Roxy15

Congrats:) I am happy for all of you:) Now don't forget when ahe has a craving for pizza at 2 a.m....you go get one for her ok?

Great Idea... I was just thinking about the boys the other day..how old are they now anyway? I hope all of you are doing well:) and having alot of fun!

We watched Case39 and Socail Network last night and we liked both of them. If you get Case39 to watch...make sure you have your doors locked before you go to bed..I hid underneath the pillow lol Social Network is about how Facebook got started..it was good too.

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and two feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her straps fall to show a little more skin. She did, and the gorilla was about to tear the bars down. "Now show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him," he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now. Tell him you have a headache."

Thank you all:) I will try and behave myself on the joke telling thing:) I may have to put dashes in for any words that may not be appropriate, so I guess you all will have to fill in the blanks. I am not going to belong to the woodshed to post jokes. Guess I am a little afraid to belong to it just in case anyone who belongs there, has put me down. I have fun in here and if someone doesn't like me, I don't care to read it or know about it. I am who I am...said Popeye the sailor man lol Or woman:) Maybe I should change my name to Wishbone on here..(Just kidding) I feel sometimes like I am the cook on Rawhide-(Wishbone) and hauling you all off to a UNL Football game:) in a covered wagon:) Wish I could meet you all someday!

I haven't made these. The Catalina Dressing may sound strange to you, but, I have used Catalina Dressing in a crockpot pork roast beef sandwich recipe that I have & it is really good. This recipe got good reviews. Since softball season is starting here soon, I like to have dishes that I can make in the morning and have it ready for dinner that night, especially if there is a late ball game. I would use low setting only! I never ccok food on high in a rockpot if I can help it. I would add chopped onions and chopped garlic to this also. Crockpot Honeyed Spareribs: 4 lbs. Baby Back Ribs, Cut In Half 1 T. Garlic Salt 1 Tsp. Black Pepper 1/2 Cup Honey 1/4 Cup Soy Sauce 1/4 Cup Garlic Sauce 1 Cup Catalina Dressing 1 Tsp. Ground Ginger Preheat broiler. Line bottom portion of broiler pan with foil for easy clean up. Spray top rack lightly with cooking spray. Season ribs with garlic salt and pepper. Broil for 5 to 6 minutes, turn and broil for an additional 5-6 minutes. Place browned ribs in slow cooker. In a mixing bowl, stir together remaining ingredients. Pour sauce mixture over ribs. Move ribs around to make sure they are all coated. Cover and cook on High setting for 3 to 4 hours or Low for 8 hours. With tongs, remove ribs from slow cooker and let cool slightly before cutting into individual rib pieces. Skim grease from sauce. Serve ribs with sauce on the side.

A Dad's "Application To Date My Daughter" NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, driving record, lineage, and current certified medical report (including drug tests) from your doctor. 1. NAME _______________________________ DATE OF BIRTH________________ 2. HEIGHT ______________WEIGHT __________ I.Q _______G.P.A.____________ 3. SOCIAL SECURITY # _____________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________ 4. BOY SCOUT RANK____________________________________ 5. HOME ADDRESS _________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP _________ Phone#____________________ Celll#___________________ 6. Do you have one MALE and one FEMALE parent? ___yes ___no If No, EXPLAIN _________________________________________________ 7. Number of years your parents have been married ____ 8. Do you own a van? ______ A truck with oversized tires? ______ A waterbed? _________ Do you have an earring, nose ring, belly button ring, or a tattoo? __________ (If "yes" to any of #8, discontinue application and leave premises) 9. In 50 words or less, what does "LATE" mean to you? __________________________________________________ 10. In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you? ________________________________________________ 11. In 50 words or less, what does "ABSTINENCE" mean to you? ________________________________________________ 12. Church/synagogue you attend _____________ How often do you attend _____________ 13. When would be the best time to interview your father, mother and priest/rabbi/minister? _________________________________ 14. Answer by filling in the blank: please answer freely. ALL answers are confidential (That means I won't tell anyone -ever- I promise.) a) If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded is ______________________________________ B) If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my ______________________________________ c) A woman's place is in the ______________________________________ d) The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is ______________________________________ e) When I first meet a girl, the first thing I notice about her is ______________________________________ (NOTE: If your answer begins with "T" or "A", discontinue. Leave premises keeping your head low. Running in a serpentine fashion is advised.) 15. What do you want to be IF you grow up? ____________________________________ Please Review the Following Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter/Granddaughter Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist. Rule Four: I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early." Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine. I SWEAR THAT I HAVE READ ALL THE RULES AND THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER TORTURE, AND RED HOT POKERS. ________________________________ Signature (That means sign your name) Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing. You will be notified in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write. If you do attempt any communication before your application is approved, automatic disqualification will result. If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentlemen wearing white ties and carrying violin cases (You might want to watch your back). This is your "last chance" to check your answers. Perhaps you should check your response to question #10. This guy didn't get it! Do you still want to date my daughter? _____ Yes, please accept my application _____ I um, no, I uh, think I have the wrong house. __________________

I sure hope I don't get banned from this place when I post this joke...I can't put it in the woodshed or wherever my jokes are..because I don't belong there to put this joke there. Would You Marry Again? A husband and wife are sitting quietly in bed reading when the Wife looks over at him and asks the question.... WIFE: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married Again?" HUSBAND: "Definitely not!" WIFE: "Why not? Don't you like being married?" HUSBAND: "Of course I do.." WIFE: "Then why wouldn't you remarry? " HUSBAND: "Okay, okay, I'd get married again." WIFE: "You would?" (with a hurt look) HUSBAND: (makes audible groan) WIFE: "Would you live in our house?" HUSBAND: "Sure, it's a great house.." WIFE: "Would you sleep with her in our bed?" HUSBAND: "Where else would we sleep?" WIFE: "Would you let her drive my car?" HUSBAND: "Probably, it is almost new." WIFE: "Would you replace my pictures with hers?" HUSBAND: "That would seem like the proper thing to do." WIFE: "Would you give her my jewelry?" HUSBAND: "No, I'm sure she'd want her own." WIFE: "Would you take her golfing with you? HUSBAND: "Yes, those are always good times." WIFE: "Would she use my clubs? HUSBAND: "No, she's left-handed." WIFE: -- silence -- HUSBAND: "sh#t."

Hmmm...oh oh are you serious??? Me getting love in the woodshed???? Now are you all trying to get me in there or what..laughing. I can't go there...the woodshed sounds like a very small place to be put in and I am the type of person who will get on an elevator..but..can't wait to get out:) Ok..another corny comeback:) You all have fun in there..I am not going there:) but...I will make you all some popcorn when you come out of the shed..want some? Oh..and a beer or 3 may have to be in order too:) Thx to everyone who have been so nice to me in here...love ya. Edited to say that it is ok if they want to move my posts...I am just having fun with you all:) At least I know that it wasn't just me seeing things:) Now you all have fun in the woodshed and remember I will be waiting for you all to get out so we can party ok? Also...I am just glad that I didn't do anything wrong and would get banned from here..now that would make me very sad if I got banned.

I haven't made this...I found this recipe on the web and thought it looked and sounded interesting. I have been searching for a long time for a chicken noodle soup that isn't like what you get from a can. I am always looking for something different and sometimes I use some ingredients in a recipe I find and make it my own by adding stuff. This recipe doesn't have noodles, but, it may by the time I get done with it haha...I am what you call an eye ball & taste it cook. Spicy Chicken Soup: 1-(7-oz.) Can Chipotle Chiles In Adobo Sauce 1 Tsp. Olive Oil 1 Cup Chopped Green Bell Pepper 1/2 Cup Chopped Green Onions 1 T. Minced Garlic 1 Tsp. Ground Cumin 2 Cups Chopped Cooked Chicken Breast Strips-(Such As Louis Rich, About 12-oz.s) 2-(14-1/2-oz.) Cans Chicken Broth 1-(14-1/2-oz.) Can Del Monte Diced Tomatoes & Green Chiles, Undrained 1-(11-oz.) Can Whole Kernel Corn With Sweet Peppers, Drained Remove 1 Chile from can; reserve the remaining Chiles and Sauce for another use. Mince Chile. Heat the oil in a large saucepan over medium-high heat. Add bell pepper, onions, garlic, and cumin; Sauté 4 minutes or until the vegetables are soft. Stir In Minced Chile, Chicken, Chicken Broth, Tomatoes, and Corn. Bring to a boil; reduce heat, and simmer 3 minutes. ***I May Add White Cooked Rice Or Cooked Egg Noodles & Sliced Fresh Mushrooms. ***May Cook Fresh Chicken Breasts In Crockpot With Chopped Onions, Garlic. Sprinkle Chicken Breasts With Tony Chacheres More Spice Seasoning & Chicken Broth instead of using Louis Rich Chicken Breasts.

BLT Dip: 1 Cup Sour Cream 1 lb. Bacon, Fried & Cut 1 Cup Mayonnaise 2 Ripe Tomatoes, Diced Fry bacon till very crisp and drain on paper towels. When cool, crumble into small pieces and set aside. ***Use a Food Processor to make it easier. Combine the Sour Cream & Mayonnaise. Add the bacon & mix well. Just before serving, fold in tomatoes & stir gently until well combined.

Good thing I am done with my coffee or it would be all over me again lol Are you really serious when you said this? Are you talking about the Dirty Joke thread that you have going on in the Woodshed? Nice work!?????????????????????????????? If so...I don't know what to say....except is it more popular than my recipes???:) haha If it is..guess I am on a roll lol get my joke..recipes and I am on a roll?????? ok..I am not a comedian..flunked that one:) LIke I said..I have never been in the woodshed because you need a password or someething...so if you all want to get me back big time..you can go there and blast me all you want & I would never know it haha..but, if I every find out that you blasted me.......I may have to give away all the cakes and stuff that I made for you:) and drink all the beer that I got for our party someday when we meet:)

Just logged in here...having a cup of coffee and trying to wake up still:) I require 2 cups of coffee before getting "my you know what" in gear for the day. ***Notice that I said you know what instead of using salty language???? haha...now that made me luagh..using salty language:) thx to whoever said that:) All I have to say is that I have friends who email me daily and some of my friends send me jokes alot and the jokes that I get a kick out of..I post them in here. My personal opinion is this- the jokes I post are not rude-(or whatever the reason is to be required for them to be put in the woodshed). I don't evcn go into the woodshed, mainly becuse you have to have a password I think to get in there and I have never asked for a passoword to read it. I love it when other members post jokes in here and I pass alot of them on to my friends who send me jokes. I may not reply to all the jokes that members post in here, but, I read them and I enjoy reading all of them. If I don't reply to all of rhem...it probably means that I am laughing so hard and I have spilled my coffee on me:) Yes...I enjoy posting recipes, but, I really like jokes:) especially when I am having my cup of coffee in the morning and log in here and see a good joke to start my day off right. Boy I talk alot lol Anyway...so I guess that means that jokes are not to be told in here period...just sports, recipes and stuff like that???? To me...that is sad. I want the jokes:) Am I the only one who feels this way? I hope a mod in here can give us all a reason why stuff in here is getting moved. Thx for taking the time to read this and I hope that you have a good day. Hugs...Roxy

I haven't made this..it sounds good to me so thought I would post it. Bay Breeze: 1-1/2 oz.s Vodka-(80 or 90 proof) 3-oz.s Cranberry Juice 1-oz. Pineapple Juice-(6-oz.)***I guess that means from a 6-oz. bottle? 1. Combine vodka, cranberry, and pineapple juice over ice in a highball glass.

Homemade Sweet Tortilla Chip Crackers: 1/4 Cup Sugar 3 Tsp. Cinnamon 12 Flour Tortillas 2 T. Butter, Softened 1. In a small bowl, mix sugar and cinnamon. 2. Spray 1 side of Flour Tortilla with cooking spray. 3. Butter other side of Flour Tortilla. 4. Sprinkle sugar mixture on buttered side of Flour Tortilla. 5. Slice each Flour Tortilla into 8 triangles. 6. Place triangles on cookie sheet - sugar side up. 7. Bake at 300 degrees for 20 minutes on one side. 8. Turnover, and bake 5 minutes on other side or until crispy.

I just noticed that something I posted got moved??? or something like that..so sorry if I did something wrong.

Thx for the laugh...this joke reminded me of my mom who isn't with us anymore. She was so kind hearted and never let anything go to waste. Anyway..thx for letting my day start off with a smile:)

Peanut Butter Oatmeal Cookies: 1 Cup Chunky Peanut Butter 1 Cup Packed Brown Sugar 2 Eggs 2-1/2 Cups Quaker Oats 1 Tsp. Baking Soda In a small bowl, cream Peanut Butter and Brown Sugar until fluffy. Beat in egg. Add Quaker Oats and Baking Soda to creamed mixture; mix well. Drop by tablespoonfuls 2-in. apart onto greased baking sheets; flatten slightly. Bake at 350 degrees for 6-8 minutes. Take cookies out and let cool. When cookies are cool, layer them in large Tupperware Container, using Wax Paper to separate cookies between layers. ***You can add Chocolate Chips And/Or Raisins, Opt.

Have no idea if this works or not... http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/8222490/Secret-to-a-smooth-hangover-honey-on-toast.html

http://www.cramersweeney.com/smiq.html

They take the 75% discount off at check out or order by phone if you prefer. Just thought I would post this in case anyone would like to order something for a Super Bowl Party. http://www.hickoryfarms.com/category~name~Specials~c~450~frc~HFS.asp#

http://www.41q.com/

Sloppy Rolls: 2 T. Butter 1 Medium Onion, Diced Small 1 Green Bell Pepper, Diced Small 2 Cloves Garlic, Minced 1 lb. Ground Beef 1 Tsp. Salt 1/4 Tsp. Pepper 1/4 Tsp. Paprika 1/4 Tsp. Chili Powder 1 Cup Water 1/2 Tsp. Corn Starch 1-(16-oz.) Can Tomato Paste 1 Pkg. Egg Roll Wrappers 1 Cup Vegetable Oil-(Or Your Favorite Frying Oil) 1/2 Cup Velveeta Cheese 1 Egg White Melt butter in a large skillet over medium heat. Add onions, peppers and garlic. Cook 8-10 minutes until the vegetables are soft. Add 1 lb ground beef, cook till fully browned; drain off fat. Return to heat add the spices; Salt, Pepper, Paprika and Chili Powder. Then add water and Tomato Paste. Mix well heating through then add corn starch to thicken. Simmer for additional 10 minutes until the mixture is thick. Using Egg-Roll Wrappers, prepare Egg-Rolls placing 1 heaping tablespoon of Sloppy Joe Meat and a few 1 in. Chunks of Velveeta. Roll the Egg-Rolls as directed on the Egg-Roll package using egg whites to seal rolls. Heat frying oil in large skillet over medium high heat. Fry Egg-Rolls in batches, 5-6 at a time. Cook on each side 2-3 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oil and place on cooling rack with paper towels lined under.

I have made Lil Smokies in the crockpot using Grape Jelly and Chili Sauce and other ways, but, in my opinion, this recipe beats them all. I had to finally put them away so i would have an appetite for the turkey I was baking for New Years Day. These Lil Smokies are very addicting! ***Edited...It is better to make them this way. ****Bake them towards the top of the oven...not the bottom and put an empty cookie sheelt towards the bottom to catch any bacon grease so it doesn't get all over yoiur oven. Bacon Wrapped Lil Smokies: 1 lb. Bacon 1-(16-oz.) Pkg. Beef Lil Smokies ***Can Use Any Kind 1 Cup Brown Sugar Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Take 1 Lil Smokie-(one at a time)- out of package and place on cookie sheet. Take 1 slice of bacon-(one at a time)-out of package and wrap bacon around lil smokie on cookie sheet. Cut bacon with scissors, what you don’t need and save it for the next Lil Smokie. Secure bacon on Lil Smokie, using a toothpick. Repeat process until all Lil Smokies are wrapped in bacon. Sprinkle 1 cup Brown Sugar over Lil Smokies. Bake at 325 degrees until bacon is crisp. Put Lil Smokies on a paper-lined plate to remove grease. .

Thank you for taking the time to let me know how it turned out, much appreciated:) Whew...I was so worried on how it would turn out because I have just used that recipe for prime rib. I really like that Christopher Ranch Garlic In A Jar and Nebraska Steak Seasoning. I use it on roast beef and other meats. I haven't tried all the recipes that I post and I just hope when I do post recipes and someone tries it...it turns out to be a recipe that they really enjoy. Again..thank you for taking the time to let me know how it turned out. Hope you and your loved ones have a wonderfuL New Year..take care.