slacker

Irregular News for 04.26.07 United Kingdom -- A worker at a UK boat-building firm has been caught trying to steal a luxury yacht one piece at a time. James Light, 35, stole hundreds of yacht parts worth £55,000 ($133,000) over a period of seven years, Bournemouth Crown Court heard yesterday. He stole the parts from his former employer, Sunseeker. The case was compared to the Johnny Cash song One Piece At A Time, in which a Cadillac assembly line worker steals parts from the factory to build his own car. A Sunseeker spokesman said he believed Light, who had worked for the company for 11 years, intended to build a boat. "It appears that Mr Light was going to use the parts to build his own boat," the spokesman told the Daily Mail. "I don't think he had enough to build an entire Sunseeker, but he certainly could have used them for a smaller boat." Among the stolen items -- meant for the 16m Sunseeker motoryachts worth £1 million ($2.4 million) - were electrical components, a 1.2m radar mast, a widescreen TV, lifting straps and sternlights. They were stored in more than 100 boxes at a lock-up garage in Bournemouth. Light claimed he obtained the parts legitimately from a third party, but admitted charges of theft and handling stolen goods. Light also admitted cultivating cannabis and possessing ecstasy tablets, cocaine and cannabis. He was given a 12-month suspended prison sentence and ordered to do 200 hours of community service. sourcce

Irregular News for 04.26.07 New Zealand -- It may be called a Happy Meal, but a seven-year-old girl whose free toy in her McDonald's meal turned out to be a condom would probably not get a lot of fun out of it. Suzanne and Rowan Hatch of Wellington in New Zealand, discovered the condom in the Happy Meal of their granddaughter Maia Whitaker on Tuesday night, the Dominion Post newspaper reported. Mr Hatch said his wife looked in the small sports bag which came with the meal and was aghast to find a green Durex condom and its packet. "I was pretty horrified really, the fact my granddaughter was going to look in the bag and find this thing. It would be difficult to explain, she's only seven." Staff at the McDonald's swapped the meal for a hamburger and a pencil case. McDonald's spokeswoman Joanna Redfern-Hardisty said inquiries had revealed that, because of the popularity of the previous Happy Meal gift which had sold out at that outlet, pre-packaged sports bags were substituted as children's gifts. One was left unsealed for display purposes and "somehow" it had ended up with the customer. source

Irregular News for 04.25.07 Philadelphia, PA -- It was a crude animation of one stick figure shooting another created for a school graphics class in Gloucester County last week. But during the same week of a shooting massacre at Virginia Tech, officials at Williamstown High School in Monroe found nothing innocent about the sketch. As a result, the student says a vice principal told him he would not be allowed to attend classes again until he passes a mental-health evaluation. In response, the 18-year-old, identified in court papers only as "J.K.," filed a lawsuit yesterday asking a federal judge to order school officials to allow him back to class and to pay for damages. During a graphics design class on April 16 - hours before the world knew that Seung-Hui Cho had killed 32 people at Virginia Tech - J.K. said he was asked to make animations for a program they were learning. J.K.'s sketch consisted of two stick figures, one with a raised gun that had dashes leading from it to the head of the other one. The next morning, he said, he showed the drawing to a teacher, but told her he was not done with it. In court papers, he said he planned to show the victim deflecting or destroying the bullet. But, he said, the teacher did not listen to him further. Two days later, he said, Vice Principal Paul Deal told him that he was not being suspended or expelled, but that he might be a threat to the school or himself. J.K. said he was told to leave and not return until being cleared by a mental-health professional. Monroe Schools Superintendent Robert E. Terrill said that "the administration at the high school felt it was necessary to remove" the student until a threat assessment was conducted by a school psychologist as a precaution. Terrill said that he had not seen the drawing, but that school officials described it as a stick figure shooting another figure in the head. There were no names or labels, he said. Terrill said that the school's action was unrelated to last week's massacre at Virginia Tech, but that the "incident heightened everybody's awareness." "On occasion, we have students that might do something like this where we might have a question as to what the youngster's intentions are," Terrill said. Although J.K. has attention deficit disorder, according to court papers he was an honor student, a flight commander in his school's Air Force Junior ROTC program and took some courses at Gloucester County College. According to his report card, he earned five A's and a B last quarter. One of those A's was in his graphic design class. source

Irregular News for 04.25.07 Baghdad, Iraq - Students in Baghdad, where universities have been hard-hit by violence, said they were saddened by last week's massacre at Virginia Tech and hung up a banner to express their solidarity with "our brothers in humanity and in pursuing knowledge." "We want to let the whole world know that we do not support terrorism anywhere," said Yassir Nazar, head of the student union at Baghdad Technology University, who organized the hanging of the banner near the campus gate. It reads, "We, the students of Technology University, denounce the attack at Virginia Tech. We extend our condolences to the families of the victims who faced a situation as bad as Iraq's universities do. The sanctity of campuses must be protected around the world." "We have lost many friends and professors," Nazar said Monday. "But in spite of our wounds, we want to show our solidarity with the students of Virginia Tech who are our brothers in humanity and in pursuing knowledge." Student Asma Suhail echoed that sentiment. "We only want to study and we have nothing to do with any problems," she said, wearing a pink and white head scarf as she stood on the campus. "We stand with the students of Virginia Tech because as Iraqis living in this country, we suffer more than any other people ... so that we can feel the suffering the students of Virginia having been through." In Baghdad and other Iraqi cities, scores of students have been killed and their campuses targeted by Iraqi insurgents who often regard universities as bastions of Western thought and political activities they oppose. More than 200 university professors have been killed in the past few years, and thousands have fled the country to teach at universities abroad, said Basil al-Khateeb, spokesman for the Iraqi ministry of higher education. On Feb. 25, a female suicide bomber triggered a ball bearing-packed charge, killing at least 41 people at a mostly Shiite college whose main gate was left littered with blood-soaked student notebooks and papers amid the bodies. On Jan. 16, two car bombs exploded as students from Mustansiriyah University lined up for rides home, killing at least 70 people and wounding at least 133. Baghdad Technology University can seem more like a war zone than a college campus, despite its sports fields, modern buildings and a small garden with wooden benches. Concrete barriers block nearby streets to keep out suicide car bombers. Students from Iraq's complex mix of Sunnis, Shiites, Kurds and Christians walk peacefully across the campus, but the sound of ambulance and police sirens, military convoys driving past and U.S. helicopters flying overhead is nearly constant. All students are searched before entering the campus video cell phones — which insurgents sometimes use to set off hidden bombs — are banned. Some students fall behind in their studies or miss exams because attacks or fighting prevent them from reaching campus. Baghdad's frequent power outages also can make it difficult for them to study at home at night. Although many Baghdad Technology University students regard Americans as much safer and luckier than they are, they were saddened by the tragedy at Virginia Tech, in which 32 people were gunned down by student Seung-Hui Cho. "We denounce the shooting in Virginia Tech because it targeted students of knowledge," said Hassan Abdul-Karim, a junior engineering major who said he has lost two friends to deadly insurgent attacks in his neighborhood of Baghdad. "Al-Qaida in Iraq does the same thing here in an effort to make ignorance prevail so its ideology can win." Zahra Hussein, a fourth-year engineering student, said she was shocked by the Virginia Tech killings in a country that is so much more peaceful and secure than Iraq. "For us, such attacks have become normal, even when they target students," she said. Mohammed Akram, a third-year chemical engineering student, said Iraq has seen many examples of recluses who have become suicide attackers. "But we are determined to complete our studies and do all we can for our country," he said, as several friends standing around him on the campus nodded their heads in agreement. source

Irregular News for 04.24.07 United Kingdom -- A frustrated husband called [911] to say his wife was refusing to have sex with him He complained to the operator that he was being denied his “matrimonial rights” and to ask for an ambulance crew to “examine” her. But the operator refused and told the man, from Reading, Berks, his “emergency” was not one they could help with. A spokesman for South Central Ambulance Service said: “We get some inappropriate calls from people who think they need an ambulance and this comes pretty near the top of the list.” source

Irregular News for 04.24.07 Boston, MA -- An adjunct professor was fired after leading a classroom discussion about the Virginia Tech shootings in which he pointed a marker at some students and said "pow." The five-minute demonstration at Emmanuel College on Wednesday, two days after a student killed 32 people on the Virginia Tech campus, included a discussion of gun control, whether to respond to violence with violence, and the public's "celebration of victimhood," said the professor, Nicholas Winset. During the demonstration, Winset pretended to shoot some students. Then one student pretended to shoot Winset to illustrate his point that the gunman might have been stopped had another student or faculty member been armed. "A classroom is supposed to be a place for academic exploration," Winset, who taught financial accounting, told the Boston Herald. He said administrators had asked the faculty to engage students on the issue. But on Friday, he got a letter saying he was fired and ordering him to stay off campus. Winset, 37, argued that the Catholic liberal arts school was stifling free discussion by firing him, and he said the move would have a "chilling effect" on open debate. He posted an 18-minute video on the online site YouTube defending his action. The college issued a statement saying: "Emmanuel College has clear standards of classroom and campus conduct, and does not in any way condone the use of discriminatory or obscene language." Student Junny Lee, 19, told The Boston Globe that most students didn't appear to find Winset's demonstration offensive. source

Irregular News for 04.23.07 Ashland, OR -- A candidate for Southern Oregon University student body president has admitted she was lying when she claimed she had a cousin who was killed in the Virginia Tech shootings. Brandi Freeman spoke at a candlelight vigil held by students at the university campus in Ashland Thursday night. With tears streaming down her face, she had claimed she had lost her cousin in the shootings that left 33 dead at Virginia Tech. By Friday, Freeman admitted to making up the story to appeal to voters for the student body election next week. She also said she suffers from bipolar disorder. Freeman is a dean's list student and a member of the student senate. But she said she'll likely drop out of the student body elections because of her actions. source

New caption contest... Don't forget to vote for your favorite cap for the last one: Poll: Caption Contest XCV Best caption gets a $1 Husker buck! Rules and stuff here: Fark, Caption & Riddle Contests

Adding poll.

Congrats to the Weekly Contest Winners!!! Weekly Winners for 04.22.07 cmb23: 1pt Caption Contest

WE HAVE A WINNER! CONGRATULATIONS cmb23!

Irregular News for 04.20.07 Lorain, OH -- A former principal who kissed the feet of three male students to settle a bet on a volleyball game has been convicted of a misdemeanor sex charge. Robert Holloway resigned from St. Anthony of Padua School in this town west of Cleveland after the 14-year-old students and their parents reported the foot-kissing to police in February 2006. Holloway told authorities he paid each student $15 and kissed their bare feet 50 times each in the school's library and gym to pay off the bet on a student-teacher volleyball game. "They didn't think he would literally do it," police Sgt. Mark Carpentiere said. Holloway pleaded no contest Tuesday to sexual imposition and unauthorized use of public property, also a misdemeanor, and was found guilty. He faces up to 15 months behind bars when sentenced in June. "It's not behind me yet," Holloway said as he left court. Carpentiere said 400 photos depicting adult foot fetish behavior were found on two school computers seized from Holloway's office. The photos depicted the scenarios that he had engaged in with the boys, Carpentiere said. "This appears to be a legitimate sexual fetish that adults are into, which is fine," he said. "The problem here is he was engaging in this activity with juveniles." Prosecutor Jim Walther said he was pleased Holloway entered a plea and that the victims were spared any further embarrassment. source

Irregular News for 04.20.07 Oklahoma City, OK -- Oklahoma already has the strawberry as its official fruit, so the state Senate cleared the way Tuesday to declare the watermelon the state vegetable. The measure was introduced in the House by Democratic Rep. Joe Dorman of Rush Springs, site of an annual watermelon festival in August. Sen. Don Barrington, R-Lawton, sponsored the bill in the Senate. "The controversy on whether watermelon is a fruit or vegetable has been officially decided by the Oklahoma Legislature," Barrington said. He said watermelon comes from the cucumber and gourd families, which are classified as vegetables. Others are not convinced. Sen. Nancy Riley, D-Tulsa, said her dictionary refers to the watermelon as a fruit. "I guess it can be both," Barrington conceded. The bill now goes to Gov. Brad Henry. source

I'll make the next one even easier so it will take a year to solve...

So does he win a Cadillac or something for this one?!?!?! Even better, one whole husker buck! That's the gold standard!!

WE HAVE A WINNER! CONGRATULATIONS Washusker! Why did a coward deliberately expose himself to significant danger? During World War I, some soldiers in the trenches deliberately exposed their hands or feet during heavy gunfire in the hope of sustaining and injury that would gain them a discharge and so avoid the risk of death.

Irregular News for 04.18.07 Asbury, NJ -- Officials are investigating how an off-duty parole officer's pistol accidentally discharged, wounding three restaurant workers in Asbury Park. Lieutenant Mark Lucia has been placed on administrative leave since Sunday night's incident. The shooting happened after a private party at Posillipo's. A spokesman for the Attorney General's Office says for some reason, Lucia and his brother, who is an Eatontown police officer, stayed behind. The people who were struck by the single gunshot are restaurant workers who were cleaning up. Two were treated and released. The third is hospitalized. The gun was Lucia's personal weapon. source

Irregular News for 04.18.07 Florida -- Back in 1999 Marci Lyn Deutsch, a Florida phone sex operator, supposedly won a workers' compensation settlement alleging "she was injured after regularly masturbating at work." Her lawyer Steven Slootsky had claimed, according to reports, that she developed carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands because of repetitive self-gratification while speaking on the phone to customers as often as seven times a day. Deutsch had asked her employer CFP Enterprises for "$267 a week, based on her salary of $400, plus $30,000 to cover her medical bills after neurosurgery to relieve the pain in her hands." However, the case was settled for a "minimal" amount because "mediator Joseph Hand, a retired workers' comp judge, told her she'd have a tough time" winning. While some consider this tale to be another example of America's "I sue, you sue, we all sue" culture, it seems unfair to say that just because someone derives pleasure from her job, it is frivolous to sue for an injury caused by that pleasure. After all isn't masturbatory carpal tunnel for a legal sex worker no different than typing carpal tunnel for a secretary? On the other hand, judges and juries might not be inclined to see it that way. After all, can you imagine a porn star attempting to get cash for a sex-related stress injury? Even in Australia, where prostitution is legal, "sex workers have entitlement to workers compensation for a work-related injury," but "n practice this rarely occurs." So as ridiculous as these cases may appear on the surface, they raise an important question that I'll throw out to you readers: Should the morality of one's job be called into question when interpreting employment law? source

When the enemy advanced, he started screaming and waving for a medic, even though he hadn't been shot. As he was waving for the medic, he was shot. NO OR He saw the enemy approaching, so he decided to stick an arm or leg into the line of fire, allow himself to get shot, YES and then play dead while the enemy marched forward. NO

I don't know why but I thought this was funny.

Irregular News for 04.17.07 Berlin, Germany -- A German dog locked inside a caravan turned on his absent master's radio and left it blasting out music, setting off howls from neighbours and prompting police to cut power to the mobile home. "The dog seems to have switched on the radio on while sniffing around, and somehow turned it up full blast," said a spokesman for police in the eastern city of Dresden on Friday. "Residents began calling to complain about the noise, so we had to intervene." Officers cut the power supply to the mobile home after finding the black mongrel locked inside with the music blaring, and left a note for the absent 57-year-old owner. The man, who was on holiday in the city, later told police he had gone out and never listened to music so loud himself. source

Irregular News for 04.17.07 Brussels, Belgium -- Two men hijacked a helicopter Sunday and forced the pilot to land in a prison courtyard, where they picked up an inmate in a dramatic jailbreak, the pilot told Belgian television. The accomplices paid for a helicopter ride at an airstrip near the city of Sint-Truiden, about 40 miles east of Brussels, saying they were tourists from Marseilles in southern France, pilot Eric Mathieu told the RTL-TVI network. After takeoff, they produced a pistol and hand-grenade, ordering Mathieu to fly to Lantin prison outside nearby Liege. "They pointed a revolver at my forehead," Mathieu told RTBF television. "The prison yard was so small, at first I refused to land there, but they threatened to kill me, so I had to do it." Mathieu said he touched down while about 200 prisoners were exercising in the yard. One climbed on board while his accomplices threw tear gas canisters into the crowd. The helicopter then landed less than a half-mile from the prison, where the three men got in a waiting car and drove away, VRT television news said. RTL-TVI identified the fugitive as a Frenchman who was in pretrial detention on charges of fraud and theft. RTBF said he had previously escaped from prisons in France and Spain. source

Was he shot in the arm? or leg? Either If he wasn't out in the open, was he inside something? NO Was his arm or leg exposed while the rest of his body was protected hidden?YES Was the coward trying to hide or protect himself? YES, sort of. Was he shot first, then put himself in greater danger? NO Or was the greater danger present first, the coward reacted, and then got shot? YES

Irregular News for 04.16.07 Baltimore, MD -- A federal judge in Baltimore is ordering Topeka's Westboro Baptist Church to pay more than $3,000 in costs related to the funeral of a Marine the group picketed. Albert Snyder of York, Pennsylvania, is suing because church members demonstrated at the funeral of his son, Lance Corporal Matthew Snyder. Church members also posted pictures of the protest on their Web site. Corporal Snyder was killed in Iraq in March. The lawsuit was filed in June. It says church members violated the family's right to privacy and defamed the Marine and his family at the funeral and on the church's Web site. Court documents say the church has 30 days to make the payment to Snyder. source

Irregular News for 04.16.07 Albuquerque, NM -- John Adams Middle School won’t be allowed to take field trips to the Albuquerque Aquarium for at least two years after a pair of students allegedly vandalized four of its expensive tanks. The two 13-year-olds are accused of taking a penknife into the building and scratching the tanks, including the aquarium’s popular — and expensive — shark tank. “This window is made of acrylic. It is eight inches thick and it cost about a million bucks,” said aquarium manager Holly Casman. Estimates on repairs for those scratches are reaching $5,000. But the $30,000 jellyfish tank is so badly damaged it will likely have to be replaced. Casman was angry, and said she’s probably not alone. “I think it makes most people angry when they hear about something like this,” she said. “People love the aquarium and it’s like being kicked in the gut when you get something like that.” Security officers say the boys probably damaged bathrooms and stole from the aquarium gift store. While their school is banned from the Albuquerque Biopark, Casman said the aquarium is going to go after the boys’ parents to pay for the damage. source