If college football teams were recreational drugs

NUance

NUance

Assistant Coach
ALABAMA: Cocaine. Undefeated, except for the big blank spots in the record taken by criminal sanction. Powerful. Can turn you into an unbelievable bad guy. Expensive, and has a strong correlation with criminal behavior. Brought to you by a vast, shadowy cartel.

AUBURN: Knockoff cocaine. Strong correlation with criminal behavior. High highs; lows often associated with cash-only exchanges. Brought to you by a small, shadowy cartel.

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WISCONSIN: Beer, the kind that makes you pass out and die in snowdrifts after beating the dogshit out of someone in a barfight.

NEBRASKA: Ergot poisoning. Not really a recreational drug with pleasant side effects, but then again neither is Nebraska football in the 21st century.

OHIO STATE: Weed. Wildly popular. Gets smoked by SEC football players in bowls.

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Oh, those wacky guys at EveryDayShouldBeSaturday. Gotta give it to them for creativity. But Ergot poisoning? What the hell is THAT?

 
Ergot is similar chemically to LSD and also a possible contributor to the hysteria surrounding the famed Salem witch trials

 
Ergot is a fungus and can be found in us...it's believed by some to create a lot of stress on the body and even create psychosomatic issues....

The Ohio State one was quite clever...

 
WEST VIRGINIA: BATH SALTS BATH SALTS COME HERE DANA HOLGORSEN WANTS TO EAT YOUR FACE CLEMSON--

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OKLAHOMA: Whiskey. Powerful highs. Side effects may include impotence problems in certain high-pressure situations.

OKLAHOMA STATE: Malt liquor, because it's a man's drink, and it comes in a 40.
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Here's a couple from the Big 12. :lol:
 
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