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Anthony Bourdain passes away.


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2 hours ago, NM11046 said:

I dont disagree with how you describe it, but anyone who only thinks of themself and not the pain their decision will leave for their friends and family is selfish.

 

 

It's only selfish if you presuppose that they are in a right state of mind that is able to make sense of such things. 

 

Suicide is, most often, a symptom of debilitating mental illness that warps reality around you and prevents you from seeing things with any kind of accuracy towards reality. 

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A good friend committed suicide a few weeks ago. We never saw it coming. He'd lost his job and we knew he was down, but most people have lost a job and it makes most people unhappy. His level of "down" didn't seem remarkable. Then, out of the blue, he was gone.  He'd bought bullets for a gun in the house, meticulously planned everything so that his S/O would be with the rest of us when we found out, left notes - even practiced the notes, because we later found rough drafts around the house.  We had no idea he was doing any of this. There were no outward signs, and we were just stunned it happened.

 

One of the best things the priest said at the funeral, that helped me deal with it, was describing his death as similar to dying of cancer. Whether it was a tumor or his own hand, the root cause was an illness, and the result was his passing.  I'd never thought of it as a sickness, one that doesn't warp your body but warps your mind, until then. 

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1 hour ago, knapplc said:

A good friend committed suicide a few weeks ago. We never saw it coming. He'd lost his job and we knew he was down, but most people have lost a job and it makes most people unhappy. His level of "down" didn't seem remarkable. Then, out of the blue, he was gone.  He'd bought bullets for a gun in the house, meticulously planned everything so that his S/O would be with the rest of us when we found out, left notes - even practiced the notes, because we later found rough drafts around the house.  We had no idea he was doing any of this. There were no outward signs, and we were just stunned it happened.

 

One of the best things the priest said at the funeral, that helped me deal with it, was describing his death as similar to dying of cancer. Whether it was a tumor or his own hand, the root cause was an illness, and the result was his passing.  I'd never thought of it as a sickness, one that doesn't warp your body but warps your mind, until then. 

That's very sad.

 

That was somewhat of the point of Bourdain's tweet I posted earlier....that was taken wrong.

 

In it, he is pictured looking like he is having fun and enjoying life with friends.  It obviously was a facade and beneath the smile and laughter, he was not a happy man.  I'm guessing at that time, he was contemplating what ultimately he was going to do.

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13 minutes ago, BigRedBuster said:

That's very sad.

 

That was somewhat of the point of Bourdain's tweet I posted earlier....that was taken wrong.

 

In it, he is pictured looking like he is having fun and enjoying life with friends.  It obviously was a facade and beneath the smile and laughter, he was not a happy man.  I'm guessing at that time, he was contemplating what ultimately he was going to do.

 

Sorry if I took it the wrong way, it was presented without context so I figured you meant he looked and sounded so happy in the short video that it was hard to believe he could have been dealing with other major issues.

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Really sad. Bourdain lived life hard for a very long time, but he seemed like a great guy. I have to wonder if he had relapsed. 

 

Just goes to show you how depression can ravage anyone's mind. Speaking from personal experience - I've watched my dear mother struggle with depression for much of her adult life, and more recently my father - if, god forbid, anything we ever crossed that solemn bridge with her, it wouldn't be because she was selfish. She's anything but and I love her dearly for it. But she's attempted to take her own life multiple times. She's tried about every combination of drugs under the sun. It's an unthinkable burden for someone to overcome & a lifelong battle many fight every day. She is also a horrible alcoholic that has relapsed many times. Thinking of everything she's been through makes me incredibly sad.
 

Just know that people who attempt suicide because they're depressed aren't selfish. It's because they're fighting an unfair battle they just can't seem to win and they've got disordered thinking that affects literally everything they do. 

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Before someone commits suicide, there are usually tons of red flags and warning signs.  Some of the most common:

 

* withdrawl from usual activities, and/or friends

*saying, "I oughta kill myself" or "I wish someone would kill me" then laughing it off as a joke

*depression (especially being "tired" all the time)

*being frustrated and feeling like nobody is listening or cares.

 

And Others

 

Most people never see the warning signs.  This is not an indictment at all...just a fact that most people have their own worries they carry and their own problems they're trying to deal with.  

 

Chef Bourdain, your show "No Reservations" was such a wonderful inspiration.  You always had such a unique perspective and I always loved how you engaged people with conversation.  You were well-read, could drop literary references, and yak it up with academics, but could also speak with ordinary folks without talking down to them.  Your second show, "Parts Unknown" was also a joy to watch.  Sometimes you tackled sensitive political issues, but did so in a way that was genuine and questioning, but not confrontational.  You will be missed, Chef.

 

 

 

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I sorry to hear about your mom Clifford.  Many of us are familiar with close froends and family members with depression and or addiction. Its difficult to watch them go through it.  Its particularly horrible when that person is suicidal or actually attempts or goes through with it. Ive been there. 

 

The last thing Ill say is that imo its possible to consider suicide the result of a terrible illmess as well as a selfish act.  One can acknowledge that the person might feel there is no better option but what they do to the people that survive is horrible. I dont mean to belittle depression or mental health disease at all. 

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Pretty sad situation, I watched his shows from time-to-time and he was one of the guys that I watched that got me into cooking in my 20's and kinda turning into a foodie. You never know the battles that someone is going through. I've had the unfortunate experience of seeing several suicides up close and personal. From folks that were suffering from depression, to folks who just got diagnosed with a terminal illness and would rather die by their own hand then waste away to nothing. It's always very sobering for me to walk into those scenes to find folks that were at their absolute lowest and decided enough was enough. Those folks have given me something though, they remind me that life is precious, live it the best way you know how, and don't take one single second for granted. 

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9 hours ago, NM11046 said:

I sorry to hear about your mom Clifford.  Many of us are familiar with close froends and family members with depression and or addiction. Its difficult to watch them go through it.  Its particularly horrible when that person is suicidal or actually attempts or goes through with it. Ive been there. 

 

The last thing Ill say is that imo its possible to consider suicide the result of a terrible illmess as well as a selfish act.  One can acknowledge that the person might feel there is no better option but what they do to the people that survive is horrible. I dont mean to belittle depression or mental health disease at all. 

But I think when you view it as a selfish act you transfer the blame back onto the person suffering in the first place. You are kind of saying "why were YOU not stronger/better/more thoughtful", when they were already feeling unworthy to begin with. That's just my thought.

 

Like I said, when I was younger I viewed it as a selfish act. Now, having been through some minor depression in my life, I feel nothing but empathy and sorrow for those who have thought about or gone through with suicide. Not being able to feel true joy or happiness even when you're smiling is a horrible thing to go through.

 

While I joke about it with people (even those who are depressed) I always let them know that suicide is not a solution. I always make it a point to listen, and let them know that they do a lot of positive things in their life, and people do care about them even though they think otherwise.

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