Forfeiting DL

[sho]

Anyone have the talk with their elderly parents about turning over their driver's license?   If so, how'd it go?   I feel I need to do this with both of my parents, but don't know how to approach the subject, nor do I have any great solutions for them to get around to all their appointments/church/grocery store trips.   If anyone has gone through it and has some thoughts, I'd appreciate it.

 

And as a note, they will not be willing to move into some sort of assisted living facility, even though it probably would be the best for them.

[Minnesota_husker]

21 minutes ago, sho said:

Anyone have the talk with their elderly parents about turning over their driver's license?   If so, how'd it go?   I feel I need to do this with both of my parents, but don't know how to approach the subject, nor do I have any great solutions for them to get around to all their appointments/church/grocery store trips.   If anyone has gone through it and has some thoughts, I'd appreciate it.

 

And as a note, they will not be willing to move into some sort of assisted living facility, even though it probably would be the best for them.

I hate to share this story, but my grandfather had his license taken away via my aunt.

 

About 4-6 months after he stopped driving he went downhill mentally pretty bad. Dementia for a year and then passed away. 

 

One way you can do it is by talking to their doctor. A doctor can basically require them to go take their drivers test again or at least that is how it was 7-8 years ago.

 

I think your point about not having a way for them to get around is the biggest issue. While my grandfather maybe shouldnt have been driving, he was driving to church, doctors appt. and the grocery store. He knew all those places by heart, so it wasnt as risky as it could have been.

 

I think having an honest conversation is your best bet but if they push back, you can discuss with their Doctor. 

[BigRedBuster]

6 hours ago, sho said:

Anyone have the talk with their elderly parents about turning over their driver's license?   If so, how'd it go?   I feel I need to do this with both of my parents, but don't know how to approach the subject, nor do I have any great solutions for them to get around to all their appointments/church/grocery store trips.   If anyone has gone through it and has some thoughts, I'd appreciate it.

 

And as a note, they will not be willing to move into some sort of assisted living facility, even though it probably would be the best for them.

I’m close to this with my father. 

 

I won't be doing it. I’m friends with the chief of police and he has handled this many times. 

 

When the time comes, the county will require him to do a driving test....for which, he will fail.....done. 

[Moiraine]

1 hour ago, BigRedBuster said:

I’m close to this with my father. 

 

I won't be doing it. I’m friends with the chief of police and he has handled this many times. 

 

When the time comes, the county will require him to do a driving test....for which, he will fail.....done. 

 

 

I looked this up for Nebraska after reading your post. My mom should have done this with her father in law:

 

Quote

NEBRASKA: Renewals are required every five years, but starting at age 72 drivers must renew in person. Examiners are trained to look for signs that a driver’s physical or cognitive skills are impaired and decide whether they require any type of driver’s test.
 

Law enforcement or family members may report someone as a potentially unsafe driver. If that happens, drivers are required to see a physician and eye doctor and then report for a driving test.

 

 

It's what I'm going to do for my mom if I ever need to. I already know she will be too stubborn to listen to me.

 

Anyhow, I don't have advice for this. My grandpa was really independent and with it mentally all the way into his 90s but he shouldn't have been on the road the last 5-10 years, and he was also really stubborn and strong-willed. My mom and her stepbrother had to do it and it was basically a nightmare where they had to trick him and then hide the car until he passed away.

[BigRedBuster]

6 hours ago, Moiraine said:

 

 

I looked this up for Nebraska after reading your post. My mom should have done this with her father in law:

 

 

 

It's what I'm going to do for my mom if I ever need to. I already know she will be too stubborn to listen to me.

 

Anyhow, I don't have advice for this. My grandpa was really independent and with it mentally all the way into his 90s but he shouldn't have been on the road the last 5-10 years, and he was also really stubborn and strong-willed. My mom and her stepbrother had to do it and it was basically a nightmare where they had to trick him and then hide the car until he passed away.

 

One thing to keep in mind, if you are the one that writes a letter to the DMV, the elderly person can find out who wrote it and turned them in. 

[Ulty]

When I was working in the insurance business, we had quite a few clients who were too old to be safely driving, but of course we were not allowed to suggest that to them. In many of these cases, elderly folks held on to their DLs as long as possible, even when they weren't actually driving, as it was one of their few remaining tokens of freedom and ability. A couple times, these clients would get into accidents, and the officer who responded was able to require driving tests along with their citations, so that took care of some of them.

 

Insurance rates go up with older drivers as well, often starting at about the age of 70(ish). Rates sort of follow a reverse bell curve based on the age of the driver, with youthful drivers having much higher rates of course, but then rates drop into our adult and middle-age years, rising again as you become more elderly.

[sho]

7 hours ago, Moiraine said:

 

 

I looked this up for Nebraska after reading your post. My mom should have done this with her father in law:

 

 

 

It's what I'm going to do for my mom if I ever need to. I already know she will be too stubborn to listen to me.

 

Anyhow, I don't have advice for this. My grandpa was really independent and with it mentally all the way into his 90s but he shouldn't have been on the road the last 5-10 years, and he was also really stubborn and strong-willed. My mom and her stepbrother had to do it and it was basically a nightmare where they had to trick him and then hide the car until he passed away.

 

That's good information, thank you!   And @BigRedBusterthanks for pointing out it is not anonymous.   I appreciate all the information.   I really wish states would start requiring driving tests and renewals every two years after the age of 70.   It's amazing how quickly my Dad's driving deteriorated in a short amount of time.

[Moiraine]

7 minutes ago, sho said:

 

That's good information, thank you!   And @BigRedBusterthanks for pointing out it is not anonymous.   I appreciate all the information.   I really wish states would start requiring driving tests and renewals every two years after the age of 70.   It's amazing how quickly my Dad's driving deteriorated in a short amount of time.

 

 

I don’t remember how he was before his 80’s but from his 80’s on my grandpa was driving 45mph on the highway which put everyone behind him (usualltya long train or cars) in more danger when they inevitably tried to pass him.

 

I remember the last time I rode with him, because I refused to after, he did a left turn onto the highway where there wasn’t much of a warning of cars coming because there was a hill to the right. I’m guess the crest of the hill was maybe 15 yards to the right. He must have been going about 10mph as he pulled out and then took about a mile to get up to 45mph. I saw my life flash before my eyes.

[Enhance]

I've had to watch my parents handle this over the last 10-15 years. The worst part about it all has been the necessity by my parents to play a crucial role in the handling of my grandparents' transportation. Some of the places they lived were not very accommodating i.e. the drivers wouldn't turn up, they'd be late, they'd get the wrong time, etc. My mom hasn't worked full time for about 20 years, so, it was a natural fit for her to manage the situation and be available for doctor's appointments. But, I could see the strain it put on her especially when she was helping with three people's appointments. Now, I only have one grandparent left. She's 92 and in pretty good health for her age so the problems have decreased.

[BigRedBuster]

1 minute ago, Enhance said:

I've had to watch my parents handle this over the last 10-15 years. The worst part about it all has been the necessity by my parents to play a crucial role in the handling of my grandparents' transportation. Some of the places they lived were not very accommodating i.e. the drivers wouldn't turn up, they'd be late, they'd get the wrong time, etc. My mom hasn't worked full time for about 20 years, so, it was a natural fit for her to manage the situation and be available for doctor's appointments. But, I could see the strain it put on her especially when she was helping with three people's appointments. Now, I only have one grandparent left. She's 92 and in pretty good health for her age so the problems have decreased.

 

This is a huge factor.  I'm the only one of my siblings that live here.  So, when it's time to take the driver's license away, guess who becomes the taxi.  Meanwhile, I'm supposed to have a job and normal life doing my own things.

46 minutes ago, Moiraine said:

I don’t remember how he was before his 80’s but from his 80’s on my grandpa was driving 45mph on the highway which put everyone behind him (usualltya long train or cars) in more danger when they inevitably tried to pass him.

 

Hey, at least he's driving 45 instead of 75.

[teachercd]

For those of you that have family members that no longer drive has Uber and Lyft been something that they use on a regular basis?