Relationship: Open or Closed?

[The King]

Sounds like King wants his cake, pie, custard, and ice cream and eat them, too.

yup, and when it all comes back to bite him in the a$$, he'll learn, but it'll be the hard way...

Yeah, because I've been in a "traditional" relationship for 3.5 years now. You guys really know me.

 

[HuskerShark]

You keep bringing up the sexual compatibility argument, when (in my opinion) there isn't one.

If a man and a woman have working parts, they are sexually compatible. It's as simple as that.

Not for most people its not. I'm sure you are not alone in your mindset, but for most people, it can be much more complicated.

Quantity alone can be a critical issue. If he wants sex 3 times a week, and she will only have sex 3 times a month, that is a mighty big issue. And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

It can be more complicated than that, but not because it needs to be. Because they choose for it to be.

I'll try to tread lightly here, since it's not the religion forum, but this is just further evidence of how God's design for marriage is the design for marriage and when you stray from it things fall apart all too easily.

The way God designed marriage is for two people to give up self for the sake of Lord and for the sake of other in mutual, willing, glad submission. That means neither is interested in a give-take relationship - both are only interested in a give relationship, and because of which both are able to receive gladly and be provided for by their spouse.

You want to do it more times per week than your wife does? Serve her in that. In a glorifying, biblical marriage, she will respect you honoring her and she will also, in turn, serve your desires (not your needs; your wants). You will be glad to give up a few romps in the sack as a sacrifice towards her, and she will be glad to give you what you want in loving submission to you.

Saying "we aren't sexually compatible" is a selfish justification for your own desires.

I still don't think you are getting the idea. And getting further into it, will require a forum change.

Sex is the 'glue' that bonds a couple closer together, and the glue for long term also. The phrase 'sex is only an issue when there is none' is very true. There is science backing it up also, as sex releases chemicals in the brain that create 'bonding' with the other person.

That actually is very true, but the reliance on that is the reason that a lot of marriages/relationships fail. You have to establish a mutual caring relationship first for it to truly work IMO.

 

[ADS]

Would never consider it, seems like a lot of work. Staying single is the better option, I love my single life.

 

[wildman]

All rebelled against God's design. What's your point?

as times change people and their beliefs and desires change. According to religion sex between man and woman was limited to certain number of times, during certain times of the year. Plus it could only be done for having kids. Today we are no longer taught that, so in essence all married couples who have sex are rebelling against God's design. By the time we are in the old folks home and our great grand kids are playing for the Huskers. Then beliefs about sex within a married couple could be drastically different then how we see it today.

 

[StPaulHusker]

People obviously have differing opinions about this. I guess my thoughts are that I got married because I found the ONE woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't need anyone else in my life. Nor do I now. That, I suppose, is the traditional view of being married. Clearly that thought process has blurred over the years and it now means different things to different people.

I may be wrong in thinking that nothing good could ever come out of having an open marriage. At some point somebody is going to get hurt.

Now if it just an open relationship. To each their own.

 

[Landlord]

All rebelled against God's design. What's your point?

as times change people and their beliefs and desires change. According to religion sex between man and woman was limited to certain number of times, during certain times of the year. Plus it could only be done for having kids. Today we are no longer taught that, so in essence all married couples who have sex are rebelling against God's design. By the time we are in the old folks home and our great grand kids are playing for the Huskers. Then beliefs about sex within a married couple could be drastically different then how we see it today.

According to religion? According to which religion? Just religion in general, as in all religions, or one in particular? What are your references for these claims as I'm unaware of any teachings that describe what you just posted.

 

[The Dude]

Appealing to ancient wisdom is generally a bad idea.

 

[Landlord]

Appealing to ancient wisdom is generally a bad idea.

It's a good thing for me that God's word is timeless then

[/typicallyobnoxiouschristianresponse]

 

[carlfense]

The open relationships that I've seen usually don't end well . . .

 

[BigRedBuster]

Assuming you are not a religious person and only looking at it practical terms. Why would you be in a "relationship" if it's open? Isn't that simply "friends with benefits"? Meaning, hey....we can hook up every once in a while but neither is tied to the other.

There is no way in hell I would be in a long term relationship that is open. Sure, it may sound fun. But, it is a disaster waiting to happen.

 

[wildman]

People obviously have differing opinions about this. I guess my thoughts are that I got married because I found the ONE woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't need anyone else in my life. Nor do I now. That, I suppose, is the traditional view of being married. Clearly that thought process has blurred over the years and it now means different things to different people.

I may be wrong in thinking that nothing good could ever come out of having an open marriage. At some point somebody is going to get hurt.

Now if it just an open relationship. To each their own.

The mind is a mysterious thing. For most people what you described is enough as that's all they are looking for. But not everyone works that way. I've seen on discovery channel a show about people having healthy limbs amputated. They interviewed a guy who have his right leg beneath the knee amputated. When asked why he did it. He stated he never felt right or healthy with the leg. He had test done and doctors never found anything wrong with him or his leg. After it was amputated he stated he now feels whole and healthy.

So if the mind can make you do that. Maybe a similar type feeling is going on with people wanting an open relationship. They are perfectly happy, no issues what so ever. But the brain is telling them something is wrong, something is missing. Until that's fixed or figured out. The no matter what they do they will never be 100% happy and satisfied.

 

[The Dude]

The open relationships that I've seen usually don't end well . . .

Based on my observation, they work out 2 out of 3 times.

 

[BigRedBuster]

I remember a story I watched on some TV news program about a couple who I would say had a fairly open relationship. They portrayed them as being a fairly normal family with a couple young kids. The mom was described as the normal "soccer mom"......other than they run a porn site out of their basement.

They showed the house and it was your typical upper middle class home in any suburb. In the basement was a studio where the husband would tape the wife having sex with various other people. They claimed they LOVED the life style because they both wanted an open relationship (especially the wife) and the husband didn't have any problem with it and they made their entire living off of it.

Well......hmmmmm......a few years later there was an update where they were divorced and their lives were in shambles.

What sounds good now many times doesn't end that way.

 

[StPaulHusker]

People obviously have differing opinions about this. I guess my thoughts are that I got married because I found the ONE woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't need anyone else in my life. Nor do I now. That, I suppose, is the traditional view of being married. Clearly that thought process has blurred over the years and it now means different things to different people.

I may be wrong in thinking that nothing good could ever come out of having an open marriage. At some point somebody is going to get hurt.

Now if it just an open relationship. To each their own.

The mind is a mysterious thing. For most people what you described is enough as that's all they are looking for. But not everyone works that way. I've seen on discovery channel a show about people having healthy limbs amputated. They interviewed a guy who have his right leg beneath the knee amputated. When asked why he did it. He stated he never felt right or healthy with the leg. He had test done and doctors never found anything wrong with him or his leg. After it was amputated he stated he now feels whole and healthy.

So if the mind can make you do that. Maybe a similar type feeling is going on with people wanting an open relationship. They are perfectly happy, no issues what so ever. But the brain is telling them something is wrong, something is missing. Until that's fixed or figured out. The no matter what they do they will never be 100% happy and satisfied.

I see where you are going. I don't have problems with someone going that route. I don't find it unhealthy or disturbing, etc. It's just not in my mindset as a married man to go that route.

And based on your analogy with the amputee's, my only argument would be that at least with them, it mostly involves just them( I know there are exceptions). But with the open relationships while married, it will involve several people and odds are someone will be hurt by what happens.

 

[wildman]

People obviously have differing opinions about this. I guess my thoughts are that I got married because I found the ONE woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't need anyone else in my life. Nor do I now. That, I suppose, is the traditional view of being married. Clearly that thought process has blurred over the years and it now means different things to different people.

I may be wrong in thinking that nothing good could ever come out of having an open marriage. At some point somebody is going to get hurt.

Now if it just an open relationship. To each their own.

The mind is a mysterious thing. For most people what you described is enough as that's all they are looking for. But not everyone works that way. I've seen on discovery channel a show about people having healthy limbs amputated. They interviewed a guy who have his right leg beneath the knee amputated. When asked why he did it. He stated he never felt right or healthy with the leg. He had test done and doctors never found anything wrong with him or his leg. After it was amputated he stated he now feels whole and healthy.

So if the mind can make you do that. Maybe a similar type feeling is going on with people wanting an open relationship. They are perfectly happy, no issues what so ever. But the brain is telling them something is wrong, something is missing. Until that's fixed or figured out. The no matter what they do they will never be 100% happy and satisfied.

I see where you are going. I don't have problems with someone going that route. I don't find it unhealthy or disturbing, etc. It's just not in my mindset as a married man to go that route.

And based on your analogy with the amputee's, my only argument would be that at least with them, it mostly involves just them( I know there are exceptions). But with the open relationships while married, it will involve several people and odds are someone will be hurt by what happens.

oh I agree that someone eventually will get hurt. But sadly it'll stay that way till prostitution is legalized in the country. Which will never happen.