TGI Falwell
Walk-on
Hi. My name is Trent Geronimo Ignatius Falwell, and this is my story.
I was at the game last Saturday, I tell you true. I was selling hot dogs in the west stadium. I set my hot dog tray on the bottom railing, and it fell right over, just like poop down a shingle. Course, I had to jump over that rail to get my dogs back. And, afore you knew it, I was down there on the field.
I was fixing to climb back up that wall, but then this guy yells at me, "hey there, buddy, want to play some ball?" I looked over my shoulder, and there was Coach Cosgrove, grinning at me like a bear in the woods. I nearly pissed myself, I tell you true.
I nodded, beings that I couldn't talk; I had this big ole lump in my throat. I couldn't say no, anyways, 'cuz that ole Cosgrove looked like he was about to bust me. He looked crazier than a Cyclone with a winning season.
He grabs me and pushes me toward this kid wearing a tuxedo on the sideline. I didn't see that kid earlier, 'cuz it was a red tuxedo. Did you see him? I guess he's always there, on the sidelines. He helps the players get dressed up, and he dressed me up, too. He gave me a football outfit with the number 3 on it.
Pretty soon that crazy Cosgrove sumbitch grabs me again and starts hustling me toward the sideline. He pointed at some Kansas feller on the field and told me to go out there and make sure that he didn't go catching no footballs.
So that's what I did for the whole third quarter. I followed that Kansas guy all over that darned field, and he didn't catch no footballs, neither.
After the game they told me that I had to shower with the team, 'cuz I was stinking something awful, and they wanted to eat some of those dogs, anyways. So I went there and passed out the rest of those dogs.
That Ganz kid is crazy strong, don't you know. I saw him rip four doors off of them steel lockers before Coach Callahan calmed him down. Coach said something about some guy named Shatell or something, and ole' Joey just started cussing, but he stopped ripping them doors off.
Anyway, I went drinking with those other guys that were chasing those Kansas fellows with me during the game. Fastest humans I ever met, I tell you true. I still can't believe that we outran those cop cars.
That was my story, and I hope that you liked it.
My name is Trent Geronimo Ignatius Falwell. How do you like me now?
I was at the game last Saturday, I tell you true. I was selling hot dogs in the west stadium. I set my hot dog tray on the bottom railing, and it fell right over, just like poop down a shingle. Course, I had to jump over that rail to get my dogs back. And, afore you knew it, I was down there on the field.
I was fixing to climb back up that wall, but then this guy yells at me, "hey there, buddy, want to play some ball?" I looked over my shoulder, and there was Coach Cosgrove, grinning at me like a bear in the woods. I nearly pissed myself, I tell you true.
I nodded, beings that I couldn't talk; I had this big ole lump in my throat. I couldn't say no, anyways, 'cuz that ole Cosgrove looked like he was about to bust me. He looked crazier than a Cyclone with a winning season.
He grabs me and pushes me toward this kid wearing a tuxedo on the sideline. I didn't see that kid earlier, 'cuz it was a red tuxedo. Did you see him? I guess he's always there, on the sidelines. He helps the players get dressed up, and he dressed me up, too. He gave me a football outfit with the number 3 on it.
Pretty soon that crazy Cosgrove sumbitch grabs me again and starts hustling me toward the sideline. He pointed at some Kansas feller on the field and told me to go out there and make sure that he didn't go catching no footballs.
So that's what I did for the whole third quarter. I followed that Kansas guy all over that darned field, and he didn't catch no footballs, neither.
After the game they told me that I had to shower with the team, 'cuz I was stinking something awful, and they wanted to eat some of those dogs, anyways. So I went there and passed out the rest of those dogs.
That Ganz kid is crazy strong, don't you know. I saw him rip four doors off of them steel lockers before Coach Callahan calmed him down. Coach said something about some guy named Shatell or something, and ole' Joey just started cussing, but he stopped ripping them doors off.
Anyway, I went drinking with those other guys that were chasing those Kansas fellows with me during the game. Fastest humans I ever met, I tell you true. I still can't believe that we outran those cop cars.
That was my story, and I hope that you liked it.
My name is Trent Geronimo Ignatius Falwell. How do you like me now?
