Tiggerboard.....full meltdown mode!!!

[In the Deed the Glory]

Make sure you read the first part....the last is just to show the amount of panic going on there!

 

a call to arms

Posted on: June 10, 2010 at 15:56:43 CT

swampfoxrides MU

 

Posts:9

Member For:4.62 yrs

Level:User

M.O.B. Votes:0

 

To the rest of the country now, Mizzou looks like a sorry bunch of hammer-nuts for getting all puffed up at the prospect of bailing to the Big -10. In reality, we’re the fat chick left home on prom night. I for one, say that this prom night leftover ain’t going to “sit back and enjoy it” Bobby Knight style. She is strapping on a girdle, getting a makeover, chugging a 5th of Jack and marching down to the the gym. She’s going to kick in the door & slap that uppity prom queen and her court around, steal their identity and pinch one off in the punch bowl. Damn straight! This is war and war requires a call to arms.

 

,,,,,,,,, A call to arms like the one I issued forth several years ago just before a trip into beaker territory. Read it my brothers. Capture the spirit, replenish the anger, hone thy hatred!

 

The elusiveswampfox 06/10/10

 

A Call To Arms..........

 

Gen Swampfox: ( addressing his men )

 

"Gentlemen, I'd like to begin this briefing first with a recitation from the New Testament. Ahem.

(clears throat) ……..From Big Bad John 3:16.

 

And a crashing blow

From a huge right hand

Sent a sod-buster Jayhawk

To the Promised Land

 

(sighs……eyes tearing up) Lord knows men, I love my Bible. ( sniffs, re-gains composure)

Now to the business at hand men........... Gather round. ……This Saturday, you honorable soldiers will embark upon a glorious and worthy Crusade. A Crusade…………….. to rid the plains of the scourge of the Red Legged - Flat Lander. A scourge so repellent that it offends the nostrils as the wind that blows forth from the dyspeptic goat that has wandered into a wild onion patch.

 

The enemy is a weak and pathetic one. Yet, a foe that does not warrant sympathy. Their leader, the evil-doer Mangino, is a lumpy, hulking, beastly specimen. However, so popular is Mangino among his countrymen, that they have honored him by portraying his likeness on the new Kansas quarter. There, the dickless bison-beast stands majestically above a jimson weed protruding from a ****tum pile.

 

The jimson weed is particularly important staple to the backward rubes who occupy the wasteland to our west. A wasteland best summed up by the famous Kansas slogan found on the Kansas State Flag. “ KANSAS. WE SETTLED HERE BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE OUR OX DIED.“ It is on this featureless tundra that the witless masses gather the jimson seed pods in abundance and consume the intoxicant in order to achieve a type of intense sensory high consisting of hallucinations, vomiting, rashes, sweats, headaches, drizzling ****s, seizures and blindness. This is considered a wholesome outlet for the Kansas youth who regularly marinate their brains with the narcotic on Friday nights. From this altered state, they dream of victory, bowl games, tropical climes, a long ago encounter with a sheep named Fluffy, women without facial hair………anything to transport them from the awful reality of their dreadful existence. Men, it would be unwise to underestimate our enemy, especially when under the influence of such a harsh and powerful narcotic such as the pod of the jimson stinkweed. John Brown was a first class pod-head himself. Simply look at any portrayal of the man.. The protruding eyes, the drooling gaping hideous maw………classic symptoms of a pod -a -day jimson junkie.

 

Men, in order to better understand our adversary, I would like at this time to examine some prominent Kansans who have risen to the top of the Kansas social strata. I present to you five examples of Kansans honored and revered in their home state:

 

1. BTK. Considered by many Kansans to be a “pretty nice fellow” ……IF…… he wasn’t so freaking crazy. He is a handsome and stylish man by Kansas standards. Don’t be alarmed if there about 25,000 BTK look-alikes in the stadium on Saturday. He has been forgiven by many Kansans because of the numerous good deeds that he performed for his church.

 

2. Lisa Montgomery. This dog lover and Kansas swap meet refugee decided to forgo the hassle of adoption and instead opted to slice a live baby, John Brown style, from a Missouri woman‘s womb with a broadsword. This wily and subtle woman presented quite a challenge for the Kansas gumshoes who were charged with tracking her down.

 

3. Preacher Fred Phelps. This pious and Godly servant believes that God‘s love extends to all…..except for African Americans, Jews, gays, lesbians, Asians, Mexicans, Arabs, Mormons, suffragettes, rice farmers, Catholics, other Christians, moose hunters, Muslims, Canadians, gum chewers, Eskimos, people who drive Fords, Hindus, pipe fitters, Buddhists, Norwegians, etc. Theologically speaking, Fred believes that everyone, with the exception of his pet hamster and his immediate family, is destined to burn in eternal hell. Fred feels quite at home in good old Kansas. As far as nut job Kansans are concerned, Preacher Fred is exhibit A. BTK……….is not even close. Should be elected Governor one day. The remainder of the fans in Memorial Stadium who don’t look like BTK will come dressed as Preacher Fred.

 

4. Kansas Board of Education Members. This venerable bedrock Kansas institution instructs Kansas tots that the earth is 94 years old and made of cheese. In addition, all faithful Kansans who believe in the second coming of the Profit Naismith will achieve rapture and magically float up to heaven in a cloud of green fog where they will spend eternity with other goobers who believe as they do.

 

5. Coach Don Fambrough. This beloved, primordial, doddering buzzard of an ex-coach took one too many blows to the cranium while playing guard for KU. During his playing days, a budget crisis occurred and funds were cut to the football program which meant that KU players wore dutch ovens on their heads instead of helmets. He was never much of a player but was chosen as team captain his senior year, in part, because of the delicious cowboy chili and cornbread that he prepared in his helmet and served to his teammates during games on those cold November Saturdays on the Kansas hinterlands.

 

As coach at KU, he is credited with introducing the “naked Jayhawk t-bag drill“, one that is still used by Mangino today. Still a fixture around the athletic department, Coach Fam is fond of taking warm showers with freshman recruits.

 

Coach Fam suffered a tragic injury in 2003, when the goal post that he tore down after the KU victory over Missouri crashed down on his enormous coconut, rendering him incontinent and delirious and left an unfortunate yet innocent expression permanently affixed on his face……… one of a chimpanzee manipulating a Rubik’s cube. Suffering delusions of grandeur, the salty, desiccated, diaper-clad old warrior wanders the halls of KU muttering about the 1974 KU team that “ took it to Notre Dame in the Orange Bowl and won the whole damn thing.” ………Yeeesh! Sadly, no one so far has had the heart to tell the “ legendary” coach that his record at KU during his 2 stints there was actually 36-49-5. Maybe if the old reprobate were given a proper skull massage with a tire iron, he’d recall more accurately some of those good old memories of his salad days as KU skipper.

 

The colorful, legendary, fiery coach is perhaps best known for his hatred of arch rival Missouri and is often invited to provide the “give em hell” speech to the KU team before the annual Border War Classic. Perhaps his hatred of Missouri stems from the fact that after a 27-3 loss to MU in 1974, Fam was told that his contract would not be extended. During his second KU campaign in 1982, he was fired following a 16-10 loss to the Tigers.

 

Around Columbia, Coach Fam is sometimes referred to as Coach Pam. The rest of the time, they just call him “Tiger bitch.”.

 

 

Gentlemen, the time for talking has ended!

 

The time for action is now!

 

If you encounter a Kansas female, waste no ammo. Gaff her, club her like a baby seal, fillet her, roll her in flour !!!

 

HAIL, MY BROTHERS……………..IT’S BOOTS AND SADDLES!!!!!!!!

 

PROUD WARRIORS OF MISSOURI…….I WANT YOU MEN TO LACE UP YOUR GOLF SPIKES AND “RIVER DANCE” ON EVERY SOD -BUSTER, RED- LEGGER, JAWHAWK HEAD ……FROM SHAWNEE TO LAWRENCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!”

 

 

*************************************************************

 

(insert martial music here)

 

Brave sons of Missouri Leave your yokes and leave your plows.

The cattle on a thousand hills are ours.

 

Come join the Swamp Fox Thompson´s men.

Heel of the boot is the Fox´s den.

 

He knows the land of the sweet gum tree,

like a salt sea sailor knows the sea.

 

Hold on boys, don't lose your grip.

When I give the word boys, let it rip!

 

Jeff Thompson rides the moonlit plain

on his spotted horse with its flying mane.

 

Crowley´s Ridge down to Arkansas,

wherever he rides his guns are law.

 

He rides by day and strikes by night.

He´s a real rip-squealer and his name is Fight.

 

He strikes like the winds of the hurricane

to drive the invaders out of our land.

 

We crossed over Mingo swamp one night

with a thousand torches for our light.

 

That's a story that years from now

will still be told by the minks and owls.

[HuskerBruin]

[krill]

In the worst case scenarios for the big 12 where it's relegated to a mid-major conference without a BCS bid or if it completely dissolves, that may not be all bad for Kansas, K-State, Iowa State and Missouri football wise. They may be more competitive in a different arrangement and find their way to more bowls, more TV and more money than they had with the big turd. Despite all the predictions of super conferences there's still going to be plenty of room for smaller players doing their own thing and still playing quality ball on Saturdays. And again, it may be better for them and the fans in the end.

[huskerinacaveman]

Yeah...I can't read more then about two lines of all of that crap

[Mike N]

Wow....for a moment I thought I was on orangebloods.com .

[mitch7]

I hope they aren't serious....he should be a speech writer.

[irafreak]

" pinch one off in the punch bowl."

 

I stopped reading after that.

[junior4949]

On ESPN last night, they reported that if the Big 12 were to survive that it's quite possible that Mizzou gets voted out of the conference because of all the friction they've created. I don't think it matters because I think the Big 12 is dead, but this would really be sticking the knife in and turning it if Mizzou is voted out of the conference.

[knapplc]

On ESPN last night, they reported that if the Big 12 were to survive that it's quite possible that Mizzou gets voted out of the conference because of all the friction they've created. I don't think it matters because I think the Big 12 is dead, but this would really be sticking the knife in and turning it if Mizzou is voted out of the conference.

 

 

Never going to happen. If the Big 12 survives they'll need the KC and St. Louis markets to renegotiate their TV contract. They've already lost Omaha and Denver, and if they don't join the Pac-1? the Missouri TV markets are all they'll have left outside of Texas.

[sd'sker]

On ESPN last night, they reported that if the Big 12 were to survive that it's quite possible that Mizzou gets voted out of the conference because of all the friction they've created. I don't think it matters because I think the Big 12 is dead, but this would really be sticking the knife in and turning it if Mizzou is voted out of the conference.

 

 

Never going to happen. If the Big 12 survives they'll need the KC and St. Louis markets to renegotiate their TV contract. They've already lost Omaha and Denver, and if they don't join the Pac-1? the Missouri TV markets are all they'll have left outside of Texas.

plus that would just be petty spitefulness. this is politics, and no one should take it personally, mizzou had the right to sniff around for a better deal, and it works out in both mizzou's and the big 12's favor to stay together.

[fro daddy]

I would be blown away if MU was left in the cold. As far as being kicked out of the big12, that just seems stupid. Outside of the MO govn. nobody has said anything other than "we are proud members of the big12 & we will do whats best for MU". Not one person from MU has said anything that hasnt been repeated by 20 other schools.

 

And as Knappy said, it would be just stupid to do so. Below are the 2010 rankings for media markets (I stopped at the top 150) The big 12 did have 21 of the top 150, they now have 17. Denver is the only major loss (in the top 75 markets) Omaha and Colorado springs are gone for markets under the top 100. Out of the 17 that are left 5 are tied to MU, including 3 of the remaining 9 top 75. So nearly 1/3 of total markets and 1/3 of their top markets belong to 1 of the 10 schools.

 

Add in the value of MU to the North now that NE is reportedly gone. The staduim, the revunue, the ticket sales, the overall compitive programs, Without NE, MU's value just jumped if the big12 stays. they are better than every other north program and 1/2 the south.

 

Big12 Media Markets

#5 Dallas/Ft. Worth - Texas schools

#10 Houston - Texas schools

#16 Denver - Colorado

#21 St. Louis - Missouri

#32 Kansas City - Missouri

#37 San Antonio - Texas Schools

#45 Oklahoma City - OK schools

#48 Austin - Texas schools

#69 Witchita/Hutch - Kansas schools

#72 Des Moines/Ames - Iowa St

#74 Springfield MO - Missouri

#76 Omaha - Nebraksa

#78 Cedar Rapids - ISU

#92 Colorado Springs - CU

#99 Davenport - ISU

#105 Lincoln - Nebraska

#136 Topeka - Kansas schools

#137 Columbia - Missouri

#143 Lubbock - Texas schools

#147 Joplin - Missouri

#148 Souix City - ISU

[Nexus]

I would be blown away if MU was left in the cold. As far as being kicked out of the big12, that just seems stupid. Outside of the MO govn. nobody has said anything other than "we are proud members of the big12 & we will do whats best for MU". Not one person from MU has said anything that hasnt been repeated by 20 other schools.

 

And as Knappy said, it would be just stupid to do so. Below are the 2010 rankings for media markets (I stopped at the top 150) The big 12 did have 21 of the top 150, they now have 17. Denver is the only major loss (in the top 75 markets) Omaha and Colorado springs are gone for markets under the top 100. Out of the 17 that are left 5 are tied to MU, including 3 of the remaining 9 top 75.

 

Big12 Media Markets

#5 Dallas/Ft. Worth - Texas schools

#10 Houston - Texas schools

#16 Denver - Colorado

#21 St. Louis - Missouri

#32 Kansas City - Missouri

#37 San Antonio - Texas Schools

#45 Oklahoma City - OK schools

#48 Austin - Texas schools

#69 Witchita/Hutch - Kansas schools

#72 Des Moines/Ames - Iowa St

#74 Springfield MO - Missouri

#76 Omaha - Nebraksa

#78 Cedar Rapids - ISU

#92 Colorado Springs - CU

#99 Davenport - ISU

#105 Lincoln - Nebraska

#136 Topeka - Kansas schools

#137 Columbia - Missouri

#143 Lubbock - Texas schools

#147 Joplin - Missouri

#148 Souix City - ISU

 

Hey fro, what's the latest you're hearing? I noticed Dave Matter hinted that he's hearing Rutgers will get the next invite? Needless to say, I still think Mizzou will get an invite eventually. I could be wrong, but something tells me Delany is going after "hard to get" pieces at the moment aka ND. Once he snags Rutgers, the Big East is at risk. My guess is once ND commits to the Big Ten, Mizzou will be the last to be invited. I could be way off, so take my speculation with a grain of salt.

[fro daddy]

I would be blown away if MU was left in the cold. As far as being kicked out of the big12, that just seems stupid. Outside of the MO govn. nobody has said anything other than "we are proud members of the big12 & we will do whats best for MU". Not one person from MU has said anything that hasnt been repeated by 20 other schools.

 

And as Knappy said, it would be just stupid to do so. Below are the 2010 rankings for media markets (I stopped at the top 150) The big 12 did have 21 of the top 150, they now have 17. Denver is the only major loss (in the top 75 markets) Omaha and Colorado springs are gone for markets under the top 100. Out of the 17 that are left 5 are tied to MU, including 3 of the remaining 9 top 75.

 

Big12 Media Markets

#5 Dallas/Ft. Worth - Texas schools

#10 Houston - Texas schools

#16 Denver - Colorado

#21 St. Louis - Missouri

#32 Kansas City - Missouri

#37 San Antonio - Texas Schools

#45 Oklahoma City - OK schools

#48 Austin - Texas schools

#69 Witchita/Hutch - Kansas schools

#72 Des Moines/Ames - Iowa St

#74 Springfield MO - Missouri

#76 Omaha - Nebraksa

#78 Cedar Rapids - ISU

#92 Colorado Springs - CU

#99 Davenport - ISU

#105 Lincoln - Nebraska

#136 Topeka - Kansas schools

#137 Columbia - Missouri

#143 Lubbock - Texas schools

#147 Joplin - Missouri

#148 Souix City - ISU

 

Hey fro, what's the latest you're hearing? I noticed Dave Matter hinted that he's hearing Rutgers will get the next invite? Needless to say, I still think Mizzou will get an invite eventually. I could be wrong, but something tells me Delany is going after "hard to get" pieces at the moment aka ND. Once he snags Rutgers, the Big East is at risk. My guess is once ND commits to the Big Ten, Mizzou will be the last to be invited. I could be way off, so take my speculation with a grain of salt.

 

i am hearing a whole gaggle of stuff. I have heard if the big10 goes 16 we are in. 14 we are out. I have heard SEC and BIG East Rumors. There is now a PAC10 Rumor. There are talks of the big12 staying together with Texas and OU. I have a hard time believing given the things MU brings they get stuck outside. But the I also know that MU is the nice looking girl who has some really cute friends. The big boys will hit on the pretty, hard to get ones, before going home with MU at last call. IT is what it is. We are good enough to take home, but not big enough to make that huge spash.

[TheCheshireCat]

If and when they expand to 16 Missouri will definitely get the invite. The question is how long that will take. For now they look to be out.

[In the Deed the Glory]

I would be blown away if MU was left in the cold. As far as being kicked out of the big12, that just seems stupid. Outside of the MO govn. nobody has said anything other than "we are proud members of the big12 & we will do whats best for MU". Not one person from MU has said anything that hasnt been repeated by 20 other schools.

 

And as Knappy said, it would be just stupid to do so. Below are the 2010 rankings for media markets (I stopped at the top 150) The big 12 did have 21 of the top 150, they now have 17. Denver is the only major loss (in the top 75 markets) Omaha and Colorado springs are gone for markets under the top 100. Out of the 17 that are left 5 are tied to MU, including 3 of the remaining 9 top 75. So nearly 1/3 of total markets and 1/3 of their top markets belong to 1 of the 10 schools.

 

Add in the value of MU to the North now that NE is reportedly gone. The staduim, the revunue, the ticket sales, the overall compitive programs, Without NE, MU's value just jumped if the big12 stays. they are better than every other north program and 1/2 the south.

 

Big12 Media Markets

#5 Dallas/Ft. Worth - Texas schools

#10 Houston - Texas schools

#16 Denver - Colorado

#21 St. Louis - Missouri

#32 Kansas City - Missouri

#37 San Antonio - Texas Schools

#45 Oklahoma City - OK schools

#48 Austin - Texas schools

#69 Witchita/Hutch - Kansas schools

#72 Des Moines/Ames - Iowa St

#74 Springfield MO - Missouri

#76 Omaha - Nebraksa

#78 Cedar Rapids - ISU

#92 Colorado Springs - CU

#99 Davenport - ISU

#105 Lincoln - Nebraska

#136 Topeka - Kansas schools

#137 Columbia - Missouri

#143 Lubbock - Texas schools

#147 Joplin - Missouri

#148 Souix City - ISU

 

Growing up in the area, I would cross out #148 as well. Nobody in Sioux City gives 2 sh#ts about ISU. It is either Iowa or Nebraska in that city.