I need some help...

[Landlord]

I know you just like to disagree with me, but no, it's not bad advice. I made the mistake of staying with my last gf even when I knew it wasn't right. I kept thinking that things would get better, but truth be told, we just weren't meant to be.

 

 

And that was the right decision for you, I am genuinely sure.

 

I think it's bad advice because you are taking your personal solution for your specific relationship with it's own fine details and circumstances and context, and applying it as a blanket statement to all relationships, or at least to hskerfan4life's particular one. It's like if you personally were to get bit by a dog, that doesn't mean that every other person who encounters dogs should wear shin guards hahahaha it's 8:30am and that's a ridiculous example but I mean it's just like every other life situation. You don't insist that someone else has to get the same cancer therapy as you because it worked for you, you don't make someone else sell their car because you didn't like yours, etc. At least not with strangers.

 

 

I think this is a bad idea no matter who it comes from - nothing to do with you personally Shark. That's why I made the point I did - his relationship is unique to him and his girlfriend, and deserves it's own solution that might be the same or might be different than yours or mine or anyone else's, and that is really for him to figure out by himself.

[HuskerShark]

I know you just like to disagree with me, but no, it's not bad advice. I made the mistake of staying with my last gf even when I knew it wasn't right. I kept thinking that things would get better, but truth be told, we just weren't meant to be.

 

 

And that was the right decision for you, I am genuinely sure.

 

I think it's bad advice because you are taking your personal solution for your specific relationship with it's own fine details and circumstances and context, and applying it as a blanket statement to all relationships, or at least to hskerfan4life's particular one. It's like if you personally were to get bit by a dog, that doesn't mean that every other person who encounters dogs should wear shin guards hahahaha it's 8:30am and that's a ridiculous example but I mean it's just like every other life situation. You don't insist that someone else has to get the same cancer therapy as you because it worked for you, you don't make someone else sell their car because you didn't like yours, etc. At least not with strangers.

 

 

I think this is a bad idea no matter who it comes from - nothing to do with you personally Shark. That's why I made the point I did - his relationship is unique to him and his girlfriend, and deserves it's own solution that might be the same or might be different than yours or mine or anyone else's, and that is really for him to figure out by himself.

 

The guy posted on here asking for advice. In my humble opinion, if you need to ask advice, it's probably time to part ways. Also, in his own words, ever since he got back together with his gf it hasn't been the same. I guess that's just my opinion, but that's kind of what he asked for.

[icedavis]

 

if you need to ask advice, it's probably time to part ways.

 

This is not the way to approach it at all. You won't always be 100% in a relationship. The will be many high highs and many low lows. Advice is the only way anyone ever moves forward. When you don't know how to do something, you ask advice. You ask your parents for "life advice" all the time. You ask your friends about relationship advice. You ask a lender which loans work for you and a financial advisor how to manage your money. It's all advice. That doesn't mean you give up because you don't know. The advice may not always be good and may not help in the short term but it will certainly help to figure out what works and doesn't work for your own situation.

 

No one is ever too good/smart to ask for advice.

 

An appropriate course of action when someone asks for advice is examine the relationship and situation as a whole to find maybe any external issues and then, most importantly, to point them to introspective reflection on their situation. And ultimately not tell them to stay or leave because it's not our relationship. There are tons of questions to get them to think about how or why they are questioning the relationship. why are they asking for the advice? Are they scared about the commitment? why might they be scared? are you in a rocky spot and just questioning it as a whole? do you have a wandering eye? How do they feel about the person at day 1 and how do they feel now? why was there a change, if any? are they doing what they can to be the best they can for the relationship? Different future plans and goals? Realizing there are entirely different morals?

 

You may say that only gives them more questions than answers. And your right but that is the idea. It gets them to think on a deeper level about the situation as a whole. People have a tendency to analyze a situation on a pretty superficial level and then come to quick conclusions. That's pretty irresponsible for situations that like love, have such a large impact on our lives.

 

Each question leads to some brilliant follow up that can help the person figure out if it is just them, if it is actually the relationship or if it is something else that is getting in their head. And then ultimately help them decide what their choice should be, not decide for them.

 

Edit: to add some context and content.

[Landlord]

Agreed. I ask people for advice on absolutely everything in life. Sometimes it's worthwhile, sometimes it's just a process that helps me hear my own voice more clearly, sometimes I need new perspectives and sometimes I just need to be challenged on or reminded of my own.

 

Asking for advice equaling needing to part ways is a strange direct correlation that I don't understand.

[Ulty]

If you are asking this question, I agree with whoever said it above that your current girlfriend is not "the one." But ask yourself why you broke up with her previously? Why did you get back together? What does the new girl at work offer that you don't currently have?

 

I don't know what line of work you're in, but be wary of dating someone you work with, that can turn into a major $h!tstorm in many ways. Perhaps what you should do is ditch your current long-term girl if it isn't going anywhere (depending on the answers to the above questions), and go out and find a different girl (not the one you are working with).

 

Here are some good rules to follow:

1. Be confident in yourself (if you aren't, fake it for a while).

2. Don't take any bull$h!t from a girl.

3. If you aren't good with girls, make changes to better yourself, but change who you are just for a girl. Does that make sense? Be yourself, unless "yourself" is an ass. If you are a good man, the girls will come.

4. Have high standards for the women you date, but don't put them on a pedestal (unless you realize she is "the one").

5. Always be respectful, always have integrity.