Just for fun

[Hskr86]

Omaha radio KFAB has started to do some of these lines as 'bumps' or 'lead-ins' or whateverthehell you call it. Made me remember the thread started by Cy a couple years back... this is a cut-n-paste from that thread. (i still lmao!)

 

 

SOME THINGS YOU MIGHT NOT KNOW ABOUT BO PELINI:

 

If you can see Bo Pelini, he can see you. If you can't see Bo Pelini you may be only seconds away from death.

 

The chief export of Bo Pelini is pain.

 

Bo Pelini does not sleep. He waits.

 

If you spell Bo Pelini in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

 

Bo Pelini can slam revolving doors.

 

Bo Pelini is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

 

When Bo Pelini does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

 

Bo Pelini can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

 

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Bo Pelini

 

Bo Pelini can get Blackjack with just one card.

 

When Bo Pelini breaks the law, the law doesn't heal.

 

Bullets dodge Bo Pelini

 

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Bo Pelini can piss his name into concrete.

 

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Bo Pelini lives in Nebraska.

 

Bo Pelini destroyed the periodic table, because Bo Pelini only recognizes the element of surprise.

 

Bo Pelini is Luke Skywalker's real father.

 

Bo Pelini invented water

 

Bo Pelini once ordered a Big Mac from Burger King...and he got it.

 

Bo Pelini does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.

 

Bo Pelini can drink an entire bottle of beer... without taking the cap off.

 

A meteor didn't kill the dinosaurs, Bo Pelini killed them

 

Before he forgot to give Bo Pelini a present, Santa was real.

 

Bo Pelini sleeps with a night-light, not because he’s afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Bo Pelini

 

During the flood of Noah's Ark Bo Pelini was not allowed on board. Instead of being angry, he just chuckled and started to hold his breath.

 

Bo Pelini doesn't parallel park. He makes the curb come to him.

 

God only created 10 commandments...because Bo Pelini broke his finger

Bo Pelini never retreats; he just attacks in the opposite direction.

 

Bo Pelini always tests positive for steroids. Not that he uses steroids. It's because steroids are made from Bo Pelini.

 

Bo Pelini could strangle you with a cordless phone.

 

Bo Pelini played Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

 

If Bo Pelini misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.

 

A duck's quack does not echo. Bo Pelini is solely responsible for this phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you, grimly.

 

Bo Pelini has never blinked in his entire life. Never.

 

 

Bo Pelini can divide by zero.

 

While urinating, Bo Pelini is easily capable of welding titanium.

 

Bo Pelini can touch MC Hammer.

 

Bo Pelini doesn’t wear a watch; HE decides what time it is.

 

Bo Pelini can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

 

Bo Pelini once participated in the running of the bulls. He walked.

 

Bo Pelini knows the last digit of pi.

 

Bo Pelini can jump-start a car using jumper cables attached to his nipples.

When Pelini takes a swim, he doesn't get wet, the water gets Pelinied.

 

Bo Pelini doesn't read offenses. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

 

Before Chuck Norris goes to sleep at night, he checks his closet for Bo Pelini.

 

Bo Pelini could kill Chuck Norris nine different ways with his headset and four different ways with his play chart.

 

Bo Pelini sleeps with a night light. Not because he is afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Bo.

 

Bo Pelini doesn't fart, he detonates

 

Superman wears Bo Pelini pajamas to bed.

 

Bo Pelini didn't hang the moon. He stared down an asteroid and it stopped in it's tracks.

 

Bo Pelini's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Bo Pelini.

 

Bo Pelini was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.

 

Bo Pelini doesn't cut his grass, he dares it to grow.

 

They say that Superman's only weakness is kryptonite. Bo Pelini laughs at Superman for having a weakness.

 

Bo Pelini's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Bo Pelini will not take sh*t from anyone

 

Bo Pelini once partook in a pissing contest outside of a bar. His opponent drowned.

 

Bo Pelini can build a snowman out of rain.

 

Bo Pelini's wristwatch has no numbers on it. It just says, "Time to kick ass."

 

 

"Bo Pelini is the father of every kid in this town!"

 

"Bo Pelini once showed me a video of him making love to my wife, and it was the most beautiful thing I ever saw!"

 

"One time I was with Bo Pelini in the back of a pickup truck, along with a live deer. Pelini goes up to the deer and says, 'I'm Bo Pelini! SAY IT!' Then he manipulates the deer's lips in such a way as to make it say, 'Bopelini' ... It wasn't exactly like it, but it was pretty good for a deer!'"

 

"He'd eat a homeless person if you dared him!"

 

"His poop is used as currency in Argentina."

 

"He sweats Gatorade"

 

"He once breast-fed a flamingo back to health."

 

"I once saw him scissor kick Angela Landsbury."

 

"He sheds his skin once a year."

 

"He did 3 tours in 'Nam...... I was in Corpus Christi on business a month ago. I had this eight foot tall Asian waiter, which made me curious. I asked him his name. Sure enough it's Ho Tran Pelini!"

 

"I once saw him eat a whole live chicken."

 

"His favorite movie is 'One on One' with Robby Benson."

 

"He sleeps eight hours a night! ........ well, he was pretty normal when it came to that."

 

"Bo Pelini was a two ton man-mountain who could palm a medicine ball!"

 

"Did I ever tell you about the time Pelini took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally Pelini takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half and sure enough someone constructs a bar around us. The day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground. Pelini yelled over the roar of the flames, 'Always leave things the way you found em!'"

 

"He once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road."

 

"He taught me how to make love to a woman, and how to scold a child."

 

"They found $60 in change in his stomach."

 

"He did all the makeup on the 'Planet of the Apes' movie."

 

"He grew a 3rd arm and kept it in a vault."

 

"Pelini drank a full glass of liquid LSD with his eggs. Then he slept for 8 months straight. When he woke he rubbed his eyes and said, 'All in all, I prefer gin.'"

 

"They say Gene Roddenbery got the idea for Star Trek from listening to Pelini talk in his sleep."

 

"He date raped David Bowie."

 

"He once inhaled a seagull."

 

"The Pope told him it was ok to have a mistress."

 

"It was the sight of Pelini's naked body that drove Brian Wilson insane."

 

"He once had sex with a cigarette machine."

 

"He killed Wolfman Jack with a trident."

 

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

 

"He once ate the Bible while water skiing."

 

"He drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls."

 

"He sired a baseball team.. an orchestra if you count the bastards!"

 

"You know, he would shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe!"

 

"He has dandruff the size of mice!"

 

"He jogged with a fridge on his back!"

 

"Bo Pelini was a 10 foot monster who slept with all our wives! And punched us all in the face! And we loved him for it!"

 

"His first name is Bo! ....... I'm drunk."

 

"He's a ten foot tall beastman who showers in vodka and feeds his baby shrimp scampi."

 

"He orchestrated the merger between Unicef and Smith & Wessen."

 

"He went public with his own buttocks and made $7 million."

 

"Did I ever tell you about the time Pelini went hunting? Pelini decides he's going to hunt down all four of the Banana Splits. He stalks and kills every one of them with a machette. They all begged for their lives...except Fleagle."

 

"We once had a bachelor party for Pelini. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it."

 

"Pelini once hosted the Grammys and gave every award to Corey Hart."

 

"He has a toenail on the end of his penis."

 

"Pelini once got his wife pregnant and she gave birth to a delicious 16 ounce steak. The after birth was sauteed mushrooms."

 

"Pelini's family crest is a picture of a baracudda eating Neil Armstrong."

 

"Pelini ranked 18th in the AP College Football Pool."

 

"Did I ever tell you about the time Bo Pelini was in a production of, 'The King & I?' On opening night, Pelini chloroforms the entire cast and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The production got pretty good reviews."

 

"He breastfeeds John Madden."

 

"Pelini named the group Sha-Na-Na. They did NOT want to be called that."

 

"If you drop a phonograph needle on Pelini's nipple, it plays the Beach Boys' 'Pet Sounds.'"

 

"They use Pelini's foreskin as a tarp when it rains at Yankee stadium."

 

"Pelini directed that commercial where the women play basketball in high heels."

 

"All the 'Yes' album covers are Pelini family photos."

 

"He wears a live rattlesnake as a condom."

 

"Did I ever tell you about the time he taught his son how to drive? He did it by entering him in the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died. Pelini said it would've happened sometime."

 

"Pelini's semen can form into a liquid human - like the guy from 'Terminator 2'"

 

"Pelini still believes in Santa Claus, and he wants to put him in porno films."

 

"He thinks then iron man is gay."

 

"He framed Roger Rabbit."

 

"He gave a handjob to a manta ray."

[Vince from ShamWOW]

[snootalope]

 

"He date raped David Bowie."

 

 

eww

[HuskersandHoldem]

Well, I wanted a way to kill the last few minutes of work, and that was it. I wish I had those 3 minutes back.

[get huskin!]

Holy God on fire...! They LITERALLY get better the farther you go... I think I may have pee'd on the,

"He'd eat a homeless person, if you DARED him!" Jezus...!

[NUance]

"He uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel."

 

Ha ha.

[Malth]

these are just rebranded chuck norris jokes, which are honestly old as hell and have been rammed into the ground repeatedly, removing all humor from it

[JTrain]

To Bill Brasky...

[brasky]

Bill Brasky is a son of a bitch!