Cy the Cyclone
Starter
You all need to put down those Dixie Cups of Kool-Aid you all are drinking from and return back to reality land. It appears most of you are suffering from a form of mass hysteria which has manifested itself in a belief that you will actually beat the Iowa State Cyclones this Saturday. I will now present to you the cold and cruel facts of why that will not be:
1. Let us go back to last year, when the wheels began to come off the bus for Nebraska. As I recall (and this is for those of you who have blocked it from your minds), the season began to spin down the toilet against USC. That fact was not lost on our ingenious AD Jamie Pollard. With this game foremost in his mind, Jamie began his campaign to change the Cyclone uniforms so they looked remarkably like…yes…USC. When the Cyclones run onto the field, your defensive players will instantly begin to have flashbacks of that horrible game in 2007. Huge holes in the line will instantly form...allowing the Cyclone running game to rip off huge chucks of yardage as your defensive linemen cringe and cower. Mental warfare at it’s finest here people.
2. In a game such as this, every yard will count and every penalty will hurt…but for Nebraska, it will hurt worse because you will actually be losing more yards per penalty than the equally penalized Cyclones will be. Confused? Let me explain: On, say, your average Illegal Procedure penalty, the ref will throw his flag, indicate the penalty and pick the ball up and march the offense back five yards…simple. But, how do you think the referee determines where to move the ball back from? He checks the position of the yard marker of course. Now…I know for a fact that as soon as an alert yard marker holder sees a flag fly, he can quickly and quietly move the marker up a yard or back a yard without too much notice, instantly turning a 5 yard loss into an actual 6 yard loss (or gain, depending on who has the ball). If NU has…say…10 penalties of five yards each, they could potentially lose 60 yards instead of the 50 yards you’ll see in the score sheet. Of course a down marker holder guy would have to have absolutely no morals to do something like that… <_<
3. This game will be one of the infamous “Gold Out” games where all ISU fans will wear red because nobody has gold ISU gear except for the seven guys in the marketing department who secretly changed the colors of the uniforms without telling anybody and somehow got hold of some sample sweatshirts since they are the only ones to exist. These seven people will be seated strategically throughout the stands to not only inspire awe from the weak Husker fan base but also to confuse Nebraska receivers. When they look up for the ball they will see that streak of brown (they call it gold...) in the stands as the marketing people run up and down the aisle, wildly waving their arms and acting like lunatics on every pass play. The receivers will become confused as to what they are supposed to catch and the passes will sail harmlessly by them…after which Leonard Thomas will deliver a helmet-to-helmet late hit and get ejected from the game…we’re still working on this one.
4. Gene Chizik has this game circled on his calendar. All year Chizik has had to listen to people talk about what a defensive genius Bo Pelini is…how Bo Pelini ran a defense that won a National Championship…blah blah, blah…Chizik’s been sitting in his office all week saying to himself…”Hey…I’m a defensive genius too. I ran a defense that won a National Championship too…Hell! If it wasn’t for ME, Pelini wouldn’t even have had a defense to run at LSU since he stole it from my Auburn defense!” The final straw may have come this morning when he opened the sports page of the Des Moines Pravda…uh…Register (total Iowa Hawkeye rag…don’t know why he reads it) and there, staring him in the face, is a ¾ page picture of Pelini and a big story about how great he is since he started his career carrying Hayden Fry’s spit cup or something at Iowa. Chizik is pissed…. :angry:
There you go…four reasons why NU will be skulking away in defeat from Ames on Saturday. Hell…now that you know how utterly embarrassed you will be, I suggest that your team just stay at home and forfeit the game to us right now….
1. Let us go back to last year, when the wheels began to come off the bus for Nebraska. As I recall (and this is for those of you who have blocked it from your minds), the season began to spin down the toilet against USC. That fact was not lost on our ingenious AD Jamie Pollard. With this game foremost in his mind, Jamie began his campaign to change the Cyclone uniforms so they looked remarkably like…yes…USC. When the Cyclones run onto the field, your defensive players will instantly begin to have flashbacks of that horrible game in 2007. Huge holes in the line will instantly form...allowing the Cyclone running game to rip off huge chucks of yardage as your defensive linemen cringe and cower. Mental warfare at it’s finest here people.
2. In a game such as this, every yard will count and every penalty will hurt…but for Nebraska, it will hurt worse because you will actually be losing more yards per penalty than the equally penalized Cyclones will be. Confused? Let me explain: On, say, your average Illegal Procedure penalty, the ref will throw his flag, indicate the penalty and pick the ball up and march the offense back five yards…simple. But, how do you think the referee determines where to move the ball back from? He checks the position of the yard marker of course. Now…I know for a fact that as soon as an alert yard marker holder sees a flag fly, he can quickly and quietly move the marker up a yard or back a yard without too much notice, instantly turning a 5 yard loss into an actual 6 yard loss (or gain, depending on who has the ball). If NU has…say…10 penalties of five yards each, they could potentially lose 60 yards instead of the 50 yards you’ll see in the score sheet. Of course a down marker holder guy would have to have absolutely no morals to do something like that… <_<
3. This game will be one of the infamous “Gold Out” games where all ISU fans will wear red because nobody has gold ISU gear except for the seven guys in the marketing department who secretly changed the colors of the uniforms without telling anybody and somehow got hold of some sample sweatshirts since they are the only ones to exist. These seven people will be seated strategically throughout the stands to not only inspire awe from the weak Husker fan base but also to confuse Nebraska receivers. When they look up for the ball they will see that streak of brown (they call it gold...) in the stands as the marketing people run up and down the aisle, wildly waving their arms and acting like lunatics on every pass play. The receivers will become confused as to what they are supposed to catch and the passes will sail harmlessly by them…after which Leonard Thomas will deliver a helmet-to-helmet late hit and get ejected from the game…we’re still working on this one.
4. Gene Chizik has this game circled on his calendar. All year Chizik has had to listen to people talk about what a defensive genius Bo Pelini is…how Bo Pelini ran a defense that won a National Championship…blah blah, blah…Chizik’s been sitting in his office all week saying to himself…”Hey…I’m a defensive genius too. I ran a defense that won a National Championship too…Hell! If it wasn’t for ME, Pelini wouldn’t even have had a defense to run at LSU since he stole it from my Auburn defense!” The final straw may have come this morning when he opened the sports page of the Des Moines Pravda…uh…Register (total Iowa Hawkeye rag…don’t know why he reads it) and there, staring him in the face, is a ¾ page picture of Pelini and a big story about how great he is since he started his career carrying Hayden Fry’s spit cup or something at Iowa. Chizik is pissed…. :angry:
There you go…four reasons why NU will be skulking away in defeat from Ames on Saturday. Hell…now that you know how utterly embarrassed you will be, I suggest that your team just stay at home and forfeit the game to us right now….
