BigRedMachine

We nabbed Frazier and gave him an admin position - just for the name. Sorry. How about Solich? He may be interested...

What is it, about his "mistress"? I figured this would come out sooner or later. Its all hearsay right now, so take it for what its worth. at least until the pictures hit the internet.

So who is YOUR pick? Not who do you think will get the job, but who would you pick and WHY. I would pick Monte Kiffin. -Would bring some stability to this trainwreck of a period. -He has strong husker roots, so this would calm the nerves of HN. -He is proven in the NFL so kids would be attracted to that aspect. -He has a strong defensive mind - was Charlie McBrides mentor. -Would probably bring his son in from USC also like Nzone mentioned. -May be able to convince Bo to stay - after all he was one of Bo's main advocates for getting the DC job. -Could groom Bo for the HC job in 3-5 yrs and wait until he has payed his dues - do it the old fashioned way - this way if he leaves for the NFL it wouldnt hurt as bad. -Kiffin has connections, period. BRM

thanks for nothing HF. i fully expected to open the link and find the naked pic in question... what a disappointment. whats wrong with yay-hoo anyway? professional journalism sucks. get the Lincoln Urinal Stars story, they prob'ly have the pic on the front page!!

very nice. my favorite quote of the art is "The Cornhuskers were also more composed, more intelligent, and their option quarterback, Jammal Lord, was somehow a sharper passer than MSU dropback star Jeff Smoker. " beautiful!!! good for Lord.

seriously. adopt a freakin highway or somethin you losers. the fact is Frank is actually not even the person you think he is. you are defending him on the premise that he is not a good coach but a good person, however with the recent news about his skanks on the side, he doesnt seem to exactly be that good person either!! get a 2nd job already, start a can drive, do something worthwhile with all your worthless time already!! b/c as soon as we win that next natty champinoship, all these hacks will be distant memories. here's my donation ya yucks!!

yah yah Merrry xxxmas and all that bs. whatever. blow it out your yang hf. but have a good and safe holiday anyway ya yutz. Go Suckeyes!!! Blow the wildhackers

Here we go yo!! Published Sunday December 28, 2003 Face-off adds fuel for Alamo BY ELIZABETH MERRILL WORLD-HERALD STAFF WRITER SAN ANTONIO - Over ribs and a shot of testosterone, the Alamo Bowl officially became a ballgame. Nebraska and Michigan State players were involved in a vocal confrontation late Friday that NU cornerback Lornell McPherson said was eventually broken up by security. No punches were thrown, but both teams said the talk was heated and far from G-rated. Michigan State quarterback Jeff Smoker admitted Saturday that the Spartans started the mini-rumble, which happened at a team dinner. "We can't come in here and be scared of them because they're Nebraska," Smoker said. "That's kind of what we let them know in a roundabout way." NU Receivers Coach Ron Brown wouldn't comment Saturday on whether disciplinary action would be taken. The Huskers have been without a permanent head coach since Nov. 29, and talk for the past month has centered on the coaching search, not the game. That changed Friday night. At least one Husker said there doesn't appear to be a lot of respect between the teams, which haven't met since a Nebraska blowout in 1996. Both sides downplayed Friday's incident, but admitted it adds tension to Monday's 8 p.m. game at the Alamodome. "I just heard talk, talk, talk," NU right tackle Dan Vili Waldrop said, "and then everybody stood up. I was like, 'That's interesting.' But I kept eating because it was good food." Oddly enough, Friday night's barbecue dinner, which followed a pep rally, was supposed to promote goodwill between the teams. But the shouting match started just after Michigan State entered the room. On Saturday, they gathered again for a bowl luncheon at the downtown Marriott, but that meal went on without incident. NU linebacker Barrett Ruud said it's natural for tensions to rise when teams that haven't played for a month get put together in a group setting. And now, he said, maybe people will start talking about the game. "I would," Waldrop said. "You know the little testosterone that was going on last night? It's waiting to come out Monday night. It's going to be cool. I'm going to enjoy it. "I've got some faces that I'll be looking for."

Thanks Jammal!! Keep your head up, you have more fans than you realize. Only the loud mouth a-holes seem to be heard. You are a good person, remember the positive things, grow from the negatives.

This material is too good to be true. Thanks for making a mockery of the Big 12 once again MU, you have just about 1-up'd Baylor. knock it off already cracksticks!! But thanks for the entertainment anyway!! The below is from 'Off the Couch' with Greg Hall: http://www.plattecountylandmark.com/ghall.htm •"You can't accuse me of extortion if they don't have nobody that say I extorted. These people in Columbia are crazy." Ricky Clemons, Columbia Tribune GH: Here's a comment by Clemons that I can agree with - those people in Columbia do appear to be crazy. In what will go down as one of the most embarrassing, disappointing and revealing weeks in the 160-year-old history of the University of Missouri, Clemons' association with MU reached new heights…and depths. The "Cracker Tapes" dominate this week's OTC. Read on. •"Clemons said the phone numbers of Amy Stewart and Carmento Floyd - the wife of University of Missouri President Elson Floyd - were placed on the jail's restricted list. That meant their collect-call bills were so high that no more calls could be made to them from jail until the bill was paid." Joe Walljasper, sports editor, Columbia Tribune GH: The Columbia Tribune deserves high praise for putting in the time to come up with these incredible quotes from Amy Stewart and Carmento Floyd, two wives of MU dignitaries who were once thought of as people of respect. The Tribune also printed the quotes without editing them for grammar or swear words - a policy I would like every newspaper in America to adopt. Because of the Tribune's lead, even some radio stations like WHB began quoting the tapes verbatim, a dramatic change in their conservative language policy. •"Do you have pictures of (MU assistant coach Lane Odom) f*ckin' a dog or something? That motherf*cker is scared to death." Amy Stewart, Columbia Tribune GH: Amy Stewart is the wife of Ed Stewart, MU's associate athletic director. She is the most memorable voice on these tapes due to her obvious poor grammar, her dislike for Mike Alden, MU's athletic director and her husband's boss, and her distaste for "crackers." •"Ed (Stewart) come home, every time he come home, he be like, 'Them crackers shaking. They going crazy. They don't know what to do. They shaking. They can't talk to Ricky. They're like some crackheads running around there.'" Amy Stewart, Columbia Tribune GH: "Them crackers" Amy is referring to appear to be Mike Alden and Quin Snyder. But maybe she was referring to a box of Saltines that wanted to talk with Ricky? I find it interesting that Doctor Elson Floyd, Carmento's husband and the president of MU, is expecting to talk many of wealthy MU alum "crackers" to donate cash to help him pay for raises he promised throughout the state's educational system. Just a guess, but there probably be some shakin' going on inside the Stewart and Floyd households this Christmas. •"Yeah, well, (Jessica Bunge) is gonna say that she was with you or something and they gave you a paper, your tutor gave you a paper, then you turned it in," Elson Floyd says. "It never ends, brother." "You're right about that," Clemons replies. "It never ends, man," Elson Floyd says. "It never ends. Well, you hang in there, OK?" Columbia Tribune •"I did nothing wrong or that was inappropriate." Elson Floyd, Columbia Tribune GH: Imagine you are Jessica Bunge's parent and you hear Floyd and his wife coddling your daughter's assailant. I find a lot of what Floyd did to be wrong and inappropriate. •"The jail conversations also include Amy Stewart, the associate athletic director's wife, relaying a story about Elson Floyd in which she claimed he indicated his desire to leave Columbia. 'Dr. Floyd, we walked in the house the other night, and the first thing he said to Ed was, 'Bro, we getting up out of here and you're going with me,' Amy Stewart said. 'We'll get Amy a couple years of law school. She can transfer. We all going.' 'Carmento said, 'Ricky, too.' He said, 'sh#t, we loading up and getting the hell out of here.'" Columbia Tribune GH: Bro, if it were up to me, you and your entire rap group would be out the door and down the road tomorrow. Is Missouri basketball trying to top Baylor in embarrassing the Big 12? Clean house now, and start with the couple in the big house. •"You better. And I ain't talkin' about no Delta Delta Delta, either," Carmento Floyd replies, referring to an MU sorority with a nearly all-white membership. Bunge is white. "Naw, I'm talking about the people," Clemons says. "I'm talking about Delta Sigma Theta," Carmento Floyd replies. Delta Sigma Theta is a historically black sorority. … "In one memorable exchange, Carmento Floyd discussed the Kobe Bryant sexual-assault case with Clemons and Amy Stewart. She gave Clemons some advice on avoiding such trouble by not being involved with white women. 'No pink toes,' she said." Joe Walljasper, sports editor, Columbia Tribune •"Mary Ratliff, president of the local and state chapters of the NAACP, said Carmento Floyd's comments about Clemons' dating habits weren't racist. 'It's not so much that Mrs. Floyd was being racist, she was merely stating a fact that that may be a problem for (Clemons) in Columbia.' Ratliff went on to say that the conversations should not have taken place, but she placed the blame on people who encouraged the Floyds to become involved with Clemons." Josh Flory, staff writer, Columbia Tribune GH: That's right, blame it on dem damn crackers who asked the Floyds to mentor poor Ricky. I mean, what's racist about telling someone not to date people of a certain skin color? If this were reversed and the Floyds were the Mike Aldens, Alden and his family would already be out of Missouri and basically banned from ever working in education again. Being a cracker isn't always what it's cracked up to being. •"She would help anybody out. She's just a nice lady." Ricky Clemons, on Carmento Floyd, Fox Radio GH: But make sure your toes aren't pink or Carmento might step on them. •"(Clemons) said his brother compared his situation to "Martin Luther King walking through Alabama." Carmento Floyd responded: "That's a good analogy." Joe Walljasper, sports editor, Columbia Tribune GH: Here is the wife of the MU president comparing the fate of Clemons, who was convicted of physically restraining and beating an MU coed, to that of one of America's greatest civil rights leaders. When asked about his wife's comments on the tapes, Elson Floyd said that she merely talked to Ricky as a mentor and tried to get him to finish school. You tell me that MU doesn't need to take a closer look at who they have running their university. •"There's a lot of good people in this town. Unfortunately, there's a lot of biased people," Clemons told the Tribune yesterday. "For people to deny it is absurd." Ricky Clemons, Columbia Tribune GH: After hearing and reading Carmento's and Amy's comments, I have no doubt that the level of biased people is quite high inside Ricky's inner circle. •"Is there a problem at the University of Missouri relative to race? No, there is not." Elson Floyd, Columbia Tribune GH: Is there a problem with Doctor Floyd talking honestly about the problems inside his university? Absolutely. It's my belief that very little gets corrected until it is first acknowledged. •"Screw this. I'm so tired of this crap. This is just like a girlfriend that has cheated on you. It will never be the same." Mizzou MU, poster on tigerboard.com •"We don't know how it's going to come to an end until it ends." Clark Kellogg, college basketball analyst, on the turmoil at MU, CBS GH: How's that for expert analysis? •"I think we've got the foundation for a great program for years to come." Quin Snyder, CBS GH: Snyder made these comment last weekend. What kind of foundation is Snyder building his program on, Jello? •"Missouri may be cheatin' over there (in Columbia) but at least they're trying to do things the right way." Jason Whitlock, back in April, 810 AM GH: This from the man who gave you his version of the truth being a truth that might not be factual but what he believes to be true. At least Pork Chop is trying.

Always fun to remember the good old days...

> > >A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an Oklahoma Boomer Sooner fan. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are Oklahoma fans too. Not really knowing what an Oklahoma fan was, but wanting to be liked by their teacher, theirs hands fly into the air. There is, however one exception. Janet has not gone along with the crowd. > >The teacher asked her why she has decided to be different. > >"Because I'm not an Oklahoma fan" she reports. > >"Then," asks the teacher, "what are you?" > >"I'm a Nebraska Cornhusker fan" boasts the little girl. > >The teacher asks Janet why she is a Nebraska fan. > >"Well, my dad and mom are Husker fans, so I'm a Husker fan too" she responds. > >"That's no reason," the teacher says. "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot. What would you be then?" Janet SMILES and says, "Then I'd be an Oklahoma fan." Thats my girl!!

Some of these are kinda cheesy, but quite a few good ones that will come in handy when that annoying Texas fan in your life wont shut the hell up!! Changing A Light Bulb in Texas How many Texas fans does it take to change a light bulb? 10! One to change the bulb and 9 to talk about how "Major" would do it!! ______________________ Texas Higher Education I asked A Texas Professor, “How many freshmA Texas students does it take to change a light bulb?” The Texas Professor replied, “None, that's a sophomore course.” _______________________________________ Texas Hitchhiker A Texan hitchhiker was picked up by a guy in a big Lincoln Continental. The Texan noticed a bunch of golf tees on the front seat and asked, "What are those things for?" The driver said, "They're to hold my balls while I drive." "Boy," exclaimed the Texan, "these Lincoln Continentals have everything, don't they?" Texas Jokes Unlimited o Did you hear about the "Texan" at the stop sign? Well, he's still there!! o How do you confuse A Texan? Lay down 3 shovels, and tell him to take a pick. o Hear about the "Texan" that was 2 hours late for class? The escalator was stuck. o Then there was the "Texan" that was so dumb! His roomate even noticed! o How many hours does it take A Texan to screw in a light bulb? One, but he gets three hours credit. o Ya know how to drive A Texan crazy? Stick him in a round room, and tell him to "tinkle" in the corner. o Did you hear about the "Texan" that broke his leg raking leaves? He fell out of the tree. o How come "Texans" don't drink kool-aid? Because they can't figure out how to get 2 quarts of water in the little package. o Did you hear about the "Texan" who won the gold medel at the Olympics? He liked it so much, he had it bronzed. o Did you hear about the "Texan" who locked his keys in the car? He couldn't get his family out. Texas Romance A Texas grad met a girl and after a whirlwind romance, they were married. The day after their wedding, the Texas grad went to play golf. He told his wife that he hoped she didn't mind him coming home late; he was a golfer and he liked to play until dark. The wife replied that she was a hooker and she would be home late also. "Really, is it your grip or your stance?" Texas Driving Etiquette 1. Dim your headlights for approaching vehicles, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight. 2. When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way. 3. Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape. 4. When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer. 5. Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving. 6. Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in. 7. Do not lay rubber while traveling in a funeral procession Texas Medical Terminology Artery ----------------- The study of paintings Bacteria --------------- Back door of the cafeteria Barium ---------------- What doctors do when their patient dies Bowel ----------------- A letter like A, E, I, O, U Cesarean Section ------ A neighborhood in Rome Cat Scan --------------- Searching for the kitty Cauterize---------------- Made eye contact with her Colic-------------------- A sheep dog Coma------------------- A punctuation mark D & C------------------ Where Washington is Dilate------------------- To live for a long time Enema------------------ Not a friend Fester------------------- Quicker Fibula------------------- A small lie Genital------------------ Not a Jew GI Series--------------- An army ball game Hangnail---------------- Coat hook Impotent---------------- Distinguished; well known Labor pains------------- Getting hurt at work Medical staff------------ A doctor's cane Morbid----------------- A higher offer Nitrates----------------- Cheaper than day rates Node------------------- Was aware of Outpatient-------------- A person who fainted Pap smear-------------- A fatherhood test Pelvis------------------- A cousin to Elvis Post-operative---------- A letter carrier Recovery room--------- A place where they do upholstery Rectum----------------- Dang nearly killed him Secretion--------------- Hiding something Seizure----------------- A Roman emperor Tablet------------------ A small table Terminal illness---------- Getting sick at the airport Tumor------------------ Add two Urine------------------- Opposite to you're out Varicose--------------- Near by Vein-------------------- Conceited Texas Personal Ads When A Texas resident writes a personal ad, he or she means something different from what they really say. Us the following interpretation to decipher A Texas personal ad. TEXAS CODE WORD................MEANS 40-ish...................48 Affectionate.............Possessive Artist...................Unreliable Beautiful................Pathological liar Commitment-minded........Pick out curtains, now! Communication-important..Just try to get a word in edgewise Educated.................College dropout Emotionally Secure.......Medicated Employed.................Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home Enjoys art and opera.....Snob Enjoys Nature............Bring your own granola Financially Secure.......One paycheck from the street Free spirit..............Substance abuser Friendship first ........Trying to live down reputation Fun......................Annoying Gentle...................Comatose Good Listener............Hard to pull a word from her Humorous.................Caustic Intuitive................Your opinion doesn't count In Transition............Needs new sugar-daddy to pay the bills Light drinker............Lush Looks younger............If viewed from far away in bad light Loves Travel.............If you're paying Loves Animals............Cat lady New-Age..................All body hair, all the time Non-traditional..........Ex-husband lives in the basement Old-fashioned............Lights out, missionary position only Open-minded..............Desperate Outgoing.................Loud Reliable.................Frumpy Romantic.................Looks better by candle light Self-employed............Jobless Spiritual................Involved with a cult Stable...................Boring Tan......................Wrinkled Wants Soulmate...........One step away from stalking Widow....................Nagged first husband to death Redhead..................Used Clairol Texas Dictionary Acrimony - What a man gives is divorced wife. Armadillo - The Spanish Navy which defeated the Duke of Wellington Bibliomaniac - Person who reads the Bible incessantly from cover to cover Cascade - Drink similar to lemonade, but made with cask. Glacier - Man who puts glass in windows. Hooligan - Polygon with seven sides Myth - Female moth Obscene - Where one angle of a triangle is more than 90 degrees Psalmist - One who tells fortunes by reading hands Shintoist - An original dancer who shakes his shins and his toes Texas Grads Make Good Decisions A Texas grad was walking down the street, when his old college buddy pulled up in a brand new Porsche. "Where the hell did you get Porsche?", the grad asked in disbelief. "Well," his buddy replied, "Last night I was at a bar and started dancing with this girl. When the bar closed, she motions for me to follow her. We jump in her Porsche, and drive off into the mountains. She stops, jumps out of the car, takes off all her clothes, and tells me, 'You can have anything you want'. So I took the car." "That was pretty smart", said the other Texas grad, "Seeing as how her clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway." Texas Grads Can Read Two Texas grads decide to have a reunion. One decides to visit the other one living in a big town. The visiting Texas grad gets lost and calls his friend: Hey, I'm coming over but I am lost and have no idea where I am. The second Texas grad says "OK, just look at the street intersection, there will be two signs, read them to me." "Ok, I see them, the first one says "WALK", the other one says "DO NOT WALK". "Oh, man, you're right down the street. I'll be over to pick you up in two minutes!" A Texas Grad Tries Harder Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911. The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me? "There was a long pause and finally Bubba said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?" Texas Hotels - Enjoy Your Stay How do you know when your staying in a Texas hotel? When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person at the front desk says "go ahead." Texas Pick-up Lines Did you hear about the Texas redneck who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow? She can't touch it till she's fourteen. What's the difference between a good ol' boy and a Texas redneck? The good ol' boy raises livestock. The Texas redneck gets emotionally involved. What's the most popular pick-up line in Texas? Nice tooth! How many Texas rednecks does it take eat a 'possum? Two. One to eat, and one to watch out for traffic. Why did God invent armadillos? So that Texas rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell. Where was the toothbrush invented? Texas. If it was invented anywhere else it would have been called a teethbrush. Texas State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-65. He says to the driver, "Got any ID?" The driver says, "Bout what?" Did you hear about the $3,000,000 Texas State Lottery? The winner gets $3 a year for a million years. Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to Texas? Everyone has the same DNA. How can you tell if a Texas redneck is married? There is dried chewing tobacco on both sides of his pickup truck. Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in Texas to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! What do they call reruns of "Hee Haw" in Texas? A documentary. A Good Texas Guess Two Texans are walking down different ends of a street toward each other, and one is carrying a sack. When they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, what'cha got in th' bag?" Jus' some chickens." "If I guesses how many they are, can I have one?" "Shoot, ya guesses right and I'll give you both of them." "OK. Ummmmm . . . five?" Texas's Arc De Trophy Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Montgomery, Texas burned down? Yep. Pert' near took out the whole trailer park. A new law recently passed in Texas: When a couple gets divorced, they're still brother and sister. What's the best thing to ever come out of Texas? I-20 Texas Cheerleaders Know It All There was an ex Texas cheerleader who got tired of everyone making fun of her so one night she decided to memorize every capitol of every state. The next day when she was at work, some Nebraska grads were making fun of her. She march right up to them and said, "I resent being made fun of so I did something that no one would do. I memorized every capitol of every state. One of the Nebraska grads did not believe her so she said, "Try me." "OK," said the Nebraska grad, "what is the capitol of Wyoming?" She smiled and said, "W." Texas Grads on a Fishin Trip Two Texas grads go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish. As they're driving home they're really depressed. One Texas grad turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?" The other Texas grad says, "Wow! Then it's a good thing we didn't catch any more!" A Loving Moment for Texas Student Dear Son, Hope all is good at the University of Texas. I'm writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper where most accidents happen within twenty miles of home so we moved. This place has a washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, I pulled the chain and havn't seen them since. It only rained twice this week. Three days the first time and four days the second time. The coat you wanted me to send you. Your Aunt Sue said it would be a little to heavy to send in the mail with them big heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. We got a bill from the funeral home, said if we didn't make the last payment, up she comes. Your uncle John fell in the whiskey vat. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off playfully so he drowned. We cremated him, he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off the bridge in a pickup one was driving, the other two were in the back. The driver got out, he rolled down the window and swam to safety. The other two drowned, they couldn't get the tailgate down. Not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened. Write more later. Love, Mom Granting A Texas Wish There were three Texas grads on a island. They find a magic lamp and are each granted 1 one wish. One Texas grad says "I wish I was 10 times smarter." The genie grants his wish, the Texas grad builds a rowboat and rows to shore. The second Texas grad says "I wish I was 100 times smarter." The genie grants his wish, he builds a motor boat and gets to shore. The third Texas grad says "I wish I was a million times smarter." The genie grants his wish, *POOF*, he turns into Nebraska grad and he walks across the bridge. Texas Researchers Prove Mad Cow Theory After the Apollo moon missions, researchers the world over were putting in applications with NASA for pieces of moon rock. The Texas researchers were late in getting theirs in and NASA had run out of rocks. So one of the NASA officials went out into a field and picked up a cow patty, gave it to the Texas researchers and told them that it was a moon rock. A few months later, the University of Texas announced that they had conclusively proven that the cow did jump over the moon. Texas Grad at Harvard A former Texas student went to Harvard for graduate school. Strolling through Harvard yard on his first day, he approaches a typical Harvard student: tweed jacket, corduroy pants, smoking a pipe. The Texas grad approaches him and says: "Howdy, kin yew tell me whar thuh library's at?" The Harvard man replies haughtily, "You must be from Texas, we here at Harvard don't end sentences with a preposition”. The Texas grad thinks about this for an minute and then steps back up to the Harvard guy and says: “OK, kin yew tell me whar thuh library’s at, smartass?” Texas Deer Season Could Be Dangerous During deer season a far-sighted Texas redneck and his friend went hunting. The Texas redneck heard a crackle, shot into the brush, and injured his friend. Several hours later the Texas redneck saw the doctor who tried to save his friend's life. "Your friend would have survived if you hadn't gutted him," the doctor said bluntly. Texas Birth Control After having their 11th child, A Texas couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Texas), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Texan said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." So, the couple drove to Nebraska, where the people are much smarter, to get a second opinion. The Nebraska physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Texas. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand. A Refined Texas Grad The Texas grad was asked if he preferred red or white wine with dinner, "It doesn't make any difference," he said, "I'm color blind." Brains A football fan walks into a small shop in Birmingham. He spots a bottle labeled "New York Football Player Brains" , $5 an ounce. He asks the clerk if there are any other bottles. The clerk replies, "Well, we've got Tennessee brains for $10 an ounce, and Texas football brains for $1,000,000 an ounce." The man says, "Why the big difference in price?" The clerk answers,"Do you know how many Texas football players we have to kill to get an ounce of brains!" Are ya Chicken? A guy goes into a bar and asks the bartender if he wants to hear a good Texas joke. The bartender says, "Before you tell it, you should know that I am 6-2 and weigh 225 and I'm from Texas. See that guy at the end of the bar? He's 6-4 and weighs 250 and he's from Texas, too. And see the guy at the other end of the bar? He's 6-6 and weighs 280 and he's from Texas,too! Now, do you still want to tell your Texas joke?" The guy says, "Nah." To which the bartender smiles and says, "What's the matter? Are ya chicken?" The guy says, "Nah. I just don't want to have to explain it three times." Texas Sorority Sister What's the difference between a University of Texas sorority sister and a scarecrow? One lives in a field and is stuffed with hay. The other frightens birds and small animals. ____________________________________________________________ Where was OJ headed in the white Bronco To Austin...he knew the police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there! ____________________________________________________________ You're probably A Texas fan if ... ... You can play the Husker fight song using your armpit. ... Your wife's idea of cleaning house is throwing everything out into the yard. ... The Roto-Rooter man stops by your trailer and asks, "What's that smell?" ... You're a member of the Skoal Frequent Purchaser Program. ... You looked up your family tree and your uncle spit on you. ... You joined Alcoholics Anonymous so you can drink and use a different name. ... You looked out for #1 and stepped in #2 !!! ... You won't buy a Japanese car because you're afraid you won't understand what they say on the radio. ... Your kids go to a private school and they won't tell you where it is. ... Your Granny beats you in the tobacky spittin' contests. ____________________________________________________________ Two Texas grads were building a house. One was on a ladder nailing. He would reach into his nail pouch, pull out a nail, look at it, and either toss it over his shoulder or drive it into the wood. After a while, the other Texas grad couldn't stand it any longer and yelled up, "Why are you throwing some of those nails away?" The first grad explained, "When I pull it out of my nail pouch, if it's pointed toward me I throw it away. If it's pointed toward the house, I know it's a good nail!" The second grad got upset, explaining, "Don't throw away those nails that are pointed toward you! They're for the other side of the house!" (PG - Please do not read if you are offended with "AH") Texas grads go ahead and read since you don't know what it means anyway! A Texas grad named Clyde died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body, so his two best friends, Clem and Zeke, were sent for. Clem went in first, and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Clem said, Yup, he's burnt real bad; but you'll have to roll him over if you want me to identify him. " So the mortician rolled the corpse over and Clem looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde." The mortician thought that was rather strange, but proceeded to bring in Zeke to identify the body. After the sheet was pulled back, Zeke took a look and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad; roll him over." So, again the mortician rolled the burnt corpse over, and Zeke looked down and said, "Nope, it ain't Clyde." Frustrated, the mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Zeke answered, "Well, Clyde had two a$$hole$." "What!?" The disbelieving mortician asked, "He had TWO a$$hole$?" "Yup, that's right, everybody knew Clyde had two a$$hole$." Ever time we went to town, folks would say... 'Here comes that thar Clyde with them two a$$hole$" Two Texas grads were walking in the woods. One said, "Look! A dead bird." The other looked to the sky and said, "Where?" How do you know when A Texas graduate student has been using your word processor? The screen is covered with whiteout. Two Texas grads were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk, licking his testicles. The first Texas grad says, "Boy, I wish I could do that." The second replies, "Yeah, me too, but I wouldn't want to try." The other asks, "Why not?" "Because . . . he might bite me." What's a seven course meal in Austin? A possum and a six-pack. A Texas grad was hunting in the woods. He came upon a beautiful woman laying naked in the grass. "Are you game?", he asked. The woman said "yes." So he shot her. What is the most frequent line heard from graduates of Texas' business school? Would you like fries with that? Why do Texas cheerleaders were panties? To keep their ankles warm. Two Texas brothers fall in love and get married and they go on their honeymoon. One brother comes back home without his wife. One of his family asks, "Where is your wife?" He answers, "Well, she was a virgin so I killed her." The family member asked, in shock, "Why did you kill her just because she's a virgin?!?" The Texas man replies, "If she isn't good enough for her family, she's not good enough for ours." Application for A Texas Drivers License STATE OF TEXAS DRIVER LICINSE APPLICASION Last name: ________________ First name: (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (_) Billy-Elvis (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ not sure Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: _______________________ Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194_ Do you have a gun rack? (_) Yes (_) No; If no, please explain: Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_) The National Enquirer (_) The Globe (_) TV Guide (_) Soap Opera Digest (_) Rifle and Shotgun ___ Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO How often do you bathe: (_) Weekly (_) Monthly (_) Not Applicable Color of teeth: (_) Yellow (_) Brownish-Yellow (_) Brown (_) Black (_) N/A Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_) Red-Man How far is your home from a paved road? (_) 1 mile (_) 2 miles (_) don't know

Ed finally decides to take a vacation. He books himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeds to have the time of his life - until the boat sank. He found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies...Nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to him. In disbelief, he asks her, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?" "I rowed over from the other side of the island," she says. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank." "Amazing," he says. "You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you." "Oh, this?" replies the woman. "I made the rowboat out of raw material found on the island. I whittled the oars from gum tree branches; I wove the bottom from palm branches; and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree." "But…but, that's impossible," stutters Ed. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?" "Oh, that was no problem," replies the woman. "On the South side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware." Ed is stunned. "Let's row over to my place," she says. After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As Ed looks onto shore, he nearly falls out of the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, he could only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home Sit down please; would you like to have a drink?" "No, no thank you," he says, still dazed. "Can't take any more coconut juice." "It's not coconut juice," the woman replies. "I built a still. How about a Pina Colada?" Trying to hide his continued amazement, he accepts, and they sit down on her hand-woven couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom." No longer questioning anything, Ed goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside of a swivel mechanism. "WOW! This woman is amazing," he muses, "What’s next?" When he returns, she greets him wearing 'nothing but vines' strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her. "Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for a really long time. I know you've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing. You mean…?", he swallows excitedly, "We can watch NEBRASKA football from here?"

(1) What does the average Oklahoma player get on his SATs? .........Drool. (2) What do you get when you put 32 Missouri cheerleaders in one room? .........A full set of teeth. (3) How do you get a Iowa State cheerleader into your dorm room? .........Grease her hips and push. (4) How do you get a Kansas State graduate off your porch? .........Pay him for the pizza. (5) How do you know if a Texas football player has a girlfriend ? ........There is tobacco spit on both sides of his pickup (6) Why is the Kentucky football team like a possum? ......... Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road. (7) What are the longest three years of an TEXAS A&M football player's life ? .........His freshman year. (8) How many Colorado freshmen does it take to change a light bulb? .........None. That's a sophomore course. (9) Where was O. J. headed in the white Bronco? ........Manhattan, Kansas. He knew that the police would never look at KSU for a Heisman Trophy winner. AND FINALLY (drum roll and cymbal crash.....) (10) Why did Oklahoma State choose orange as their team color? ......... You can wear it to the game on Saturday, hunting on Sunday, and picking up trash along the highways the rest of the week.

Three men were traveling and happened to meet at a bar in Ohio. One man was from Texas, one from Florida and one from Nebraska. They got acquainted and started talking about their problems with their wives. The guy from Texas began by saying "I told my wife clearly that from now on she would have to do all of the cooking. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing, but on the third day when I came home from work, the table was set, and a wonderful dinner was prepared with wine and even dessert." Then the man from Florida spoke up "I sat my wife down and told her from now on she would have to do all the grocery shopping and all of the house cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But the third day, when I came home, the whole house was spotless and the pantry shelves were filled with groceries." The fellow from Nebraska was married to a woman who had grown up in Nebraska He sat up straight on the bar stool, pushed out his chest and said. "I gave my wife a stern look and told her that from now on she would have to do the cooking, shopping and house cleaning. The first day I saw nothing. The second day I saw nothing. But by the third day, I could see a little bit out of my left eye."

Got this list from here http://69.49.239.85/guide.htm#bars Where to Drink in Lincoln Lincoln has a variety of sports bars and dives like any other town. For most visitors, "O" Street will be the destination of choice. There are a ton of bars from 9th to 16th Streets, with a little dead spot in the middle. The block between 14th and 15th Streets alone has at least nine popular bars. Because there aren't large parking lots for tailgating, the Lincoln tradition instead is to warm up to one of the local pubs and socialize there. It is a college town, so drinks are cheap. This is a short list of bars I think stand out a little bit for some reason: Sidetrack Tavern - 935 "O" Street, 438-7776 THE bar to drink at on Friday nights before a game. Joyce and Paul tell jokes and sing raunchy songs for all to enjoy. Visiting fans welcome for some good-natured ribbing. Stay alert for free shots. Arrive reasonably early if you don't want to stand in line. Barry's - 235 N. 9th Street, 476-6511 THE bar to drink at before the game on Saturday. Famous for a reason. The cavernous back room has a wall-sized projection TV. Fight songs from either team's fans may break out at any time. Located about four blocks from Memorial Stadium on 9th Street. A beer garden used to consume the parking lot across the street, but that has been killed off due to construction of yet another large parking garage. Sandy's - 1401 "O" Street, 475-2418 A nice bar located in the heart of the "O" Street corridor. Buy a pitcher of Elk Creek to keep you warm through the game. A popular spot for Huskers and visitor alike. The Watering Hole - 1321 "O" Street, 438-3054 A smaller bar with great bar food and tough waitresses. Usually fills up right after the Husker game ends. The Brass Rail - 1436 "O" Street, 474-5741 Somehow made Playboy's list of greatest college bars. Whatever. A smoky dive that catches the overflow of the more popular Iguana's nearby. The men's bathroom didn't have a light bulb in it for several years. The beer garden in the back is nice and they often have live performers there. The athletes who couldn't get into Iguana's may be seen here. Duffy's - 1412 "O" Street, 474-3543 The regulars here probably won't even know there was a game going on. Enjoy a fishbowl of "anything but beer." Not cheap but sure to get you and your friends sucking long straws to get all the alcohol at the bottom. Known for the many famous and not-so-famous bands who have graced their stage. Has a beer garden in the back and Gyro counter as well. Can buy cigarettes one at a time for you social smokers. O'Rourkes - 1329 "O" Street, 435-8052 The overflow from Duffy's ends up at O'Rourkes. Save pitcher coupons to get your 6th for free. Use the chalkboard over the urinals to leave messages for those after you. The popcorn is kept in a garbage can. Keep a close eye on the pool table queue because the regulars have no respect for the non-urinal pool table chalk board. Iguana's Pub - 1426 "O" Street, 476-8850 A reasonably nice college bar frequented by the Greek scene. Use the house drink "Iggy Juice" to get your date really drunk. A good place to see athletes. Overflow from Iguana's fills up the Brass Rail later in the evening. Cliff's - 140 N. 12th, 476-0119 A great little piece of Lincoln. Next to Cliff's smoke shop. Christmas never ends in this dark and smoky bar. Smoking is not only permitted but encouraged. Bring an Iron Lung. Happy Hour means free Valentino's Pizza for all. Barrymore's - 124 N. 13th, 476-6494 Located in the stage area of Lincoln's old vaudeville theater. Probably a little too swanky for the average football fan. Enter through the alley from 13th Street between "O" and "N" Streets. May be closed while entire theater is rennovated, though I don't think it is. W.C.'s - 1228 "P" Street, 477-4006 Head upstairs for a decent selection of pool tables and dart boards. Live music. Yia Yia's - 1423 "O" Street, 477-9166 A swanky place to enjoy dark beers on tap. Good thin crust pizza. Dance to house/techno music with live D.J. in the adjoined club 1427 (now independent of Yia Yia's) on Thursday and Saturday nights. Billiard tables by the hour. Knickerbockers - 901 "O" Street, 476-6865 A decent little bar 4 blocks from the stadium. The small grill in back offers $0.25 tacos on game days. The back room expansion now offers a better stage for the frequent live music. The two owners are fellow East High School alums. The Zoo Bar - 136 N. 14th Street, 435-8754 Home to the best Blues/Jazz for hundreds of miles. Has a who's who list of performers who have graced its stage. Small and dark. Fills up early. Frequent live music. For you too young to get in, the alley in back is a good place to hang out and listen. Brewsky's Food & Spirits - multiple locations Classic sports-bar design with good food and many available televisions. ----1602 South Street, 438-2739 ----2662 Cornhusker Hwy, 466-2739 ----2840 South 70th Street, 483-2739 Libations - 317 S. 11th, 477-3880 A little martini and cigar hangout. The South location is more hip with the Yuppies. Libations, Too - Suite 1, 5310 S. 56th Street, 420-6494 Very hip place to sip a martini and smoke a cigar. Dress to be seen. The Mill - 800 "P" Street, 475-5522 For those of you into beans, not hops, try the Mill. Find a table on the porch for people-watching. A wide selection of coffees and such. In the Haymarket. The Coffee House - 1324 "P" Street, 477-6611 An artsy, depressing coffee house frequented by college students. Probably not well suited for post-game gatherings. Good for sitting with a cup o' Joe listening to poetry recitations.

Street orientation, where to eat, drink, stay, golf and shop: http://69.49.239.85/guide.htm List of Lincoln Restaurants: 1st Avenue 2310 N 1 475-4600 A and W Hot Dogs and More No 4 Gateway Shopping Center 464-6976 Air Host Restaurant and Lounge Municipal Airport 474-6421 Airport Inn - Restaurant and Lounge I-80 At Airport Exit 475-9541 Alander's Cafe 5608 S 48th 423-2206 Ali Baba Gyros 112 N 14th 435-2615 Amigos Business Office Suite 6A 2546 S 48th 488-8500 Amigos 5500 "0" Street 466-5525 Amigos 1407 "Q" Street 475-9819 Amigos 4200 S 14 423-6794 Amigos 2825 Cornhusker Hwy 466-6088 Amigos 920 N 48th 466-3551 Amigos East Park Plaza | 220 N 66th 466-9744 Amigos Lincoln Square | 1245 "O" Street 475-3043 Amigos 70th and "A" 489-9944 Amigos 5540 Old Cheney Rd 420-2484 Amigos Gateway Shopping Center 464-6882 Amigos UNL Student Union 476-8089 Amigos 2140 West "O" Street 435-3322 Amigos 3291 Holdrege 466-1530 Applebee's Neighborhood Grill and Bar 3730 Village Dr 420-1182 Applebee's Neighborhood Grill and Bar Gateway Shopping Ctr | 6100 "O" Street 467-6161 Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant East | 56 and "O" Street 467-3300 Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant Downtown | 1435 "Q" Street 476-7114 Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant North | 3500 Cornhusker Hwy 464-9449 Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant South | 4300 S 27th 423-0506 Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant South | 2444 S 48th 488-9242 Arby's Roast Beef Restaurant Gateway | 6100 "O" Street 467-5606 Arturo's Restaurante and Cantina 70th and Van Dorn 488-8201 Austins Steaks and Saloon 3940 Village Dr 423-0202 Austins Steaks and Saloon Corporate Office Suite-336 6940 "O" Street 466-2333 BW-3 1328 "P" Street 475-9496 Bagels and Joe Suite-E 4701 Old Cheney Rd 423-7797 Bagels and Joe 1339 "O" Street 477-6266 Barry's Bar and Grill l235 N 9 476-6511 Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors Ice Cream Store 4500 S 70 488-7500 Best Western AAA Villager Motor Inn 5200 "O" Street 464-9111 Bethany Pantry Inc 1340 N Cotner Blvd 466-8207 Biggs Burger Barn 6850 Hickman Rd, Hickmn 792-2277 Billy Frogg's Grill and Bar 826 "P" Street 477-2171 Billy's 1301 "H" Street 474-0084 Blimpie Subs and Salads 11 and Cornhusker Hwy 476-9923 Blue Heron Wine and Bistro 5555 S 48th 421-9555 Bonanza Family Restaurant 2800 Cornhusker Hwy 464-2888 Boston Market 500 N 48th 466-3111 Boxies Café 3530 Village Dr 420-5200 Branched Oak Inn 126 W 2, Malcolm 796-9921 Brewsky's Food and Spirits 2662 Cornhusker Hwy 466-2739 Brewsky's Food and Spirits 16th and South 438-2739 Brewsky's Food and Spirits 70th & Van Dorn 438-2739 Brown Baggers Suite-8 2840 S 70 434-3981 Bum Steer Steaks 6440 "O" Street 467-5110 Burger King Restaurant 1221 N 27th 476-3050 Burger King Restaurant 5221 "O" Street 489-5587 Burger King Restaurant 1448 N 48 466-6967 Burger King Restaurant 1400 Pioneers Blvd 423-5351 Burger King Restaurant 2500 N 11 438-1663 Burger King Restaurant 2805 S 48 483-6088 Burger King Restaurant Nebraska Union 14 and R 477-7430 Burger King Restaurant 2045 S 17 476-7020 Burger King Restaurant 4230 N 27th 477-9979 Burger Street 12 and N Atrium Food Court No 5 474-0466 Buzzard Billy's Armadillo Bar-N-Grillo 247 N 8th St Ste 101 (8th & "Q" St) (402) 475-8822 Cafe Carrera 510 Hwy 34, Eagle 781-2703 Cafe Quintessentials 226 S 9 475-2269 California Deli Lincoln Square 13 and "O" Street 474-3354 Carlita's Tortilleria 1311 S. 11th 438-1900 Carlos O'Kelly's 4455 N 27th 438-4455 Champs Sports Restaurant 4680 Leighton Av 464-6246 China Inn 2662 Cornhusker Hwy 466-8242 Chuck E Cheese's 221 N 66 464-8206 The Coffee Connection 824 S 27th 474-1077 The Coffee House 1324 P Street 477-6611 Congress Inn Restaurant 2001 West "O" Street 474-6590 Connie's Sandwiches and Ice Cream 3239 S 13 421-2558 Cook's Kitchen 1379 S 33 476-9580 Corral Family Steakhouse Inc 3300 S 10 423-1309 Crane River Brewpub and Cafe 200 N 11 476-7766 Dairy Queen 760 West "O" Street 475-3406 Dairy Queen 4130 S 48th Street 488-1559 Dairy Queen 901 N 48th Street 464-2654 Dairy Queen 33rd and Pioneers 489-1931 Dairy Queen 3835 South Street 489-8368 Dairy Queen 1447 N 27th Street 474-4331 Dairy Queen 614 N 66th Street 464-4240 Dairy Queen Treat Center 6100 O, Gateway Shopping Center 467-4405 daVinci's Pizza and Hot Hoagies 27th and Superior 434-7050 daVinci's 44th and "O" street 434-7060 daVinci's 120 N 66th St. 434-7070 daVinci's 4120 South 48th 434-7080 daVinci's 745 S 11 434-7090 Denny's Restaurant 3031 NW 12 474-0222 Denton Daily Double Steakhouse 7230 Lancaster, Denton 435-1211 Dixon's Cafe 707 L 435-9380 Domino's Pizza 1055 Saunders Av 434-2380 Domino's Pizza Fremont Av 434-2377 Domino's Pizza 18th and Van Dorn 434-2388 Don and Millie's 5200 S 56 421-2510 Doozy's Suite-3 101 N 14 438-1616 Doozy's 54th & O Egg Roll King 2515 N 11 435-3737 El Charro 900 S 13 477-1422 El Sitio 17 and Van Dorn 476-0414 El Toro Mexican Restaurant 2600 S 48 488-3939 Elleven Restaurant 11Th Flr 1248 "O" Street 434-4111 Engine House Cafe 6028 Havelock Av 467-2880 Family Restaurants Inc 703 N 48 464-7222 Farabee's South | 5800 S 58 434-2420 Fat Pat's Pizza and Subs 838 N 27th 474-7832 Flatwater Grill 14th & P 435-3528 Forbidden City 5505 "O" Street 488-9488 Fortune Palace Suite-11 5740 Old Cheney Rd 420-1688 Four Sun Cafe 2901 NW 48 470-2003 Fremont Dinner Train 1835 N Somers Av, Fremont 800-942-7245 Friday's 210 N 48 467-4007 Fusilli's Lincoln Square 13 and "O" Street 476-1304 Garden Cafe The 5100 N 27th 434-3760 Garden Cafe 70th and A 434-3750 Godfather's Pizza Downtown 12th and Q 474-6000 Golden Wok 1050 N 27th 477-6688 Gourmet Grill 1400 "O" Street 476-7147 Grandmother's Restaurant And Lounge 70th and A 483-7855 Green Gateau Suite-110 330 S 10 477-0330 Greg's Restaurant 1202 N Cotner Blvd 466-0633 Grisanti's Casual Italian Restaurant 6820 "O" Street 464-8444 Grotto The 11th and "O" Street 475-9475 Hap and Jackie's Cafe 1300 N 66 464-2762 Happy Chef Restaurants 2929 N W 12 475-3328 Hardee's Restaurant 2504 "O" Street 474-7181 Harper's Coffee Shop 5353 Cornhusker Hwy 465-5166 Harvester Food Host 1501 Centerpark Rd 420-2494 Havelock Diner 6105 Havelock Av 466-9893 Haymarket Restaurant 141 N 9 475-4011 Mike's Place North | 4821 Cornhusker Hwy 467-3137 Hi-Way Diner 2105 Nebraska 2 Hwy 423-6066 Highnooners 1414 "O" Street 435-1414 Hitchin Post Restaurant 220 Main, Hallam 787-2300 House Of Hunan Restaurant 4900 "O" Street 467-2393 House Of Hunan Restaurant-Vincent's 56 and Hwy 2 423-8079 Huey'sLower Level 245 N 13 477-9888 Imperial Garden East Park Plaza Mall 467-3452 Imperial Palace Express Student Union Bldg 438-1688 Imperial Palace The 701 N 27th 474-2688 Isles Pub and Pizza 6232 Havelock Av 464-1858 It's The Pits Restaurant 4947 Holdrege 466-1659 Jabrisco 700 P 474-7272 Juice Stop Meridian Park, 70th & O K's Restaurant Piedmont Shops 1275 S Cotner Blvd 483-2858 Keekee Restaurant 6145 "O" Street 489-6666 Kellers II 201 Ash, Pleasant Dale 795-2544 Kentucky Fried Chicken 7200 East 489-3773 Kentucky Fried Chicken South 48th & Van Dorn 489-2326 Kentucky Fried Chicken 12th & South Streets 476-0250 Kentucky Fried Chicken 11th & Cornhusker 477-8585 King's Drive In Restaurant 1650 Cornhusker Hwy 435-8396 King's Palace 2130 S 17 477-7117 Knickers 8341"O" Street 489-8383 Knolls Restaurant and Lounge 2201 Old Cheney Rd 423-2843 Kuhl's Restaurant 1038 "O" Street 476-1311 La Paloma Restaurant 301 N 8 474-2888 La Paz Mexican Restaurant 321 N Cotner Blvd 466-9111 Lancaster's 40 and Old Cheney Rd 421-2511 Lazlo's Brewery and Grill 710 P 474-2337 Lee's Restaurant 1940 W Van Dorn 477-4339 Little King 1228 N 27th 474-3248 Little King 10th and Saunders 477-3852 Little Seattle Espresso Cafe 2600 S 48 Van Dorn Plaza 483-4009 Lone Star Steakhouse and Saloon 200 N 70 489-2100 Long John Silver Restaurant 3400 S 10 423-0868 Long John Silver Restaurant Store No 5412 915 N 27th 474-4011 Long John Silver's 6821 "O" Street 489-1597 Los Mendoza Mexican Restaurant 1400 N 48 464-0146 M and N Sandwich Shop 2643 Randolph 477-5306 Magic Wok Suite-107 3031 "O" Street 477-9988 Mamasitas Restaurante 605 Monroe, Bennet 782-3000 Manila Bay Filipeno Cuisine and Deli 941 "O" Street 435-3060 Mar-Shel Café 125 S 27th 479-9053 Mazatlan Mexican Restaurant 211 N 70 464-7201 McDonald's General Office 425 Greentree Ct. 210 Gateway 464-6090 McDonald's Resturants 1141 W Bond 475-5238 McDonald's 5327 Cornhusker Highway 464-0973 McDonald's 3330 S 10th 423-1355 McDonald's 865 N 27th 474-5017 McDonald's 547 N 48th 464-2209 McDonald's 66th and "O" Street 466-5766 McDonald's 2600 S 48th 488-7083 McDonald's 1028 Saunders Ave. 476-2538 McDonald's 5800 Old Cheney 421-8303 McDonald's 2641 Ticonderoga 435-5444 Merle's Food and Drink 8250 West"O" Street, Emerald 474-6435 Mick's Place 303 Nemaha, Firth 791-2064 Mike's Place 4821 Cornhusker Hwy 467-3137 Ming Palace Chinese Restaurant 1309 L 475-1213 Miscellanea Restaurant/Gift Shop Rathbone Village | 2110 Winthrop Rd 486-4477 Miscellanea Restaurant/Gift Shop 1023 "O" Street 474-4466 Mister Henry's Restaurant and Lounge 540 S 4, Eagle 781-9925 Misty's Restaurant and Lounge 6235 Havelock Av 466-8424 Misty's Edgewood 5508 S 56 St 423-2288 Mr Henry's Restaurant and Lounge 540 S 4, Eagle 781-2662 Mr Panda 2900 N 70 464-8818 Mr Wu's Chinese Gourmet Bldg-91 6100 "O" Street 466-2233 Old Country Buffet 23rd and "O" Street 435-2727th Olive Garden Italian Restaurant 6100 "O" Street 464-1910 Oriental De-Lite Floor-B 121 S 13 475-4785 Outback Steakhouse 633 N 48 465-5050 Oven The Suite-117 201 N 8 475-6118 P O Pears 322 S 9 476-8551 Panama Cafe 310 Locust, Panama 788-2212 Panda Garden Suite-Z 233 N 48 467-3800 Pane e Vino Ristorante Italiano 500 Sun Valley Blvd 476-1212 Pantry Restaurants 2548 S 48 489-0396 Papa John's Family Restaurant 114 S 14 477-7657 Papa Murphy's Take 'N' Bake Pizza 4500 S. 70 14 484-PAPA Parkway Luncheonette 2555 S 48 489-1718 Perkins Restaurant 2900 NW 12 474-6162 Perkins Restaurants 121 N 48 467-2674 PHO Tau Bay Restaurant 313 N 27th 438-4050 Piezano's 2740 South 474-3355 Pizza Hut Area Office 1544 South 474-4084 Pizza Hut Delivery or Carry Out 5601 S 56 st 421-6300 Pizza Hut 2662 Cornhusker Highway 464-4600 Pizza Hut 5540 South 486-3500 Pizza Hut 1544 South 474-6600 Pizza Hut 2340 N 48 466-5533 Pizza Hut 239 N 14 475-2658 Pizza Hut Dine-in or Carryout 3410 S 10th 423-4553 Pizza Hut 239 N 14th 475-2658 Pizza Hut 6414 "O" Street 464-7774 Point After The Airport Exit 1011 W Dawes Av 479-9162 Popeyes 741 N 48 464-3934 Popeyes 722 West "O" Street 475-1394 Preston's Grill 2901 N W 48 470-2033 Princeton Tavern 24049 S 12, Princeton 798-7025 Prospector Restaurant and Lounge 640 Prospector Ct 477-1506 Quality Inn-Northeast 5250 Cornhusker Hwy 464-3171 Ramada Inn Municipal Airport and I 80 475-4400 Ramo's Pizza And More 3859 South 483-5050 Red Fox Steak House and Lounge The 1339 West "O" Street 438-3300 Red Lobster Restaurants 6540 "O" Street 466-8397 Renaissance The 333 S 13 474-7474 Rhiney's Suite-126 421 S 9 477-3467 Rolling Wok Bldg-2 2600 S 48 483-6029 Rotisserie Restaurant The 11th and "O" Street 475-9475 Round The Bend Steak House and Saloon South Bend 944-9974 Runza Restaurants North | 4610 N 27th 477-0653 Runza North | 1501 N 56 466-1087 Runza South | 33rd and Hwy 2 488-6701 Runza South | 937 S 13 475-7320 Runza West | 1240 West "O" Street 476-1189 Runza East Park Plaza | 220 N 66 464-0150 Runza Belmont | 2501 N 11 435-7070 Runza Van Dorn | 7001 Van Dorn 488-8043 Runza Gateway | 6100 "O" Street 466-4171 Runza General Offices 423-2394 Runza Edgewood Express | Suite 6 5310 S 56 421-9117 Rock and Roll Runza 14th and P 474-2030 Sadie's 5200 "O" Street 467-0565 Sam's Self Service Restaurants 2136 N 48 464-0863 Sawmill Deli 801 S Street 475-6372 Sbarro The Italian Eatery Bldg-91 6100 "O" Street 466-7305 Schlotzsky's Restaurants Downtown | 1201 P 476-2224 Schlotzsky's Restaurants East | 5401 "O" Street 483-6191 Schlotzsky's Restaurants South | 33 and Hwy 2 488-2221 Schlotzsky's Restaurants Gateway | Food Ct 466-6130 Schlotzsky's Restaurants Superior 438-7442 Serving Spoon The Suite-210 Gold's Galleria 1033 "O" Street 435-4368 Sheila's Cafe 1819 "O" Street 438-5211 Sherry's Dining Dancing and Sports Bar 3223 Cornhusker Hwy 464-4299 Shoe's Bar and Grill 813 Q 476-9562 Shoemaker's Restaurant and Truck Stop 4800 West "O" Street 474-1775 Shogun Edgewood | 56th and Hwy 2 421-7100 Sinbad's 27th & Orchard Sizzler Steakhouse 6811 "O" Street 488-4470 Sobik's Subs 1317 N 10 435-5600 Sobik's Subs Suite-101 3560 N 48 465-5662 Sobik's Subs 600 West A 435-5601 Sonic Drive Inn 5601 S 48 421-9064 Spaghetti Works 228 N 12 475-0900 Spike And Olly's 5200 "O" Street 467-0560 Sports Page Restaurant and Lounge 13631 Energy Way, Wavrly 786-3838 Steak House The 3441 Adams 466-2472 Subway Sandwiches and Salads 53rd and "O" Street 488-2833 Subway 12th and Q 476-8193 Subway Nebraska Union 14th and R 476-1161 Subway 29th and Cornhusker Hwy 464-4300 Subway East Park Plaza 464-4332 Subway 48th and Van Dorn 488-3188 Subway 48th and Hwy 2 421-7826 Subway 10th and High 421-9191 Subway 17th and South 477-8037 Subway 70th and Havelock Av 464-1315 T and R's Garden 3939 N 48 464-5343 Taco Bell 4500 O 476-2173 Taco Bell 4500 O 476-2173 Taco Bell 245 N 13 475-3007 Taco Bell 3310 N 27 St 466-0550 Taco John's North: 831 N 48 St 466-3950 Taco John's Northwest: 3301 N 27 St 466-8226 Taco John's South: 1110 South 477-2923 Taco John's Southwest: 5641 S 56 St 423-8230 Taco Inn 245 S 70 488-6114 Taj Mahal Cuisine Of India Suite-4 5500 Old Cheney Rd 420-1133 Taste Of China Chinese Restaurant 1349 Q 475-3456 Taste Of India 1320 O 475-1642 Tastee Inn 1530 N 48 466-9881 Tea Leaf Restaurant Suite-100 3520 Village Dr 420-2000 Terrace Grille 333 S 13 474-7474 Thai Garden Restaurant 215 N 14 477-0811 Thai House Restaurant 610 N 27th 475-0558 Tico'sFoods Of Mexico 17 and M 475-1048 Tina's Cafe and Catering 616 South 435-9404 Top Of The Rock Banquet Facility 14th and P 474-2070 Valentino's Business Office 434-9350 Valentino's North 35th and Holdredge 467-3611 Valentino's Downtown 13th and Q 475-1501 Valentino's Southwest 27th and Hwy 2 423-3113 Valentino's South 70th and Van Dorn 483-2811 Valentino's To-Go 17th and South 434-9040 Valentino's To-Go 33rd and A 476-7600 Valentino's To-Go 48th and Old Cheney 421-2900 Valentino's To-Go 48th and Van Dorn 486-4200 Valentino's To-Go 50th and "O" 484-5000 Valentino's To-Go 64th and Havelock 464-2400 Valentino's To-Go 70th and Vine 489-2888 Valentino's To-Go West "O" and Capitol Beach 435-4500 Vien Dong-Far East Restaurant 1209 Q 476-8362 Village Inn Restaurant and Bakery 5001 Van Dorn 488-2424 Village Inn 2949 N 27th 466-8408 Village Inn 111 S 29 476-6525 Village Inn 6555 O 489-8829 Ville Grille 2701 N 48th 466-1011 Vincent's House Of Hunan Restaurant 56 and Hwy 2 423-8079 Vincenzo's Ristorante Suite-100 808 P 435-3889 Virginia's Travelers Cafe and Motel 3820 Cornhusker Hwy 464-9885 Watering Hole The 1321 O 438-3054 Wee B Smoken Restaurant Suite-1 2441 N 11 438-7427 Wendy's Old Fashioned Hamburgers 1336 Q 474-2332 Wendy's 930 N 48th 464-2211 Wendy's 2615 S 48th 483-1700 Wendy's 3210 Cornhusker Highway 464-1007 Western Foods Inc 48 and O 466-8525 Wok On The Run Suite-M 2401 N 48 476-8688 Wok On The Run 16th and Old Chaney 421-8698 Yiayia'a Pizza Beer & Wine 1423 O 477-9166

This is good to see of course, but realize that it would be way out of character for Oz to protest something like this. He is not a confrontational type of person by nature, and wants whats best for the program - and he knows that causing a stir would only hinder things more. Plus after all, he is now a politician, and needs our "support" as well!!

Actually the version I heard was that Carl Pelini is being recruited to go to Arizona to be the D-Line coach for Mike Stoops, and Bob Stoops offered Bo the Defensive Coordinator job at OU. I dont see why Carl would leave. Maybe in a few yrs like Mike Stoops did, but he's only been in that shadow for not even 1 yr now, right? unless he was w/ green bay too? I just find it hard to believe that he would leave his bro to go be an assis coach somewhere else, when he has a strong potential to climb the ladder at NU quickly - Espec if Bo gets the HC gig. BUt if he didnt for some reason, I could see him leaving for a promo, but not a lateral. after all, NU v. Arizona? no comparison! About the OU rumor. Yes this may have reinforced the need to hire Bo as the HC, but I doubt SP was manipulated into hiring Bo just b/c he was afraid Stoops would take him to OU. If Steve found another qualified guy, he doesnt seem to be lacking the stones to make the move. brm

Big surprise, another hoax!! But I wouldnt be surprised if Bo is the man, and they are just working out the details with the assistants.

Here's the latest from the 3 anon sources: It's all but official that Pelini is our new Head Coach. No word on the Assistants yet. Im sure it will be televised locally around Nebraska, and on the radio. Anyone know of a local internet feed to listen to?

You bet, well put PM. As opposed to your idiot brethren HuckFuskers. I have no problem giving cred where it is due, and it is definitely due to KSU right now. Played huge in a huge game, something you guys havent done in the past. Not to mention the hardware. You are making progress definitely. But as much as I think Pederwacker is an arrogant ass, I agree w/ his statements AT THE TIME about TX and OU. Truly they are the only other teams in the Big 12 w/ tradition. BUt Kstate showed last night that they are not going anywhere anytime soon, and if we want to reclaim the throne the road w/ probably be leading through womanhattan for quite a few years to come. Congrats PM, hope you enjoy the crown, just dont get too comfortable, b/c now youre about to know what it feels like to be THE TARGET!! brm

Wonder if this could be an early indicator that Pelini will not be the new HC? If he is though, I still wouldnt be surprised if Rathman came in. I lend about as much merit to a comment like his to the "detroit free press" as I do to the rumors about Cowher. Plus Rathman still said "probably", so it is left open. We've known for quite a while that Jamrog and Cotton are garbonzo and not b/c they "are ready to be head coaches". Come on, So Dak and UTEP?! Thats almost as bad as the Bohl banishment to NoDak. Just wonder who else could step in as OC if Rathman and Barney are out?

We may not make any "sence", but you and your incoherent drivel make no "cents" either. Keep it up smart chick! First you idiots put the ass in class, now the dumass arrogant idiot in grace, nice touch aceholes. But then again I almost forgot, this truly was the only time you've actually won something tangible, other than the tangerine bowl, so once again you have an excuse for your redneck behavior. Just please dont make asses of yourself at the BCS game like you usually do around the Big 12 and embarass the conference funboy. Wait, again I must be drunk, it's like asking paris hilton-express not to be a skank.