Terrific Tom
Member
"Are you OK?"
"Nah, man. I'm pretty f'ing' far from OK."
Yes, it's me, and I'm back for more. Like Marcellus Wallace, I've taken it like a man, and now I'm back with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, ready to get medievel on all of your asses. (Sorry if you didn't get last week's memo about last week being "opposite week." FYI, this is double up week, which will be helpful to all who hope to recoop their losses.) And speaking of the first appearance of Ezekiel 24:17 (kudos, fasteddie), I purposely stayed away from touchdown Jesus last week, but I'm ready to bust his a$$ in the bet of the year this week.
To the picks!
Purdue (-3) @ Notre Dame BET OF THE YEAR
There are few guarantees in life: Mark Mangino getting kicked out of Old Country Buffet before he gets "all he could eat"; Terrific Tom selling at least one kidney to pay off a gambling debt at some point; Tyrone Willingham staying black; AND PURDUE BEATING THE GOLDEN DOMERS IN THIS GAME. Joe T. and his Boilers use the much-needed week off to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and prove that they are the baddest f'ers in the valley. Unless Touchdown You-Know-Who comes off the wall to crash the Purdue team bus, this is a mortal lock.
North Carolina (+28 1/2) @ Florida State 1 star pick
Three words: sandwich game (and we're not talking Quizno's). Team Bowden coming off of the Bowden Bowl last week, and looking forward to a tougher team next week overlooks the Heels. Don't kid yourselves, UNC has about as good of a shot of winning this game as Navy does of making a game-winniing field goal this year.
Michigan State (+8) @ Iowa 2 star pick
Helen of Iowa City has launched a massive attack. Team Sparta seeks revenge for Ferentz and Herkey the Hawk stealing the one hot woman out of East Lansing. The Spartans have already proven to be road warriors by covering last week despite giving up a cheap special teams touchdown against Jerry Retardo's Hoosiers. They are bringing their Trojan Horse to the Hawkeye State, and while the locals are hoping that the horse contains doors for the shitters in Kinnick Stadium, in fact, it carries an a$$-whooping.
Texas Tech (+26) @ Oklahoma 1 star pick
The Red Raiders, with the aid of the spirit of Spike Dykes, keeps it close enough. You do the math: If OU would do everything right and score 50, that means all that Mike Leach and his Burgandy Pimpernels have to do is score four touchdowns, and they're golden. If nothing else, Tech scores one late to cover for a great moment in gambling history. I'll take some of that sweet action! :woo
Rutgers @ Syracuse (-6 1/2) 3 star pick
The Rutgers Scarlet Pretenders, I mean Knights, prove that they're over-hyped, and not yet ready for prime time in venturing into the tougher-than-sh#t Carrier Dome. If nothing else, this is a territorial recruiting battle, and the Orange is not about to let the Scarlet get their foot in the door. Orange crush the K-niggots.
Illinois (+14 1/2) @ Wisconsin 2 star pick
Chief Notgonnacompete, to his credit, refuses to punch his ticket on the trail of tears, and rallies the forces at visitor-friendly Camp Randall. Don't look for Alvarez and the Badgers to completely take a sh#t on the field, but the Natives make a stand to keep it under two touchdowns.
South Carolina (+3) @ Alabama 4 star pick
Croyle's injury, which could easily become a recurring theme on this site, coupled with two less-than-satisfying performances by the c$%ks, lead to limp-d!(k Lou Holtz trying Cialis and rolling the Tide over to make them his b!^@h.
Kansas @ Nebraska (-13) 5 star pick
I forgot what I was doing last week and didn't pick the Husker game. As a result, TT had an all-time low in views and posts. SO HERE YOU f'ers GO. Callahan and the Big Red Coaching Machine uses their much-needed week off to get healthy and focus their efforts on winning the North. Pessimists will tell you that the 'Skers struggled with can't-beat-UCONN Pittsburgh, but minus at least three starters, NU persevered. Until Kansas puts an "St." behind their name, don't even ask.
Mississippi St. @ Vanderbilt (-17) 1 star pick
The good news for Sylvester Croom is that he's the first black coach in the history of the SEC, which means that he'll have every decent black player in the region in a couple of years. The bad news? Many of the Black Cat's players are currently white, and several play like they have a vagina. I don't know much about college football, but if you lose to perennial hockey power "remember the" Maine, you suck. You pick the joke: The last time the Commodores were favored by this much, a) The Commodores had a song in the top 40, or B) the Commodore 64 was the top selling home computer in the nation.
BYU (+3) @ Colorado State 1 star pick
Perhaps the Mormons have more moxy than I have given them credit for. They've beaten God's team. They should have won on the smurf turf. So, travelling to sub-par Sonny Lubick's abode may well prove less than intimidating (especially for a team all facing the prospect of Hell after death). Cougars maul the Rams.
I'm out.
Tom.
"Nah, man. I'm pretty f'ing' far from OK."
Yes, it's me, and I'm back for more. Like Marcellus Wallace, I've taken it like a man, and now I'm back with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch, ready to get medievel on all of your asses. (Sorry if you didn't get last week's memo about last week being "opposite week." FYI, this is double up week, which will be helpful to all who hope to recoop their losses.) And speaking of the first appearance of Ezekiel 24:17 (kudos, fasteddie), I purposely stayed away from touchdown Jesus last week, but I'm ready to bust his a$$ in the bet of the year this week.
To the picks!
Purdue (-3) @ Notre Dame BET OF THE YEAR
There are few guarantees in life: Mark Mangino getting kicked out of Old Country Buffet before he gets "all he could eat"; Terrific Tom selling at least one kidney to pay off a gambling debt at some point; Tyrone Willingham staying black; AND PURDUE BEATING THE GOLDEN DOMERS IN THIS GAME. Joe T. and his Boilers use the much-needed week off to walk through the valley of the shadow of death, and prove that they are the baddest f'ers in the valley. Unless Touchdown You-Know-Who comes off the wall to crash the Purdue team bus, this is a mortal lock.
North Carolina (+28 1/2) @ Florida State 1 star pick
Three words: sandwich game (and we're not talking Quizno's). Team Bowden coming off of the Bowden Bowl last week, and looking forward to a tougher team next week overlooks the Heels. Don't kid yourselves, UNC has about as good of a shot of winning this game as Navy does of making a game-winniing field goal this year.
Michigan State (+8) @ Iowa 2 star pick
Helen of Iowa City has launched a massive attack. Team Sparta seeks revenge for Ferentz and Herkey the Hawk stealing the one hot woman out of East Lansing. The Spartans have already proven to be road warriors by covering last week despite giving up a cheap special teams touchdown against Jerry Retardo's Hoosiers. They are bringing their Trojan Horse to the Hawkeye State, and while the locals are hoping that the horse contains doors for the shitters in Kinnick Stadium, in fact, it carries an a$$-whooping.
Texas Tech (+26) @ Oklahoma 1 star pick
The Red Raiders, with the aid of the spirit of Spike Dykes, keeps it close enough. You do the math: If OU would do everything right and score 50, that means all that Mike Leach and his Burgandy Pimpernels have to do is score four touchdowns, and they're golden. If nothing else, Tech scores one late to cover for a great moment in gambling history. I'll take some of that sweet action! :woo
Rutgers @ Syracuse (-6 1/2) 3 star pick
The Rutgers Scarlet Pretenders, I mean Knights, prove that they're over-hyped, and not yet ready for prime time in venturing into the tougher-than-sh#t Carrier Dome. If nothing else, this is a territorial recruiting battle, and the Orange is not about to let the Scarlet get their foot in the door. Orange crush the K-niggots.
Illinois (+14 1/2) @ Wisconsin 2 star pick
Chief Notgonnacompete, to his credit, refuses to punch his ticket on the trail of tears, and rallies the forces at visitor-friendly Camp Randall. Don't look for Alvarez and the Badgers to completely take a sh#t on the field, but the Natives make a stand to keep it under two touchdowns.
South Carolina (+3) @ Alabama 4 star pick
Croyle's injury, which could easily become a recurring theme on this site, coupled with two less-than-satisfying performances by the c$%ks, lead to limp-d!(k Lou Holtz trying Cialis and rolling the Tide over to make them his b!^@h.
Kansas @ Nebraska (-13) 5 star pick
I forgot what I was doing last week and didn't pick the Husker game. As a result, TT had an all-time low in views and posts. SO HERE YOU f'ers GO. Callahan and the Big Red Coaching Machine uses their much-needed week off to get healthy and focus their efforts on winning the North. Pessimists will tell you that the 'Skers struggled with can't-beat-UCONN Pittsburgh, but minus at least three starters, NU persevered. Until Kansas puts an "St." behind their name, don't even ask.
Mississippi St. @ Vanderbilt (-17) 1 star pick
The good news for Sylvester Croom is that he's the first black coach in the history of the SEC, which means that he'll have every decent black player in the region in a couple of years. The bad news? Many of the Black Cat's players are currently white, and several play like they have a vagina. I don't know much about college football, but if you lose to perennial hockey power "remember the" Maine, you suck. You pick the joke: The last time the Commodores were favored by this much, a) The Commodores had a song in the top 40, or B) the Commodore 64 was the top selling home computer in the nation.
BYU (+3) @ Colorado State 1 star pick
Perhaps the Mormons have more moxy than I have given them credit for. They've beaten God's team. They should have won on the smurf turf. So, travelling to sub-par Sonny Lubick's abode may well prove less than intimidating (especially for a team all facing the prospect of Hell after death). Cougars maul the Rams.
I'm out.
Tom.
Last edited by a moderator:
