Depression & Suicide

[carlfense]

there is a thing called ego depletion. i know most people hate their job, but my job makes me hate life. i am trying to find something new, because i cannot do what i am doing much longer. and i think it will help a lot. because my life is too great otherwise for me to be this miserable.

^^^You sound like a lot of people that I work with. I don't doubt that I'll hit that point eventually, too.

 

[Danny Bateman]

Damn. After always seeing you guys cracking jokes and having fun on here, it's definitely a stark contrast to know you guys face these issues. But of course very few of us run to HB to whine about our personal problems. Those that do usually end up getting torn to shreds in the Shed at some point.

The way this thread is shaping up, I almost wonder if we should make it the unofficial "HB b!^@h about your Day" thread in case anyone is having a rough spell and needs a bit of support.

But that's a short walk from turning into BornNRed's thread from the Shed...

 

[sd'sker]

there is a thing called ego depletion. i know most people hate their job, but my job makes me hate life. i am trying to find something new, because i cannot do what i am doing much longer. and i think it will help a lot. because my life is too great otherwise for me to be this miserable.

^^^You sound like a lot of people that I work with. I don't doubt that I'll hit that point eventually, too.

some people have better personalities for it than me, that is for sure. but this sh#t ain't for me. i came to a cold hard realization after talking to my friend who is great at what we do and has more experience. he was having the exact same problems and misery as i am and i realized i was not going to get over that hump like i thought i could. i thought since i started out on my own, a lot of my problems would just go away with experience and confidence. but, now i think i am just not fit to do this. and i am ok with that. i kind of knew it all along but felt like i owed it to myself to give it a go. but now i am more than ready to move on and am very excited about that.

 

[sd'sker]

Damn. After always seeing you guys cracking jokes and having fun on here, it's definitely a stark contrast to know you guys face these issues. But of course very few of us run to HB to whine about our personal problems. Those that do usually end up getting torn to shreds in the Shed at some point.

The way this thread is shaping up, I almost wonder if we should make it the unofficial "HB b!^@h about your Day" thread in case anyone is having a rough spell and needs a bit of support.

But that's a short walk from turning into BornNRed's thread from the Shed...

we use laughter to hide our tears.

but that b!^@h about your day thread is not a bad idea. i found that talking about these things helps a ton. just to know you are not alone. the thing about depression is that you feel hopeless, so you probably think, "why would i talk to someone about this? it will just burden them and they will not be able to help." but sharing does help. just knowing other people share your experiences can make a huge difference.

 

[Danny Bateman]

I was happier when I was a broke college student because at least then I was working toward my dreams.

maybe you just hate your job?

there is a thing called ego depletion. i know most people hate their job, but my job makes me hate life. i am trying to find something new, because i cannot do what i am doing much longer. and i think it will help a lot. because my life is too great otherwise for me to be this miserable.

but i mention jobs and ego depletion because of your comments about being exhausted and just lounging on the couch. every choice you make takes energy and takes from your will power. and i believe the more you hate the choices you have to make, the more exhausted you become. so by the end of the day, you are spent.

I'd +1 you more if I could.

My mom definitely has issues with this as well. Basically, she works where she grew up and everyone knows everybody but due to several issues she's now miserable there. She spends most of her free time at home on her laptop, either applying for other jobs she realistically won't take due to reduction in salary or wasting time playing poker online or shopping. I think she uses only shopping therapeutically, which is just wrong on so many levels. She's become largely useless as far as cooking, cleaning, or just being a good mother. Not outgoing at all anymore it seems.

But for sure, this is real thing. Dead on post SD.

 

[Danny Bateman]

Damn. After always seeing you guys cracking jokes and having fun on here, it's definitely a stark contrast to know you guys face these issues. But of course very few of us run to HB to whine about our personal problems. Those that do usually end up getting torn to shreds in the Shed at some point.

The way this thread is shaping up, I almost wonder if we should make it the unofficial "HB b!^@h about your Day" thread in case anyone is having a rough spell and needs a bit of support.

But that's a short walk from turning into BornNRed's thread from the Shed...

we use laughter to hide our tears.

but that b!^@h about your day is not a bad idea. i found that talking about these things helps a ton. just to know you are not alone. the thing about depression is that you feel hopeless, so you probably think, "why would i talk to someone about this? it will just burden them and they will not be able to help." but sharing does help. just knowing other people share your experiences can make a huge difference.

Kind of what I was thinking. Considering the serious nature of this thread, it should go without saying that there's no room to pass judgment on anybody for anything shared in here.

I think a lot of the time it is easier to share such things in written form than telling them face to face. Especially to people you may not know personally, but are still willing to help if needed.

 

[beanman]

I was happier when I was a broke college student because at least then I was working toward my dreams.

maybe you just hate your job?

there is a thing called ego depletion. i know most people hate their job, but my job makes me hate life. i am trying to find something new, because i cannot do what i am doing much longer. and i think it will help a lot. because my life is too great otherwise for me to be this miserable.

but i mention jobs and ego depletion because of your comments about being exhausted and just lounging on the couch. every choice you make takes energy and takes from your will power. and i believe the more you hate the choices you have to make, the more exhausted you become. so by the end of the day, you are spent.

Interesting. I've never heard of this before.

 

[Danny Bateman]

I was laying in bed trying to nap this afternoon when I suddenly got this achey, uncomfortable feeling in my chest/stomach. Wondered if this was like a mini anxiety attack.

I've Ben somewhat stressed lately. I'm trying to get PT applications in for schools, and actually found out I missed the deadline for one I really wanted to apply for. Sounds idiotic, but I thought that it was a later date from previously looking it up and I'm an awful procrastinator. Sometimes I wonder if I intentionally put off my future.

Any idea if this is what anxiety feels like?

 

[HUSKER 37]

"I have this friend...."

Thanks Killer, for starting this thread...And to the rest of you all for your posts..

I feel like I've learned so much from the Huskerboard community over the years, and this thread has just added more to it...

Ice Davis...Thanks for helping out your friend...It somehow made me feel less isolated or alone? out here in the "Valley of the Sun"..

I guess maybe I feel a little less stressed? by recognizing myself as being only "[SIZE=14.4444446563721px]mildly depressed"[/SIZE] most of the time based on your description.(Not meaning to sound sarcastic)..I just can't imagine trying to survive what your friend or your wife sound like they have to struggle through.

Addressing the OP...Usually, I like to think I try to think logically most of the time, but sometimes...The voices keep telling me over and over "how much better off everyone would be if you weren't around"...enough times to where you start to believe them...Sometimes you hear replays of all the nasty things a parent or sibling, or even a friend told you in anger..I've even recalled something a person from this thread PM'd me a few years ago to see if I could use it to put me over the edge.

... this is where procrastination can be your friend..(eventually, the voices stop),

There's days I still get mad at myself for not pulling the trigger the few times I came close...Usually after two rainy days in a row...another bad week at work...when I drop off my Son at my Ex's...or when I pay attention to all the clutter in my house...But those days seem to happen less frequently, and I am able to joke my way out of them.

I miss my best friend in Lincoln...Guess I'm due for a call...

 

[killer cacti]

There's days I still get mad at myself for not pulling the trigger the few times I came close...Usually after two rainy days in a row...another bad week at work...when I drop off my Son at my Ex's...or when I pay attention to all the clutter in my house...But those days seem to happen less frequently, and I am able to joke my way out of them.

I, for one, am glad you didn't pull the trigger too, 37.

 

[beanman]

"I have this friend...."

Thanks Killer, for starting this thread...And to the rest of you all for your posts..

I feel like I've learned so much from the Huskerboard community over the years, and this thread has just added more to it...

Ice Davis...Thanks for helping out your friend...It somehow made me feel less isolated or alone? out here in the "Valley of the Sun"..

I guess maybe I feel a little less stressed? by recognizing myself as being only "[SIZE=14.4444446563721px]mildly depressed"[/SIZE] most of the time based on your description.(Not meaning to sound sarcastic)..I just can't imagine trying to survive what your friend or your wife sound like they have to struggle through.

Addressing the OP...Usually, I like to think I try to think logically most of the time, but sometimes...The voices keep telling me over and over "how much better off everyone would be if you weren't around"...enough times to where you start to believe them...Sometimes you hear replays of all the nasty things a parent or sibling, or even a friend told you in anger..I've even recalled something a person from this thread PM'd me a few years ago to see if I could use it to put me over the edge.

... this is where procrastination can be your friend..(eventually, the voices stop),

There's days I still get mad at myself for not pulling the trigger the few times I came close...Usually after two rainy days in a row...another bad week at work...when I drop off my Son at my Ex's...or when I pay attention to all the clutter in my house...But those days seem to happen less frequently, and I am able to joke my way out of them.

I miss my best friend in Lincoln...Guess I'm due for a call...

??

 

[icedavis]

"I have this friend...."

Thanks Killer, for starting this thread...And to the rest of you all for your posts..

I feel like I've learned so much from the Huskerboard community over the years, and this thread has just added more to it...

Ice Davis...Thanks for helping out your friend...It somehow made me feel less isolated or alone? out here in the "Valley of the Sun"..

I guess maybe I feel a little less stressed? by recognizing myself as being only "[SIZE=14.4444446563721px]mildly depressed"[/SIZE] most of the time based on your description.(Not meaning to sound sarcastic)..I just can't imagine trying to survive what your friend or your wife sound like they have to struggle through.

Addressing the OP...Usually, I like to think I try to think logically most of the time, but sometimes...The voices keep telling me over and over "how much better off everyone would be if you weren't around"...enough times to where you start to believe them...Sometimes you hear replays of all the nasty things a parent or sibling, or even a friend told you in anger..I've even recalled something a person from this thread PM'd me a few years ago to see if I could use it to put me over the edge.

... this is where procrastination can be your friend..(eventually, the voices stop),

There's days I still get mad at myself for not pulling the trigger the few times I came close...Usually after two rainy days in a row...another bad week at work...when I drop off my Son at my Ex's...or when I pay attention to all the clutter in my house...But those days seem to happen less frequently, and I am able to joke my way out of them.

I miss my best friend in Lincoln...Guess I'm due for a call...

If one thing is for sure, is that I did what I did for him, because he is my best friend and I will gladly do it again (although a little more advance warning that I am gonna be hiking six miles at night in the cold would be nice!)

One thing my therapist reminded me of was that at some point pretty much every one has a bout with depression. We all at some point have that 'existential crisis' moment (part of my anxiety problem) but [SIZE=14.4444446563721px]Most people sort of "come out of it" (for lack of a better term at the moment) naturally and normally without too much issue. we have to do the best we can to address it no matter how mild it is because we don't know how deep the rabbit hole can go and we want to prevent that journey down for sure.[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.4444446563721px]I too am glad you didn't pull the trigger. One thing I hope that you are doing is talking about it (all of it) with those closest to you. It is very important that they know and can recognize the good days and the bad so that they can respond and be your first line of defense, your support system and a very valuable outlet...amongst many other good reasons[/SIZE][SIZE=14.4444446563721px].[/SIZE]

[SIZE=14.4444446563721px]You aren't the first or last to struggle and definitely aren't alone in the fight now, having that support system is your greatest ally. [/SIZE]

 

[HUSKER 37]

...I've even recalled something a person from this thread PM'd me a few years ago, to see if I could use it to put me over the edge.

??

I was told to

"please stop trying so hard to fit in and be cool and accepted. You are overdoing it, and you are annoying a lot of people., you don't need to be in the middle of everything.".

Seems pretty tame now, but at the time I was dealing with a surprise divorce, and going through overwhelming thoughts I was trying to avoid..(Seems like I had "1000 Ways to Die" on a loop playing in my head for weeks)...I now keep it to remind myself to try to keep stuff repressed more often...or if I ever need that one more little push...Which I'm almost positive will no longer ever be needed.

When I look at it, Life has been pretty good for the most part...God and me are usually on a first name basis..I still have a hard time making new friends, but the ones I already have and the relatives that are still alive remain pretty close emotionally...maybe not distance wise, but There are a lot of people worse off..Maybe the trick is to concentrate on helping them rather than b!^@h about the few problems we all seem to have..

 

[beanman]

...I've even recalled something a person from this thread PM'd me a few years ago, to see if I could use it to put me over the edge.

??

I was told to

"please stop trying so hard to fit in and be cool and accepted. You are overdoing it, and you are annoying a lot of people., you don't need to be in the middle of everything.".

Seems pretty tame now, but at the time I was dealing with a surprise divorce, and going through overwhelming thoughts I was trying to avoid..(Seems like I had "1000 Ways to Die" on a loop playing in my head for weeks)...I now keep it to remind myself to try to keep stuff repressed more often...or if I ever need that one more little push...Which I'm almost positive will no longer ever be needed.

When I look at it, Life has been pretty good for the most part...God and me are usually on a first name basis..I still have a hard time making new friends, but the ones I already have and the relatives that are still alive remain pretty close emotionally...maybe not distance wise, but There are a lot of people worse off..Maybe the trick is to concentrate on helping them rather than b!^@h about the few problems we all seem to have..

Well, that doesn't sound like something I'd say and I have no recollection of PMing you so I'm hoping it wasn't me.

And the sh**ty thing is that on the internet hurtful crap gets spewed around all the time and you never really think that the other person is going through a rough patch.

 

[carlfense]

...I've even recalled something a person from this thread PM'd me a few years ago, to see if I could use it to put me over the edge.

??

I was told to

"please stop trying so hard to fit in and be cool and accepted. You are overdoing it, and you are annoying a lot of people., you don't need to be in the middle of everything.".

Seems pretty tame now, but at the time I was dealing with a surprise divorce, and going through overwhelming thoughts I was trying to avoid..(Seems like I had "1000 Ways to Die" on a loop playing in my head for weeks)...I now keep it to remind myself to try to keep stuff repressed more often...or if I ever need that one more little push...Which I'm almost positive will no longer ever be needed.

When I look at it, Life has been pretty good for the most part...God and me are usually on a first name basis..I still have a hard time making new friends, but the ones I already have and the relatives that are still alive remain pretty close emotionally...maybe not distance wise, but There are a lot of people worse off..Maybe the trick is to concentrate on helping them rather than b!^@h about the few problems we all seem to have..

Well, that doesn't sound like something I'd say and I have no recollection of PMing you so I'm hoping it wasn't me.

And the sh**ty thing is that on the internet hurtful crap gets spewed around all the time and you never really think that the other person is going through a rough patch.

Sheesh. You've done nothing to deserve that, 37.

I know I often (probably most of the time actually) forget that every single person here and elsewhere is going through their own sh!t. In fact, I caught myself almost making that mistake Saturday night right before saying something rude about a really minor issue. Feels better to realize that than to regret it later.