BigWillie
All-Conference
Ok, so I am going to go a bit off the normal routine of this forum and talk about a serious problem I have.
As you all can see, I haven't been around as much as I normally have been as of late. The reason being, I am suffering from an extreme form of anxiety/panic attacks.
Three years ago when I was 17, I complained of chest pains for almost 2 months. During that 2 months, I had doctors mis-diagnose me time and time again about my problems and how they were heart related. My problem was a simple gallstone. Over that time though, I developed anxiety and began to have panic attacks. I would literally sit up at night, scared completely if I was going to see the next day. Night after night I experience chest pains, shortness of breath, shaking, it was all just so insane. I literally lived in the ER of my local hospital, scared I was dying. After a while, I began to cope with it without medication and without help from a professional.
Now after 3 years, my problem is beginning to flare up again. This time, possibly worse than before. I spent yesterday in a hospital with the same problems as before, thinking about only my chest pains and so on. After countless blood examinations, a stress test, blood pressure readings and everything of the sort, I was told I was okay. But it just isn't enough for me. Even as I type this, I feel like I am about to literally explode in a full blown attack. It's to the point, I am just ready to breakdown over it all. It has gotten to me that bad. Even though all the doctors say I am okay, and even in the back of my head I know I am okay, it just isn't enough.
The one problem I see in all of this is that I am not open about my problem. Outside of my immediate family, no one knows how severe my problem is. People know that I have taken anxiety attacks, but not to the point where I stay home alot because of it being my "safe zone" (if you have anxiety, you know what I mean). They don't know how I would be in the ER in the middle of the night, trembling in fear. They don't even know while they talk to me, I may end up cutting a conversation short because all that fear in me begins to burst out, even though I try to hide it.
Now I feel it is time to get my problem out in the open a bit, and openly discuss my problem with people I know, even though it may only be through a screen and a message board. Baby steps in openly discussing my problem is how I'll try to do it.
The one thing I was surprised in reading through the internet is the fact that so many people suffer from the same sort of thing I do. Even people like Burt Reynolds, Johnny Depp and even Howard Stern himself suffer from a form of anxiety. Reading that in itself helped me a bit today, because before that, I really felt alone in what I was going through.
The one thing I realized throughout all of this, the mind is more powerful that anything we can imagine. The way your fears can instantly be felt as pain throughout your body, but at the same time, positive thinking can take it away.
Now I am willing to discuss my problem in hopes that someone suffers from the same sort of problems I do. The one thing I haven't done is discuss my problem, so maybe in some sort of way, discussing my problem with someone else who suffers can help me cope.
As you all can see, I haven't been around as much as I normally have been as of late. The reason being, I am suffering from an extreme form of anxiety/panic attacks.
Three years ago when I was 17, I complained of chest pains for almost 2 months. During that 2 months, I had doctors mis-diagnose me time and time again about my problems and how they were heart related. My problem was a simple gallstone. Over that time though, I developed anxiety and began to have panic attacks. I would literally sit up at night, scared completely if I was going to see the next day. Night after night I experience chest pains, shortness of breath, shaking, it was all just so insane. I literally lived in the ER of my local hospital, scared I was dying. After a while, I began to cope with it without medication and without help from a professional.
Now after 3 years, my problem is beginning to flare up again. This time, possibly worse than before. I spent yesterday in a hospital with the same problems as before, thinking about only my chest pains and so on. After countless blood examinations, a stress test, blood pressure readings and everything of the sort, I was told I was okay. But it just isn't enough for me. Even as I type this, I feel like I am about to literally explode in a full blown attack. It's to the point, I am just ready to breakdown over it all. It has gotten to me that bad. Even though all the doctors say I am okay, and even in the back of my head I know I am okay, it just isn't enough.
The one problem I see in all of this is that I am not open about my problem. Outside of my immediate family, no one knows how severe my problem is. People know that I have taken anxiety attacks, but not to the point where I stay home alot because of it being my "safe zone" (if you have anxiety, you know what I mean). They don't know how I would be in the ER in the middle of the night, trembling in fear. They don't even know while they talk to me, I may end up cutting a conversation short because all that fear in me begins to burst out, even though I try to hide it.
Now I feel it is time to get my problem out in the open a bit, and openly discuss my problem with people I know, even though it may only be through a screen and a message board. Baby steps in openly discussing my problem is how I'll try to do it.
The one thing I was surprised in reading through the internet is the fact that so many people suffer from the same sort of thing I do. Even people like Burt Reynolds, Johnny Depp and even Howard Stern himself suffer from a form of anxiety. Reading that in itself helped me a bit today, because before that, I really felt alone in what I was going through.
The one thing I realized throughout all of this, the mind is more powerful that anything we can imagine. The way your fears can instantly be felt as pain throughout your body, but at the same time, positive thinking can take it away.
Now I am willing to discuss my problem in hopes that someone suffers from the same sort of problems I do. The one thing I haven't done is discuss my problem, so maybe in some sort of way, discussing my problem with someone else who suffers can help me cope.
