In the Deed the Glory
All-Conference
Make sure you read the first part....the last is just to show the amount of panic going on there!
a call to arms
Posted on: June 10, 2010 at 15:56:43 CT
swampfoxrides MU
Posts:9
Member For:4.62 yrs
Level:User
M.O.B. Votes:0
To the rest of the country now, Mizzou looks like a sorry bunch of hammer-nuts for getting all puffed up at the prospect of bailing to the Big -10. In reality, we’re the fat chick left home on prom night. I for one, say that this prom night leftover ain’t going to “sit back and enjoy it” Bobby Knight style. She is strapping on a girdle, getting a makeover, chugging a 5th of Jack and marching down to the the gym. She’s going to kick in the door & slap that uppity prom queen and her court around, steal their identity and pinch one off in the punch bowl. Damn straight! This is war and war requires a call to arms.
,,,,,,,,, A call to arms like the one I issued forth several years ago just before a trip into beaker territory. Read it my brothers. Capture the spirit, replenish the anger, hone thy hatred!
The elusiveswampfox 06/10/10
A Call To Arms..........
Gen Swampfox: ( addressing his men )
"Gentlemen, I'd like to begin this briefing first with a recitation from the New Testament. Ahem.
(clears throat) ……..From Big Bad John 3:16.
And a crashing blow
From a huge right hand
Sent a sod-buster Jayhawk
To the Promised Land
(sighs……eyes tearing up) Lord knows men, I love my Bible. ( sniffs, re-gains composure)
Now to the business at hand men........... Gather round. ……This Saturday, you honorable soldiers will embark upon a glorious and worthy Crusade. A Crusade…………….. to rid the plains of the scourge of the Red Legged - Flat Lander. A scourge so repellent that it offends the nostrils as the wind that blows forth from the dyspeptic goat that has wandered into a wild onion patch.
The enemy is a weak and pathetic one. Yet, a foe that does not warrant sympathy. Their leader, the evil-doer Mangino, is a lumpy, hulking, beastly specimen. However, so popular is Mangino among his countrymen, that they have honored him by portraying his likeness on the new Kansas quarter. There, the dickless bison-beast stands majestically above a jimson weed protruding from a ****tum pile.
The jimson weed is particularly important staple to the backward rubes who occupy the wasteland to our west. A wasteland best summed up by the famous Kansas slogan found on the Kansas State Flag. “ KANSAS. WE SETTLED HERE BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE OUR OX DIED.“ It is on this featureless tundra that the witless masses gather the jimson seed pods in abundance and consume the intoxicant in order to achieve a type of intense sensory high consisting of hallucinations, vomiting, rashes, sweats, headaches, drizzling ****s, seizures and blindness. This is considered a wholesome outlet for the Kansas youth who regularly marinate their brains with the narcotic on Friday nights. From this altered state, they dream of victory, bowl games, tropical climes, a long ago encounter with a sheep named Fluffy, women without facial hair………anything to transport them from the awful reality of their dreadful existence. Men, it would be unwise to underestimate our enemy, especially when under the influence of such a harsh and powerful narcotic such as the pod of the jimson stinkweed. John Brown was a first class pod-head himself. Simply look at any portrayal of the man.. The protruding eyes, the drooling gaping hideous maw………classic symptoms of a pod -a -day jimson junkie.
Men, in order to better understand our adversary, I would like at this time to examine some prominent Kansans who have risen to the top of the Kansas social strata. I present to you five examples of Kansans honored and revered in their home state:
1. BTK. Considered by many Kansans to be a “pretty nice fellow” ……IF…… he wasn’t so freaking crazy. He is a handsome and stylish man by Kansas standards. Don’t be alarmed if there about 25,000 BTK look-alikes in the stadium on Saturday. He has been forgiven by many Kansans because of the numerous good deeds that he performed for his church.
2. Lisa Montgomery. This dog lover and Kansas swap meet refugee decided to forgo the hassle of adoption and instead opted to slice a live baby, John Brown style, from a Missouri woman‘s womb with a broadsword. This wily and subtle woman presented quite a challenge for the Kansas gumshoes who were charged with tracking her down.
3. Preacher Fred Phelps. This pious and Godly servant believes that God‘s love extends to all…..except for African Americans, Jews, gays, lesbians, Asians, Mexicans, Arabs, Mormons, suffragettes, rice farmers, Catholics, other Christians, moose hunters, Muslims, Canadians, gum chewers, Eskimos, people who drive Fords, Hindus, pipe fitters, Buddhists, Norwegians, etc. Theologically speaking, Fred believes that everyone, with the exception of his pet hamster and his immediate family, is destined to burn in eternal hell. Fred feels quite at home in good old Kansas. As far as nut job Kansans are concerned, Preacher Fred is exhibit A. BTK……….is not even close. Should be elected Governor one day. The remainder of the fans in Memorial Stadium who don’t look like BTK will come dressed as Preacher Fred.
4. Kansas Board of Education Members. This venerable bedrock Kansas institution instructs Kansas tots that the earth is 94 years old and made of cheese. In addition, all faithful Kansans who believe in the second coming of the Profit Naismith will achieve rapture and magically float up to heaven in a cloud of green fog where they will spend eternity with other goobers who believe as they do.
5. Coach Don Fambrough. This beloved, primordial, doddering buzzard of an ex-coach took one too many blows to the cranium while playing guard for KU. During his playing days, a budget crisis occurred and funds were cut to the football program which meant that KU players wore dutch ovens on their heads instead of helmets. He was never much of a player but was chosen as team captain his senior year, in part, because of the delicious cowboy chili and cornbread that he prepared in his helmet and served to his teammates during games on those cold November Saturdays on the Kansas hinterlands.
As coach at KU, he is credited with introducing the “naked Jayhawk t-bag drill“, one that is still used by Mangino today. Still a fixture around the athletic department, Coach Fam is fond of taking warm showers with freshman recruits.
Coach Fam suffered a tragic injury in 2003, when the goal post that he tore down after the KU victory over Missouri crashed down on his enormous coconut, rendering him incontinent and delirious and left an unfortunate yet innocent expression permanently affixed on his face……… one of a chimpanzee manipulating a Rubik’s cube. Suffering delusions of grandeur, the salty, desiccated, diaper-clad old warrior wanders the halls of KU muttering about the 1974 KU team that “ took it to Notre Dame in the Orange Bowl and won the whole damn thing.” ………Yeeesh! Sadly, no one so far has had the heart to tell the “ legendary” coach that his record at KU during his 2 stints there was actually 36-49-5. Maybe if the old reprobate were given a proper skull massage with a tire iron, he’d recall more accurately some of those good old memories of his salad days as KU skipper.
The colorful, legendary, fiery coach is perhaps best known for his hatred of arch rival Missouri and is often invited to provide the “give em hell” speech to the KU team before the annual Border War Classic. Perhaps his hatred of Missouri stems from the fact that after a 27-3 loss to MU in 1974, Fam was told that his contract would not be extended. During his second KU campaign in 1982, he was fired following a 16-10 loss to the Tigers.
Around Columbia, Coach Fam is sometimes referred to as Coach Pam. The rest of the time, they just call him “Tiger b!^@h.”.
Gentlemen, the time for talking has ended!
The time for action is now!
If you encounter a Kansas female, waste no ammo. Gaff her, club her like a baby seal, fillet her, roll her in flour !!!
HAIL, MY BROTHERS……………..IT’S BOOTS AND SADDLES!!!!!!!!
PROUD WARRIORS OF MISSOURI…….I WANT YOU MEN TO LACE UP YOUR GOLF SPIKES AND “RIVER DANCE” ON EVERY SOD -BUSTER, RED- LEGGER, JAWHAWK HEAD ……FROM SHAWNEE TO LAWRENCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!”
*************************************************************
(insert martial music here)
Brave sons of Missouri Leave your yokes and leave your plows.
The cattle on a thousand hills are ours.
Come join the Swamp Fox Thompson´s men.
Heel of the boot is the Fox´s den.
He knows the land of the sweet gum tree,
like a salt sea sailor knows the sea.
Hold on boys, don't lose your grip.
When I give the word boys, let it rip!
Jeff Thompson rides the moonlit plain
on his spotted horse with its flying mane.
Crowley´s Ridge down to Arkansas,
wherever he rides his guns are law.
He rides by day and strikes by night.
He´s a real rip-squealer and his name is Fight.
He strikes like the winds of the hurricane
to drive the invaders out of our land.
We crossed over Mingo swamp one night
with a thousand torches for our light.
That's a story that years from now
will still be told by the minks and owls.
a call to arms
Posted on: June 10, 2010 at 15:56:43 CT
swampfoxrides MU
Posts:9
Member For:4.62 yrs
Level:User
M.O.B. Votes:0
To the rest of the country now, Mizzou looks like a sorry bunch of hammer-nuts for getting all puffed up at the prospect of bailing to the Big -10. In reality, we’re the fat chick left home on prom night. I for one, say that this prom night leftover ain’t going to “sit back and enjoy it” Bobby Knight style. She is strapping on a girdle, getting a makeover, chugging a 5th of Jack and marching down to the the gym. She’s going to kick in the door & slap that uppity prom queen and her court around, steal their identity and pinch one off in the punch bowl. Damn straight! This is war and war requires a call to arms.
,,,,,,,,, A call to arms like the one I issued forth several years ago just before a trip into beaker territory. Read it my brothers. Capture the spirit, replenish the anger, hone thy hatred!
The elusiveswampfox 06/10/10
A Call To Arms..........
Gen Swampfox: ( addressing his men )
"Gentlemen, I'd like to begin this briefing first with a recitation from the New Testament. Ahem.
(clears throat) ……..From Big Bad John 3:16.
And a crashing blow
From a huge right hand
Sent a sod-buster Jayhawk
To the Promised Land
(sighs……eyes tearing up) Lord knows men, I love my Bible. ( sniffs, re-gains composure)
Now to the business at hand men........... Gather round. ……This Saturday, you honorable soldiers will embark upon a glorious and worthy Crusade. A Crusade…………….. to rid the plains of the scourge of the Red Legged - Flat Lander. A scourge so repellent that it offends the nostrils as the wind that blows forth from the dyspeptic goat that has wandered into a wild onion patch.
The enemy is a weak and pathetic one. Yet, a foe that does not warrant sympathy. Their leader, the evil-doer Mangino, is a lumpy, hulking, beastly specimen. However, so popular is Mangino among his countrymen, that they have honored him by portraying his likeness on the new Kansas quarter. There, the dickless bison-beast stands majestically above a jimson weed protruding from a ****tum pile.
The jimson weed is particularly important staple to the backward rubes who occupy the wasteland to our west. A wasteland best summed up by the famous Kansas slogan found on the Kansas State Flag. “ KANSAS. WE SETTLED HERE BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE OUR OX DIED.“ It is on this featureless tundra that the witless masses gather the jimson seed pods in abundance and consume the intoxicant in order to achieve a type of intense sensory high consisting of hallucinations, vomiting, rashes, sweats, headaches, drizzling ****s, seizures and blindness. This is considered a wholesome outlet for the Kansas youth who regularly marinate their brains with the narcotic on Friday nights. From this altered state, they dream of victory, bowl games, tropical climes, a long ago encounter with a sheep named Fluffy, women without facial hair………anything to transport them from the awful reality of their dreadful existence. Men, it would be unwise to underestimate our enemy, especially when under the influence of such a harsh and powerful narcotic such as the pod of the jimson stinkweed. John Brown was a first class pod-head himself. Simply look at any portrayal of the man.. The protruding eyes, the drooling gaping hideous maw………classic symptoms of a pod -a -day jimson junkie.
Men, in order to better understand our adversary, I would like at this time to examine some prominent Kansans who have risen to the top of the Kansas social strata. I present to you five examples of Kansans honored and revered in their home state:
1. BTK. Considered by many Kansans to be a “pretty nice fellow” ……IF…… he wasn’t so freaking crazy. He is a handsome and stylish man by Kansas standards. Don’t be alarmed if there about 25,000 BTK look-alikes in the stadium on Saturday. He has been forgiven by many Kansans because of the numerous good deeds that he performed for his church.
2. Lisa Montgomery. This dog lover and Kansas swap meet refugee decided to forgo the hassle of adoption and instead opted to slice a live baby, John Brown style, from a Missouri woman‘s womb with a broadsword. This wily and subtle woman presented quite a challenge for the Kansas gumshoes who were charged with tracking her down.
3. Preacher Fred Phelps. This pious and Godly servant believes that God‘s love extends to all…..except for African Americans, Jews, gays, lesbians, Asians, Mexicans, Arabs, Mormons, suffragettes, rice farmers, Catholics, other Christians, moose hunters, Muslims, Canadians, gum chewers, Eskimos, people who drive Fords, Hindus, pipe fitters, Buddhists, Norwegians, etc. Theologically speaking, Fred believes that everyone, with the exception of his pet hamster and his immediate family, is destined to burn in eternal hell. Fred feels quite at home in good old Kansas. As far as nut job Kansans are concerned, Preacher Fred is exhibit A. BTK……….is not even close. Should be elected Governor one day. The remainder of the fans in Memorial Stadium who don’t look like BTK will come dressed as Preacher Fred.
4. Kansas Board of Education Members. This venerable bedrock Kansas institution instructs Kansas tots that the earth is 94 years old and made of cheese. In addition, all faithful Kansans who believe in the second coming of the Profit Naismith will achieve rapture and magically float up to heaven in a cloud of green fog where they will spend eternity with other goobers who believe as they do.
5. Coach Don Fambrough. This beloved, primordial, doddering buzzard of an ex-coach took one too many blows to the cranium while playing guard for KU. During his playing days, a budget crisis occurred and funds were cut to the football program which meant that KU players wore dutch ovens on their heads instead of helmets. He was never much of a player but was chosen as team captain his senior year, in part, because of the delicious cowboy chili and cornbread that he prepared in his helmet and served to his teammates during games on those cold November Saturdays on the Kansas hinterlands.
As coach at KU, he is credited with introducing the “naked Jayhawk t-bag drill“, one that is still used by Mangino today. Still a fixture around the athletic department, Coach Fam is fond of taking warm showers with freshman recruits.
Coach Fam suffered a tragic injury in 2003, when the goal post that he tore down after the KU victory over Missouri crashed down on his enormous coconut, rendering him incontinent and delirious and left an unfortunate yet innocent expression permanently affixed on his face……… one of a chimpanzee manipulating a Rubik’s cube. Suffering delusions of grandeur, the salty, desiccated, diaper-clad old warrior wanders the halls of KU muttering about the 1974 KU team that “ took it to Notre Dame in the Orange Bowl and won the whole damn thing.” ………Yeeesh! Sadly, no one so far has had the heart to tell the “ legendary” coach that his record at KU during his 2 stints there was actually 36-49-5. Maybe if the old reprobate were given a proper skull massage with a tire iron, he’d recall more accurately some of those good old memories of his salad days as KU skipper.
The colorful, legendary, fiery coach is perhaps best known for his hatred of arch rival Missouri and is often invited to provide the “give em hell” speech to the KU team before the annual Border War Classic. Perhaps his hatred of Missouri stems from the fact that after a 27-3 loss to MU in 1974, Fam was told that his contract would not be extended. During his second KU campaign in 1982, he was fired following a 16-10 loss to the Tigers.
Around Columbia, Coach Fam is sometimes referred to as Coach Pam. The rest of the time, they just call him “Tiger b!^@h.”.
Gentlemen, the time for talking has ended!
The time for action is now!
If you encounter a Kansas female, waste no ammo. Gaff her, club her like a baby seal, fillet her, roll her in flour !!!
HAIL, MY BROTHERS……………..IT’S BOOTS AND SADDLES!!!!!!!!
PROUD WARRIORS OF MISSOURI…….I WANT YOU MEN TO LACE UP YOUR GOLF SPIKES AND “RIVER DANCE” ON EVERY SOD -BUSTER, RED- LEGGER, JAWHAWK HEAD ……FROM SHAWNEE TO LAWRENCE !!!!!!!!!!!!!”
*************************************************************
(insert martial music here)
Brave sons of Missouri Leave your yokes and leave your plows.
The cattle on a thousand hills are ours.
Come join the Swamp Fox Thompson´s men.
Heel of the boot is the Fox´s den.
He knows the land of the sweet gum tree,
like a salt sea sailor knows the sea.
Hold on boys, don't lose your grip.
When I give the word boys, let it rip!
Jeff Thompson rides the moonlit plain
on his spotted horse with its flying mane.
Crowley´s Ridge down to Arkansas,
wherever he rides his guns are law.
He rides by day and strikes by night.
He´s a real rip-squealer and his name is Fight.
He strikes like the winds of the hurricane
to drive the invaders out of our land.
We crossed over Mingo swamp one night
with a thousand torches for our light.
That's a story that years from now
will still be told by the minks and owls.
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