BIGREDIOWAN
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So I get up around 11:30 today since I didn't sleep at all yesterday and needed to catch up on sleep. I go and get lunch and shortly after decide I'm going to go and work out, like I do everyday, but I need to brush the dogs teeth first since the wife is complaining about one's breath. So I'm brushing their teeth and the oldest one, he's six, decides that he's got a cracked tooth and part of it is going to come out right f-ing now! I freaked out a little bit, but the dog doesn't react funny at all?! So I take the dog to the vet real quick and the vet says no big deal the tooth should seal up on it's own and unless it becomes infected they won't have to remove it. So after a $65.00 ten minute visit I brought the dog home and decide to go on a bike ride instead of doing legs today since I have torn cartiledge in my right knee. I figure this will be easier on my knee instead of throwing a bunch of weight on my shoulders and doing squats.
So I've had this route around my neighborhood staked out for awhile now and figure it's about 5 miles and should only take me about 45 minutes or so, so I'll give it a shot. I jump on my mountain bike and head north away from the area I live in and then back east on this dirt road that is kinda hilly, but not that bad. I'm pretty sure where this road goes as I've been down it.....................once! This road ends up being f-ing farther than I thought and alot rougher and hillier than I originally had planned. So I'm coming to the end of this road and going up what I think is the biggest damn hill in Iowa when the chain on my bike decides to break! So now the bike is pretty much useless and all I can use it for is riding down hill which is going to do me no good considering the closest hill going down around me is about 2.5 miles away. In between the Iowa devil backbone and this hill going down is about 2.4 miles of just flat road. So I start walking the damn 2.4 miles with the bike right next to me. I'm not really that mad because I'm still outdoors loving life and having some time to myself to think about alot of things.
So I come up to a side street that is before this hill that goes down and think to myself, "self.................shortcut!" So I jump on my bike and ride this street downhill which ends up being a goddamned dead end! It turns out there is about 6 streets in the residential area that are all dead ends and I have to walk all of them to find this out. It gets better however because as I was riding my bike down one of these side streets from hell my right pedal on my bike decides to fall off and I don't have anyway to get it back on. So I grab the petal and put it on my rear brake handle so I don't lose it. At this point I am beginning to get pissed off. So the hill I rode down on I have to walk back up with my bike in tow that is falling apart as we speak. I get to the top of this hill and begin walking back towards the street I was originally walking towards deciding that I will not be taking anymore shortcuts along the way. I get to this street and jump back on my bike since it is downhill to save myself the trouble of walking down it trying to control my bike. I've only got one leg on the pedal since my other pedal is broken off and my other leg is just hanging out there. I'm starting to pick up some speed and digging it because I think I'm pretty smart when what should appear in the sidewalk, but a mini grand canyon uneven spot right in front of me. Mind you I'm now going 20 to 25 miles per hour probably so I reach over and go to hit my rear brake when I remember that earlier I had put my pedal on this brake and now it won't work! So I have no choice, but to slam my front break down which causes me to lose control of my bike and it promptly threw me off of the bike and into a bush and continued down the street about 60 yards or so before coming to a crash and bending the f*&k out of the handlebars. A lady comes out of her house and asks me if I'm okay and I tell her, "Oh, I'm just f-ing dandy!" I go storming off pick up my bike and limp my stupid a$$ home and at this point I'm so pissed off it's not even funny. Needless to say the bike got slammed into the tree in my front yard when I got home and I have no intention of fixing it anytime soon. This ride went from 5 miles in 45 minutes to about 8.5 miles in and hour and a half. Next time I'll just put myself through the torture of blasting my legs by doing squats!
So I've had this route around my neighborhood staked out for awhile now and figure it's about 5 miles and should only take me about 45 minutes or so, so I'll give it a shot. I jump on my mountain bike and head north away from the area I live in and then back east on this dirt road that is kinda hilly, but not that bad. I'm pretty sure where this road goes as I've been down it.....................once! This road ends up being f-ing farther than I thought and alot rougher and hillier than I originally had planned. So I'm coming to the end of this road and going up what I think is the biggest damn hill in Iowa when the chain on my bike decides to break! So now the bike is pretty much useless and all I can use it for is riding down hill which is going to do me no good considering the closest hill going down around me is about 2.5 miles away. In between the Iowa devil backbone and this hill going down is about 2.4 miles of just flat road. So I start walking the damn 2.4 miles with the bike right next to me. I'm not really that mad because I'm still outdoors loving life and having some time to myself to think about alot of things.
So I come up to a side street that is before this hill that goes down and think to myself, "self.................shortcut!" So I jump on my bike and ride this street downhill which ends up being a goddamned dead end! It turns out there is about 6 streets in the residential area that are all dead ends and I have to walk all of them to find this out. It gets better however because as I was riding my bike down one of these side streets from hell my right pedal on my bike decides to fall off and I don't have anyway to get it back on. So I grab the petal and put it on my rear brake handle so I don't lose it. At this point I am beginning to get pissed off. So the hill I rode down on I have to walk back up with my bike in tow that is falling apart as we speak. I get to the top of this hill and begin walking back towards the street I was originally walking towards deciding that I will not be taking anymore shortcuts along the way. I get to this street and jump back on my bike since it is downhill to save myself the trouble of walking down it trying to control my bike. I've only got one leg on the pedal since my other pedal is broken off and my other leg is just hanging out there. I'm starting to pick up some speed and digging it because I think I'm pretty smart when what should appear in the sidewalk, but a mini grand canyon uneven spot right in front of me. Mind you I'm now going 20 to 25 miles per hour probably so I reach over and go to hit my rear brake when I remember that earlier I had put my pedal on this brake and now it won't work! So I have no choice, but to slam my front break down which causes me to lose control of my bike and it promptly threw me off of the bike and into a bush and continued down the street about 60 yards or so before coming to a crash and bending the f*&k out of the handlebars. A lady comes out of her house and asks me if I'm okay and I tell her, "Oh, I'm just f-ing dandy!" I go storming off pick up my bike and limp my stupid a$$ home and at this point I'm so pissed off it's not even funny. Needless to say the bike got slammed into the tree in my front yard when I got home and I have no intention of fixing it anytime soon. This ride went from 5 miles in 45 minutes to about 8.5 miles in and hour and a half. Next time I'll just put myself through the torture of blasting my legs by doing squats!
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