Best practice to meet "guy" friends"?....don't laugh, honest question

I have my answer (from talking to a friend in the "area": "Urban sprawl is a b!^@h!"

 
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Sorry, I know you requested no laughing but.........welcome to married life with kids. Surely somebody warned you about this. The problem is those warnings always come in a joking fashion just prior to when you say your vows. Well, they are no joke and I speak from experience (50 years old, married 28, with a 19 & 13 yr old). Seriously though, it just takes a lot more effort, planning, and money if you really want to hang like you did only 5-10 years ago. It's not bad just different.

Actually we've been pretty lucky finding neighbors that we get along with. It makes it way easier to do stuff and hangout when you can walk to their house and when they also have kids of a similar age. If all your neighbors are really not compatible for this, you might seriously want to consider moving to a neighborhood that better matches your demographic.

 
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By the way, getting older doesn't get any easier. After the kids leave ( it'll be sooner than you think) then come the aches and pains, loss of vision, hearing and hair growing in strange places. You look in the mirror and think to yourself "S**t! wasn't I just thirty?"

Then you realize you have more days behind you than in front of you.......................CRAP! now I need a drink! :hmmph

 
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hskerprid said:
By the way, getting older doesn't get any easier. After the kids leave ( it'll be sooner than you think) then come the aches and pains, loss of vision, hearing and hair growing in strange places. You look in the mirror and think to yourself "S**t! wasn't I just thirty?"

Then you realize you have more days behind you than in front of you.......................CRAP! now I need a drink! :hmmph
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It's okay, at this point in your life you can just take sketchy pictures of your wife and post them on the internet.

Wait.....

 
I haven't seen anyone wear a Husker anything where I live in 3 years. I had to learn Cricket and Rugby just to understand what the hell my co-workers were talking about. Morale of the story: It can always be worse.

 
I've run into the same problem honestly. We became really good friends with the neighbors to the north of us and now the bastards are moving because they want to live on an acreage. Outside of that we literally only have two other couples we could hang out with and our schedules don't jive a majority of the time. I literally talk to like two people that I'm friends with.......................it's depressing.

 
Lots of times the problem is you get stuck having to be friends with couples. It is a lot harder to find two people you can get along with then one.

 
I guess my problem is I have moved to a small town here in Idaho and it is just really hard to get to know anyone that is close to my age and with the same background. We live on an acreage and my closest neighbor is a Mexican guy who is nice, but no we don't socialize. We just haven't met anyone who has actually tried to include us in any social type things unless it involves church.

 
Sorry that I am chuckling at this thread at the same time I have a tear in my eye.

46 years old with three teenagers.

I have no idea where the years went but there are just some things you give up to be with your family. Yes, I still need those guy nights. But, you have to plan for them. Joining a golf league is a great way to get out once per week in the summer with guys. Now, I didn't do that till just two years ago because my kids kept me so busy.

Honestly.....and some people don't want to hear this. But, your focus now is at home. Most evenings we need to be home with our families and being a major part of that.

What you need to do then is find couple friends with kids about your age. Heck, I even know people who have moved to different neighborhoods to be around younger people with kids.

80-90% of your social life for the next 20 years will center around what your kids are doing and the adults who also have kids in those activities.

Accept it and enjoy it. Some day they will be gone and you can meet back up with the guy friends who are becoming free from kids again. Then we can all be those old farts that sit around the club house telling stories about our kids who are then off being successful/ married and frustrated because their social lives are ruined because of marriage and kids.

One more thing.

This is a time in people's lives when one heck of a lot of divorces happen for this exact reason. Recognize that and commit yourself to being there.

 
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BigRedBuster said:
Sorry that I am chuckling at this thread at the same time I have a tear in my eye.

46 years old with three teenagers.

I have no idea where the years went but there are just some things you give up to be with your family. Yes, I still need those guy nights. But, you have to plan for them. Joining a golf league is a great way to get out once per week in the summer with guys. Now, I didn't do that till just two years ago because my kids kept me so busy.

Honestly.....and some people don't want to hear this. But, your focus now is at home. Most evenings we need to be home with our families and being a major part of that.

What you need to do then is find couple friends with kids about your age. Heck, I even know people who have moved to different neighborhoods to be around younger people with kids.

80-90% of your social life for the next 20 years will center around what your kids are doing and the adults who also have kids in those activities.

Accept it and enjoy it. Some day they will be gone and you can meet back up with the guy friends who are becoming free from kids again. Then we can all be those old farts that sit around the club house telling stories about our kids who are then off being successful/ married and frustrated because their social lives are ruined because of marriage and kids.

One more thing.

This is a time in people's lives when one heck of a lot of divorces happen for this exact reason. Recognize that and commit yourself to being there.
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Good post, I think I am talking about something different than you are, I am not talking about hanging out with a bunch of guys 2x a week smoking cigars drinking beer and playing Texas Hold Um till one in the morning on a Tuesday night. I am just talking about my wife and I's difficulty in finding some people we can get together with once a month for some socializing that doesn't involve church. Anyone have that problem?

 
NUinID said:
Good post, I think I am talking about something different than you are, I am not talking about hanging out with a bunch of guys 2x a week smoking cigars drinking beer and playing Texas Hold Um till one in the morning on a Tuesday night. I am just talking about my wife and I's difficulty in finding some people we can get together with once a month for some socializing that doesn't involve church. Anyone have that problem?
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I can't speak for BRB but his post addresses your socializing once per month issue. That is about all me and the wife can manage. Smoking cigars and playing hold em till 1AM twice per week just ain't happenin for anybody who is married, has kids, and has a job. That crap ends pretty much immediately after you get married and especially after you have kids unless you're a bad parent or don't care if you stay married.

 
NUinID said:
BigRedBuster said:
Sorry that I am chuckling at this thread at the same time I have a tear in my eye.

46 years old with three teenagers.

I have no idea where the years went but there are just some things you give up to be with your family. Yes, I still need those guy nights. But, you have to plan for them. Joining a golf league is a great way to get out once per week in the summer with guys. Now, I didn't do that till just two years ago because my kids kept me so busy.

Honestly.....and some people don't want to hear this. But, your focus now is at home. Most evenings we need to be home with our families and being a major part of that.

What you need to do then is find couple friends with kids about your age. Heck, I even know people who have moved to different neighborhoods to be around younger people with kids.

80-90% of your social life for the next 20 years will center around what your kids are doing and the adults who also have kids in those activities.

Accept it and enjoy it. Some day they will be gone and you can meet back up with the guy friends who are becoming free from kids again. Then we can all be those old farts that sit around the club house telling stories about our kids who are then off being successful/ married and frustrated because their social lives are ruined because of marriage and kids.

One more thing.

This is a time in people's lives when one heck of a lot of divorces happen for this exact reason. Recognize that and commit yourself to being there.
Click to expand...
Good post, I think I am talking about something different than you are, I am not talking about hanging out with a bunch of guys 2x a week smoking cigars drinking beer and playing Texas Hold Um till one in the morning on a Tuesday night. I am just talking about my wife and I's difficulty in finding some people we can get together with once a month for some socializing that doesn't involve church. Anyone have that problem?
Click to expand...

now, that is difficult some times. One thing to remember, many many couples are in the same boat. So, when you do meet a couple you think you might have fun with...GET THE FAMILIES TOGETHER. With little kids, the best thing to do is have them over for supper. Let the kids play and have fun. One thing I learned though.....make sure even though you're hanging out with the couples, don't expect the women to do all the work cooking and taking care of the kids while you hang out on the deck drinking beer.

Get into BBQing and when you practice making ribs, invite a family over. Who cares if it turns out. That gives you a reason to get together again when you try it the next time.

When we lived in Des Moines, we noticed a note in our church bulletin about couples bible study. We went, the bible study group didn't last really that long but the friends we met are still some of our best friends from there.

I mentioned golf earlier. If you do golf, find a couples golf league. Meet a few couples and invite them over some time.

THEN....every once in a while plan a night out with just the guys and then offer to watch the kids when the women have their night out.

One more thing.......

When the kids are really little, it is the BEST time to do this. Once they are in activities during middle and high school, you WILL NOT have time to do this because you will be running your azzes off.

 
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