Hell maybe fire up a few screen plays to Burkehead or Helu Jr. GBR!!!
Screen pass? What's that? You mean you can throw the ball to your running back? That's a terrible idea! All that would do would be to get the ball into the hands of two of your best playmakers in space with blockers in front of them. I can't imagine a worse way to try to move the ball.
Nope, I think we should stick with the ol' tried-and-true Zone Read for a short gain, Zone Read for a short gain, Incomplete Pass on third-and-long, Brilliant Punt by Alex Henery. It's what we do best.