Relationship: Open or Closed?

[StPaulHusker]

People obviously have differing opinions about this. I guess my thoughts are that I got married because I found the ONE woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't need anyone else in my life. Nor do I now. That, I suppose, is the traditional view of being married. Clearly that thought process has blurred over the years and it now means different things to different people.

I may be wrong in thinking that nothing good could ever come out of having an open marriage. At some point somebody is going to get hurt.

Now if it just an open relationship. To each their own.

The mind is a mysterious thing. For most people what you described is enough as that's all they are looking for. But not everyone works that way. I've seen on discovery channel a show about people having healthy limbs amputated. They interviewed a guy who have his right leg beneath the knee amputated. When asked why he did it. He stated he never felt right or healthy with the leg. He had test done and doctors never found anything wrong with him or his leg. After it was amputated he stated he now feels whole and healthy.

So if the mind can make you do that. Maybe a similar type feeling is going on with people wanting an open relationship. They are perfectly happy, no issues what so ever. But the brain is telling them something is wrong, something is missing. Until that's fixed or figured out. The no matter what they do they will never be 100% happy and satisfied.

I see where you are going. I don't have problems with someone going that route. I don't find it unhealthy or disturbing, etc. It's just not in my mindset as a married man to go that route.

And based on your analogy with the amputee's, my only argument would be that at least with them, it mostly involves just them( I know there are exceptions). But with the open relationships while married, it will involve several people and odds are someone will be hurt by what happens.

oh I agree that someone eventually will get hurt. But sadly it'll stay that way till prostitution is legalized in the country. Which will never happen.

Wait. I thought this was a discussion about 2 people accepting an open relationship. Where do the hookers factor in to the equation?

 

[Mavric]

The open relationships that I've seen usually don't end well . . .

Based on my observation, they work out 2 out of 3 times.

That's a small sample size. You better try a few more to verify your observations.

 

[zoogs]

Food for thought, what percentage of relationships period end well?

 

[carlfense]

Food for thought, what percentage of relationships period end well?

Few. If they end . . . it's usually not happy.

What I meant was that one individual or the other generally tends to wish/hope/ask for something more serious . . . and ends up getting hurt.

C'est la vie.

 

[Landlord]

Food for thought, what percentage of relationships period end well?

What percentage don't end well based on a mindset of "I am not getting what I need"? Obviously that isn't a real statistic, but I will always maintain that relationship can always work and end well if the people involved were to make that choice for and toward each other.

 

[Mavric]

Food for thought, what percentage of relationships period end well?

Per Dr. Wilson:

Any relationship that doesn't end in a breakup ends in death. Everything falls apart in the end. That's your worldview. The corollary, which you keep forgetting, is that you have to grab any chance for happiness.

 

[wildman]

All rebelled against God's design. What's your point?

as times change people and their beliefs and desires change. According to religion sex between man and woman was limited to certain number of times, during certain times of the year. Plus it could only be done for having kids. Today we are no longer taught that, so in essence all married couples who have sex are rebelling against God's design. By the time we are in the old folks home and our great grand kids are playing for the Huskers. Then beliefs about sex within a married couple could be drastically different then how we see it today.

According to religion? According to which religion? Just religion in general, as in all religions, or one in particular? What are your references for these claims as I'm unaware of any teachings that describe what you just posted.

I havn't found it in writing myself so unfortunately no links. But where I got that information was from the history channel. I was watching it about religions. They were talking about Catholic, and Wiccan. They were saying Catholics were more controlled by religion while Wiccans were more free. One of the examples of being controlled was sexual as how I described. Supposably with some of the catholics being controlled as such and wiccans being happy. Some of the catholics seeing this turned to what they thought as being wiccan, which today is better known as devil worshiping. Really far fetched on some of it. So who knows how accurate any of the information the show had was valid. But that's what I remember.

 

[wildman]

People obviously have differing opinions about this. I guess my thoughts are that I got married because I found the ONE woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't need anyone else in my life. Nor do I now. That, I suppose, is the traditional view of being married. Clearly that thought process has blurred over the years and it now means different things to different people.

I may be wrong in thinking that nothing good could ever come out of having an open marriage. At some point somebody is going to get hurt.

Now if it just an open relationship. To each their own.

The mind is a mysterious thing. For most people what you described is enough as that's all they are looking for. But not everyone works that way. I've seen on discovery channel a show about people having healthy limbs amputated. They interviewed a guy who have his right leg beneath the knee amputated. When asked why he did it. He stated he never felt right or healthy with the leg. He had test done and doctors never found anything wrong with him or his leg. After it was amputated he stated he now feels whole and healthy.

So if the mind can make you do that. Maybe a similar type feeling is going on with people wanting an open relationship. They are perfectly happy, no issues what so ever. But the brain is telling them something is wrong, something is missing. Until that's fixed or figured out. The no matter what they do they will never be 100% happy and satisfied.

I see where you are going. I don't have problems with someone going that route. I don't find it unhealthy or disturbing, etc. It's just not in my mindset as a married man to go that route.

And based on your analogy with the amputee's, my only argument would be that at least with them, it mostly involves just them( I know there are exceptions). But with the open relationships while married, it will involve several people and odds are someone will be hurt by what happens.

oh I agree that someone eventually will get hurt. But sadly it'll stay that way till prostitution is legalized in the country. Which will never happen.

Wait. I thought this was a discussion about 2 people accepting an open relationship. Where do the hookers factor in to the equation?

lol what I meant with that was if it was legal. Then and a couple was happy and accepting a open relationship. Then no one gets hurt the husband and wife get what they want, sex outside of marriage. The hooker gets what she wants money. nothing more to that statement then that. more of a joke really.

 

[Landlord]

All rebelled against God's design. What's your point?

as times change people and their beliefs and desires change. According to religion sex between man and woman was limited to certain number of times, during certain times of the year. Plus it could only be done for having kids. Today we are no longer taught that, so in essence all married couples who have sex are rebelling against God's design. By the time we are in the old folks home and our great grand kids are playing for the Huskers. Then beliefs about sex within a married couple could be drastically different then how we see it today.

According to religion? According to which religion? Just religion in general, as in all religions, or one in particular? What are your references for these claims as I'm unaware of any teachings that describe what you just posted.

But where I got that information was from the history channel.

stuff stuff stuff stuff......

So who knows how accurate any of the information the show had was valid.

 

[wildman]

Food for thought, what percentage of relationships period end well?

What percentage don't end well based on a mindset of "I am not getting what I need"? Obviously that isn't a real statistic, but I will always maintain that relationship can always work and end well if the people involved were to make that choice for and toward each other.

Sadly that type of mind set seems to be slowly going away. As some people would rather not have to work for something.

 

[wildman]

All rebelled against God's design. What's your point?

as times change people and their beliefs and desires change. According to religion sex between man and woman was limited to certain number of times, during certain times of the year. Plus it could only be done for having kids. Today we are no longer taught that, so in essence all married couples who have sex are rebelling against God's design. By the time we are in the old folks home and our great grand kids are playing for the Huskers. Then beliefs about sex within a married couple could be drastically different then how we see it today.

According to religion? According to which religion? Just religion in general, as in all religions, or one in particular? What are your references for these claims as I'm unaware of any teachings that describe what you just posted.

But where I got that information was from the history channel.

stuff stuff stuff stuff......

So who knows how accurate any of the information the show had was valid.

the show started out talking about how Wiccan became hated and feared by the Catholics. Even though Wiccan supposedly was more practiced then Catholic at the time. Where it became far fetched for me was how Catholics converted to wiccan but really started devil worshiping instead. Is what lost me and made me not truly take everything there as factual.

anyway back to topic. Sorry for derailing the thread.

 

[Landlord]

the show started out talking about how Wiccan became hated and feared by the Catholics. Even though Wiccan supposedly was more practiced then Catholic at the time. Where it became far fetched for me was how Catholics converted to wiccan but really started devil worshiping instead. Is what lost me and made me not truly take everything there as factual.

anyway back to topic. Sorry for derailing the thread.

Don't take anything on the History channel factual. Otherwise you'll end up like this guy:

 

[wildman]

the show started out talking about how Wiccan became hated and feared by the Catholics. Even though Wiccan supposedly was more practiced then Catholic at the time. Where it became far fetched for me was how Catholics converted to wiccan but really started devil worshiping instead. Is what lost me and made me not truly take everything there as factual.

anyway back to topic. Sorry for derailing the thread.

Don't take anything on the History channel factual. Otherwise you'll end up like this guy:

that guy drives me insane. I pray aliens pay him a visit just to bring him a comb for his hair.

 

[walksalone]

Sounds like King wants his cake, pie, custard, and ice cream and eat them, too.

yup, and when it all comes back to bite him in the a$$, he'll learn, but it'll be the hard way...

Yeah, because I've been in a "traditional" relationship for 3.5 years now. You guys really know me.

No, we don't really know you, but here's a couple things...

You bring this up in a forum that opens yourself up to scrutiny.

If you're in a traditional relationship for 3 and a half years, why do you need to change it now? If you'd have been of this mindset from the git go, it would make you look less greedy...

But, if you pursue it, I'm going to help you...

Open relationship =