Cy the Cyclone
Starter
I proudly begin my third year of amazing picks for the Big 12 Conference. As most of you know my picks have proven to be 98% accurate over the past two years and, I am proud to announce, I was 12-0 last week even though none of you knew that until I just told you because I made the post in experimental invisible type...a new invention by our government and the NCAA which I tested successfully last week. Now to the picks for week two
Baylor vs Connecticut - Okay...Baylor went on the road and beat an ACC team on their home turf. Big deal...it was Wake Forest who, as you will recall from the disgruntled Baylor poster a couple of weeks ago, were a hollow shell of their former mediocrity. I'm sure somewhere, the same guy is kicking himself for accidently minimizing his team's victory...This Bud's for you Mr. Hindsight is 20/20 Fan! The fact that Baylor pretty much let WF back in the game in the 2nd half and almost lost the thing and that Griffin wasn't really all that impressive versus a rebuilding opponent leads me to pick Connecticut over Baylor this week. Connecticut busted Toledo last weekend and...frankly...I hate Baylor and never want them to win and their uniforms are ugly. Winner - Connecticut
Colorado at Toledo - I was not surprised by the loss of Colorado to Colorado State. CSU has a good team compared to Colorado who has still not found the perfect combination of hype and nepotism that will enable it to win consistently. Hawkins will be under the gun this week since he now can only lose one more game in the entire year without making his claim that Colorado will win 10 games this year sound kind of...well...stupid. The vaunted running game? Laughable last week. Toledo was crushed by Purdue...and any team that gets crushed by someone from the Big 10 really cannot be all that good Colorado will win and keep Hawkins from "officially" being labeled an idiot for at least 7 more days. Winner - Colorado
Iowa State vs Iowa - The fact is, Iowa is simply not that good as they showed against UNI last week in a game they lost everywhere but on the scoreboard (of course the pollsters noticed this and rewarded them by moving them up to #21 in the football rankings from #22 last week). Both CB's are still suspended, they are down to their 3rd string tailback, their supposidly solid defense looked like swiss cheese and their QB runs under pressure like wet paint in the rain. Iowa State, meanwhile, played a comparable team and put in a fairly solid (if somewhat pedestrian) performance showing only a small portion of their new spread offense. Iowa State will beat Iowa in Ames...after which Kirk Ferentz will be given another million dollars on his contract after he spreads the rumor that the Pittsburg Steelers want him as their head coach. Winner - Iowa State
Kansas at UTEP - On their unstoppable crusade to rid the world of cupcakes (by scheduling and then beating them badly or...in the case of the head coach, eating all of them he can get his hands on), Kansas marches into El Paso to pay another team to pretend to play competitive football against them. My kid has the same deal with another kid on his football team..."You fall down when I hit you during tackling drills and I'll give you my lunch at school tomorrow". UTEP was beaten last week by Ohio...not the university football team...just a fat guy named Ohio, and probably won't be stealing a lot of Texas or Texas Tech's recruits based on their performance this year. Winner - Kansas
Kansas State at Louisiana-Lafayette - In honor of their late senator, Teddy, UMass helped the poor, old and less fortunate by giving them a victory. The KSU Snyders...fresh off their impressive 3 point victory over the football powerhouse University of Massachusetts (why couldn't they have named their state Bob or Dave or something easier to spell...stupid colonials) will travel to Louisiana-Layfette to take on a team that crushed Southern University last week (as opposed to Eastern or Western or Northern University...) This game is notable only because the names of the two teams add up to more than any other football matchups during the entire year. Winner - Louisiana-Lafayette
Missouri vs Bowling Green - Missouri's convincing win last week was proof that the Big 10 really and truly does suck. Actually...Missouri looked pretty impressive against Illinois (just as I look rather impressive playing football against my son and his 12 year old friends) but I'm not ready to be convinced just how good they are until they take on the rough and touch Bowling Green...uh...Spares? BG pulled off a minor upset against Troy last week (minor upset as in...Who?) but I'm not giving them much of a chance playing against football teams from this country. Winner - Missouri
Nebraska vs Arkansas State - Arkansas State has been picked to win their conference (yes, even over the impressive Florida Atlantic squad that recently left Lincoln after locating the rest of the bodies) which means they might score 6 points against Nebraska. Think about it though...with three non-con games against teams from the same conference, is it possible that Nebraska could win the Big 12 North AND the Sunbelt Conference? Two bowl bids in the same year would be kind of cool. The only good thing about this matchup is I can tell people the only reason Arkansas exists is to keep a lid on Louisiana. Winner - Nebraska
Oklahoma vs Idaho State - Step right up ladies and gentlemen. Watch the amazing one-dimensional football team implode against BYU, Tulsa and Miami. How lucky is Oklahoma that Idaho State is so conveniently located in their schedule. No one is really saying how long Bradford will be out (Stoops is saying it's a minor thing that will keep him out maybe 2-4 weeks which, in Stoops-Speak might mean they have already amputated Bradford's arm and the guy you see on the sideline is one of those Old Navy mannequinns). Oklahoma (even with their new "deer in the headlights" QB) should have enough left to paste annual big-school whipping boy Idaho State but after that...all bets are off. Winner - Oklahoma
Oklahoma State vs Houston - Uh oh...it looks like Oklahoma State is for real, which is actually quite convenient for OU fans as all that have to do is wash their red Oklahoma gear on hot and fade it to orange and then write "State" on it and they can jump on the bandwagon without missing a beat! Houston, who crushed Northwestern State (who, I believe, is loosely affiliated with Southern University and the other directional schools) and will be a decent opponent for OK State. It'll probably be at least early in the 3rd quarter before they crush Houston like a bug. Winner - Oklahoma State
Texas at Wyoming - Even with d!(k Cheney sitting in the stands with a loaded shotgun, Texas should make short work of the Cowboys, who were defeated last week by the mighty Weber State Weebles (they wobble but they don't fall down...okay, they aren't really the Weebles but how cool would that be?). Wyoming, who at one time brought you great football talent like Conrad Dobler and...uh...some other guys, are not what they once were. As long as McCoy turns down any invitations to go on a hunting trip with Cheney, this one should be a laugher. Winner - Texas
Texas A&M vs Utah State - This week's "Who Cares" game of the week. Really...does A&M actually have any fans outside of a 20 mile radius of their university? My only real question about this week's game against a Utah State squad that got thumped by Utah last week is this: Does the A & M actually stand for a$$hole$ and Morons? Some guy told me that once and I've always wondered if it was true or not. Winner - Texas A&M
Texas Tech vs Rice - Ha...sounds like a football team is going to be taking on an agricultural product from the Pacific Rim! Who do they play after that? Sweet Potato? Squash? Bwahaha...uh...sorry. Anyway, Rich beat UAB last week (which lumps them in with 99.9% of any other DI football team that plays UAB) but they have lost a couple of coordinators from last year. Texas Tech took a while to get going in their win and Rice didn't start fast either...which means you probably won't have to pay much attention to this one until after the first half so can watch some far more interesting game for a while. Winner - Texas Tech
There you have it people...take those picks to the bank!
Baylor vs Connecticut - Okay...Baylor went on the road and beat an ACC team on their home turf. Big deal...it was Wake Forest who, as you will recall from the disgruntled Baylor poster a couple of weeks ago, were a hollow shell of their former mediocrity. I'm sure somewhere, the same guy is kicking himself for accidently minimizing his team's victory...This Bud's for you Mr. Hindsight is 20/20 Fan! The fact that Baylor pretty much let WF back in the game in the 2nd half and almost lost the thing and that Griffin wasn't really all that impressive versus a rebuilding opponent leads me to pick Connecticut over Baylor this week. Connecticut busted Toledo last weekend and...frankly...I hate Baylor and never want them to win and their uniforms are ugly. Winner - Connecticut
Colorado at Toledo - I was not surprised by the loss of Colorado to Colorado State. CSU has a good team compared to Colorado who has still not found the perfect combination of hype and nepotism that will enable it to win consistently. Hawkins will be under the gun this week since he now can only lose one more game in the entire year without making his claim that Colorado will win 10 games this year sound kind of...well...stupid. The vaunted running game? Laughable last week. Toledo was crushed by Purdue...and any team that gets crushed by someone from the Big 10 really cannot be all that good Colorado will win and keep Hawkins from "officially" being labeled an idiot for at least 7 more days. Winner - Colorado
Iowa State vs Iowa - The fact is, Iowa is simply not that good as they showed against UNI last week in a game they lost everywhere but on the scoreboard (of course the pollsters noticed this and rewarded them by moving them up to #21 in the football rankings from #22 last week). Both CB's are still suspended, they are down to their 3rd string tailback, their supposidly solid defense looked like swiss cheese and their QB runs under pressure like wet paint in the rain. Iowa State, meanwhile, played a comparable team and put in a fairly solid (if somewhat pedestrian) performance showing only a small portion of their new spread offense. Iowa State will beat Iowa in Ames...after which Kirk Ferentz will be given another million dollars on his contract after he spreads the rumor that the Pittsburg Steelers want him as their head coach. Winner - Iowa State
Kansas at UTEP - On their unstoppable crusade to rid the world of cupcakes (by scheduling and then beating them badly or...in the case of the head coach, eating all of them he can get his hands on), Kansas marches into El Paso to pay another team to pretend to play competitive football against them. My kid has the same deal with another kid on his football team..."You fall down when I hit you during tackling drills and I'll give you my lunch at school tomorrow". UTEP was beaten last week by Ohio...not the university football team...just a fat guy named Ohio, and probably won't be stealing a lot of Texas or Texas Tech's recruits based on their performance this year. Winner - Kansas
Kansas State at Louisiana-Lafayette - In honor of their late senator, Teddy, UMass helped the poor, old and less fortunate by giving them a victory. The KSU Snyders...fresh off their impressive 3 point victory over the football powerhouse University of Massachusetts (why couldn't they have named their state Bob or Dave or something easier to spell...stupid colonials) will travel to Louisiana-Layfette to take on a team that crushed Southern University last week (as opposed to Eastern or Western or Northern University...) This game is notable only because the names of the two teams add up to more than any other football matchups during the entire year. Winner - Louisiana-Lafayette
Missouri vs Bowling Green - Missouri's convincing win last week was proof that the Big 10 really and truly does suck. Actually...Missouri looked pretty impressive against Illinois (just as I look rather impressive playing football against my son and his 12 year old friends) but I'm not ready to be convinced just how good they are until they take on the rough and touch Bowling Green...uh...Spares? BG pulled off a minor upset against Troy last week (minor upset as in...Who?) but I'm not giving them much of a chance playing against football teams from this country. Winner - Missouri
Nebraska vs Arkansas State - Arkansas State has been picked to win their conference (yes, even over the impressive Florida Atlantic squad that recently left Lincoln after locating the rest of the bodies) which means they might score 6 points against Nebraska. Think about it though...with three non-con games against teams from the same conference, is it possible that Nebraska could win the Big 12 North AND the Sunbelt Conference? Two bowl bids in the same year would be kind of cool. The only good thing about this matchup is I can tell people the only reason Arkansas exists is to keep a lid on Louisiana. Winner - Nebraska
Oklahoma vs Idaho State - Step right up ladies and gentlemen. Watch the amazing one-dimensional football team implode against BYU, Tulsa and Miami. How lucky is Oklahoma that Idaho State is so conveniently located in their schedule. No one is really saying how long Bradford will be out (Stoops is saying it's a minor thing that will keep him out maybe 2-4 weeks which, in Stoops-Speak might mean they have already amputated Bradford's arm and the guy you see on the sideline is one of those Old Navy mannequinns). Oklahoma (even with their new "deer in the headlights" QB) should have enough left to paste annual big-school whipping boy Idaho State but after that...all bets are off. Winner - Oklahoma
Oklahoma State vs Houston - Uh oh...it looks like Oklahoma State is for real, which is actually quite convenient for OU fans as all that have to do is wash their red Oklahoma gear on hot and fade it to orange and then write "State" on it and they can jump on the bandwagon without missing a beat! Houston, who crushed Northwestern State (who, I believe, is loosely affiliated with Southern University and the other directional schools) and will be a decent opponent for OK State. It'll probably be at least early in the 3rd quarter before they crush Houston like a bug. Winner - Oklahoma State
Texas at Wyoming - Even with d!(k Cheney sitting in the stands with a loaded shotgun, Texas should make short work of the Cowboys, who were defeated last week by the mighty Weber State Weebles (they wobble but they don't fall down...okay, they aren't really the Weebles but how cool would that be?). Wyoming, who at one time brought you great football talent like Conrad Dobler and...uh...some other guys, are not what they once were. As long as McCoy turns down any invitations to go on a hunting trip with Cheney, this one should be a laugher. Winner - Texas
Texas A&M vs Utah State - This week's "Who Cares" game of the week. Really...does A&M actually have any fans outside of a 20 mile radius of their university? My only real question about this week's game against a Utah State squad that got thumped by Utah last week is this: Does the A & M actually stand for a$$hole$ and Morons? Some guy told me that once and I've always wondered if it was true or not. Winner - Texas A&M
Texas Tech vs Rice - Ha...sounds like a football team is going to be taking on an agricultural product from the Pacific Rim! Who do they play after that? Sweet Potato? Squash? Bwahaha...uh...sorry. Anyway, Rich beat UAB last week (which lumps them in with 99.9% of any other DI football team that plays UAB) but they have lost a couple of coordinators from last year. Texas Tech took a while to get going in their win and Rice didn't start fast either...which means you probably won't have to pay much attention to this one until after the first half so can watch some far more interesting game for a while. Winner - Texas Tech
There you have it people...take those picks to the bank!
