Attention All Husker NFL Hopefuls

[Cy the Cyclone]

I'm not talking to a guy like Suh who probably doesn't need my help making millions in the NFL...I'm talking to the marginal guys. Guys that could make it with a lucky break or two but don't have any guarantees to playing at the next level. Forget combines and agents. I have a fool-proof way to put millions in your pocket. For a small fee...I will let you give one of my kids a black eye.

 

Wait...before you call the Department of Human Services, let me explain. I have two kids...a daughter who has had two black eyes in her life and a son who has received one (but, I foresee many more in his future if he doesn't learn to keep his big mouth shut) and everyone who has punched my kids in the face have gone on to fame and riches.

 

When my daughter was 7 she was involved in an after-school program where local sports "celebrities" came to the schools and participated in activities with the kids. Our school got a couple of the Iowa Barnstormers...Luther Blue (who should have given my kid a black eye since nobody much remembers him other than demented Hawkeye fans) and Kurt Warner. Kurt was taking my daughter on in a lively game of tetherball when his competitive spirit (or God just told him to be mean to a little girl) got the better of him and he slammed an overhead smash into my young daughter's face. Appartenly he felt pretty bad about it because he wrote TWO notes to me apologizing for giving her a black eye (and a jaundiced outlook concerning local sports figures. I still have those notes...I'm considering sending a copy of one to him telling him I will forgive him if he sends me a couple million dollars...but until then, my daughter and I are still pissed at him. Everyone knows what happened to Kurt Warner...google him if you don't.

 

When my son was 8 he was involved in the same type of program and one of their weekly activities was a trip to a local gym where they could jump in a ball pit, do gymnastics...whatever. It happens to be the same gym where Shawn Johnson does her Olympic training. Apparently he was watching one day when she fell off a balance beam, causing him to laugh and shoot his mouth off with a clever "you suck" or something similar (he's always had a way with words)to which the "sweetheart of America" replied by hauling off and smacking him in the face. She did not offer an apologetic note but did call him a "little sh#t". He ended up with a lovely black eye while everyone knows what happed to Shawn Johnson...google her if you don't.

 

Finally...a couple of years ago my daughter had a run in with another girl in high school. Neither had a very high opinion of the other and a minor disagreement over whether or not the other girl was a whore or just a slut resulted in my daughter coming home with yet another black eye. I waited for the inevitable trip to fame and fortune for the other girl but it never came, leading me to believe the "black eye" strategy was only one to a customer. I believed that until last week when the slut/whore/girl that smacked my daughter in the face appeared on American Idol and won the admiration of even that pompous fool Simon. I'm taking all the money I can lay my hands on and betting the odds that she wins the whole thing...

 

I ask you...are these strange coincidences or does the act of pummeling my children lead to fame, fortune and more? Boz says he is willing to let you find out...for a Ferrari.

 

Incidently...this "power" must come from their mother's side of the family as I have suffered more than a few black eyes from many people from all walks of life and not one of them, that I can recall, has ever become famous or rich...though Johnny Cash once pushed me down while coming off the stage after performing at the Mongomery County Fair...but my dad said that was because he was drunk so it doesn't count.

[kozzman555]

 

so whats the minimum fee to acquire this black magic blessing?