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Since it has been a while, I have taken it upon myself to closely study the conference in an effort to make sure all of you will be up to date with my latest observations so, without further delay, here is my summer outlook for the 2012 Big 10 Football Conference. First… Legends Division Minnesota – This team sucked last year and will suck again this year. Nothing to see here citizen…move along… The only way this team finishes anywhere except last in their division is if… oh hell…there’s no way they’ll finish anywhere but last in the division so why try to delude yourself if you’re a Golden Gopher fan. Just bring plenty of booze to the game, get roaring drunk and then go boink some cougar in a rest room stall. Michigan – The media would sure like Michigan to win the legends division because they are the only team in the Big 10 named after one of the X-men. Unfortunately, they are probably going to look like comic book characters when Alabama pummels them in the opener. Michigan has always been a slow starter (i.e. they always have to play someone good before they get to the Illinois, Purdue, Northwestern part of their schedule) and usually have a few bad loses late in their year (i.e. once they get past Illinois, Purdue and Northwestern and have to play someone good) but this might be their year…or it might not be. It depends on whether or not Robinson wants to be be. Northwestern – Imagine my surprise when, as I was doing my research for this paper, I discovered that Northwestern is not really North and West of here. Matter of fact, there are at least three other schools in the Big 10 that are either further North or further West than Northwestern. Actually, I had no idea where the school was located but for the record, it’s in Evanston, Illinois…and I still don’t know where it’s located. No matter…they have purple uniforms. Barney is purple. Barney was patterned off a big, scary dinosaur who was actually not big and scary at all. Northwestern is patterned off a big, scary football team who are actually not big and scary at all…but even Barney gets lucky now and then or there wouldn’t be a Baby Bop would there? Same with Northwestern. Unfortunately, a real tough schedule will probably make Northwestern as extinct as the real Barney is… Iowa – Once Kirk Ferentz get’s his last kid out of school on the Iowa tax payer’s dime, he’ll be out of Iowa faster than you can spit out your hay seeds so this will no doubt be his last season and he wants to go out with a bang. So far he’s managed to put his started running back out for the year with an injury while suspending the top back up for getting caught smoking that evil wacky tobacky… Iowa recently upgraded their football facilities by purchasing a surplus rescue unit off of Craigs List and painting it black with an Iowa logo on it. The team will definitely be stronger this year as the players have all vowed to double their 12 ounce curl reps after every practice. Michigan State – Ask me how the Spartans managed to win the Legends Division last year…go ahead, ask me! How the hell do I know? How the hell does anybody know? I don’t even think they know how they did it. They have a cooler mascot than anybody else in the Big 10 so maybe that had something to do with it? The green uniforms kind of blend in with field so maybe that confused a couple of opponents? Maybe it’s because you can’t put together a good game plan against them because even they don’t know what they are going to do. The best strategy for dealing with Michigan State is to go out and see all the sights East Lansing has to offer and then come back and watch the last minute of the game because Michigan State plays football like a NASCAR race…two minutes of action packed into a three hour spectacle. Nebraska – Having constantly earned the undeserved ire of Husker fans, I’ll just say they will go undefeated in the conference, win the conference championship…go on to win the BCS championship and finally win the next Super Bowl. So…there you have it. The expected order of finish for the Legends Division of the Big 10 in the upcoming 2012 football season 1. Nebraska 2. All the other Losers 3. Minnesota Next time…if there is a next time…the Leaders Division.