Chaos Index
Walk-on
Chaos. It's "a state of utter confusion or disorder." How can chaos be consistent and orderly? Join us as we feel the consistent madness that was on display in Week Five.
1. Texas – What's most consistently chaotic about the Horns' 2015 reign of error? Howzabout the fact that they always find a new way to make a hash of things. And how do you top going down 30-0 in the first quarter? Perhaps by having a player tweeting about transferring during the game, while the Texas Rangers (or at least one rogue now-ex-employee) are busy sending out Fire Charlie missives. Nice touch, by the way, also doing that callback to the Oklahoma State game with a messed up punt snap.
2. Georgia – How 'bout them Dawgs! So much talent. Such an easy path to the SEC East title. They're CFP material! Best of all they never ever ever blow a big game. Never ever. Let the freakout begin anew in Athens! Just one warning Dawg fans: we see you getting ready to call for Mark Richt's head. After all, you'll never get over the hump until you change coaches. Ask around about how that usually turns out. Perhaps your almost-neighbors in Hattiesburg might have a few thoughts on the subject.
3. Clemson – Ahh, Clemson: the ACC's answer to Georgia. Given the perpetual Luck Of The Irish, how else could things have turned out, especially when Notre Dame just needed a two-point conversion to tie with seven seconds on the clock to send it to overtime for the inevitable win? Wait…what? You won? How dare you trash a perfectly good narrative by going against form!?! Never mind.
4. UCLA – It's become a Pac-12 tradition. Every year, the Bruins open 4-0, blowing the doors off some alleged powerhouse in Week Four. The four-letter declares them a national championship contender. This year, there's the bonus narrative of "the kid QB is invincible." Then, Week Five rolls around, and they self-destruct against a double digit underdog. Here's how the rest of the story goes: they rise from the ashes, return to national prominence, then blow it again at the moment you'd least expect it. It's consistent, yet chaotic.
5. Michigan – Sometimes, chaos is happy. Everywhere he goes, Jim Harbaugh makes madness – exciting, happy madness (at least for the home fans). Can you imagine the khaki chaos that's going to descend on Ann Arbor after two straight shutouts? Win the next two games at home, and the madness will be beyond blinding. Little brother might have something to say about that, of course.
6. Tennessee – Look on the bright side, Vol Nation: at least this time, you didn't blow a two score lead in the fourth quarter. You did it early in the game! Plus, you've got two more chances to bounce back and get that signature "we've turned the corner" win in the next two weeks! On second thought, this might be a good time to book a three-week cruise to Australia.
7. Kansas – Does it get more consistent than the Jayhawks? It takes some serious awfulness to get treated like a piñata by Iowa State. And now, their best chance for a win this year is against…Texas?
8. LSU – Life With Hat is a chaotic little television series. Given the ability to pretty much name the score against the shambles that is Eastern Michigan, the master of mystery chose "whatever". Since he needed to rest Leonard Fournette and get the Tiger passing game going, Crazy Les dialed up 26 more carries for God's Tailback and 80 yards of passing offense. Who needs rest when Florida is still two weeks away?
9. Nebraska – Say, Georgia: ask Bo Pellini about that bit where you fire the coach who can't quite get you over the hump. Here's guessing the Huskers won't need to wait until the last ten seconds to lose to Wisconsin. Have we told you how nice Mike Riley is lately? Bo was never nice; unlike most football coaches, he used naughty words.
10. Purdue – Congratulations on earning a participation trophy for that moral victory against Michigan State. Oh Purdue, you monument to mediocrity – never too good, never too bad. If there's a more meh program in the game, we don't know what it is. (Though the Darrell Hazell years are certainly testing that last part, aren't they?)
[SIZE=12pt]The rest of this week's Chaos Index can be found here.[/SIZE]
1. Texas – What's most consistently chaotic about the Horns' 2015 reign of error? Howzabout the fact that they always find a new way to make a hash of things. And how do you top going down 30-0 in the first quarter? Perhaps by having a player tweeting about transferring during the game, while the Texas Rangers (or at least one rogue now-ex-employee) are busy sending out Fire Charlie missives. Nice touch, by the way, also doing that callback to the Oklahoma State game with a messed up punt snap.
2. Georgia – How 'bout them Dawgs! So much talent. Such an easy path to the SEC East title. They're CFP material! Best of all they never ever ever blow a big game. Never ever. Let the freakout begin anew in Athens! Just one warning Dawg fans: we see you getting ready to call for Mark Richt's head. After all, you'll never get over the hump until you change coaches. Ask around about how that usually turns out. Perhaps your almost-neighbors in Hattiesburg might have a few thoughts on the subject.
3. Clemson – Ahh, Clemson: the ACC's answer to Georgia. Given the perpetual Luck Of The Irish, how else could things have turned out, especially when Notre Dame just needed a two-point conversion to tie with seven seconds on the clock to send it to overtime for the inevitable win? Wait…what? You won? How dare you trash a perfectly good narrative by going against form!?! Never mind.
4. UCLA – It's become a Pac-12 tradition. Every year, the Bruins open 4-0, blowing the doors off some alleged powerhouse in Week Four. The four-letter declares them a national championship contender. This year, there's the bonus narrative of "the kid QB is invincible." Then, Week Five rolls around, and they self-destruct against a double digit underdog. Here's how the rest of the story goes: they rise from the ashes, return to national prominence, then blow it again at the moment you'd least expect it. It's consistent, yet chaotic.
5. Michigan – Sometimes, chaos is happy. Everywhere he goes, Jim Harbaugh makes madness – exciting, happy madness (at least for the home fans). Can you imagine the khaki chaos that's going to descend on Ann Arbor after two straight shutouts? Win the next two games at home, and the madness will be beyond blinding. Little brother might have something to say about that, of course.
6. Tennessee – Look on the bright side, Vol Nation: at least this time, you didn't blow a two score lead in the fourth quarter. You did it early in the game! Plus, you've got two more chances to bounce back and get that signature "we've turned the corner" win in the next two weeks! On second thought, this might be a good time to book a three-week cruise to Australia.
7. Kansas – Does it get more consistent than the Jayhawks? It takes some serious awfulness to get treated like a piñata by Iowa State. And now, their best chance for a win this year is against…Texas?
8. LSU – Life With Hat is a chaotic little television series. Given the ability to pretty much name the score against the shambles that is Eastern Michigan, the master of mystery chose "whatever". Since he needed to rest Leonard Fournette and get the Tiger passing game going, Crazy Les dialed up 26 more carries for God's Tailback and 80 yards of passing offense. Who needs rest when Florida is still two weeks away?
9. Nebraska – Say, Georgia: ask Bo Pellini about that bit where you fire the coach who can't quite get you over the hump. Here's guessing the Huskers won't need to wait until the last ten seconds to lose to Wisconsin. Have we told you how nice Mike Riley is lately? Bo was never nice; unlike most football coaches, he used naughty words.
10. Purdue – Congratulations on earning a participation trophy for that moral victory against Michigan State. Oh Purdue, you monument to mediocrity – never too good, never too bad. If there's a more meh program in the game, we don't know what it is. (Though the Darrell Hazell years are certainly testing that last part, aren't they?)
[SIZE=12pt]The rest of this week's Chaos Index can be found here.[/SIZE]