Cy the Cyclone
Starter
White’s 1st Practices Filled with Hope – Controversy
Head Coach Huskerfan500, glances out toward the field where members of the White team are locked in a heated battle
“Must only be one beer left out there….” he sighs as the players knock each other to the ground.
Out of the scrum, a large player emerges, holding a bottle triumphantly over his head as two smaller players cling to his legs in a vain attempt to bring him to the ground. It’s 4th round draft pick Bigbl87 dragging teammates papersun87 (6th Round) and Sindonesia (10th Round) along in his wake. The battle between the larger player and the two smaller ones seems like a mismatch
“Oh sure…it looks kind of unfair but don’t believe it for a minute. Those smaller guys are intense!” says the coach, and, as if on cue, another shorter player runs up behind Bigbl87 and delivers a skull numbing whack across the back of his helmet with a 2x4. The bottle falls to the ground from his now-limp fingers.
“ironmike! How many times do I have to tell you to knock that sh*t off???” roars Huskerfan500 as the battle over the “ball” begins anew.
It’s a typical practice for the Mock League White Team.
“Yeah…practice has been a trip” said husker B-rent, one of the many players on the White team who is vying for a starting position. “Every time I try to make a cut, I end up stepping in dog sh*t and falling on my face. F*cking city parks…they suck”
“When the ball got hit by the Parks and Rec guy on the big riding lawn mower…that was probably the low point of practice.” added huskerinkc, another hopeful player. “Or maybe it was when Strigori got hit by the Parks and Rec guy on the big riding lawn mower…nah…it was the ball.”
3rd Round choice Pimpzilla has his own memories of the worst practice: “It was the first practice when all them civil rights leaders showed up….Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton…them guys, yelling at us because we’re the “White” team. I mean, they were chasing us all over and hitting us with their protester signs and sh*t. and then we had some jerk who wanted us to change our name from “White Team” to “Rainbow Coalition". I think huskerjock killed him...or joined his team...or something…”
Despite all the problems, Huskerfan500 has seen progress:
“We’re really emphasizing strength and conditioning. I have the guys doing 12-ounce curls at least 18 hours a day. You can almost see some of these guys getting bigger every day. We have a couple of guys who are great at catching things…but a dose of penicillin every now and then usually takes care of them. We have a couple of medical issues we’re worried about right now…like, for some reason, everybody’s running like old people f*ck…but we hope to work through those problems and be ready on Saturday.”
Next Stop…The Red Team.
Head Coach Huskerfan500, glances out toward the field where members of the White team are locked in a heated battle
“Must only be one beer left out there….” he sighs as the players knock each other to the ground.
Out of the scrum, a large player emerges, holding a bottle triumphantly over his head as two smaller players cling to his legs in a vain attempt to bring him to the ground. It’s 4th round draft pick Bigbl87 dragging teammates papersun87 (6th Round) and Sindonesia (10th Round) along in his wake. The battle between the larger player and the two smaller ones seems like a mismatch
“Oh sure…it looks kind of unfair but don’t believe it for a minute. Those smaller guys are intense!” says the coach, and, as if on cue, another shorter player runs up behind Bigbl87 and delivers a skull numbing whack across the back of his helmet with a 2x4. The bottle falls to the ground from his now-limp fingers.
“ironmike! How many times do I have to tell you to knock that sh*t off???” roars Huskerfan500 as the battle over the “ball” begins anew.
It’s a typical practice for the Mock League White Team.
“Yeah…practice has been a trip” said husker B-rent, one of the many players on the White team who is vying for a starting position. “Every time I try to make a cut, I end up stepping in dog sh*t and falling on my face. F*cking city parks…they suck”
“When the ball got hit by the Parks and Rec guy on the big riding lawn mower…that was probably the low point of practice.” added huskerinkc, another hopeful player. “Or maybe it was when Strigori got hit by the Parks and Rec guy on the big riding lawn mower…nah…it was the ball.”
3rd Round choice Pimpzilla has his own memories of the worst practice: “It was the first practice when all them civil rights leaders showed up….Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton…them guys, yelling at us because we’re the “White” team. I mean, they were chasing us all over and hitting us with their protester signs and sh*t. and then we had some jerk who wanted us to change our name from “White Team” to “Rainbow Coalition". I think huskerjock killed him...or joined his team...or something…”
Despite all the problems, Huskerfan500 has seen progress:
“We’re really emphasizing strength and conditioning. I have the guys doing 12-ounce curls at least 18 hours a day. You can almost see some of these guys getting bigger every day. We have a couple of guys who are great at catching things…but a dose of penicillin every now and then usually takes care of them. We have a couple of medical issues we’re worried about right now…like, for some reason, everybody’s running like old people f*ck…but we hope to work through those problems and be ready on Saturday.”
Next Stop…The Red Team.
