt ask for this. I think it would be great to help them cover their bills/funeral costs.

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Again, I thought I may be in the wrong about this, and I appreciate yall enlightening me without passing to much judgement on me for my ignorance.

 

It's nice to have a place to come and talk about these things where I don't have to bring it up to someone who knows the person and won't jump me about it.

I dont think you should feel ignorant. You wanted to become more educated on something... Nothing wrong with that. Most people in here(outside of Tschu) understand that mental illness isnt fully understood, and instead of ripping you apart for asking the question, they would rather educate.

 

Sadly most people who are struggling dont think they can ever be normal.

 

You are helping educate others by being brave enough to ask the question... Now you know.

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I used to think the same way as Killer Cacti about this issue. Meaning his opening post about selfishness. Then I realized that I have never known anyone personally that committed suicide so how would I know what they are or not.

 

The main thing that I taught myself is that regardless if you think the person is selfish for doing what they did, the family left behind was most likely not. And that is where your care and compassion should be given.

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