Friend Zone maybe AND shes having bf issues

[Apathy]

just like it's not our business to sit around and discuss whether Killer Cacti and his wife got busy on their honeymoon.

I got busy on my honeymoon

[holvy83]

just like it's not our business to sit around and discuss whether Killer Cacti and his wife got busy on their honeymoon.

I got busy on my honeymoon

 

 

Dude, I would frickin hope so!!!!!

[HUSKER 37]

That'll be enough of the gay insinuations. If you want to question someone's sexual preference do it in a PM.

Sorry..Didn't mean to gaybash at all..Just wondering if I need to recalibrate my "gaydar"

 

I'm trying to be more accepting as I get older, but maybe still not ok to discuss it openly yet?

I have no idea what you're talking about. There's nothing wrong with being gay or talking about GLBT people. It's just never been cool to sit around and speculate about someone's sexuality because - news flash - it's not our business, just like it's not our business to sit around and discuss whether Killer Cacti and his wife got busy on their honeymoon.

 

I thought everyone was pretty clear on this stuff by now. I didn't hottub back to 1985, did I?

 

Flag on the play.

 

I think this whole thread is none of our business.

 

But what more perfect of a venue to test out the waters before traipsing out of the closet, or discussing Honeymoons?

 

You're pretty much anynomous..anono.uhhh...Few here will ever meet you.

But you're surrounded by friends.

 

I, myself have wondered if I was really secretly a lesbian.

[WCHusker]

Four words

 

 

MOD EDIT - I know you're just being funny, but that belongs in the Shed.

 

Jeez-okay, let's see if this get the approval of the "PC police". She's known you for a long enough time, she's not currently with anyone right now(granted-total rebound situation, but that's her issue to deal with, not yours), she knows that you were previously interested in her and she headed right for you. If you don't jump on(literlly) this opportunity, someone else will(literally). This is your shot, and it's your to blow or take advantage of(literally, or not so much so).

[HUSKER 37]

just like it's not our business to sit around and discuss whether Killer Cacti and his wife got busy on their honeymoon.

I got busy on my honeymoon

 

I almost cried at mine.

 

My best friend flew out and rented quads as a gift the day before.

Mine rolled over on me and I landed on a giant Rhinoceros horn shaped rock and bruised my kidney.

 

Then as my wife was helping me hobble in to our resort the next day, Charles Barkley started flirting with her in the lobby.

 

That night I suddenly became a screamer..but she did all the work.

[cHUSKERis]

Four words

 

 

MOD EDIT - I know you're just being funny, but that belongs in the Shed.

 

Jeez-okay, let's see if this get the approval of the "PC police". She's known you for a long enough time, she's not currently with anyone right now(granted-total rebound situation, but that's her issue to deal with, not yours), she knows that you were previously interested in her and she headed right for you. If you don't jump on(literlly) this opportunity, someone else will(literally). This is your shot, and it's your to blow or take advantage of(literally, or not so much so).

First off I'd like to say thank you for everyones input.

 

She IS seeing someone right now. Thats the problem. I don't know what to do. First time I've ever been in this situation and I've been asking a bunch of people what they think. I know that ultimately it is my decision, but I've talked with my buddies and a few girls that I am just friends with and get their input on the situation, as well as HUSKERBOARD lol.

 

At the moment its kinda 50/50 among my friends whether shes put me in the friend zone or trying to find a way out of her current relationship. The fact that I am the only ones shes told means that she obviously trusts me, and that she is telling me because she thinks she can do so without any problems (because I'm "just a friend") or that she's giving me a way in.

[zoogs]

I agree that the boyfriend complicates the situation. And I wouldn't suggest you tell her he's a DB, or tell her to break up with him. That comes off as pretty douchey. OTOH, I don't think hiding your feelings is the way to go either, if they are there. Unless there's a sensible, important reason other than worry.

 

In short, I guess, I would say figure out just what kind of feelings you have for this girl (you said you'd pretty much gotten over her), and don't worry so much about where you stand with her. It's not impossible to get out of the friend zone, but just understand the high risk, I guess. In any case even if where you stand with her is somewhere where it IS impossible to ever get out of, better to hear that from her and know it than beat yourself up trying to figure it out. If you like her so much, let her decide whether she goes for you or not. You might fail but a (lot?) of pain later you'll still end up okay with it. Whereas, as 74Hunter said, if there's always going to be this one girl you liked and always wondered 'what if', it sort of sucks for any other girl you might end up with. Maybe. I would defer to the older folk on here who have worlds more experience, and of course to the ladies here who have a much better perspective probably than we do, but I'm a big fan of clarity.

 

Agree with what others have said though, that the current bf makes this tricky waters to navigate. Best of luck dude.

[schuhbdoo]

Girl I like, we've been friends for almost a year, we went out a few times but at the moment she has a boyfriend who she is having problems with. I've fooled around with other girls but I always end up going back to thinking about her. There's just some sort of connection, something I feel when I am with her or think about her that I don't feel around any other girl I've known or dated. Ever. Even though she's seeing this guy, and I've seen a couple girls in the time between, there is a friendship, emotional connection, or whatever you wanna call it between us, that is still there.

 

Ok so apparently just yesterday her boyfriend went through her phone and looked at her messages, which she feels angry about. Long story short he's jealous I guess, and has a lot of trust issues and what not. Anyways they've been fighting. She told me about the phone thing today when we were hanging out, I'm not sure if I am in the friend zone, seeing as how she told me this. I HOPE NOT! She knew once at least that I liked her.

 

I'm at a loss of what to do now. How do I make it known that I still have feelings for her but not cause our friendship to end? I honestly don't think their relationship will last but its not like I'm gonna wait it out, I'm gonna see other girls, but I also don't wanna be "just a friend" if and when they do break up. Ya know?

 

 

Have you ever seen When Harry Met Sally? Maybe you can watch it with her without the boyfriend knowing or let her watch it alone without the BF knowing. After, tell her you don't wake up in 30 years and feel like you are Harry and she is Sally. Kind of corny but you got nothing to lose. If she looks at you and says the same thing, be prepared to spend the rest of your life with her. Tell her to break up with her loser BF and you guys need to move out of the "friend zone".

 

Ok, I was kinda joking before, but now I see that some really lame advice is being given out like candy. mmmtodd has it right, chill out, back off and see what happens with things. Seriously, think about how you would feel if you and your girlfriend were having some issues that you wanted to work through and some douchey "guy friend" of hers was whispering in her ear how much of a loser you were and was trying to stir things up in an attempt to get you to break up. It would drive you freakin' crazy. That being said, NOBODY likes the whiney, "guy friend" who always longs after the girl and messes up other guys' game because he really wants to be with her. Talk to her about her relationship like you would a friend you weren't trying to date and let her approach you. When you go out of your way to mess up some other guy's game because you want to be "more than friends", you open yourself up to look like a complete tool and your reputation will suffer because of it. When and if she comes to you, great, but other than that, let things run their course.

 

Full disclosure. Not something I'm really proud of, but true story. I'm not an aggressive guy who goes out looking for fights, but a girl I was kinda dating freshman year of college told me that her "guy friend" from high school had told her some "bad" stuff about me (to be honest, some of it was true) claiming he was protecting her from me (protecting not from anything physical, he just figured I was jacking her around) The point is, this guy lived on my hall and we didn't get along at all. After she told me this, I took her home, went back to my dorm, found him in the study hall and punched him in the face. Granted, I hated the guy anyways and this was a good excuse to hit him, but that he would try and mess up my game because he was a "guy friend" who didn't want me to date her put me over the top. Have a great night!

 

 

My response was a tongue and cheek response to something he is asking for relationship advice in a sports message board.

 

I said break up with the loser boyfriend because she was having a lot of issues or some issues with him looking through her phone, which caused a huge problem. I don't think their relationship will make it based on his 500 word description. No big deal, he really doesn't sound serious but I bolded your post because your reaction to your situation in college is the complete opposite of mine 17 years ago.

 

I have a really good friend of mine, best buds in high school, roommates after college, etc, try to ruin my relationship with my girlfriend. He went way out of his way to point out some things that could make me look bad, like I partied too much, wasn't good for her, etc. Guess what I did when I found out 3 days later, after I was detecting my girlfriend giving me a weird vibe? I went straight to him and I said, can you explain what you said about me to my girlfriend? He said, you know what? You have a good girl there. He said this because he never dreamed she would say anything to me. We were best buds and to this day 17 years later we haven't ever spoken again. He was caught in a game of trying to bring down the boyfriend, ruin a relationship so he could party with me again and not have me spend my time with my girlfriend or possibly trying to get a little on the side with my girlfriend. I really don't know since he wasn't man enough to tell me what his intentions were for doing what he did. What does this have to do with the bolded part above? You chose to punch a guy in the face. I wouldn't be very proud of that action either. We had similar situation mine was 17 years ago and yours was a while ago too it sounds, but you are lucky you weren't kicked out of school or charged with assault. So, it sounds like we both are not very good at giving relationship advice.

 

Oh, for everyone still reading this, what happened to the girl? Well, I married her about a year later and adopted her two daughters and we had two more kids together. We just celebrated our 16 year anniversary two weeks ago.

 

My ex-best buddy, sent my old luggage, which he still had at our old apartment to me at my wedding reception since he wasn't invited. When everyone heard it was from him, unwrapped sitting with all the presents, they all thought a dismembered body was in my luggage. True story.

[WCHusker]

Four words

 

 

MOD EDIT - I know you're just being funny, but that belongs in the Shed.

 

Jeez-okay, let's see if this get the approval of the "PC police". She's known you for a long enough time, she's not currently with anyone right now(granted-total rebound situation, but that's her issue to deal with, not yours), she knows that you were previously interested in her and she headed right for you. If you don't jump on(literlly) this opportunity, someone else will(literally). This is your shot, and it's your to blow or take advantage of(literally, or not so much so).

First off I'd like to say thank you for everyones input.

 

She IS seeing someone right now. Thats the problem. I don't know what to do. First time I've ever been in this situation and I've been asking a bunch of people what they think. I know that ultimately it is my decision, but I've talked with my buddies and a few girls that I am just friends with and get their input on the situation, as well as HUSKERBOARD lol.

 

At the moment its kinda 50/50 among my friends whether shes put me in the friend zone or trying to find a way out of her current relationship. The fact that I am the only ones shes told means that she obviously trusts me, and that she is telling me because she thinks she can do so without any problems (because I'm "just a friend") or that she's giving me a way in.

 

Long story short, if you don't try and pounce right now, you're going to end up in the "friend zone", and probably on a permanent basis since this could be seen as her shot #2, and if you don't jump as this chance-you may not get another one. On the other hand, "friend zone" whoopie can be some of the best in the world and with the least strings attached, but then you're going to have to deal with the fact that that's what it is-and sometimes it's a LOT better than an overly high maintenance relationship!

 

Go, go deep. The door is cracked open and your toe is in it. Try to kick it down and see what happens. If you get shot down, simply say that you're sorry and that you misread things or thought you were being a slouch by not responding to what you saw as blatant hits(Seems to be pretty much the truth). Reel her in and get her in the net. It's time to nut up or forever hold your peace knowning that you never really tried or at least never gave it a full commitment.

 

I'm back to the 4 words that I apparentlly can't say. If/when that happens, you'll both have a much better understanding where things are or aren't going, but at least you'll know. And if it doesn't, then you'll know and can quit worrying about the what ifs.

[killer cacti]

just like it's not our business to sit around and discuss whether Killer Cacti and his wife got busy on their honeymoon.

[rawhide]

What the hell was that crack about hot tubs in the 80's

 

I got my best nekkid on then

 

 

on track: do what you think is right; if it isn't the right thing you'll know it. easy peasy

 

 

 

GBR

[knapplc]

What the hell was that crack about hot tubs in the 80's

 

Hot Tub Time Machine

 

Don't blame me, blame Hollywood.

[CornHOLIO]

First of all, relationships went out, in like, the 90s. Second, if you are heart-set on this girl, just use the classic, "be nice, slowly break down the self-esteem, get her to do whatever you want." But this whole situation is pretty messed up anyways. Nobody likes douchey guy "friends" (not saying that you're one of these guys, but it's a possibility) who hang around and try to pounce once things start going badly...Nobody.

Ok, I was kinda joking before, but now I see that some really lame advice is being given out like candy. mmmtodd has it right, chill out, back off and see what happens with things. Seriously, think about how you would feel if you and your girlfriend were having some issues that you wanted to work through and some douchey "guy friend" of hers was whispering in her ear how much of a loser you were and was trying to stir things up in an attempt to get you to break up. It would drive you freakin' crazy. That being said, NOBODY likes the whiney, "guy friend" who always longs after the girl and messes up other guys' game because he really wants to be with her. Talk to her about her relationship like you would a friend you weren't trying to date and let her approach you. When you go out of your way to mess up some other guy's game because you want to be "more than friends", you open yourself up to look like a complete tool and your reputation will suffer because of it. When and if she comes to you, great, but other than that, let things run their course.

 

Full disclosure. Not something I'm really proud of, but true story. I'm not an aggressive guy who goes out looking for fights, but a girl I was kinda dating freshman year of college told me that her "guy friend" from high school had told her some "bad" stuff about me (to be honest, some of it was true) claiming he was protecting her from me (protecting not from anything physical, he just figured I was jacking her around) The point is, this guy lived on my hall and we didn't get along at all. After she told me this, I took her home, went back to my dorm, found him in the study hall and punched him in the face. Granted, I hated the guy anyways and this was a good excuse to hit him, but that he would try and mess up my game because he was a "guy friend" who didn't want me to date her put me over the top. Have a great night!

 

 

Between the "yummy" remarks about a picture of Eric Crouch and the extensive knowedge of fashion as it pertains to frat wear, I always thought you were gay. ("not that there's anything wrong with that").

 

This is hilarious. I used to fantasize about HuskerJen all time time, didn't that make me straight...wait.

 

I can't remember making those Crouch comments, but I'm sure I probably did at some point in jest. When my parents see me dressed up for game day they usually ask me what fraternity my date is from, so I see where you're coming from. Sorry to burst your bubble

 

How could you not be attracted to a girl that knew so much about Football? Unless you spent a lot of time on Shaggybevo? (look up "Longhorns girl" and watch how they turn on her).

 

But with your statement about "relationships went out, in like, the 90s" and "just use the classic, "be nice, slowly break down the self-esteem, get her to do whatever you want." may be tongue in cheek, but also probably shows a deeper hatred of the fairer sex, and ....There's just some people out there that may not be...but they have that gay gene and maybe should be..

 

I see your point Cornholio (are you threatening me!!??) but consider that ALL relationships went out in the 90s, (man/woman, man/man, woman/woman, man/beast, etc.) so I wasn't particularly picking on women. And if you send me a PM "questioning my sexual preference" I'll think that you're...weird.

 

That (pm) WOULD be very weird/creepy. (and I think it was knapplc that was threatening or suggesting that).

 

So where or why have relationships went out in the 90's?

[UGAHusker]

First of all, relationships went out, in like, the 90s. Second, if you are heart-set on this girl, just use the classic, "be nice, slowly break down the self-esteem, get her to do whatever you want." But this whole situation is pretty messed up anyways. Nobody likes douchey guy "friends" (not saying that you're one of these guys, but it's a possibility) who hang around and try to pounce once things start going badly...Nobody.

Ok, I was kinda joking before, but now I see that some really lame advice is being given out like candy. mmmtodd has it right, chill out, back off and see what happens with things. Seriously, think about how you would feel if you and your girlfriend were having some issues that you wanted to work through and some douchey "guy friend" of hers was whispering in her ear how much of a loser you were and was trying to stir things up in an attempt to get you to break up. It would drive you freakin' crazy. That being said, NOBODY likes the whiney, "guy friend" who always longs after the girl and messes up other guys' game because he really wants to be with her. Talk to her about her relationship like you would a friend you weren't trying to date and let her approach you. When you go out of your way to mess up some other guy's game because you want to be "more than friends", you open yourself up to look like a complete tool and your reputation will suffer because of it. When and if she comes to you, great, but other than that, let things run their course.

 

Full disclosure. Not something I'm really proud of, but true story. I'm not an aggressive guy who goes out looking for fights, but a girl I was kinda dating freshman year of college told me that her "guy friend" from high school had told her some "bad" stuff about me (to be honest, some of it was true) claiming he was protecting her from me (protecting not from anything physical, he just figured I was jacking her around) The point is, this guy lived on my hall and we didn't get along at all. After she told me this, I took her home, went back to my dorm, found him in the study hall and punched him in the face. Granted, I hated the guy anyways and this was a good excuse to hit him, but that he would try and mess up my game because he was a "guy friend" who didn't want me to date her put me over the top. Have a great night!

 

 

Between the "yummy" remarks about a picture of Eric Crouch and the extensive knowedge of fashion as it pertains to frat wear, I always thought you were gay. ("not that there's anything wrong with that").

 

This is hilarious. I used to fantasize about HuskerJen all time time, didn't that make me straight...wait.

 

I can't remember making those Crouch comments, but I'm sure I probably did at some point in jest. When my parents see me dressed up for game day they usually ask me what fraternity my date is from, so I see where you're coming from. Sorry to burst your bubble

 

How could you not be attracted to a girl that knew so much about Football? Unless you spent a lot of time on Shaggybevo? (look up "Longhorns girl" and watch how they turn on her).

 

But with your statement about "relationships went out, in like, the 90s" and "just use the classic, "be nice, slowly break down the self-esteem, get her to do whatever you want." may be tongue in cheek, but also probably shows a deeper hatred of the fairer sex, and ....There's just some people out there that may not be...but they have that gay gene and maybe should be..

 

I see your point Cornholio (are you threatening me!!??) but consider that ALL relationships went out in the 90s, (man/woman, man/man, woman/woman, man/beast, etc.) so I wasn't particularly picking on women. And if you send me a PM "questioning my sexual preference" I'll think that you're...weird.

 

That (pm) WOULD be very weird/creepy. (and I think it was knapplc that was threatening or suggesting that).

 

So where or why have relationships went out in the 90's?

 

 

I'm not really sure. It just seems logical that relationships went out in the 90s being that condoms went out in the 00s.

[knapplc]

Relationships have never "gone out." They're still going strong, they're just different now.