Your Worst Date Story...

[teachercd]

Here is mine...

 

I meet this girl at my pool back when I lived in an apartment complex...she is pretty hot so I start chatting with her...we were the only two out there at that time. I had just finished working out when I saw her from the weight room that was next to the pool so of course I did extra push-ups and curls so that I would look better...it didn't help so I just kept my shirt on while swimming and told her that I had a bad sunburn.

 

Anywho I get her digits and we make plans...We will start off at Kona.

 

We head out to Kona and start drinking and eating...20 minutes into it I can tell that I am going to have explosive diarrhea and so I say "Hey, I think I just saw a buddy, I will be right back"

 

I leave and BOOM I explode in the bathroom, trying so hard to crap as fast as I can so that she doesn't think I am doing what I am doing. I get back out and sit down "Wow, yeah, sorry about that, it was one of my old friends I had not seen in forever"

 

She buys it or she didn't care, either way I was cool with it...so we head out to Citrus (A now defunct bar in Omaha) and we sit down and start drinking...guess what...ITS BACK...I have to explode again!

 

So I say "Hey, I gotta go to the restroom" and I get up and go...I am sweating! I get in and literally explode the second I sit down...trying as hard as I can to finish up fast. I get back and again say "Man, I just saw a buddy in the restroom" now, there was basically no one in the bar at this time but I still went with that lie.

 

So we have a few more drinks and finally I feel better...we head back to her place and fool around a bit.

 

I felt so dirty!

 

 

[knapplc]

My worst date was the very first time I took a girl out, ever. It was high school, we'd been friends for a while and I finally asked her out. Our mutual friends gave me no ends of grief for asking her out, and they predicted it would end in disaster.

 

We had planned on going to dinner, then a movie. We go to this pizza joint and eat, and everything's fine until we're done, ready to go to the movie, and I realize I've locked my keys in the car. We're parked right on the edge of the main street, so of course my friends saw me and pulled in to the parking lot. The girl told them immediately what was going on, and everyone starts dying with laughter. I'm like seven different shades of red, especially since the only thing I can do is go back in the restaurant and ask to use their phone, call my dad, and have him come into town with a spare key. It takes him maybe 30 minutes to get there, and in the meantime me & the girl are sitting on the back of the car, as half of Fremont drives by, laughing.

 

This is before cell phones, so I'm not sure how the word got around so quick, but everyone who drove by seemed to know I'd locked my keys in the car. I got a bunch of honks & yells when dad showed up with the spare key.

 

We missed the movie and ended up going out to an abandoned house outside of town & hanging out, so that was OK, but that 30-45 minutes of the key being locked in the car... that was awful.

[ColoradoHusk]

Teach asked me to post this story, and although it wasn't a "bad date" for me, it might have been a "bad date" for the girl.

 

I started dating this girl in college, and by "dating" I mean we hung out on the weekends, got drunk, and then fooled around. I would usually shack up at her place to avoid driving home wasted (she lived near Nebraska Wesleyan and I lived at 30th & T, so that's a really far drive in Lincoln). One night, I got up from bed to take a leak at her place. She had a bathroom attached to her bedroom, so I wasn't going far. I stumbled (blacked-out) towards her bathroom, but I instead whipped it out and pissed in a corner of her closet. While I was doing this, this girl woke up and saw me doing it. Since I was blacked-out drunk, I had no idea I was pissing in her closet.

 

The girl didn't freak out on me that night, and didn't even tell me about it the next day. In fact, she waited a number of months before she told me about me pissing in her closet. I guess it didn't bother her too much, because she has been my wife for now 14 years. I guess my good looks and charming personality makes up for any urinary mishaps.

[Landlord]

This isn't mine but a friend:

 

 

A buddy of mine down in Atlanta had a mega crush on the queen cheerleader in high school (my friend is a bit of a shy quiet dude). Somehow he convinced her that he was worth getting to know, and their families were pretty good friends together, so she agreed to go on a date with him and part of the night included dinner with her parents. They took the metra train to dinner at a mall complex, and in the middle he had to fart. Never trust a fart. He ended up pooping his pants fairly significantly, and just sat there in it. He said he was wearing black jeans so it wasn't readily noticeable visually when they went to leave, but the smell was, at least to him, fairly noticeable.

 

Not knowing what to do, he asked if they could stop at Old Navy quick. He went and grabbed some pants and a sweater and when he went to check out he told the clerk, "I don't actually need the sweater, I only want the pants", asking her to basically pretend to check out both items. They head back to the metra station, and when they're on the train he tells her that he needs to use the bathroom.

 

He hurries into the bathroom as fast as he can, and immediately strips off his soiled pants and underwear and throws them out the damn train window. Next, he goes to grab the pants out of the bag, only to find that there is only a sweater. No pants. Naked in the bathroom on the train.

 

He never came out.

[StPaulHusker]

Landlord. Are you really going to tell a story about your friends worst date and leave the Fat Toad story out?

[Landlord]

Landlord. Are you really going to tell a story about your friends worst date and leave the Fat Toad story out?

 

 

My friend's story is the worst I've ever heard of anyone's, mine's pretty tame. What huskerboard did with it afterwards is near legendary but the actual events of the night? Meh. A girl asked me out for drinks, I went out, she wasn't interested, instead of saying so she got me kicked out of the bar.

[GSG]

Landlord. Are you really going to tell a story about your friends worst date and leave the Fat Toad story out?

 

[BigRedBuster]

This isn't mine but a friend:

 

 

A buddy of mine down in Atlanta had a mega crush on the queen cheerleader in high school (my friend is a bit of a shy quiet dude). Somehow he convinced her that he was worth getting to know, and their families were pretty good friends together, so she agreed to go on a date with him and part of the night included dinner with her parents. They took the metra train to dinner at a mall complex, and in the middle he had to fart. Never trust a fart. He ended up pooping his pants fairly significantly, and just sat there in it. He said he was wearing black jeans so it wasn't readily noticeable visually when they went to leave, but the smell was, at least to him, fairly noticeable.

 

Not knowing what to do, he asked if they could stop at Old Navy quick. He went and grabbed some pants and a sweater and when he went to check out he told the clerk, "I don't actually need the sweater, I only want the pants", asking her to basically pretend to check out both items. They head back to the metra station, and when they're on the train he tells her that he needs to use the bathroom.

 

He hurries into the bathroom as fast as he can, and immediately strips off his soiled pants and underwear and throws them out the damn train window. Next, he goes to grab the pants out of the bag, only to find that there is only a sweater. No pants. Naked in the bathroom on the train.

 

He never came out.

OMG.....

 

OK...you have to explain how he came out/got home.....etc.

 

That's priceless.

[Landlord]

 

This isn't mine but a friend:

 

 

A buddy of mine down in Atlanta had a mega crush on the queen cheerleader in high school (my friend is a bit of a shy quiet dude). Somehow he convinced her that he was worth getting to know, and their families were pretty good friends together, so she agreed to go on a date with him and part of the night included dinner with her parents. They took the metra train to dinner at a mall complex, and in the middle he had to fart. Never trust a fart. He ended up pooping his pants fairly significantly, and just sat there in it. He said he was wearing black jeans so it wasn't readily noticeable visually when they went to leave, but the smell was, at least to him, fairly noticeable.

 

Not knowing what to do, he asked if they could stop at Old Navy quick. He went and grabbed some pants and a sweater and when he went to check out he told the clerk, "I don't actually need the sweater, I only want the pants", asking her to basically pretend to check out both items. They head back to the metra station, and when they're on the train he tells her that he needs to use the bathroom.

 

He hurries into the bathroom as fast as he can, and immediately strips off his soiled pants and underwear and throws them out the damn train window. Next, he goes to grab the pants out of the bag, only to find that there is only a sweater. No pants. Naked in the bathroom on the train.

 

He never came out.

OMG.....

 

OK...you have to explain how he came out/got home.....etc.

 

That's priceless.

 

 

According to him, he literally waited in the bathroom until the last stop (with a lot of people banging on the door in the mean time), called a buddy to come pick him up, and left wearing the sweater as a kilt.

[BigRedBuster]

 

 

This isn't mine but a friend:

 

 

A buddy of mine down in Atlanta had a mega crush on the queen cheerleader in high school (my friend is a bit of a shy quiet dude). Somehow he convinced her that he was worth getting to know, and their families were pretty good friends together, so she agreed to go on a date with him and part of the night included dinner with her parents. They took the metra train to dinner at a mall complex, and in the middle he had to fart. Never trust a fart. He ended up pooping his pants fairly significantly, and just sat there in it. He said he was wearing black jeans so it wasn't readily noticeable visually when they went to leave, but the smell was, at least to him, fairly noticeable.

 

Not knowing what to do, he asked if they could stop at Old Navy quick. He went and grabbed some pants and a sweater and when he went to check out he told the clerk, "I don't actually need the sweater, I only want the pants", asking her to basically pretend to check out both items. They head back to the metra station, and when they're on the train he tells her that he needs to use the bathroom.

 

He hurries into the bathroom as fast as he can, and immediately strips off his soiled pants and underwear and throws them out the damn train window. Next, he goes to grab the pants out of the bag, only to find that there is only a sweater. No pants. Naked in the bathroom on the train.

 

He never came out.

OMG.....

 

OK...you have to explain how he came out/got home.....etc.

 

That's priceless.

 

 

According to him, he literally waited in the bathroom until the last stop (with a lot of people banging on the door in the mean time), called a buddy to come pick him up, and left wearing the sweater as a kilt.

 

And...I'm assuming no second date.

 

Any respectable woman would give a guy a second chance if she really heard the true story.

[StPaulHusker]

 

 

 

This isn't mine but a friend:

 

 

A buddy of mine down in Atlanta had a mega crush on the queen cheerleader in high school (my friend is a bit of a shy quiet dude). Somehow he convinced her that he was worth getting to know, and their families were pretty good friends together, so she agreed to go on a date with him and part of the night included dinner with her parents. They took the metra train to dinner at a mall complex, and in the middle he had to fart. Never trust a fart. He ended up pooping his pants fairly significantly, and just sat there in it. He said he was wearing black jeans so it wasn't readily noticeable visually when they went to leave, but the smell was, at least to him, fairly noticeable.

 

Not knowing what to do, he asked if they could stop at Old Navy quick. He went and grabbed some pants and a sweater and when he went to check out he told the clerk, "I don't actually need the sweater, I only want the pants", asking her to basically pretend to check out both items. They head back to the metra station, and when they're on the train he tells her that he needs to use the bathroom.

 

He hurries into the bathroom as fast as he can, and immediately strips off his soiled pants and underwear and throws them out the damn train window. Next, he goes to grab the pants out of the bag, only to find that there is only a sweater. No pants. Naked in the bathroom on the train.

 

He never came out.

OMG.....

 

OK...you have to explain how he came out/got home.....etc.

 

That's priceless.

 

 

According to him, he literally waited in the bathroom until the last stop (with a lot of people banging on the door in the mean time), called a buddy to come pick him up, and left wearing the sweater as a kilt.

 

And...I'm assuming no second date.

 

Any respectable woman would give a guy a second chance if she really heard the true story.

 

A grown man sh#t his pants. That's not second date material

[NUance]

 

 

 

 

This isn't mine but a friend:

 

 

A buddy of mine down in Atlanta had a mega crush on the queen cheerleader in high school (my friend is a bit of a shy quiet dude). Somehow he convinced her that he was worth getting to know, and their families were pretty good friends together, so she agreed to go on a date with him and part of the night included dinner with her parents. They took the metra train to dinner at a mall complex, and in the middle he had to fart. Never trust a fart. He ended up pooping his pants fairly significantly, and just sat there in it. He said he was wearing black jeans so it wasn't readily noticeable visually when they went to leave, but the smell was, at least to him, fairly noticeable.

 

Not knowing what to do, he asked if they could stop at Old Navy quick. He went and grabbed some pants and a sweater and when he went to check out he told the clerk, "I don't actually need the sweater, I only want the pants", asking her to basically pretend to check out both items. They head back to the metra station, and when they're on the train he tells her that he needs to use the bathroom.

 

He hurries into the bathroom as fast as he can, and immediately strips off his soiled pants and underwear and throws them out the damn train window. Next, he goes to grab the pants out of the bag, only to find that there is only a sweater. No pants. Naked in the bathroom on the train.

 

He never came out.

OMG.....

 

OK...you have to explain how he came out/got home.....etc.

 

That's priceless.

 

 

According to him, he literally waited in the bathroom until the last stop (with a lot of people banging on the door in the mean time), called a buddy to come pick him up, and left wearing the sweater as a kilt.

 

And...I'm assuming no second date.

 

Any respectable woman would give a guy a second chance if she really heard the true story.

 

A grown man sh#t his pants. That's not second date material

 

 

Bwahahaha! Funniest date story ever. But really: "a buddy of mine". LOL. Just admit it Landlord. It was you, wasn't it?

[Count 'Bility]

Got hooked up to go with this gal from another town to our homecoming swaray. Our school had a rule that outside guests had to be signed in by the end of that Thursday. Our dance and such was always after the game on friday night. Yeah, I forgot to sign her in. No exceptions were made. The real sh#ts of it was, I didnt realize it till mid 4th quarter when I finally sat for the rest of the night. So it was tool late to get hold of her or anything. So she got all ready, and I showed up to get her in jeans and a tshirt to break the news. Looking back, I think it was probably for the best. She was out of my league anyway probably.

[wildman]

after reading these mine will probably seem a little tame but here we go.

 

I was 17 going on a first date with the girl from Weeping Water. Shortly after picking her up and heading out of town to Lincoln. My cousin who was a county sheriff happened to see me. Well as normal he would pull me or my brothers over to see if our parents were home. Well he pull me over this time, which instantly sent her into panic mode. My cousin who must of seen this. Decided to tap on the window with his flash light telling me to step out of the car, you know lets make this worse. After telling him my parents were home we were on our way. I tried explaining the whole situation but I don't think she bought it. As I never got a second date, i'm sure it wasn't me but if so i'll still blame my cousin. Now from here I can only assume he instantly went and talked to my parents. As it was bout 15 minutes later. I get a phone call with my mom in the background laughing hysterically being asked how my date is going so far.

 

 

 

This one I can't take credit for as it happened to my brother. He went on a first date with a girl he wanted to date for months. Well she comes to the house meets all of us and was thrilled to get to ride in his mustang. Well she asked where they were eating. He joked well where ever the car breaks down we'll eat at the closest place within walking distance. His car has been worked on a lot put in a powerful motor as he use to street race but recently started throwing fan belts. Now When he told her that she thought he was kidding. We were laughing cause we knew he wasn't. Sure enough they went to a parking lot that had a lot of muscle cars in it. When they went to go eat. The motor threw the fan belt as he started it. So they walked to Taco Bell just down the street. If I remember right I think she called someone to come pick her up lol.

[BigRedBuster]

Well, mine wasn't technically a date but it was with a girl and it was a really bad situation.

 

I went parking with this really hot girl from the next town. I had absolutely no clue she was interested in me and then all of a sudden, that night she was. I thought I was in heaven. We just get to our "spot" and a cop pulls up behind us. It was her dad who was a state patrolman.

 

Yep....he caught me parking with his daughter.

 

I just about had the same problem as the guy on the train.