Serious question.........

BIGREDIOWAN

BIGREDIOWAN

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Guys and gals,

I have a serious question for all of you and I don't want any b.s. answers or jokes being thrown at this question. My wife and I have been trying to have a child since October 2005 as some of you know. Well once again after fertility treatments for her we were unsuccessful again this month after spending thousands of dollars thus far in these treatments. We have one more step to go, invitro, before we call it quits. We are hoping that this works, but of course we are starting to have our doubts. I guess at this point I've stopped praying for this to work and I'm actually P.O. at god. I know that sounds horrible, but given this situation I'm not going to rely on him for anything. My question is has anyone on here adopted and if you have, could you please give me some advice as to what to expect/do. This is something I hope we don't have to do, but if we do then that's the route we are going to take. I have no problem adopting a baby after we do this last step of the infertility treatments. If this is to private of a question please PM me with some advice because at this point I'm just confused and agitated over this whole situation. Thanks in advance for the advice.

 
I personally haven't adopted. But have done the research as we were where you are at. Anyway, in Iowa adoption laws are easier if you live in the state. Which you do. You have to live in Iowa for so many months, I think 2, before the baby is born. So you have that covered. It's expensive at times and can be heartbreaking as the biological parents can change their minds, up to 6 months after the adoption. My ex husband gave up right to my oldest son and my hubby adopted him. Because my ex lived in Nebraska our attorney also filed papers in Nebraska so that my ex couldn't come back and say that he didn't give up his rights. We also, went through a judge in Nebraska to make sure it was all legal and everything. There are several agencies out there, religious, private, county etc. The first step you need to do is find a good attorney. We were advised when looking into it to try to stay in state as that would be easier. We were in the process when I did finally get pregnant. I hope it happens for you guys, but adopting is so cool, you'll give a child a good home, that may not get one. Some of the questions you'll be asked is about race and gender. If you don't care then it does make it alot easier. You'll also me asked if the baby should be born with birth defects will you still want it. Make sure you know when you go to the first appointment, it may not come up, it did with our attorney, but that just could be his way of making sure you really wanted to do this. GOOD LUCK! Let me know if I can help you more. Even though you've given up on God I will still say a prayer for you.

 
Thanks for replying. I've started doing some research into all of this and the cost is pretty overwhelming so we'll see. Hopefully the doctor can tell us what's going on because this is getting very frustrating!

 
Best of luck to you and your wife. I think some medical insurance policies may pick up some of the costs associated with adoption as well. Just a thought.

I hope this all works out for you all.

 
I have some friends that tried and tried and just couldn't seem to get it done. They did all the things you have tried. As they conceded defeat and accepted the fact that they would probably not have children of their own they grew happier together. They now have a 5 year old son and twin 2 year old sons.

Sometimes when all hope is lost, something good happens.

Keep the faith brother

 
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Have you ever thought about a surrogate pregnancy? You know, having another woman concieve a child for you and your wife if things don't work out. This could work better because it would be your own son or daughter. The price falls around $10,000 though to do this. I was reading up on it when my I found out that my ex had to have one of her overies removed due to cysts. The experts say more and more infertile couples are creating embryos from their own eggs and sperm and hiring other women to carry the fetuses to term. The chance of multiple births are increased through this method because several embryos are used to improve the chance of a live birth. Its just a thought though man....I wish you the best of luck.

 
I'm guessing you and your wife have both been tested to see if you can even have children?

Don't lose your faith. Think positive. If it's not meant to be to have your own, it could be god telling you that you're supposed to adopt a child who's waiting for you.

 
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bennychico11 said:
I'm guessing you and your wife have both been tested to see if you can even have children?

Don't lose your faith. Think positive. If it's not meant to be to have your own, it could be god telling you that you're supposed to adopt a child who's waiting for you.
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Yeah, we've been tested and besides a small amount of endrometriosis in my wife, which they removed, we are fine. The doctor said I should be able to walk by someone and get them pregnant so he doesn't understand it. We have also thought about the serogate mother thing and have actually talked to her sister about it. We're going to look into that a little further as well.

 
I have friends who adopted and when they got the baby she got pregnant almost immediately. My first wife and I tried for about two years with poor luck and just when we decided to see the doctor to find out what else we could do she got pregnant. I don't know but sometimes it seems that the harder you try and the more you concentrate the worse your luck gets. Don't give up hope as they say the Good Lord does work in mysterious ways.

>>>T_O_B

 
As an adopted baby, I can tell you that I count my blessings everday for how lucky I am to have been adopted by such amazing people. I don't even consider my birthmother anything anymore as my parents have done such an excellent job at loving and taking care of me. Trust me, from what I can derive from you from on here, you seem like a good guy who would do nothing but love your child. Just think how happy you would make some kid who isn't wanted by his birthmother.

When my parents told me I was adopted, I didn't even care, I was just happy to be unconditionally loved by someone so much. My mom tells me all the time that she waited her whole life for me, and I truly believe she did. (they couldn't have children either)

So, adoption is an awesome thing BRI, just because the kid isn't your blood, doesn't mean they can't be your own.

 
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Best of luck BRI!! I'm praying for you and your wife. Don't give up hope. I worked with a guy who is in the same situation as you are now. He and his wife tried and tried for years to have a baby and nothing seemed to work. Then one day she was pregnant! Nine months later they had a healthy little girl. ;)

 
Huskerballz said:
As an adopted baby, I can tell you that I count my blessings everday for how lucky I am to have been adopted by such amazing people. I don't even consider my birthmother anything anymore as my parents have done such an excellent job at loving and taking care of me. Trust me, from what I can derive from you from on here, you seem like a good guy who would do nothing but love your child. Just think how happy you would make some kid who isn't wanted by his birthmother.

When my parents told me I was adopted, I didn't even care, I was just happy to be unconditionally loved by someone so much. My mom tells me all the time that she waited her whole life for me, and I truly believe she did. (they couldn't have children either)

So, adoption is an awesome thing BRI, just because the kid isn't your blood, doesn't mean they can't be your own.
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WOW what a great story. Thanks for sharing it with me because that makes me feel better about the whole thing.

 
not that I'm what you would call a 'ringing endorsement,' but I was adopted too...best wishes dude...

 
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