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First thing you do is you have to get the ball rolling on being considered the nicest fan base in college football. It's real easy to be a nice fan base when you're good. Make sure to hang up a bunch of signs indicating how good your fans are in Jack Trice.

 

Now when opposing fans come to town, be overly nice to them. Like damn near creepy nice. Go way the hell out of your way to make sure they brag about how great Ames is when they leave. Treat them better than you treat the Cyclone fan tailgating next to you. Free beers, front of the line to the pisser, cut in line to bars downtown, etc.

 

Make sure you dedicate your entire weekend to this. The night before, make sure you identify as many members of the opposing fan base as possible and wish them good luck. But don't just wish them luck, keep pouring on that generosity. Pick up their tab, if you have to. Also, if they run into any Cyclone fans that aren't on the same page as you, make sure put that person in their place. They must have not got the memo that s#!t-talking is out, and it's all about killing the opponents with kindness.

 

After the game, continue the story. If Cyclones win, make sure you talk about how it was a good game, and you hope their enjoying Ames and if they need a ride-home that night, you're ready to pick them up. If the Cyclones should lose, do the same thing, except talk about how impressed you were with their team, etc.

 

We didn't realize it before Mike Riley was our coach, but this is actually called the Mike Riley treatment. Because as much as everyone wants to hate you. As much as people wish that they could justify pointing out how big of nobody you are, they can't because you're just too nice.

 

And this is the ultimate secret to being successful at gloating.

 

PS: None of this applies to Iowa. Those people have superiority complexes and quite honestly, no matter how nice you are to them, every conversation you have with them will be an argument in which they argue with themselves by pointing out all the reasons it's ok to be mediocre.

 

Good luck with your gloating. Next time I'm near Ames, I better see at least 4 or 5 references to how great your fans are. 

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Discuss it....don’t brag about it ....if that makes sense.  

 

Then renember, there will always be that idiotic Iowa fan that can’t handle it. 

 

Dont let let them drag you to their level. After all, all you are doing is discussing college football. 

 

After tge the Hawkeye fan gets pissy and walks away. Just smile and enjoy it. 

 

BTW.... after living in Des monies for 15 years, I grew to like ISU. Glad you’re seeing some success. 

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On 10/30/2017 at 6:00 PM, Cy the Cyclone said:

I have recently run into a troubling problem and am looking for a few suggestions on how to handle it.  The problem?  I don't know how to gloat properly.

 

You see...as a diehard ISU fan, I'm not familiar with success and haven't really had to worry about the etiquette of gloating before.  Oh sure, I'm surrounded by moron Hawkeyes fans who gloat about everything from their stolen Pittsburgh Steelers color scheme to their record of number of players cited for public urination...but the way they do it makes them seem like brainless a$$hole$ and makes the entire world hate them.  Actually, the entire world already hated them but their method of gloating just magnifies the hatred.  I don't want people to hate me.

 

On the other hand, I had a conversation with a coworker today who is a Kansas State fan and I mentioned that we were ranked 14th in the nation and asked her where K State was ranked this year.  When I realized what I said, I felt guilty about it.  Even after assuring her that I was joking and that I was sure K State would win their next game because it was a night game and Bill Snyder would be on the sideline coaching instead of laying in his coffin trying to hide from the sunlight, I still felt bad, especially since she has real big breasts.

 

So...here I am looking for some advice.  How do I gloat without becoming an asshat Hawkeyes type of gloater but without having to worry about losing a chance of motor boating with the hot office assistant? 

 

Now I know Nebraska fans have had their share of success in the past and most of the ones I have met have usually been very gracious about the fact that their team was good while my team sucked so I decided it would be a great dea to come to the experts and ask how to gloat properly.

 

Any advice would be appreciated...thank you in advance

 

Cy

Seeing as how Iowa has scoreboard on you this year you might want to rethink gloating.  Beating top ten teams is great but you are not the sh*t until you can take care of business at home. 

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On 10/31/2017 at 0:23 AM, Cy the Cyclone said:

 

That would be living a lie...

Nah, acting like you have been there and gloating like you have are two different things. Just be cool about it and enjoy the ride.

Acting like you have been there is handy for many things, got my first job that way with little experience.

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