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Police reports unfit to print: What do they say about this city?
These recent police incident reports didn’t make it into the Lincoln Journal Star:
Unknown party burned McDonald’s food bag full of feces and left on front door step.
Customer saw person put bag of Funyuns chips in pants. When confronted, a carton of Roberts chocolate milk fell out.
Reports on the Web
To see Lincoln Police Chief Tom Casady’s blog, "The Chief’s Corner," go to lpd304.blogspot.com
To see summary of Lincoln police calls, go to www.lincoln.ne.gov/city/police/stats/index.htm “Girls Gone Wild” DVD taken from victim’s home while victim present.
Neither did these recent larcenies from Lincoln homes:
Six concrete frogs, three concrete turtles.
Blessed Mother concrete statue.
“Yard of the Month” sign.
Nor did the incident report Police Chief Tom Casady posted the other day on his blog, “The Chief’s Corner,” about a woman playing with her kids at Holmes Lake who called the cops on an old man who filled a Hy-Vee ice cream bucket with sand and drove off in his pickup.
She was upset, she told police. Her tax dollars helped buy the sand. She gave officers his license plate number and they knocked on the man’s door.
He stated he had gone to two hardware stores to buy sand and could not find any. He stated his daughter is getting married, and they needed a bucket with sand to act as a weight. He stated he had no intentions of maintaining ownership of the city-owned sand, and would return it. No citations were issued.
The Journal Star prints what it deems newsworthy. Those incidents weren’t. But maybe, printed now together, they say something about our community — or at least the part of the community most people don’t see, the part police officers and journalists have to see because it’s their job.
Said Casady: “Hardly a day goes by you don’t see something that causes you to shake your head.”
Said Lincoln Journal Star police reporter Lori Pilger: “Those are the fun ones. It’s amusing, the things people will steal.”
The incidents range from the odd to the funny to the baby-Jesus-stealing bad of annual Nativity scene thefts.
They are texting-your-ex bad.
Ex-boyfriend texted victim: Watch your (expletive) back.
Victim received text saying, “UR DEAD.”
They are VH1's “Flavor of Love” bad.
In hallway, “I HATE CARRIE” written in mascara.
Walked up to victim and poured syrup on her jacket, shirt and pants.
They are Humans Gone Wild.
Used black marker to write “KRUSTY IS GAY.”
Put flag in planter of “You die soon. Your wife too!”
Glued lock of door, scratched message into door: “PAY YUR BILLS.”
All of those in just the past few weeks.
Read enough of them and you might look at people a little more warily. Is that tall man in line at Target the one who lit the American flag on fire? Or stole Xanax from a co-worker’s purse? Did your son’s friends leave that flaming McDonald’s bag of feces?
Or your son?
(A recent string of flaming-bags-of-feces crimes in northeast Lincoln may have been solved. Around 1 a.m. recently, a woman awoke to the doorbell. She found a burning bag. Police arrested two boys, 13 and 14, walking nearby. Police found matches in one boy’s pocket.)
Is that woman in sunglasses at the red light the one who stole the Buddha statue? The Bibles?
Bibles were among items stolen from a vehicle outside a church on Harwood Street last month. In another May incident, someone broke into a vehicle and removed items but left a brown Bible. Police found it under the car.
Why did someone call Ethel on Lexington Avenue and tell her she’d won a sweepstakes?
Why would anyone waste police time to report the theft of a bucket of sand?
The police chief laughs.
“And that poor guy. He’s at home, getting ready for his daughter’s wedding, and here comes a police officer knocking at his door.”
About 25 years ago, Casady inherited a file from a co-worker. It was called “Wishful Thinking,” and it was full of odd and bizarre incident reports. He’s added to it over the years.
“My current thing is the bizarre reasons that people call police. ... You just can’t imagine someone would call to report their bong pipe stolen. But that happens with some regularity.”
The police chief reads aloud from “Wishful Thinking.”
There’s a shoplifting report in which a man was found with three light bulbs and two tweezers down the front of his pants.
“He must have missed that part about being careful with broken glass,” Casady says.
Another man was found with a bag of drugs in his pants. He swore he didn’t know, said he’d borrowed the pants.
The chief says this may be his all-time favorite.
“Victim is owner of Psychic Visions. She advised that a sign was removed from the front of her business. She doesn’t know who removed the sign.
“She’s a psychic!”
Cassandra Briggs, a police officer in Lincoln for 13 years, says all officers have their favorite stories.
One time, she wrote a report about a man who was lying in the middle of the street, licking the asphalt.
Another time, she wrote up a fight in the 1300 block of Peach Street.
“Two men were fighting,” she says. “We separated them and asked why. They said they’d mutually agreed six months before to swap wives. But one guy decided he wanted his wife back, and the other guy decided he didn’t want to return his wife.
“The wives were watching. Both women ended up staying with one gentleman.”
Many reports are like that — people not thinking things through.
Victim was drinking while skateboarding and fell, causing injury.
And then there are the calls too ridiculous to make it into print as incident reports, Briggs says.
She laughs.
Like the woman the other day who wanted police to do a property pickup for her on an East Coast civil trial in which she was involved. Police asked her what property she wanted them to pick up.
She responded: My boobs.
The woman had been part of a class-action suit against a breast-implant company for faulty implants. She’d had hers removed in Lincoln by a doctor.
“It’s those calls that can give you the humor to get through the rest of your day,” Briggs says.
They see neighbors reporting neighbors.
White male using profanity with victim over a Frisbee being tossed in yard.
Neighbors pour urine on victim’s vehicle (no damages).
Threatened, cussed at, shoved by known over grass clippings.
Chief Casady posted a report on his blog the other day about a neighbor who called to complain about a boy. Why?
He was climbing a tree.
They see friends reporting friends.
Victim brought dog to person’s residence, person gave it to someone else.
Item missing after victim’s friend visited: Dell 15-inch laptop computer.
Victim thinks party he let stay with him took City of Lincoln library card.
Some incident reports, however, make perfect sense. They make you feel good about humanity. Like this one that happened the other day at the Burger King on Havelock Avenue.
Party came into business and grabbed the newspaper, then drove off. Lincoln Journal Star newspaper.
These recent police incident reports didn’t make it into the Lincoln Journal Star:
Unknown party burned McDonald’s food bag full of feces and left on front door step.
Customer saw person put bag of Funyuns chips in pants. When confronted, a carton of Roberts chocolate milk fell out.
Reports on the Web
To see Lincoln Police Chief Tom Casady’s blog, "The Chief’s Corner," go to lpd304.blogspot.com
To see summary of Lincoln police calls, go to www.lincoln.ne.gov/city/police/stats/index.htm “Girls Gone Wild” DVD taken from victim’s home while victim present.
Neither did these recent larcenies from Lincoln homes:
Six concrete frogs, three concrete turtles.
Blessed Mother concrete statue.
“Yard of the Month” sign.
Nor did the incident report Police Chief Tom Casady posted the other day on his blog, “The Chief’s Corner,” about a woman playing with her kids at Holmes Lake who called the cops on an old man who filled a Hy-Vee ice cream bucket with sand and drove off in his pickup.
She was upset, she told police. Her tax dollars helped buy the sand. She gave officers his license plate number and they knocked on the man’s door.
He stated he had gone to two hardware stores to buy sand and could not find any. He stated his daughter is getting married, and they needed a bucket with sand to act as a weight. He stated he had no intentions of maintaining ownership of the city-owned sand, and would return it. No citations were issued.
The Journal Star prints what it deems newsworthy. Those incidents weren’t. But maybe, printed now together, they say something about our community — or at least the part of the community most people don’t see, the part police officers and journalists have to see because it’s their job.
Said Casady: “Hardly a day goes by you don’t see something that causes you to shake your head.”
Said Lincoln Journal Star police reporter Lori Pilger: “Those are the fun ones. It’s amusing, the things people will steal.”
The incidents range from the odd to the funny to the baby-Jesus-stealing bad of annual Nativity scene thefts.
They are texting-your-ex bad.
Ex-boyfriend texted victim: Watch your (expletive) back.
Victim received text saying, “UR DEAD.”
They are VH1's “Flavor of Love” bad.
In hallway, “I HATE CARRIE” written in mascara.
Walked up to victim and poured syrup on her jacket, shirt and pants.
They are Humans Gone Wild.
Used black marker to write “KRUSTY IS GAY.”
Put flag in planter of “You die soon. Your wife too!”
Glued lock of door, scratched message into door: “PAY YUR BILLS.”
All of those in just the past few weeks.
Read enough of them and you might look at people a little more warily. Is that tall man in line at Target the one who lit the American flag on fire? Or stole Xanax from a co-worker’s purse? Did your son’s friends leave that flaming McDonald’s bag of feces?
Or your son?
(A recent string of flaming-bags-of-feces crimes in northeast Lincoln may have been solved. Around 1 a.m. recently, a woman awoke to the doorbell. She found a burning bag. Police arrested two boys, 13 and 14, walking nearby. Police found matches in one boy’s pocket.)
Is that woman in sunglasses at the red light the one who stole the Buddha statue? The Bibles?
Bibles were among items stolen from a vehicle outside a church on Harwood Street last month. In another May incident, someone broke into a vehicle and removed items but left a brown Bible. Police found it under the car.
Why did someone call Ethel on Lexington Avenue and tell her she’d won a sweepstakes?
Why would anyone waste police time to report the theft of a bucket of sand?
The police chief laughs.
“And that poor guy. He’s at home, getting ready for his daughter’s wedding, and here comes a police officer knocking at his door.”
About 25 years ago, Casady inherited a file from a co-worker. It was called “Wishful Thinking,” and it was full of odd and bizarre incident reports. He’s added to it over the years.
“My current thing is the bizarre reasons that people call police. ... You just can’t imagine someone would call to report their bong pipe stolen. But that happens with some regularity.”
The police chief reads aloud from “Wishful Thinking.”
There’s a shoplifting report in which a man was found with three light bulbs and two tweezers down the front of his pants.
“He must have missed that part about being careful with broken glass,” Casady says.
Another man was found with a bag of drugs in his pants. He swore he didn’t know, said he’d borrowed the pants.
The chief says this may be his all-time favorite.
“Victim is owner of Psychic Visions. She advised that a sign was removed from the front of her business. She doesn’t know who removed the sign.
“She’s a psychic!”
Cassandra Briggs, a police officer in Lincoln for 13 years, says all officers have their favorite stories.
One time, she wrote a report about a man who was lying in the middle of the street, licking the asphalt.
Another time, she wrote up a fight in the 1300 block of Peach Street.
“Two men were fighting,” she says. “We separated them and asked why. They said they’d mutually agreed six months before to swap wives. But one guy decided he wanted his wife back, and the other guy decided he didn’t want to return his wife.
“The wives were watching. Both women ended up staying with one gentleman.”
Many reports are like that — people not thinking things through.
Victim was drinking while skateboarding and fell, causing injury.
And then there are the calls too ridiculous to make it into print as incident reports, Briggs says.
She laughs.
Like the woman the other day who wanted police to do a property pickup for her on an East Coast civil trial in which she was involved. Police asked her what property she wanted them to pick up.
She responded: My boobs.
The woman had been part of a class-action suit against a breast-implant company for faulty implants. She’d had hers removed in Lincoln by a doctor.
“It’s those calls that can give you the humor to get through the rest of your day,” Briggs says.
They see neighbors reporting neighbors.
White male using profanity with victim over a Frisbee being tossed in yard.
Neighbors pour urine on victim’s vehicle (no damages).
Threatened, cussed at, shoved by known over grass clippings.
Chief Casady posted a report on his blog the other day about a neighbor who called to complain about a boy. Why?
He was climbing a tree.
They see friends reporting friends.
Victim brought dog to person’s residence, person gave it to someone else.
Item missing after victim’s friend visited: Dell 15-inch laptop computer.
Victim thinks party he let stay with him took City of Lincoln library card.
Some incident reports, however, make perfect sense. They make you feel good about humanity. Like this one that happened the other day at the Burger King on Havelock Avenue.
Party came into business and grabbed the newspaper, then drove off. Lincoln Journal Star newspaper.
