I pull into town around 6:30 Friday night. Made pretty good time. Looking around as I drive in, Lafayette looks... pretty underwhelming. Oh sh#t, it's 7:30. Well, better get moving with... whatever it is I'm doing. Grab a coffee at Starbucks (I reluctantly go along with their size naming system) and pull up to the beautiful Days Inn
.
Head up to my room on second floor. Open the door... about an inch. Hmm. The latch appears to be locked. Is there someone inside? Not sure. Either way I've never had it happen, and yet it somehow fails to surprise me. Back down to the lobby. The lady at the front desk immediately grabs a pair of tong looking things. This is apparently a common occurrence. Back upstairs, and now I awkwardly stand in the hallway and watch the large woman wedge the tongs into the door crack and then hurl herself against the door. She repeats this process somewhere in the neighborhood of 15 times before suggesting getting me into a different room. Back downstairs.
At the front desk again, I hear the group of Husker fans who checked in after me discussing something with another employee. Turns out there room was also locked and/or had someone in it.
Room #2. Key works and the door opens all the way. Whoa, looks like I got a kind of nice upgraded room! Couch with coffee table, work space, big bathroom.
Are there any games on tonight? Look up at the TV... it's a 24" Zenith tube TV from around 1995.
On the top of a 6" cabinet. And slanted downward at about a 35 degree angle. Basically about one rough sexual encounter away from a lawsuit. Unfortunately I don't expect to be involved.
Fire up the laptop and unpack Absolut and condoms. Put condoms on fingers prior to entering HuskerBoard.
I guess I was too lazy to channel surf (didn't even see a remote) so it just stayed on what it started on... which was Last Man Standing, that newish and awful-ish Tim Allen sitcom. Apparently its about this hardcore modern Republican... the masculine, somewhat irreverent type (so, more Limbaugh than Hannity). Although I never really figured out if it was a parody or tribute to those types. But I guess in its ambiguity it probably manages to pull fans from both sides. Kinda like those Dr. Pepper Ten commercials. Pretty good marketing strategy. But anyway, the show itself was pretty bad. I think I chuckled at one joke but don't remember what it was. All I remember is how hot the middle daughter was.
Whoops, I need to be proactive here. Make a plan. Back on HB I see blkshrtz with a Z is apparently at the parking lot next door. Finish up my vodka-Fresca (nothing manlier than drinking a vodka-Fresca while watching sitcoms) and head out.
I only see one group hanging out in the Motel 6 lot, and they claim no forum allegiance. What kind of sick prank is this? I make one more lap around the hotel. Now I'm starting to look like a potential child molester, circling the hotel with a Trader Joe's bag full of goodies. Best to go back to the room.
More vodka. Switch up mixer to Powerade Zero. Call cab. I ask the cab driver where the Husker fans are. Apparently it's some place called the something Cactus. Alright, that works. Blah blah blah small talk. And we're there. Place charges $5 cover for god knows what. Get in to see a bar roughly the size of a football field with a big line dance floor in the middle. Odd mix of locals and Husker fans awkwardly observing them. Atmosphere is not doing much for me. Need to drink faster. Ran into a group of younger Husker fans and somehow started to mingle. They are just heading out. Sounds like a great idea. They all seem nice so I tag along. One of them is roughly 7'9" 580 lbs. and nicknamed "Moose".
After this, the vodka starts to sink in and my memory is a little spotty. We went to Brothers for a while and I bought Moose a rum and Coke. His mood seemed to be deteriorating. One of those grumpy drunks maybe. We went to one or two other places I think but I don't remember what they were. I think it was fun. Everyone down there seemed pretty nice. Next thing I know the night's over and we are looking for a cab. I figure we can split the cab ride if their hotel is near mine. Moose isn't having it though. Perhaps I was provoking him somehow. Then Moose said he was going to knock me out. Holy sh#t, Moose! I didn't take him all that seriously, but enough to figure it wasn't worth pursuing further. Luckily there's an empty cab across the street that's available. I get in and shortly after a group of 3-4 Husker fans pile in the back, including a subdued-looking Matt Davison.
Ironically one of the guys behind me is a bit of a bully, and he's giving the cab driver sh#t the whole ride, in a sort of playful but still uncomfortable way. First stop is the strip club where everyone but Davison and I get out. At this point I probably should've asked him what it was like to play with Eric Crouch, or how awesome it was to catch the game-tying touchdown pass against Mizzou in '97. But I have enough alcohol in me to go for the more controversial questions about the Bo incident and Bo's feelings about the fans. Well I didn't quite get the nuanced discussion I was hoping for. Apparently Davison is good personal friends with Bo and family and goes out to dinner with him and stuff. So I decided not to push into the part about "
Cause the day is f'ing coming now. We'll see what they can do when I'm f'ing gone" and move into lighter territory, asking if he was doing anything for BTN the next day and yada yada yada. We pull up to his hotel and he says a friendly goodbye.
Wake up Saturday morning and have a mild panic trying to figure out the time change thing as it relates to the game. Ok, so I deduce that the game is actually at noon Eastern. Yes, this is pretty simple stuff, but it seemed like Chinese Algebra in the daze I was in at that point.
Find a pretty good parking spot a few blocks from the stadium. Just have to maneuver a mild off road course to get there. The man leading me in compliments my parking job. Phew. +1 Karma... I needed that.
Walk by a giant building with "PURDUE" on the side in massive letters. What was that? The basketball arena? Practice facility? Drew Brees' private hangar?
The setup outside the stadium is kind of interesting. Once you get inside... kind of a dump. Lots of empty seats. Probably 12-15k Husker fans. They did have a nice grass field though.
I was in the South stadium. Their audio system is as bad if not worse than Nebraska's and the only speakers were... directly behind me. The distorted blare from the sound system was not the best thing for my lingering headache. Throw in the shrieking three-year old girl attempting the "GOOOOOO BIIIIIIIIIIIIG REEEEEEED..." thing every 2-3 minutes, at the top of her lungs, approximately 3.5 inches behind my head, and I had quite the aural experience overall.
Luckily the guy next to me was pleasant, and a Husker fan. In front of us was the most stereotypical middle-aged, "husky", completely non-self aware, overly enthusiastic female fan you could imagine. I could see Cheri Oteri or Molly Shannon playing her in a 90s SNL skit. Stood up and danced at nearly every song during intermissions, made lots of jokes that she then laughed hysterically at, stood up and cheered during one random third down... when Nebraska had the ball (she was a Nebraska fan), and took approximately 18 selfies.
Oh, and then the game. Nobody was really into it much. I had to be the initiator on the high five-ing. There was only one five-minute period where anyone got really into it, starting with the SJB ejection. Not surprisingly, Husker fans thought it was a terrible call and Purdue fans thought it was a good call. That led to some tension and excitement in the stands. Then the subsequent fumble and Husker touchdown, where all the Husker fans celebrated really boisterously in a sort of "in your face" type way. Then it was back to calm.
Oh, and the concession lines were unreal at halftime. I hate missing any game time but I missed the start of the 3rd quarter. I'm trying to get a souvenir cup for every Big 10 stadium, and I wasn't leaving without that damn cup.
Boiler Cup, get it?
Disclaimer for English teachers: I am aware this post is a tragic example of inconsistent tense. Forgive me.
