I need some help...

[Landlord]

Seriously though, here's the thing.

 

 

 

Feelings and chemistry and spark and all of that is important, but it's not definitive. Feelings are fickle and fade, and everyone suffers from the "grass is greener" syndrome that makes you jealous of some other kids' shiner and newer toy than yours when you were young, or the envy of newer, nicer car that passes by.

 

Love is ultimately a choice; not a feeling. I'm not married, but ask anyone that has faithfully been married for some time and every single one of them will tell you that they have to choose to love their spouse, and a lot of the days they don't really feel it. So I'd really encourage you to be careful here.

 

You are the only one that can answer this question for yourself.

 

Because you are the one that has the best understanding of who the girl you're with really is, what she gives you, how she should be valued and whether or not that is worth it. Is it possible that the relationship is fading and you're attracted to this new girl for a legitimate reason? Yes. Is it also possible that you are being fickle and blinded by what you don't have that you're being ungrateful and not recognizing the gift that you already do? Yep. You might be selling yourself short, or you might be bored and misplacing the reason why.

 

Regardless of where you're at and what decision you come to, your girlfriend deserves honesty and forthrightness from you. Even if you stick around and work through this with her, I think you owe it to her to let her know that you're having these doubts and frustrations. After three years, she has stuck around with you too, you know? I'd hope you're at that level of intimacy that you can expose that to her, be willing to be vulnerable and let her embrace it. If she doesn't, well then she just made your decision a lot easier.

[darkhorse85]

Take them both to the Fat Toad and see which one sticks around.

Unless the bouncer kicks him out. Then it's just the 2 women.

 

Hmm.

 

Scissor me timbers.

[GM_Tood]

Seriously though, here's the thing.

 

 

 

Feelings and chemistry and spark and all of that is important, but it's not definitive. Feelings are fickle and fade, and everyone suffers from the "grass is greener" syndrome that makes you jealous of some other kids' shiner and newer toy than yours when you were young, or the envy of newer, nicer car that passes by.

 

Love is ultimately a choice; not a feeling. I'm not married, but ask anyone that has faithfully been married for some time and every single one of them will tell you that they have to choose to love their spouse, and a lot of the days they don't really feel it. So I'd really encourage you to be careful here.

 

You are the only one that can answer this question for yourself.

 

Because you are the one that has the best understanding of who the girl you're with really is, what she gives you, how she should be valued and whether or not that is worth it. Is it possible that the relationship is fading and you're attracted to this new girl for a legitimate reason? Yes. Is it also possible that you are being fickle and blinded by what you don't have that you're being ungrateful and not recognizing the gift that you already do? Yep. You might be selling yourself short, or you might be bored and misplacing the reason why.

 

Regardless of where you're at and what decision you come to, your girlfriend deserves honesty and forthrightness from you. Even if you stick around and work through this with her, I think you owe it to her to let her know that you're having these doubts and frustrations. After three years, she has stuck around with you too, you know? I'd hope you're at that level of intimacy that you can expose that to her, be willing to be vulnerable and let her embrace it. If she doesn't, well then she just made your decision a lot easier.

You gonna take advice from a guy who got bounced?

[zoogs]

Man, ice, that was really well articulated. Have some internet applause.

[icedavis]

Man, ice, that was really well articulated. Have some internet applause.

 

Thank you kind sir.

[Minnesota_husker]

Which one owns more jean jackets?

 

 

In all seriousness, you obviously arent happy but since you arent sure if you can find another girl, you are worried you will be left sad and alone like Landlord(kidding)

 

You are leading her along and arent happy. Time to move on and try being single for a bit.

 

 

Good luck to you. Dont bring the new girl to Fat Toad.

[hskrfan4life]

Thank you everyone for the help. I will post here an update when I decide what happens. I really do appreciate all of you!

[killer cacti]

End it. If the only reason you're with the girlfriend is because you can't see yourself ending something that has been going on for 3 years, then you're wasting your time and hers.

 

Trust me.

 

I dated a girl for 5 years before realizing we were just going through the motions, so I ended it. It was hard for her at first, then it was a bit hard on me because I thought I'd be by myself for the rest of my life. Then I met someone else, dated her and knew it was right. We got engaged after 11 months, married in 1.5 years and have been married now for 4 years in July - with a new baby. I wouldn't do anything differently, except for maybe ending my previous relationship sooner and therefore enjoying my time at Clemson a little more without be held back by a girlfriend.

 

And btw, my wife is way hotter than the previous girl. It'll all work out.

[HUSKER 37]

Wait! What's Fat Toad a euphemism for again?

[ZRod]

Wait! What's Fat Toad a euphemism for again?

It's best if you don’t know...

[Landlord]

It's a euphamism for being banned.

[HuskerShark]

You should never be in a relationship just because it feels comfortable or its been three years so I feel bad if we break up. If you have feelings for another girl, there is a reason for that. This current girlfriend probably does not make you as happy as she did when you first started dating. When you get married, it should be like marrying your best friend, not just someone you feel comfortable around (although that's part of the best friend thing, but not the only criteria). Eh, what do I know. Im still living the #singlelife

 

This is good advice. The biggest mistake people make in relationships and life in general is that they get too comfortable and are held back by fear.

 

If it's not right with the girl you're dating now (meaning if you're not 100% sure that she is the one you want to marry someday) then you owe it to her and yourself to let her go. That's not even taking into account the girl that you may have feelings for.

[Landlord]

If it's not right with the girl you're dating now (meaning if you're not 100% sure that she is the one you want to marry someday) then you owe it to her and yourself to let her go. That's not even taking into account the girl that you may have feelings for.

 

I think this is bad advice.

 

Because it's entirely possible that what is making it "not right" doesn't have anything to do with her, but has to do with him, and will exist in any future relationship with any supposed step-up that he might find.

 

Relationships are risky - if we knew what we wanted 100%, then there wouldn't be any risk involved, which essentially means there's no need to trust or put your well-being in anyone else's hands. If you're not 100% sure, instead of just "ah f#*k it i'm out", determine where that doubt and fear is coming from, and if it has anything to do with her at all or if it's just your own fear. You might owe it to her to let the relationship go - or you might owe it to her to start dealing with your own possible junk that is keeping you from progressing.

[EbylHusker]

I'm sure you posted this mainly as way to get it off your chest, as you mentioned, but here's a tip anyway just in case. Taking relationship advice seriously from people close to you is risky at best...giving it any thought at all from random people you don't know on the internet would be nothing but bad in every way conveivable.

[HuskerShark]

If it's not right with the girl you're dating now (meaning if you're not 100% sure that she is the one you want to marry someday) then you owe it to her and yourself to let her go. That's not even taking into account the girl that you may have feelings for.

 

I think this is bad advice.

 

Because it's entirely possible that what is making it "not right" doesn't have anything to do with her, but has to do with him, and will exist in any future relationship with any supposed step-up that he might find.

 

Relationships are risky - if we knew what we wanted 100%, then there wouldn't be any risk involved, which essentially means there's no need to trust or put your well-being in anyone else's hands. If you're not 100% sure, instead of just "ah f#*k it i'm out", determine where that doubt and fear is coming from, and if it has anything to do with her at all or if it's just your own fear. You might owe it to her to let the relationship go - or you might owe it to her to start dealing with your own possible junk that is keeping you from progressing.

 

I know you just like to disagree with me, but no, it's not bad advice. I made the mistake of staying with my last gf even when I knew it wasn't right. I kept thinking that things would get better, but truth be told, we just weren't meant to be.

 

Trust me, if you don't wake up every morning genuinely thankful to God that this girl is yours, then there is probably someone out there who is better for you.