Cy the Cyclone
Starter
Red Team Hopes For “Special” Performance
Coach Bobeliever’s Red squad is gathered in a darkened classroom, carefully studying film from last year hoping to gain some tricks and tactics to gain an advantage in the upcoming battle:
“Wow…look at the size of that guy. He’s a handful!” exclaims player Huskermatt from the back of the room.
“Uh oh…looks like we have a blown coverage!” shouts jonnyhuska gleefully, “Ha! Just like I thought! In your face!”
“Man! That guy got jacked good!" states hskrwr13.
“Oh geez…look at that guy! He went in the wrong hole! Ouch…Thats gotta hurt!” yells bbhusker.
Once Debbie Does Dallas is over the team gets down to the business at hand…and afterwards goes out to practice football.
“Since we haven’t decided who is going to play where yet, we’ve been working on special teams right now…” says Head Coach Bobeliever. “and believe me…so far they are definitely “special”. Jerry Lewis has offered to have a telethon for us.”
The main emphasis right now is finding a kicker and a punter.
“Yeah…we’re all doing some kicking” says I See Red People “We’re also doing a lot of bitching…so I guess whoever kicks the best will be the team’s kicker and who ever bitches the most will be the team’s b!^@h. I don’t know who the best kicker is but Huskerballz is the team b!^@h.”
Huskerballz immediately kicks I See Red People in the a$$ so hard that he sails three yards downfield before coming down hard on the turf.
“Looks like we got us a punter…” sighs Bobeliever.
The placekicking job is another matter altogether as everyone is still being evaluated to see who will be the starter.
“I think I’m doing pretty good” says Drowning in the Sea of Red, “but it’s pretty tough. At first we didn’t have a football so we just kicked that cow over there in the pasture. Hard to get any lift when you kick a cow. We finally had to break down and get a real football cuz sarge87 ate the cow…”
The lack of a football wasn’t the only problem for the cash strapped Red Team says Bobeliever
“We didn’t have any goal posts and I wouldn’t trust any of these guys with a hammer to build a set. That made it hard to tell if anyone was kicking them through the uprights or not. We finally solved that problem by having Jayhawk just hold his arms up and pretend he was the goalpost. It was the only thing he seemed to be good at anyway.”
And how did that work out?
“Dundermuffinguy missed the football and kicked him in the nuts…we ended up stealing a set of real goal posts from Cozad High School.”
Before leaving the Red practice I watched two more intense special teams drills. The first was a run through of the “perfect wedge” which ended with the back of Touchdown Tommie’s underwear pulled up entirely over his helmet…earning congratulations from the coaching staff.
“This second drill determines if a player has the mentality to be on special teams or not” Bobeliever says as he watches HuskerfaninOkieland sprint down the street. “If he runs around the light poles he probably won’t be much good to us special teams. If he runs into em…that’s the kind of guy we’re looking for!”
HuskerfaninOkieland promptly rams headlong into the first light pole in his path…picks himself up and crashes headlong into the second…Bobeliever smiles and puts a check next to HuskerfaninOkieland’s name…
Coach Bobeliever’s Red squad is gathered in a darkened classroom, carefully studying film from last year hoping to gain some tricks and tactics to gain an advantage in the upcoming battle:
“Wow…look at the size of that guy. He’s a handful!” exclaims player Huskermatt from the back of the room.
“Uh oh…looks like we have a blown coverage!” shouts jonnyhuska gleefully, “Ha! Just like I thought! In your face!”
“Man! That guy got jacked good!" states hskrwr13.
“Oh geez…look at that guy! He went in the wrong hole! Ouch…Thats gotta hurt!” yells bbhusker.
Once Debbie Does Dallas is over the team gets down to the business at hand…and afterwards goes out to practice football.
“Since we haven’t decided who is going to play where yet, we’ve been working on special teams right now…” says Head Coach Bobeliever. “and believe me…so far they are definitely “special”. Jerry Lewis has offered to have a telethon for us.”
The main emphasis right now is finding a kicker and a punter.
“Yeah…we’re all doing some kicking” says I See Red People “We’re also doing a lot of bitching…so I guess whoever kicks the best will be the team’s kicker and who ever bitches the most will be the team’s b!^@h. I don’t know who the best kicker is but Huskerballz is the team b!^@h.”
Huskerballz immediately kicks I See Red People in the a$$ so hard that he sails three yards downfield before coming down hard on the turf.
“Looks like we got us a punter…” sighs Bobeliever.
The placekicking job is another matter altogether as everyone is still being evaluated to see who will be the starter.
“I think I’m doing pretty good” says Drowning in the Sea of Red, “but it’s pretty tough. At first we didn’t have a football so we just kicked that cow over there in the pasture. Hard to get any lift when you kick a cow. We finally had to break down and get a real football cuz sarge87 ate the cow…”
The lack of a football wasn’t the only problem for the cash strapped Red Team says Bobeliever
“We didn’t have any goal posts and I wouldn’t trust any of these guys with a hammer to build a set. That made it hard to tell if anyone was kicking them through the uprights or not. We finally solved that problem by having Jayhawk just hold his arms up and pretend he was the goalpost. It was the only thing he seemed to be good at anyway.”
And how did that work out?
“Dundermuffinguy missed the football and kicked him in the nuts…we ended up stealing a set of real goal posts from Cozad High School.”
Before leaving the Red practice I watched two more intense special teams drills. The first was a run through of the “perfect wedge” which ended with the back of Touchdown Tommie’s underwear pulled up entirely over his helmet…earning congratulations from the coaching staff.
“This second drill determines if a player has the mentality to be on special teams or not” Bobeliever says as he watches HuskerfaninOkieland sprint down the street. “If he runs around the light poles he probably won’t be much good to us special teams. If he runs into em…that’s the kind of guy we’re looking for!”
HuskerfaninOkieland promptly rams headlong into the first light pole in his path…picks himself up and crashes headlong into the second…Bobeliever smiles and puts a check next to HuskerfaninOkieland’s name…
