Things your kids do or say

[Stumpy1]

My kids are always doing or saying things that just make me shake my head. I absolutely love them to death but sometimes wonder WTF did I get myself into. Being a father is one of the best things a person can go through and I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have 4 kids ( 3 boys and a girl ) ranging from 14 to 6 months old.

 

If you fathers out there have any stories of things your kids have done that just leave you speechless, lets hear them...Here are some of mine!!!

 

My 8yr old boy was throwing a baseball up and catching it this morning and my 4yr old daughter thought she had to play also. She ask him to throw it to her and he told her that she needs a glove. She said that she doesn't and she can use her hands so my son wings the ball at her and it hits her in the forehead, giving her a goose egg. She starts screaming and he just grabs his ball and says, that's why you need a glove. I asked him why he didn't just underhand it to her and he just shrugged his shoulders...

 

My 2 boys were fighting over a bike that my brother had given them and ended up putting a gouge in the side of my wife's vehicle. They were each tugging against each other when my 14yr old thought he would just shove it into my 8yr old. My 8yr old just let go and stepped aside and the handle bar went right into the side of the car.

 

I have plenty more, like the one in the Pet Peeve Thread, and will share but want to hear some of your guys/gals stories.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[NUance]

In our kitchen we have a knife rest—it keeps the blade of carving knife up off the tablecloth. It's a hunk of aluminum about eight inches long, shaped about like a femur bone. My three year old son was fooling around with it in the kitchen. My daughter, his big sister, walks up and starts to grab it away from him. Of course this started a tug-of-war struggle for the damn thing. Anyway, he let's go while she's pulling it away from him and it cracks her right in the top front tooth. Chipped a nice hunk off of her tooth, which cost me several hundred dollars to get fixed. (I should have let her go around with a cracked tooth for a few weeks as punishment for teasing her little brother. But I didn't. lol)

 

[NUance]

Three-year old Son: "Lola is under the dick." (Lola = dog)

Me: "What??"

Son: "Lola is under the dick."

Me: "The dick?"

Son: "Yeah, she's under the dick."

Me: "Where is the dick?"

Son: "Over there." /Points toward the back of our house. Towards the deck.

 

===============================

 

(ten minutes later)

Me: "Honey, did you know that Lola is under the dick?

Wife: /Glances toward my pants. Then gives me that perplexed look, waiting for the rest.

 

[funhusker]

^^^One of my boys (3 years at the time) told his preschool teacher that "dad was working on his dick because it was old...." (I was sanding and re-staining the deck last summer)

[True2tRA]

My daughter used to sing along to the radio back when she was little and a little less self conscious. Sweet Emotion came on the radio, by Aerosmith, we were all singing along but I thought maybe she had the words a bit mixed up. Hell even as an adult I recently found out Ive been singing a song all wrong for years now. Anyways, I hit the mute button on the radio right as " sweeeeeet emoooooooooo-shun" was on the radio. Only my daughter was singing "speeeeeed loooooooo-shun"! Every time we hear it now me and her mom sing it "speed lotion". My daughter gets ticked.

 

My little girl knew cursing was bad. She would even correct me when I did it. Well my daughter and my wife would run errands together and in the past when my wife would get out of the car she could hear my daughter yelling something but never sure what because the windows were rolled up. My daughter did this again once, assuming the windows on the car were up. She did not notice the passenger front window cracked on the car. "sh#t, sh#t, Bitch!" came spewing out of my daughters mouth, mother heard every word! My wife says what did you just say? My daughter instantly started bawling knowing she had been busted. My wife couldn't even correct her she was holding back laughter.

 

Once in the hospital with my son, we were in a waiting room awaiting him to be taken for surgery. He had taken a sedative and was also taking a med to clean out his system. #2. Well, he was in his hospital gown and we are minutes away from him leaving so I'm holding him saying goodbye and loving him up. Suddenly my lap and front side gets really warm really fast. Well, my son gave me a going away gift. He unleashed everything he had. My entire lap and front of my pants was covered in ungodly stench, horrible nose hair burning feces. Guess who shows up? The nurses and anesthesiologist to take him. The look I got was one of understanding, they'd seen enough rodeos to not freak out over this, but you could tell the smell was enough to choke us all. They got me a pair of scrubs bottoms to put on in the meantime. It was hilarious and horrible all at once.

 

Once me and my wife awoke early a.m. to some ruffling and messing around downstairs. Well, our room and our daughters room were upstairs so I rushed downstairs immediately to see what the hell was going on. Well apparently the evening prior I had left a nice new package of chips a'hoy chocolate chip cookies on the counter top. Just where my daughter could get them and she must have known it somehow. She made sure she was downstairs before all of us, her being nearly 3 years old at the time, you could imagine the shock on my face and hers when I came downstairs and there she was with the cookies. The new package of about a dozen opened on the floor, and one child sized bite taken out of each one. Apparently only the first bite was good in her opinion. I helped her finish them off.

[The Dude]

My son accused his first grade teacher of running a child labor factory.

 

Adorable.

[HUSKER 37]

Seems like a thread I started a year or four ago. but can't find it here now...Lets see if I can find it somewhere else...

 

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Remember the 1st time your child called you an @$$?

 

I vaguely remember reading about this in the pocket instruction manual given to me durring my Son's first week. And I've tried to prepare myself for it.

 

But over the years, I forgot..What with all the walks in the mall with my Son grabbing for my hand every time we cross the street or sometimes just because.

 

Then there was the time at Parent/Teacher conference last year while he was showing me a project he'd completed on his laptop, and we could overhear the much bigger girl that had to repeat 2nd grade..and struggling with a reading assignment, and my Son whispering to me not to make fun of her because she was trying her best...(I hope he was just repeating what he was instructed to do, and didn't really think I'd make fun of her).

 

And then there's his constantly trying to convince me not to eat meat "Because it's cruel to critters" when we both know? he's just trying to save more room for cake.

 

We even seemed to have pet names for each other..I call him "Little Buddy" and he just calls me "Dad".

 

We went to see the Rattlers play Friday, and left just before halftime so we could explore downtown Phoenix..Again, noticing him grabbing my hand in the middle of the block just as a sign of affection.

 

The next afternoon, we're looking for a Birthday present for a girl classmate of his..I'm trying to steer him toward the tie-dye kits, but he zeros in on this fist-sized glass diamond paperweight? and won't budge..We're almost late for the party, so I just say, "sure"..and on the way to the karate studio where the party was, I jokingly tell him he might need to ask her Dad's permission to give her a diamond like that...No reaction...Later he gets to punch a board in half, and we discuss gluing and clamping it back together before his Mom sees it...Still nothing (Is this thing on?).

 

We grab a bite to eat at Arbys..tough to feed a kid that is tired of Pizza and Cheeseburgers, and hates Hotdogs, but we make it home in time to watch a replay of the Big-12 Championship game.

 

I open up Huskerboard and skim the topics I've posted in and notice he hasn't snatched the remote yet to watch cartoons..just sitting there on the couch pretending to finally be interested in Husker Football, so I jump on the couch next to him..He grabs my arm and pulls it around him and leans his head into my chest.

 

He starts hollering at a long run by Roy Helu, and informs me that we're gonna win this thing.I keep telling him, "Naw..We're going to lose this by one point in the last second".Finally he says, "What if you're wrong?".."What if Nebraska wins?"..He'd already learned to hate the shorthorns..Seeing them beat up on his Mom's Buckeyes at the Fiesta Bowl a year or two ago...I just repeated a line from a Ghostbusters movie he hasn't seen.."Dogs and Cats living together"..Finally get a little chuckle out of the boy.

 

We see Suh toss Colt around like a rag-doll, and my Son says there's no way we're going to lose this thing..and I say.."I'm still pretty sure UT wins this by one"..

 

Then he still won't back down..and I say.."You wanna Bet?"

 

I say, "Hundred Bucks"..He counters with $5...and grabs my hand again..this time to shake.(I'm thinking.."He really doesn't remember this game, or didn't see it"..I'd forgotten that I had to watch that one by myself..I guess I just figured he watched it at his Mom's).

 

Anyway..We get to that last play where time ran out when Colt threw it out of bounds..We see the clock read, "00:00" and he turns to me and says, "Pay up".

 

I do my best Lee Corso and say, "Not so fast my friend..Watch them put another second on the clock and watch Bo try to ice the kicker..then watch him split the uprights".

 

Afterward..He said, "How'd you know"?

 

I said, "Don't you remember? around 5 months ago..when they played this game live"?

 

I'm laughing..And telling him I wasn't going to take his money..And what he said next will probably always stay with me..

 

I never dared to say it to MY Dad..He would've probably knocked out most of my teeth...I can't even remember getting that mad at my Dad..Or even touching him before that one time a few months before he died and a tree we were cutting down made him fly a few yards while he was holding the rope as I was cutting.

 

I guess everybody wants to do things better than their parents did..I made a conscious effort to not get mad if I can help it..To always be a source of strength, but also not be afraid to hug the kid whenever I could..

 

My adorable Son just said, "YOU ASS!!!"

 

 

Twice

 

 

 

 

I'm still laughing.

[NUance]

nm

 

/drunk. ANd it's only 7:30 lol

[The Dude]

7:30 is way too early for your kid to get drunk, imo.

[NUance]

7:30 is way too early for your kid to get drunk, imo.

Or his old man. WOOO HOOO!!! Wild Turkey Rye!!!

[walksalone]

At 0:28, the huge f*cking kid in the black tank top, my son...

 

 

Sorry if this is not fitting the criteria...

[NUpolo8]

Took the now five year old to the barbershop a few weeks back, where they video games, sports on the tv and such.

 

Afterwards he told me "he wished I had more hair so we could go there more"

 

My son is an a-hole, you guys.

[BIGREDIOWAN]

Most of you know I have twin boys, well they're four now and everyday is getting more and more interesting to say the least. My one son is sitting on the couch one day and he decides that he's gonna start mouthing off to the old man.

 

Twin A: "Dad I'm stronger than you!"

Me: "Really, how do you figure?"

Twin A: "I just am, you know what else?"

Me: "No, what else?"

Twin A: "I'm going to beat you up!" (Serious as hell)

Me: "Really!? And how do you plan on doing that?"

Twin A: "It's called being a bada$$!"

Me: (pissed my pants from laughter)

 

Twin B: (Says to Twin A) "You better stop!"

Twin A: "Why what are you going to do about it?!"

Twin B: "I'm going to kick your a$$! I've had enough of your attitude!" (proceeds to kick his brother's butt)

Wife and I: "OMG! We seriously have to watch what we are saying!"

[Stumpy1]

We have these big owls that live in a tree that is in my neighbors yard. Well one day, my daughter and middle son were outside playing on the trampoline and one of these owls came flying down into the yard and then flew back up into the tree and my daughter looked over at Treven and said " God damn, sonna bitch Treven, did you see that. My wife just turned and looked at me and shook her head.

[NUance]

Me: "Come on little man, you gotta comb your hair or you'll look like a crackhead." /as 4 year-old son struggles to prevent mom from combing his hair.

 

Son: "A cracked head?"

 

Me: "Yeah, a crackhead. They always have messed up hair and dirty faces." (Note: I've been binge watching The Wire for the last several days. lol)

 

Son: "Like Humpty Dumpty?"