Things your kids do or say

killer cacti said:
Stumpy1 said:
My 8 month old decided to pull his diaper off yesterday morning and spread sh#t all around his crib, on the wall and all over himself. We walked in and he was just standing there, painting the wall, jabbering away. I started laughing and my wife wasn't to thrilled about it. I ended up hauling the crib outside and power washing it while she scrubbed the walls. Have to say this is the first time in 4 kids that it has happened.
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We use cloth "G diapers" which velcro in the back, I'm hoping that little engineering feat will prevent him taking his own diapers off...
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Super-glue

To the buttocks

 
My wife was just changing our 10 month old and he was grabbing at his wang. I said " See dear, we start playing with it at an early age" and all of a sudden, my 8 yr old said " Tanden, are you playing with your beefy enchilada. "

I ended up spitting my beer out all over my wife and kid.

 
While watching Pirates of the Caribbean with my four-year-old

Me: "Yeah, they're going to Tortuga, the pirate island. It's a very violent place where pirates hang out."

Son: "So it's purple?"

Me: "Why would it be purple?"

Son: "You said it's violet."

 
Happened a while ago, an exchange between My wife, 6 year old step daughter and myself:

My Wife (playing NCAA 2014 on the Xbox): TOUCHDOWN!!!

Daughter: Yay mom!!!

Daughter: Now you can either go for two for two points or kick for one point

Wife: (Jaw hitting the floor at the idea that her daughter is now a football expert)

Me: What did you think we were doing while you were working nights?

Wife: I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

 
My sister in law was sitting in a chair when we told our son (about age 4) that she had a big belly because she had a baby in there. So he promptly lifted up her skirt to look at it.

 
A couple weeks back I let my kid watch a few select scenes from Animal House. Like the scene where they are gathered in the Dean's office and Bluto has pencils sticking out his nose. And the scene with Otis Day and the Knights playing Shama Lama Ding Dong.

So now, every once in a while my 5-year old kid turns to me and says, "Shama lama ding dong!"
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My daughter's soccer team voted on team names. It was a tie. Four voted for Dolphins, and the other four voted for Rockets. Nobody would change their vote. So we named them the "Dolphin-Rockets."
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My YS told the family that my oldest told him to shut the **** up. At a family dinner of all places. The look on my ex-MIL's face was priceless.

 
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My daughter is so much a tomboy that it isn't even funny. She would rather go fishing then get her nails done and is constantly fighting with the boys. She launched a baseball bat at my 9yr old while he was riding his bike and making fun of her cause she wrecked her bike and tore the end of her big toes off, nail and all. In the last 3 yrs, she has lost all but 2 toenails because she refuses to wear shoes outside during the summer. She ran in the grade school track meet and finished 2nd in the 50, 1st in the 100 and 1st in the 200 all while not wearing shoes.

 
My now 7 year old daughter, when she was five, we had a small fire in the backyard, making smores and just hanging out.

D: Dad it would be great if a bird just flew into the fire

Me: What??!!??

D: Yeah, because I want popcorn

Me: WHAT??!!??

D: Well you know, if you cook corn, it becomes popcorn, and birds eat corn, so if a bird flies into the fire, the corn in its stomach will pop and we can have popcorn.

Me:.....

D: DUH Dad

Me:...

D:Why don't birds fly in the fire for us?

I get up and make some popcorn at this stage

Another incident with her

Grandpa after explaining something to her: And do you know why I know this?

D: Because you are really old

 
Sho's last comment about Grandpa reminds me of a friend of mine's kid. I was helping them harvest and their middle boy was riding with me in the grain cart. This kid talks and talks and talks, doesn't ever shut up. We were leaving the yard heading to the field and going down the road, he says.

R: You wanna know something?

Me: Sure

R: Cows eat grass.

Me: Really!!!

R: Yep, wanna know how I know?

Me: Sure

R: Cause those cows over there are eating grass (as he points to some cows in the pasture as we are driving past).

I don't know why but it made me laugh pretty good.

 
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