NUance
Assistant Coach
Black Friday Shopping. A Tale of Adventure.
An hour ago it was 5:00pm on Thursday and Black Friday had already started. Now it’s 6:00pm, and my Black Friday is over. I’ve been uninvited. LULZ
First, I am NOT a Black Friday person. But my wife talked me into going along with her so I could watch our four year old boy. Being the nice guy that I am, I agreed. So we piled into the minivan (actually a Ford Edge—the junior varsity version of an SUV). And off to JC Pennys! First problem: the mall’s indoor playground was closed. They have it fenced off and set up with a Christmas display featuring a giant Santa sleigh. Seriously, the thing was at least ten feet tall. My first thought was to hop the cute little white picket fence and let my kid climb that sleigh like a jungle Jim. But no, I’m a decent fellow not a rule breaker.
The kid and I walked aimlessly thru JC Penny for about 20 minutes. I had him try on a couple pair of kids’ cowboy boots featuring Sheriff Woody of Toy Story with flashing LEDs. As far as cowboy boots go, these things are a travesty. I wonder if Dan Post makes boots in a children’s size 10M?
Then, as we were searching to find the wife and complain that the playground was shut I spied a doorbuster deal that I just couldn’t pass up. A St. John’s Bay fleece pullover for only $10 bucks! Fine, this is the only Black Friday purchase I feel like making so I headed for the nearest cash register. I reached the jewelry counter at about the same time as a pushy, somewhat chubby, middle aged housewife with short bobbed, dyed blond hair. (I immediately identified her as a Pushy Shopping Witch. Black Friday is basically like Halloween for them.) I waited patiently for several minutes as the clerk helped her. When the clerk finally turned and asked if I needed help, I told her that I just wanted to pay for this one item. She informed me that the line for paying was on the other side of the jewelry counter island, and she turned back to continue helping the Pushy Shopping Witch. Great, just great. *sigh*
So I made my way over to the pay line, and began to wait. All the while I have my four year old in tow. He was already bored, and complaining about the indoor mall playground being closed. Me too, buddy. Me too. After a few minutes he wandered across the aisle and began weaving in and out of the men’s trousers hanging on a chrome trouser tree. I had move two spots closer to checkout. A few minutes later he knocked the chrome trouser tree over, pants and four year old boy spilling into the aisle. No injuries. Well, maybe a few wrinkles and some dust on the pants, but the kid was just fine. lol It was pretty funny actually.
A short time later the Pushy Shopping Witch toddled over to the back of the payment line, several customers behind me by now. She rasped to the clerk who had been helping her, “You’ve been helping all this time, you’re not going make me wait in this line are you?!” The clerk, basically surrendering to this Pushy Shopping Witch, said “no, I’ll check you out next.” Oh great, I thought. But I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything.
The Pushy Shopping Witch moves to the front of the line, a couple spots ahead of me, and starts to check out. I overhear her explain to the clerk that her friend left to go to another part of the store while the clerk was helping her, leaving her with the friend’s stuff to pay for. So she has two piles of crap to pay for. Oh great, I thought. I bit my tongue again and didn’t say anything. (It’s getting really hard not to say something.)
My kid is getting really restless by now. So am I. My kid asks, “How much longer, dad?” I reply, in a voice loud enough for the clerk and the Pushy Shopping Witch to hear, “Well, it shouldn’t be too much longer as long as we don’t have any more Pushy Shopping Witches butt in front of us in line.” Whoa, that did it. The Pushy Shopping Witch turned her wrathful, fat face towards me, and said in a bitchy voice, “The clerk was helping me all this time. So I was in line before any of these people.” “No, lady,” I said, “That’s not how it works. I was standing over there right beside you and I had to wait in line just like everyone else.” She turns back to the clerk and continues checking out her piles of Black Friday treasure, all the while grumbling to the clerk and lady next to her about how rude I’ve been.
Finally the Pushy Shopping Witch is done paying for her things, and for her absentee friend’s things. As she is ready to leave, she turns back to me, “The clerk was helping me. That IS how it works. I didn’t butt in line. I’ve been to this store a lot, and I know how it works.” By this time I’m steaming, and I reply: “No, lady, I don’t care how many times you’ve been here. That’s not how it works. But from the looks of things, I’m guessing you know how the refrigerator door works. And it looks like you’ve been there a lot of times too.” The look of shock on her face was absolutely classic.
My wife was going to drag me to another store. But when I told her about the Pushy Shopping Witch, she decided that I just wasn’t cut out for Black Friday. So she brought me and the kid home, and she headed off into the night for more Black Friday bargains. On Thursday.
An hour ago it was 5:00pm on Thursday and Black Friday had already started. Now it’s 6:00pm, and my Black Friday is over. I’ve been uninvited. LULZ
First, I am NOT a Black Friday person. But my wife talked me into going along with her so I could watch our four year old boy. Being the nice guy that I am, I agreed. So we piled into the minivan (actually a Ford Edge—the junior varsity version of an SUV). And off to JC Pennys! First problem: the mall’s indoor playground was closed. They have it fenced off and set up with a Christmas display featuring a giant Santa sleigh. Seriously, the thing was at least ten feet tall. My first thought was to hop the cute little white picket fence and let my kid climb that sleigh like a jungle Jim. But no, I’m a decent fellow not a rule breaker.
The kid and I walked aimlessly thru JC Penny for about 20 minutes. I had him try on a couple pair of kids’ cowboy boots featuring Sheriff Woody of Toy Story with flashing LEDs. As far as cowboy boots go, these things are a travesty. I wonder if Dan Post makes boots in a children’s size 10M?
Then, as we were searching to find the wife and complain that the playground was shut I spied a doorbuster deal that I just couldn’t pass up. A St. John’s Bay fleece pullover for only $10 bucks! Fine, this is the only Black Friday purchase I feel like making so I headed for the nearest cash register. I reached the jewelry counter at about the same time as a pushy, somewhat chubby, middle aged housewife with short bobbed, dyed blond hair. (I immediately identified her as a Pushy Shopping Witch. Black Friday is basically like Halloween for them.) I waited patiently for several minutes as the clerk helped her. When the clerk finally turned and asked if I needed help, I told her that I just wanted to pay for this one item. She informed me that the line for paying was on the other side of the jewelry counter island, and she turned back to continue helping the Pushy Shopping Witch. Great, just great. *sigh*
So I made my way over to the pay line, and began to wait. All the while I have my four year old in tow. He was already bored, and complaining about the indoor mall playground being closed. Me too, buddy. Me too. After a few minutes he wandered across the aisle and began weaving in and out of the men’s trousers hanging on a chrome trouser tree. I had move two spots closer to checkout. A few minutes later he knocked the chrome trouser tree over, pants and four year old boy spilling into the aisle. No injuries. Well, maybe a few wrinkles and some dust on the pants, but the kid was just fine. lol It was pretty funny actually.
A short time later the Pushy Shopping Witch toddled over to the back of the payment line, several customers behind me by now. She rasped to the clerk who had been helping her, “You’ve been helping all this time, you’re not going make me wait in this line are you?!” The clerk, basically surrendering to this Pushy Shopping Witch, said “no, I’ll check you out next.” Oh great, I thought. But I bit my tongue and didn’t say anything.
The Pushy Shopping Witch moves to the front of the line, a couple spots ahead of me, and starts to check out. I overhear her explain to the clerk that her friend left to go to another part of the store while the clerk was helping her, leaving her with the friend’s stuff to pay for. So she has two piles of crap to pay for. Oh great, I thought. I bit my tongue again and didn’t say anything. (It’s getting really hard not to say something.)
My kid is getting really restless by now. So am I. My kid asks, “How much longer, dad?” I reply, in a voice loud enough for the clerk and the Pushy Shopping Witch to hear, “Well, it shouldn’t be too much longer as long as we don’t have any more Pushy Shopping Witches butt in front of us in line.” Whoa, that did it. The Pushy Shopping Witch turned her wrathful, fat face towards me, and said in a bitchy voice, “The clerk was helping me all this time. So I was in line before any of these people.” “No, lady,” I said, “That’s not how it works. I was standing over there right beside you and I had to wait in line just like everyone else.” She turns back to the clerk and continues checking out her piles of Black Friday treasure, all the while grumbling to the clerk and lady next to her about how rude I’ve been.
Finally the Pushy Shopping Witch is done paying for her things, and for her absentee friend’s things. As she is ready to leave, she turns back to me, “The clerk was helping me. That IS how it works. I didn’t butt in line. I’ve been to this store a lot, and I know how it works.” By this time I’m steaming, and I reply: “No, lady, I don’t care how many times you’ve been here. That’s not how it works. But from the looks of things, I’m guessing you know how the refrigerator door works. And it looks like you’ve been there a lot of times too.” The look of shock on her face was absolutely classic.
My wife was going to drag me to another store. But when I told her about the Pushy Shopping Witch, she decided that I just wasn’t cut out for Black Friday. So she brought me and the kid home, and she headed off into the night for more Black Friday bargains. On Thursday.
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