Reminds me of this one:
A SOUTHERNER MOVES UP NORTH
January 10 5:00pm
It's starting to snow. The first snow of the season and
the first one we've seen in years. The wife and I took our hot buttered
rums and sat by the picture window, watching the soft flakes drift down,
clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It was beautiful!
Jan 11
We awoke to a lovely blanket of crystal white covering the
landscape. What a fantastic sight. Every tree and shrub covered with a
beautiful white mantle. I shoveled snow for the first time in years, and
loved it. I did both our driveway and our sidewalk. Later a city
snowplow came along and accidentally covered up our driveway with
compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled and waved. I waved
back and shoveled it again.
January 12
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temperature has
dropped to about 11 degrees. Several limbs on the trees and shrubs
snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shoveled our driveway again.
Shortly afterwards, the snowplow came by and did his trick again. Much of
the snow is now brownish-gray.
January 13
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush which soon
became ice when the temperature dropped again. Bought snow tires for both
cars. Fell on my a$$ in the driveway. $145 to a chiropractor, but
nothing was broken. More snow and ice expected.
January 14
Still cold. Sold the wife's car and bought a 4x4 in order to get
to work. Slid into a guardrail anyway, and did considerable amounts of
damage to the right quarter panel. Had another 8 inches of the white sh#t
last night. Both vehicles covered in salt and crud. More shoveling in
store for me today. That ******* snowplow came by twice today.
January 15
2 degrees outside. More f'ing' snow. Not a tree or shrub on our
property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night.
Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles and a kerosene heater,
which tipped over and nearly burned the house down. I managed to put the
flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands and lost all my
eyelashes and eyebrows. 4x4 slid on the ice on the way to the
emergency-room and was totaled.
January 16
******* mother f'ing' white sh#t keeps coming down. Have to put
all the clothes on we own just to get to the f'ing' mailbox. If I ever
catch that son-of-a-b!^@h that drives the snowplow I'll chew open his
chest and rip out his heart. I think he hides around the corner and waits
to plow shut our driveway again. Power still off. Toilet froze and part
of the roof has started to cave in.
January 17
Six ******* more f'ing' inches of f'ing' snow and f'ing'
sleet, f'ing' ice and ******* knows what other kind of white f'ing'
sh#t fell last night. I wounded the f'ing' snowplow bad guy with an ice
axe, but he got away. Wife left me. Car won't start. I think I'm going
snowblind. I can't move my toes. Haven't seen the sun in weeks. More
snow predicted. Wind Chill -22 f'ing' degrees. I'm moving back to
Texas!
my poor dwarf orange trees.
