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The WTH was I thinking chronicles


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On 2/17/2018 at 5:39 PM, Redux said:

 

Year after I graduated, was living in Lincoln, came back home for the weekend to party with my buddy.  He had borrowed his brothers Dodge pickup so we started booze cruising at noon in style.  By that evening we were sloshed and started inviting people out to my farm for a party.  Classmate shows up with his Raptor in the back of his truck, the ones that would easily do 90mph and were top dog back in 2005.  My buddy tells him leave it on the truck, he didn't.  Bout midnight I jump on it and take off down the gravel road.  I made it roughly 60 yards before apparantely seeing something shiny in the ditch and took a hard left.

 

Next thing I knew I woke up for a second in a field.  Blacked back out.  Woke up as I was crawling towards ditch and tumbled through the barbed wire fence.  Woke up yet again laying in ditch.  Got up onto road holding my mouth.  Missing teeth, some sideways.  Jaw in incredible pain.  Lip split into 4 lips.  Buddy and some others come running up, he says to me "You okay?"  I move my hand and respond "Do I @#$%&*## look okay?".  Somehow I have the wherewithal to tell him to go tell my Mom what happened, tell another to get everyone out of there and the third....to get me to the hospital.  He had a camaro, we made it in record time.  I tried wandering in the ambulance dock, he had to help me find actual emergency entrance.

 

My Mom shows up with my Uncle.  Show them the damage after cursing the doctor poking my jaw, it's broken.  My sympathetic Uncle offers me popcorn, I decline.  Ambulance ride to Lincoln, already hooked up to good stuff so went from drunk to drugged.  This whole thing is somewhat a blur.  Go in for surgery quickly, I think?  I remember jolting awake at one point and half freaking out, but quickly being put back under.  Wake up again to a nurse telling me my blood pressure is too high, I either need to pee or get cathed.  I opt for the bedpan....but can't seem to pee due to the audience and drugs and laying down etc.  So the gentle woman RAMS this thing down my pee hole in hands down the most painful part of this entire incident.

 

Family and friends come visit my dumbass as I'm morphined up something fierce but super glad they fixed my teeth and mouth.  In the end I got my mouth cosmetically put back together, metal plates in my jaw, was missing two teeth and several scars from I'm guessing the barb wire fence I flew through after smashing my face on the handlebars.  Dental work is expensive.  I have only actually had a full mouth of teeth again for a little over a year.

 

Holy crap, Redux. Glad to hear you're OK after that. That's a crazy story!

 

Closest thing I have to that is, when I was 16 I had a Plymouth Scamp with a 318 V8, and I drove that sucker WAY too fast.  I lived outside of Fremont, and there was this hot air balloon called Mister Moose that would go sailing up in the evening breeze. It was a thing (pre-internet) for people to follow that balloon around the countryside to watch it land.  I was bored out of my mind and saw it off in the distance, so I decided to give chase.

 

Here I am barreling down gravel roads at upwards of 80mph, 16 years old, fiddling with my radio to find something to listen to, when I get to a section of the road that angles over. You know how country roads have those "corrections" in them that just move them to the left like 50 feet?  Came up to one of those with my head down looking at the radio, locked up my brakes, and ended up in the ditch. Hit the little driveway the farmer uses to get into his field, ended up cartwheeling my car end-for-end through the field. 

 

I had my seatbelt on and only clipped my forehead on the steering wheel and ended up with a few stitches.  Car was totaled, though. 

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This topic reminds me.

 

There's a popular fantasy author who tested the flammability of his washed out gas tank by lighting it on fire. Burned down his office which was next door.

 

 

https://www.nevadaappeal.com/news/local/novelist-accidentally-burns-down-office/

 

 

Quote

An acclaimed novelist lost his office in Carson City on Thursday when he threw a lit piece of paper into gasoline.

Fantasy writer David Eddings, 75, said he was using water to flush out the gas tank of his broken-down Excalibur sports car, when some fluid leaked. In a lapse of judgment he readily admitted, Eddings lit a piece of paper and threw into the puddle to test if it was still flammable. The answer came in an orange torrent.

 

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Got into a bar fight almost 30 years ago. As I was crossing the parking lot, I was blindsided by the guy that I beat up inside the bar. Never seen it coming. Woke up in the hospital 2 days later. Had no idea where I was or what happened. I had a severe head injury with blood clots in my right frontal lobe. Lost all of my hearing in my left ear, and part of my hearing in right. Had epileptic type seizures for 5 years and took meds for it for 10 years. Still, have no idea what started that fight.

 

I sure wish I had stayed home that night.

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