Cy the Cyclone
Starter
I believe it would behoove Coach Frost to hire me as a consultant for the Nebraska football program. Why you ask?
1). I am very familiar with Nebraska. I had an uncle who lived outside of Union and I cried every time my dad threatened to take the family there for a visit. Still do.
2). I can find Nebraska on a map
3). As a lifelong Iowa State player and fan, I am on intimate terms with losing and futility
4). Everytime I drive by the Gotham exit, I say "I'm Batman"
Now that my credentials have been established, here are just a few ideas I have for building morale and producing success for the Husker program:
Helmet Stickers - Helmet stickers inspire fear in opponents! No one wants to face off against someone with his headgear covered with tomahawks or walnuts or whatever. Helmet stickers make the opposition quake in fear! Little does anyone know what these stickers represent. Do you get them for doing something great? Do you get them for learning to tie your shoes or for getting kicked out of Applebees? No one knows and...as long as no one leaks the information...that guy across the line is going to be scared. Oh...all the stickers will be shaped like ears of corn and you get your first one for figuring out how to get the backing off the sticker.
Award Helmets - This was a brilliant idea brought to Iowa State by that coaching genius Jim Criner. While all the regular schlubs on the team had to wear the boring scarlet helmet, the prior weeks MVP got a snazzy gold one to wear. This had the dual reward of recognition by your coach for your effort and recognition by the opposing team as the only decent player for Iowa State resulting in 11 opponents ignoring 10 ISU players while attempting to remove the head...with shiny gold helmet attached...from the 11th. Receipients of the Award Helmets usually spent the week attempting to find someone else dumb enough to wear it...a kicker perhaps. On game day you could usually find the award helmet sitting on the bench, next to a freshman walk-on who suddenly found himself missing his boring scarlet helmet. The award helmet may sound like a bad idea but I would utilize it in a different way...by giving it to a starter who might need a little jolt to up his play. We tell him it's his award for his hard work...meanwhile hoping that he'll get smashed enough times that he'll finally figure out he's wearing a big bullseye on his head and will do anything he can to get rid of it...or...just die. Either way, problem solved.
New Color Schemed Uniforms - Again, I drawing from experience from Iowa State coaching legend Paul Rhodes. When Paul took over he changed the Iowa State uniform color scheme to look exactly like the uniforms worn by the USC Trojans. This was quite effective. When Iowa State took the field, opponents became disoriented...thinking they had somehow been magically transported to Southern California. You could hear them muttering to each other "Hey...that's USC over there! They're tough! We're gonna get our asses handed to us". Unfortunately the illusion was shattered when our kicker tripped on the tee or our return guy dropped the kick off then ran away from it...except when we played Kansas. Those morons still think they gave USC all they could handle. Nebraska can't dress up like USC but...perhaps Ohio State? Opponents would be at a total loss if they expected Nebraska and Ohio State ran onto the field...especially Ohio State! The only thing that would give it away would be the ear of corn helmet stickers! I don't suggest copying the uniforms from an NFL team however. That just makes your team look like pathetic losers...or Iowa.
The Band - Encourage players and fans alike to assault the opponents band members. Its fun, keeps everyone occupied during TV time outs and enables Iowa City lawyers to continue to buy their mistresses pretty things.
These are just a few of the many ideas that leak out of my head on a continuous basis. Please forward my contact information to Coach Frost and I hope to hear from him soon.
1). I am very familiar with Nebraska. I had an uncle who lived outside of Union and I cried every time my dad threatened to take the family there for a visit. Still do.
2). I can find Nebraska on a map
3). As a lifelong Iowa State player and fan, I am on intimate terms with losing and futility
4). Everytime I drive by the Gotham exit, I say "I'm Batman"
Now that my credentials have been established, here are just a few ideas I have for building morale and producing success for the Husker program:
Helmet Stickers - Helmet stickers inspire fear in opponents! No one wants to face off against someone with his headgear covered with tomahawks or walnuts or whatever. Helmet stickers make the opposition quake in fear! Little does anyone know what these stickers represent. Do you get them for doing something great? Do you get them for learning to tie your shoes or for getting kicked out of Applebees? No one knows and...as long as no one leaks the information...that guy across the line is going to be scared. Oh...all the stickers will be shaped like ears of corn and you get your first one for figuring out how to get the backing off the sticker.
Award Helmets - This was a brilliant idea brought to Iowa State by that coaching genius Jim Criner. While all the regular schlubs on the team had to wear the boring scarlet helmet, the prior weeks MVP got a snazzy gold one to wear. This had the dual reward of recognition by your coach for your effort and recognition by the opposing team as the only decent player for Iowa State resulting in 11 opponents ignoring 10 ISU players while attempting to remove the head...with shiny gold helmet attached...from the 11th. Receipients of the Award Helmets usually spent the week attempting to find someone else dumb enough to wear it...a kicker perhaps. On game day you could usually find the award helmet sitting on the bench, next to a freshman walk-on who suddenly found himself missing his boring scarlet helmet. The award helmet may sound like a bad idea but I would utilize it in a different way...by giving it to a starter who might need a little jolt to up his play. We tell him it's his award for his hard work...meanwhile hoping that he'll get smashed enough times that he'll finally figure out he's wearing a big bullseye on his head and will do anything he can to get rid of it...or...just die. Either way, problem solved.
New Color Schemed Uniforms - Again, I drawing from experience from Iowa State coaching legend Paul Rhodes. When Paul took over he changed the Iowa State uniform color scheme to look exactly like the uniforms worn by the USC Trojans. This was quite effective. When Iowa State took the field, opponents became disoriented...thinking they had somehow been magically transported to Southern California. You could hear them muttering to each other "Hey...that's USC over there! They're tough! We're gonna get our asses handed to us". Unfortunately the illusion was shattered when our kicker tripped on the tee or our return guy dropped the kick off then ran away from it...except when we played Kansas. Those morons still think they gave USC all they could handle. Nebraska can't dress up like USC but...perhaps Ohio State? Opponents would be at a total loss if they expected Nebraska and Ohio State ran onto the field...especially Ohio State! The only thing that would give it away would be the ear of corn helmet stickers! I don't suggest copying the uniforms from an NFL team however. That just makes your team look like pathetic losers...or Iowa.
The Band - Encourage players and fans alike to assault the opponents band members. Its fun, keeps everyone occupied during TV time outs and enables Iowa City lawyers to continue to buy their mistresses pretty things.
These are just a few of the many ideas that leak out of my head on a continuous basis. Please forward my contact information to Coach Frost and I hope to hear from him soon.
