**** Official Hockey Thread **** (NHL & College)

Jake Guentzel Is The Ideal Finisher For Sidney Crosby

The Penguins must have a goddamned farm somewhere, where they just grow top-six forwards. Last year’s Cup run wouldn’t have happened without Conor Sheary and Bryan Rust, and now that those two have solidified their spots as unquestioned essentials to Pittsburgh’s offensive machine, here comes another kid, 22-year-old Jake Guentzel, who became the first-ever Penguins rookie to score a playoff hat trick in yesterday’s 5-4 overtime win in Columbus.

 
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Capitals Fans: Ohf*ckohsh*tf*ckf*ckf*ck

Capitals fans: Now that you’re down a game to the eighth-seeded Leafs, in a series that was just supposed to be a warm-up for the real opportunities to choke, how’re those sphincters? Are they so desperately clenched that not even a molecule can pass through, giving you that familiar tummy ache of despair? Or have you lost all control of it and are just spraying your waste everywhere, much the same as you fear your team might metaphorically do?

Let’s check in:

https://twitter.com/dcsportsbog/status/854154809598935040

Yeah, The Bruins Got Hosed
When writing a gamer, it can be tough to find just the right verb. You can’t just say a team “won” every time, or that they “beat” their opponents, because overuse gets boring, and you want to convey something of the substance of the game. Did they “dominate,” “thrash,” or “spank” the other team? Or did they merely “best” them? If it was close, maybe they “nipped” their opposition, or just “squeaked by”? But sometimes, a game makes this verb choice the easiest, most obvious thing in the world. Last night, the Ottawa Senators escaped.
 
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