Using your Hy-Vee Fuel Saver Perks - Charlie Stephan

knapplc · November 19, 2019

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Quote

I have known for days now that I was nearing the expiration date of this month’s Hy-Vee Fuel Saver Perks Plus rewards. On Sunday the grocery store clerk said “$2.18 Mr. Steven!” I was at half a tank.

As the week went on and colder temps drained fuel at an alarming speed (I don’t have scientific basis for that but I believe it to be true) I realized a fill up was in my future.

90 miles til empty. Then. 80. 70. You know how numbers work.

This morning I get an email. “Your Hy-Vee Fuel Saver Perks Plus rewards expire in 2 days!” it brayed. I smirked. “Thought you might say that.” I grabbed the keys to the Subaru. But then, a twist...

My beloved said “Gonna grab groceries” and I told her to go get those perks and I kissed her long and hard.

She returned from the store, exclaiming “We’re up to $2.68!!” She did it. My baby got those points. “Let’s celebrate with Indian takeout” I said. “It’s right across from the Hy-Vee gas station.” I winked. “And daddy’s running low.” She swooned. My daughter eyed me with respect.

I hopped in the Subaru and cruised into the station. “Not forgetting to use my Hy-Vee Fuel Saver Perks Plus rewards THIS month!” I screamed at the normals. Their looks betrayed their envy. Clearly all were paying upwards of full price. I flashed the card. “2.68 off a gallon!”

Women fainted. Men nodded in acceptance. I approached the pump. “Please enter your Hy-Vee Fuel Saver Perks Plus number below if you are using the key fob instead of the regular card. Or see cashier.”

Now as a dad I’ve gone to a phone case that doubles as a wallet as per expectation. There’s no room for more than a license and two cards. My HVFSPP card didn’t make the but. Wanting to leave nothing to chance I approached the cashier.

“Gotta prepay” he said.

“I ain’t planning on prepaying... or post-paying” I said in my head before vocalizing an equivalent “I’ve got a lot of rewards. Do I prepay the full gas amount or what I think the discounted amount will be?”

He looked up at me and said....

“Depends”

He did not specify on what it depended. I panicked. “What if I prepay $40 and only use a couple bucks?”

A bead of sweat streaked down his face. Or was it a tear?

I said “give me $30.”

“Are you sure?” he stammered.

“Yeah.” I said. “And make it quick. Naan’s gettin’ cold.”

My baby hates cold naan.

I f#&%ing STRUT back out to the pump. Look at the price. That’s right. That’s what this whole thing has been about. This whole last month. The extra Kleenex for double points. All of it. For this.

I squeeze the handle like a Gas God. I watch the meter struggle to register even a few cents. It knows it’s beaten.

A thunderclap from the sky.

A cool breeze.

I am in rare territory. Like Neal Armstrong or Christopher Columbus minus all the problematic murdering.

The pump stops. It didn’t pump so much as weep. 15.2 gallons. 29 cents. Bow to me.

But alas. I’ve prepaid $30.

I snatch my receipt. Pivot in my New Balances and re-enter the store.

Dude in front of me bought a single Bud Light and a lottery ticket and bad cigarettes and I was like man that’s a f#&%ing NIGHT.

I re-engage the clerk.

“It was only 29 cents I say,” feigning bewilderment. “But I prepaid $30?! What do we do?”

He stared directly through me. “Let me see that receipt.” I dropped it on the counter, producing an audible thud.

He scanned the receipt. Punched a few buttons. Said “Looks like you get a refund. How do you want it?”

“Depends.” I said.

Hands trembling he counted out and handed me $29.71 cash. He removed his cap out of respect. I re-entered the Subaru. “Time to go home old friend,” I said.

“But first. Naan.”

Also before I left I said “Anyone ever prepay one dollar? Pretty baller move?” And he absolutely said nothing. Hated me. With good reason.