Fryar has message
BRIDGETON -- Former Philadelphia Eagles wide receiver Irving Fryar was a man of many messages Wednesday night during his appearance at Cherry Street School.
He had to be, too.
Still, the variety of messages Fryar attempted to convey all came back to the same basic principle and that is the importance of traditional family values.
"Dysfunctional daddies cause mommies to malfunction," said Fryar, who has been married to his wife, Jacqueline, for 20 years and is the father of four children.
Fryar was speaking in general terms, not implying that there aren't successful individuals who were raised by single parents. He was just trying to make the point that "family ain't what it used to be" and needs to be for most children to lead successful lives.
Unfortunately, the one group that was underrepresented in the audience was young men.
"We don't have a whole lot of fellas here so I can jump on us like I wanted to," Fryar remarked, a hint of disappointment evident.
Fryar says the fact that he and his wife have been together for 20 years is an anomaly on both sides of his immediate family -- his parents were divorced, so were his wife's; his aunts and uncles are divorced, so are hers.
It's not always easy to keep a marriage together, he acknowledged, but it's important for children's sakes.
In fact, he said, most arguments between himself and his wife stem from the harsh treatment he dishes out on his two boys.
"'Yes, I am being hard on the boys,'" he recalled telling his wife on numerous occasions. "'But I've made a decision to stop what has been going on in our family for generations.'"
Fryar called on the parents in attendance to get "quality time through quantity time."
"Our kids need us. They need us to give them guidance. They need us to give them information. They need our love. They also need that other thing -- you know what I'm talking about -- the discipline," he added.
Fryar, who was brought to Cherry Street School by South Jersey Youth Alliance President Preston Centuolo on behalf of the Empowerment Zone-funded 21st Century After School Program, also took the opportunity to give some advice to the children in attendance.
"What (parents) tell you, we tell you to help you. We don't tell you 'no' to keep you from having fun. We tell you 'no' because we don't want you to get hurt," he said.
Fryar also stressed that hard work is the key to success and that life's challenges and difficulties -- not the successes -- and our ability to overcome them builds our character.
"I went through some stuff. Not good stuff," Fryar offered, the only reference he made to his much-publicized off-field problems with drugs and alcohol as a 20-something-year-old player with the New England Patriots, who made him the No. 1 overall pick in the 1984 draft after his senior season at the University of Nebraska.
A handful of young kids who hung around outside the school after Fryar had taken a few pictures with some kids -- and big kid and big sports fan, school board President Todd Edwards -- appeared to have heard Fryar loud and clear.
"It was to stay in school and listen to your parents," 11-year-old Cherry Street School student Dramere Lawson responded when asked if he understood Fryar's message.
"I learned that you've got to listen to your parents so you don't get hurt," said 8-year-old Deja Lawson, a student at Charles F. Seabrook School in Upper Deerfield Township.
School board members who attended the hour-long discussion were pleased by what Fryar offered, as was Mayor Michael Pirolli.
"He answered the questions of the young people and stressed the importance of education," board member Thelma Scott said. "I think it was very positive. I just wish there were more kids here."
"I was impressed by him, particularly I was not expecting the depth of seriousness of the discussion. I mean, he was talking about parenting issues, family issues, the need for people to take on personal responsibility," Pirolli said.
But the discussion was not all about serious, real-life issues. The man was, after all, a five-time All-Pro who ended his 17-year NFL career ranked ninth all-time in receptions.
Fryar was not above taking a shot at the Eagles' wide receiver corps of recent years.
When asked why he quit the game after the 2000 season, the 42-year-old Fryar responded, "I didn't quit playing football because I couldn't play anymore. I could still go out there and play better than (Todd) Pinkston and that Freddie Mitchell."
The reason he offered for leaving the game after a fairly successful final season with the Redskins was his 19-year-old son, his oldest child, needed him to be around more.
"My son would have been in trouble, because he needed me there," he said, noting his son started bringing home "D" report cards.
Fryar also noted that he was not ready to retire when he left the Birds at the end of the 1998 season, saying he essentially was forced into the decision when management informed him they didn't want him back. He signed on to play with the Redskins for two more seasons, in part, "to get that bad taste out of my mouth."
