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Congrats to the Weekly Contest Winners!!! Weekly Winners for 03.11.07 HSKRNOKC: 1pt Caption Contest

WE HAVE A WINNER! CONGRATULATIONS HSKRNOKC!

Irregular News for 03.09.07 Tampa, FL -- A Tampa high school has closed its bathrooms after they were vandalized last week, forcing some students to go to extremes to find relief. Freedom High School officials have locked down every restroom in the school except one after swastikas, writings and other types of vandalism were discovered on the walls. Students said they now have to wait in long lines to go to the bathroom, causing them to be late for -- and sometimes even miss -- class. "We're all humans. We all go to the bathroom," a female student said. "I had to take 10 to 20 minutes out of class to go wait in line." "They are really strict. If you're not in your seat, it's a tardy," another student said. Tardies can result in detention or an all-day in-school suspension, Local 6 News reported. Some students told Local 6 News that they have relieved themselves in the bushes outside the school or even into a plastic bottle. "I sometimes save the bottles and pee in those if I have to," a male student said. "I've seen people peeing in the bushes. It's getting out of control," a student said. School administrators confirmed to Local 6 News off camera that the restrooms have been locked, which didn't sit well with many parents. "That's unacceptable. You need to go to the bathroom sometimes," a parent said. "Two thousand students? One bathroom? That's a little out there," a student said. It's not known when the restrooms will reopen. source

Irregular News for 03.09.07 Carterville, IL -- A southern Illinois man who's fed up with higher electric rates has come up with a way to show his displeasure while paying his bill. Robert Hancock said his monthly power bill jumped nearly 200 percent -- to $526.62. So he's going to send Ameren 52,662 pennies. Hancock said he's worked things out with a local bank to get the coins and with the post office to mail the money. It will cost about $50 extra for postage. But Hancock said that if he can cause Ameren a little inconvenience, it's worth it to him. source

Irregular News for 03.09.07 Scotts Valley, CA -- Tired of parents pulling their kids out of school for a ski trip or a visit to Disneyland, the local school system is billing them for the missed class time at $36.13 per day. That is how much the Scotts Valley district calculates it loses under a state formula that doles out school funding according to daily attendance. In truth, the bills are merely a request; no one is actually required to pay. But some parents in the well-to-do community 30 miles south of Silicon Valley are paying up to ease their guilty consciences. Others are refusing, saying the request is offensive in a state where nearly half the annual budget — $66 billion — already is devoted to education. "I tossed it. It's a public school. I'm not going to be told to pay when I have my kids out," said Helene Handy, who received the explanatory letter three times, once for each of her children. "We've got to have a better way to pay for our schools." School officials said the purpose is twofold — to discourage parents from aiding and abetting hooky, and to recoup money lost to absences. The 2,800-student district — which is populated with a large number of high-tech specialists and managers and had a median household income in 2000 of more than $72,000 — sent a letter of explanation in January to parents. It was titled "If You Play, Please Pay." "Are the ski slopes calling? Is the beach beckoning? Are you taking the kids to Disneyland midweek to avoid the crowds?" the letter asked. "If so, we would encourage you to reconsider. When your child misses school, there are consequences for the student and the district." In California, under a formula that dates to the 1930s, how much a school receives in tax dollars is based on how many students are in class on any given day. "Elective absences," or days missed for reasons other than illness, cost the Scotts Valley district $223,000 during the 2005-06 school year, according to the school system. On average, it says, a Scotts Valley child misses 2.3 days because of elective absences. Within two weeks after the letter went home, the district collected more than $2,000, said Brenda Spalding, assistant to Superintendent Susan Silver. Stan Wilson took his two children to Hawaii for a week earlier this school year. Connor, 6, and Courtney, 8, missed five days of school. When the family returned, the Wilsons received a note from the school system asking for compensation. The letter did not specify how much, but it would have totaled more than $360. Wilson happily gave even more, writing a check for $500. The tax-deductible "donation" was a bargain compared to the private school tuition he and his wife were prepared to pay before they decided to keep their children in public school, Wilson said. "We saved so much money, we decided it was fair," he said. The 10,000-student San Mateo-Foster City elementary school system started doing the same thing a few years ago, when Silver was an administrator there. Representatives of the associations representing state and national school boards said they had not heard of any other districts trying to recover costs when students miss class. Charlotte Multer, a member of the PTA at two Scotts Valley schools, said the request for reimbursement is fair. "Our schools are duct-taped together and they're in portables. It's a shame. We need every penny we can keep," she said. "If you can afford to go to Disneyland or go on a ski trip, maybe you can afford a donation." source

Irreguler News for 03.08.07 Australia -- A Gold Coast property developer who excluded himself from Crown Casino is suing the gaming venue for the $30 million he lost in little over a year, amid claims they lured him back with cash and other inducements. According to Harry Kakavas, the conduct of Crown was "high-handed", "in flagrant disregard of the law of the state of Victoria" and designed to cause him to lose "substantial amounts of money". Among the other allegations made by Mr Kakavas, Crown provided its own private jet on about 30 occasions to fly him to various locations, including to a holiday resort in the Philippines. Mr Kakavas claimed he was sometimes given between $30,000 and $50,000 on boarding the private jet or upon entering his room at the casino's hotel. The cash would be in a box or bags. Born in Melbourne, Mr Kakavas moved to Queensland and in September 2004 sold his house for a state-record of $18 million. He was one of three men charged over an alleged armed robbery in Melbourne in 1999. One of the other men charged was soccer star Con Boutsianis. The charges against all three were dismissed. After being granted an exclusion order in 1995, prohibiting him from entering the casino, it is alleged that Crown's chief operating officer, John Williams, "devised a scheme" to induce Mr Kakavas to recommence gambling in late 2004. According to Mr Kakavas' statement of claim, lodged in the Supreme Court yesterday, Mr Williams instructed Crown employees "to do what was necessary" to get Mr Kakavas back. Ishan Ratnam, vice-president of Crown's VIP gaming services, allegedly telephoned Mr Kakavas on behalf of Mr Williams to give Crown "a chance" after hearing that he had been gambling in Las Vegas. "You don't need to fly 16 hours to Vegas, when you have a two-hour flight to Crown," Mr Ratnam allegedly said. "Johnny Williams said that we will let you bet more than what Vegas allows you, up to $300,000 per hand, and we will give you a 20 per cent rebate on losses." It was alleged that Crown's interstate marketing manager, Richard Doggert, telephoned Mr Kakavas a month later and said: "What do we have to do to get you to come back to Crown? Johnny Williams really wants you back here." Mr Doggert allegedly told Mr Kakavas that he needed a letter from a doctor giving him "the all clear to gamble". "We need the doctor to say that you are over your gambling problems." After telling Mr Kakavas that he needed "a letter from any psychologist", it was alleged Mr Doggert then personally delivered a letter, prepared by Crown, which purported to be a request by Mr Kakavas to have his exclusion order revoked. But a Queensland psychologist said she was unable to form any opinion as to Mr Kakavas' suitability to re-enter the casino in late 2004. "His goal was to be assessed as fit to use the facilities of the Crown Casino in Melbourne which he had 'self-excluded' himself from," the psychologist wrote. "This is the only time that I have had contact with Mr Kakavas … Therefore I am unable to do an assessment of his suitability for re-admittance." In his statement of claim, Mr Kakavas said Crown violated the Casino Control Act, and had given him credit of up to $1.5 million. Crown had "a duty not to exacerbate or exploit" his weakness but had breached its duty of care by inviting, encouraging and procuring him to gamble. "Between 24 June 2005 and August 2006, the plaintiff (Mr Kakavas) suffered losses of approximately $30 million," said the statement of claim. "Crown won $30 million … by means of ill practice." Mr Kakavas claims he and his friends were guests of Crown at the Australian Open tennis in 2005 and were given free tickets and limousine transport, as well as free food, drinks and accommodation at the casino but was told by one employee that Crown wanted to keep his visit "low profile". Mr Kakavas told The Age last night that "justice will take its course". "I have the finest three QCs in Australia standing behind me," he said. Two QCs, Allan Myers and Cliff Pannam, as well as Leslie Glick, SC, are representing Mr Kakavas, who is suing Crown for his losses plus interest, costs and "further or other relief as to the court seems appropriate". Crown last night would not comment. source

Irreguler News for 03.08.07 San Juan, Puerto Rico -- A Kissimmee, Fla. man who flew from Orlando to Puerto Rico was arrested on his arrival in the U.S. Caribbean territory for allegedly bringing 14 weapons and drugs aboard the Delta Air Lines flight, authorities said Tuesday. Thomas Anthony Munoz, 22, was arrested Monday after 13 handguns, one assault rifle and eight clear bags containing marijuana were found in his possession, said Carlos Baixauli, a Miami-based special agent with the U.S. Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives. Munoz had flown aboard a Delta flight from Orlando International Airport to Luis MuInoz Marin International Airport in San Juan, Delta spokeswoman Chris Kelly said. Munoz was arrested in San Juan on U.S. weapons violations, said Puerto Rico Police Superintendent Pedro Toledo. He was turned over to federal authorities, Toledo said. It was not clear if Munoz had the items in a carry-on or checked them into luggage. "We have information to the effect that this individual had apparently done this before," Toledo told the Orlando Sentinel for Wednesday's edition. Kevin Farrington, an FBI spokesman based in Miami, said an anonymous tip to the Orlando Police Department generated interest in Munoz's flight. It is possible more arrests will be made, he said. "I can tell you there were weapons and drugs but we're not getting into specifics right now," he said. "We're still following up. It is an ongoing matter." Passengers were never in danger, said Christopher White, of the Transportation Security Administration Agency. "While we cannot discuss details of an ongoing criminal matter, no weapons were brought through the passenger security checkpoint and at no time were passengers in any danger," said White, a TSA spokesman based in Washington. Munoz, was a three-year employee of the Cincinnati, Ohio-based Comair -- a subsidiary of Delta, said company spokeswoman Kate Marx. He has been suspended pending an investigation. Munoz, who was not on duty at the time, was a customer service agent. His duties would include loading and unloading luggage on the ramp outside the airplane, but "he would not have performed those duties for this particular flight," Marx said. The TSA in Orlando coordinated with its counterpart in San Juan, which contacted the San Juan police, White said. source

Irregular News for 02.07.07 New Zealand -- A group of New Zealand school boys who snuck off to watch topless men and women parade on motorbikes, have been busted after appearing on the front page of a newspaper enjoying the spectacle. The students from Shirley Boys' High School in Christchurch have been given detentions for truancy after appearing on the front page of The Press, the newspaper reported. Six of the boys appeared clearly on the newspaper, dressed in school uniforms and cheering on the parade. The event, called Boobs on Bikes, is held in various New Zealand cities during the year to promote a sex expo. Bare-chested women and men take part in the parade, driving slowly around on motorcycles. The boys did not miss any classes, but had used their lunch passes to head to the parade, rather than to go home for lunch. "It was worth it," the paper quoted Year 12 student James Hardy as saying. "It was funny as." But the school was not amused, initially asking that the kids be expelled, but later downgrading the punishment to after-school detentions. "I think we have had enough publicity about that," was all a representative from the school said when contacted by AAP. But James' grandmother has publicly defended her grandson. "They were not taking drugs or robbing banks," Kathy Hardy told a radio station. source

Irregular News for 02.07.07 Portugal -- An elderly woman has walked away without a scratch after being run over by a train in Portugal. Maria Delores Ramos, 77, slipped as she attempted to cross the railway near her home in the northern village of Barroselas, the daily Jornal de Noticias reported. She could not get up on her own as she suffers from arthritis in her legs, so she sat in the middle of the track to wait for someone to pass by. But when a train approached she decided to lay down after her frantic waving failed to get the attention of the conductor, Ramos told the newspaper "I started to pray and ask God for forgiveness for my sins. But when I saw that the first carriage passed over me and didn't touch me, I realized I was safe. And I survived," she said. The train stopped a little further ahead and the conductor got out of the train and helped Ramos, a mother of seven, to crawl out from under one of the carriages. "Other people quickly arrived and raised me off the ground and held on to me but I told them I didn't need need them to hold on to me, that I could stay up on my own," she said. "I can brag that I survived being run over by a train." A passenger buys a ticket at Lisbon railway station in 2002. An elderly woman has walked away without a scratch after being run over by a train in Portugal.(AFP/Lusa/File/Manuel Moura) source

Irregular News for 02.07.07 Stockton, CA -- A Stockton-area businessman is peddling blessed bottled water. The half-liter bottles of Holy Drinking Water distributed by Wayne Enterprises Inc., of Linden, only carries the blessings of Catholic and Anglican priests, but company president Brian Germann said he plans to expand to other faiths. He said he thought of the concept on June 6, 2006, or "666," and has sold about 3,000 bottles since January at a Linden market and on the Internet. The bottles, filled with plain, purified water, carry a label that warns sinners who drink the water that they may experience burning, intense heat, sweating and skin irritations. "This has some potential and is a lot of fun," said the Rev. Mark Smith, who blessed a batch in February. "Most people will pass it off. But some may have a moment." Holy Drinking Water has led to positive conversations about religion and what it means to be a sinner, but it should not be used as a substitute for attending church, Germann said. source

Irregular News for 03.05.07 Renton, WA -- The organization that oversees high school sports in Washington is considering more specific rules for fans that could ban booing and offensive chants. Lots of boos for the no-booing rule The Washington Interscholastic Activities Association is drafting guidelines to crack down on negative conduct. The association director blames rude fans for the dwindling number of people who want to be coaches and officials. He says the guidelines will remind fans to cheer for their team, not against the other. source

Irregular News for 03.05.07 Tampa, FL -- Shayla Muldrow made her 9-year-old daughter fight on Friday morning, police say. First, the mother barged onto a Hillsborough County school bus, wanting answers. "Where's the girl who slapped my girl?" Muldrow demanded, her words captured on video as the bus driver called police. A 10-year-old girl sitting in one of the seats raised a hand. That girl told police that Muldrow then turned to her daughter and said, "Take off your jacket and take care of your business." The video shows Muldrow's daughter punching the other girl with closed fists, said police spokeswoman Andrea Davis, though Muldrow's back blocks the camera's view during most of the fight. Police did not release either girl's name. Both girls attend Booker T. Washington Elementary School, said school district spokeswoman Linda Cobbe. The 10-year-old was in school on Friday. The 9-year-old, a third-grader, was not, Cobbe said. It's unclear whether the girls will face any disciplinary action, she said. But Tampa police arrested Muldrow, 26, and charged her with battery, contributing to the delinquency of a minor and trespassing. It was Muldrow's 15th arrest since 1996, according to Florida Department of Law Enforcement records. Her record, which includes some juvenile arrests, is peppered with aggravated battery, armed burglary and drug possession charges. While many of the charges were dismissed, including one for third-degree murder, she was sentenced to two months in jail for damage of property-criminal mischief in 2005. source

Irregular News for 03.05.07 Gendora, CA -- Los Angeles County officials are undecided whether to prosecute two 18-year-olds for apparently trying to enforce a city ordinance in Glendora, Calif. Keleigh Marshall and Christina Giammalva were arrested Feb. 19 for placing stickers on yard signs for Glendora City Councilman Gary Clifford, a candidate for re-election next Tuesday. Glendora law prohibits placing political campaign signs on public property. The stickers read: "This sign violates Glendora city ordinance." Clifford confronted Marshall and Giammalva and demanded they remove the stickers, the Los Angeles Times reported. When they refused, he called the police -- who showed up in four cars. The suspects told the police Clifford was violating the law with his signs, but police cuffed Marshall and Giammalva and booked them. When police issued a public statement about the case, the Times noted, they identified the teenage suspects by name but left Clifford's name out of it. Police Chief Chuck Montoya told the newspaper the city attorney has advised the department not to enforce the sign ordinance, which the city council adopted in 2004 -- with Clifford voting in favor of the restriction. source

New caption contest... Don't forget to vote for your favorite cap for the last one: Poll: Caption Contest LXXXIV Best caption gets a $1 Husker buck! Rules and stuff here: Fark, Caption & Riddle Contests

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Congrats to the Weekly Contest Winners!!! Weekly Winners for 03.04.07 Drowning in the Sea of Red: 1pt Caption Contest

WE HAVE A WINNER! CONGRATULATIONS Drowning in the Sea of Red!

Irregular News for 03.02.07 Allentown, PA -- When police went into Nitschmann Middle School Tuesday to arrest Principal John Acerra for allegedly selling crystal methamphetamine, sources said they found him naked while sitting at his desk watching gay pornography. A 28-year educator with the Bethlehem Area School District and principal since 2000, Acerra is in Lehigh County Prison under $200,000 bail. Acerra, of 832 Chestnut St., Allentown, is charged with possession with intent to deliver, manufacture or create methamphetamine, delivery of a controlled or counterfeit substance and possession of drug paraphernalia. Police said Acerra was found with a burned glass pipe and $200 in cash on his desk minutes after a confidential informant wearing a wire attempted to buy meth from Acerra on Tuesday night. source

Irregular News for 03.02.07 Milan, Italy -- A substitute teacher in Italy who cut the tongue of a 7-year-old student faces the loss of her job. The teacher has also been charged with assault, the Italian news agency Ansa reported. "Zero tolerance is the only response to such unacceptable behavior," said Education Minister Giuseppe Fioroni. "Hundreds of thousands of good teachers do not merit being discredited by the actions of a few." The teacher, who was filling in with a second-grade class in Milan, has admitted injuring the student but says that it was an accident. She said that the boy was being unruly and she jokingly threatened to cut out his tongue with a pair of scissors, which slipped. The parents, immigrants from Tunisia, say that the boy has refused to go to school since he was injured, and the mother has had to give up her job to stay home with him. source

Irregular News for 03.02.07 United Kingdom -- An ice cream man has been caught selling beer from his van outside a school. Steve Harrison, 49, was caught when he sold four cans of Carling lager from his Signor Rossi ice cream van to Trading Standards officers in a "sting" operation. Officers discovered a further 163 cans of lager stored in the vehicle which was parked outside Bishop Hedley RC School in Penydarren, Merthyr Tydfil. The ice cream vendor, who pleaded guilty to two offences under the Licensing Act 2003 at Merthyr Magistrates' Court last month, has been given a criminal anti-social behaviour order. It bans him from selling alcohol from any vehicle which sells food and drink, in the town, for 10 years. Harrison, of Heol y Mair, Penrhys, Ferndale, was also fined £30 and ordered to pay costs. Merthyr Magistrate's Court heard undercover officers from Trading Standards carried out the sting last October following complaints from the public. source

Irregular News for 03.01.07 Manhattan, KS -- The Kansas State athletic department issued an open letter to fans this week after an animal rights group objected to mistreatment of chickens at a basketball game. For years, Kansas State students have has smuggled live chickens into games against Kansas, then thrown them onto the court and behind the opposing bench before tip-off. The students intend for the chickens to mock their rival's Jayhawk mascot. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals responded to the latest incident during a game Feb. 19 by sending a letter to university president Jon Wefald, claiming at least three chickens were thrown on the court during player introductions. The letter described chickens as "very intelligent and inquisitive animals" that appeared to have been subjected to "deafening noise, bright lights, terror, abusive handling and likely death for the sake of amusement." Kansas State University has said it would not comment on the complaint, but the athletic department issued a statement Tuesday saying it considers live, non-service animals "contraband." Any fans caught with animals or caught throwing any object onto a playing surface will be ejected from the game and could face prosecution. "These actions severely tarnish the image of our University, its athletics teams and the majority of our outstanding fans and supporters and while viewed by many as harmless pranks, these acts are likely illegal," the letter said. The act hasn't done much to will the Wildcats to victory. The Jayhawks beat Kansas State 71-62, running their overall winning streak in Manhattan to 24 games. source

Irregular News for 03.01.07 Munster, IN -- The 21-year-old Gary resident was arrested Monday after trying to cash a check for $50,000 that he said was given to him by "his Father," Hobart Police Detective Jeff White said. The check was signed "King Savior, King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Servant." He was charged with one count attempted check fraud and one count intimidation, both Class D felonies, and one count resisting law enforcement, a Class A misdemeanor. He faces a maximum sentence of seven years. Police were called to Chase Bank, 1800 E. 80th, about 4 p.m. after Russell tried to cash the check, which was written on an invalid Bank One check with no imprint, White said. Russell had several other checks with him that were signed the same way but made out in different dollar amounts, including one for $100,000. Russell allegedly struggled with police as they tried to detain him, White said, and then threatened police as they transported him to the Hobart Police Department. "I've heard about God giving out eternal life, but this is the first time I've heard of Him giving out cash," White said. source

Irregular News for 02.28.07 Easton, PA -- A Northampton Community College student said he was "out of it" due to fatigue and cold medicine when he e-mailed bomb threats to the president of the school. Michael Turner, 20, of Lopatcong Township waived a preliminary hearing Monday and was freed on bail. He is charged with threatening to use a weapon of mass destruction and other counts because of the early morning threats a week earlier. Click here to find out more! Turner said it was 3 a.m. and he was "out of it" when he allegedly sent e-mails saying he would "redden the hallways ... and darken your souls." He said he has "full remorse for this." Turner is a sports management major who said he hopes to become a personal trainer. source

Irregular News for 02.28.07 Australia -- Five lamb shanks used by health workers to practice syringe techniques have gone missing from a Broome clinic, sparking a health scare. West Australian police issued the alert after drugged lamb shanks were stolen from the Kimberley Aboriginal Medical Service Centre overnight. Health workers at the Anne Street centre had used the shanks to practice syringe and suturing techniques using an anaesthetic, police said. About 55 milligrams of Lignocaine was injected into the meat before each shank was stitched up and stored in an outside refrigerator. "Should the shanks be eaten by a young child, elderly person or someone with an existing medical condition, the side effects could be serious and in the very extreme cause death," police said in a statement. Most people and pets could experience side effects such as dizziness, faintness, numbness or tingling if they ate the stolen meat, detectives warned. In extreme cases a seizure can occur, officers said. Police have called for anyone who may have eaten the meat, or knew of someone who did eat the meat, to seek hospital treatment immediately. source

Irregular News for 02.28.07 Tacoma, WA -- A woman admitted Monday that she coached her two children to fake retardation starting when they were 4 and 8 years old so she could collect Social Security benefits on their behalf. Rosie Costello, 46, admitted in U.S. District Court that she collected more than $280,000 in benefits, beginning in the mid-1980s. Most was from Social Security, but the state social services agency paid $53,000. Costello pleaded guilty to conspiracy to defraud the government and Social Security fraud. Her son, Pete, 26, pleaded guilty earlier this month. Federal prosecutors in Seattle said Monday authorities had not yet located her daughter, Marie. According to the plea agreement, Costello began coaching her daughter at age 4, and later used the same ruse with her son. He feigned retardation into his mid-20s picking at his face, slouching and appearing uncommunicative in meetings with Social Security officials. Social Security workers became suspicious and uncovered a video of Pete Costello ably contesting a traffic ticket in a Vancouver courtroom. Pete Costello is scheduled to be sentenced May 11 and faces from six months to a year in prison, as well as $59,000 in restitution. Rosie Costello is scheduled for sentencing May 17. Her standard sentencing range was not immediately available, but in the plea agreement she agreed to repay the government. source