Nebraska considers adding new sport

knapplc

knapplc

International Man of Mystery
Lincoln Journal Star

Ken Hambleton

It’s April, and a new sport at Nebraska is no fool’s dream, according to a source close to the situation.
NU is reportedly hooked on adding fishing to its list of 22 sanctioned sports.

The NCAA Tournament run for the Husker women's basketball team, the Holiday Bowl victory by the football team, and the steady success of the NU women's volleyball and bowling teams have all added up to a new "Heap O’Money," said UNL budget spokespersonage Amelia Earnhardt.

Nebraska athletic director Tom Osborne admitted he might be seeking a way to spend all the extra funds.

"Look, we've got everything we could possibly dream of," Osborne told a source close to the situation. "The football team has super locker rooms, a weight room that would make Apollo jealous, indoor fields and free soap for the showers. We gave our coaches good salaries and then piled on bonuses.”

He noted that other facilities are among the best in the country, from the baseball field to the indoor track, to the East Campus bowling lanes.

For basketball, NU will get either get a new downtown arena or a patched-up Devaney Sports Center in the near future.

“After that, there is only the roof to add to Memorial Stadium," he said.

"So, we're looking at adding a new sport, and as a personal favorite, fishing is the best answer.

"I know there's a fine line between an idiot standing on the shore and a fisherman," Osborne said. "Fishing and academics and economics go together, too. Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he'll buy bait, a bass boat, a smoker and a deep-fat fryer, too."

Fishing is one of the fastest growing collegiate sports in the country.

Nebraska could start in the bamboo-pole level of competition and work up to the “Whooeee, Lookit That One” division.

This weekend, the national college team fishing championships will be in Knoxville, Tenn. The winning team gets $100,000, plus a Ranger boat “wrapped” in school colors. Winners also get a Chevy pickup, presumably with a boat trailer and plenty of crankbait, some smelly-wiggly things and one of those fake mounted fish that sing “Take me to the River.”

The Nebraska Board of Regents and the Lincoln City Council are expected to soon announce a cooperative agreement to use the new multi-zillion dollar Antelope Valley Project as a practice zone and competitive arena.

"We picture thousands of Husker fans lining the new riverwalk area, cheering on their favorite fishers and their favorite fish, too," Lincoln mayor Chris Beutler is rumored to have said. "And think of the home court advantage over the southern teams when it comes to ice fishing.”

Nobody has been named to throw out the first fish to open the season.

Happy April 1.
Click to expand...
 
I got down to the first Osborne quote before I realized something was up. I usually skim, so I didn't catch the hints in the first few lines. :dumdum

 
Haha. As soon as I got to Osborne's first quote I knew something was wrong. It was a very un-Osborne like thing to say.

 
I skimmed through this, the quote that caught my eye was "there is only the roof to add to Memorial Stadium," and I was like ok something is up.

 
They played it pretty close to the vest until this quote:

The turf will be installed by Turfus and Sons, a subsidiary of Vandalay Industries, which is the largest producer of the rubber material found underneath dangerous playground equipment.
"Partnering with LSU just makes sense," said Art Vandalay, the President and CEO of Vandalay Industries said. "We've been speaking on the virtues of colored turf for years at various conventions and we finally have the perfect partner in LSU. The field is going to be amazing. Although we have never done a project with our turf on anything more than municipal parks, we are confident that 'Tiger Turf' is going to be a staple of all collegiate athletic fields. The possibilities are endless. I see a future where grass will cease to exist."
Click to expand...
 
knapplc said:
They played it pretty close to the vest until this quote:
Click to expand...

Ha, yeah, that was a really well-written spoof article. If I would've seen that article a week ago I would've completely bought it up until the Vandalay Industries part. :laughpound

 
knapplc said:
Enhance89 said:
But Frisbee Golf...man now THERE is a sport I could do some damage in.
Click to expand...
Where do you golf? I live pretty close to the course in north Lincoln. 27 holes of fun. :thumbs
Click to expand...
I actually haven't had the time, opportunity, or people to go to the one in north Lincoln. All my buddies who frolf live in Omaha and I don't really know anyone up here that plays lol.

The one place I go all the time in Omaha though, is off of 72nd and Drexel at a park. It's only 18 holes, but they're pretty treacherous. One whole consists of throwing over a creek laced with trees. But, to spare myself climbing in mud and trying to find my frisbee, I usually skip it :) .

 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top