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...and not just the team to beat in the Big 12, but the team to slaughter. If you simply paste the Cyclones, you still don't get enough upside to make the playoffs...just ask TCU about that. With that in mind, here is a handy preview of your favorite red-headed step brother's football chances in your former conference which you formerly routinely won back in the day Jack Trice Stadium will be rocking this year...and not just because of shoddy corner cutting construction methods used during the building of our brand new addition. The Jack used to be a cold and drafty little dump but now it's a cold and drafty bigger dump. The new addition is a big plus for ISU, allowing inebriated fans room to pass out after a hard morning of tailgating. Jack Trice also features the biggest Jumbotron east of the Nishnabotna river so that injured and suspended players will be able to watch the game in comfort without the hassle of leaving the bench. It will be almost like being at home...where I assume most fans will be by halftime. Now...ISU has been busy on the recruiting trail all year looking for quality players and after the annual disappointment of not being able to get any, managed to come up with the usual collection of Juco, foreign and Amish kids to fill out their roster. Here's a preview of this year's team: QB: The starting QB is 0-15 against conference opponents over the past three years. His backup has not thrown a pass in a game since his senior year in high school...two years ago. Opponents are surely quaking in their cleats...especially Iowa RB: The two projected starters have been thrown off the team for thinking they would be the two projected starters. Of the remaining choices, the best seem to be one guy who has the vast experience of 24 total carries in his college football career, a guy coming back from an ACL tear and another guy who accidently shot himself through the hand over the summer. Not a lot going for this group...be probably enough to beat Iowa. WR: An embarassment of riches here...except the guy who got kicked off the team who was just embarassing. Big, fast, good moves. Perfect for the Mangino "One Step Drop and Throw It To The Nearest Sideline For A Gain Of One Yard...Two If The First Guy Misses" offense. This was designed specifically so Mangino would not have to jog far for the next play...and the officials love it as it saves them a lot of running...just enough to wear out Iowa. OL: Our starting center is the starting tackle who had to move to center when the center we got from a junior college ended up having trouble being a center and had to move to guard to replace the guard who moved to tackle to replace the tackle who moved to the other guard to replace the back-up center who is now a tackle....and programs are still $5.00 so get your money ready. You can tell these guys are all disciples of Mangino. All are fat and don't move well. The line was designed on the "Magellan" principle of circumnavigation...travel around a large enough body and you're too exhausted to celebrate...especially if you play for Iowa DL: Iowa State has put together the best Junior College defensive line in all of NOT Junior College football....unfortunately, Iowa Western, DMACC and Coffeyville don't seem to be on the schedule this year. But Iowa is, so these guys should look like winners in at least one game. LB: When you have a linebacking group that consists of guys that were too light to play on the DL and too slow to play in the defensive backfield...you got problems. ISU however does feature one linebacker with the best beard in all of the Big 12 and another who has had four hips. Not many teams can come close to competing with that...not even Iowa DB: Our starting and best CB is NOT paralyzed...he just looks that way sometimes. Our other CB has the same name as our QB but you can tell them apart by the fact that one of them has actually played in a conference game that ISU has won...and throws the ball better. Overall...when you look at the ISU defensive backs compared to other defensive backfields around the country you begin to wonder why they aren't all pointing to the Yellow Brick Road...which Iowa will be following with their heads hanging in defeat. There you have the 2015 Iowa State Cyclones! Thank you and have a nice day