Husker Offense Banned from Lincoln Bars

drewbudd · October 17, 2010

Lincoln, NE (BO) - After a rash of incidents involving several players on the Nebraska Cornhusker offense, local Lincoln bars have decided to enact a citywide ban on their patronage.

It all started about midway through the 2009 football season, when the players began to bring their questionable ball handling skills off of the field and into the bars.

"I just can't afford it anymore," says Bob T. North, a local bar owner. "You should see this place afterwards, broken glass everywhere. No one else has any problems handling the glasses, it's not like we do anything different to theirs."

It has become so much of an issue that one recently opened bar had to close after only 10 days of business. Brew and Chow Saloon opened its doors on Thursday, October 7th. "Business was great that first night. When I look back at it now, it was probably because the offense was out of town," remarked owner Nate C. Al-Alexson.

Oddly enough, the bars located in cities that the Nebraska offense visits seem to be mostly unaffected by this problem. Steve O'Sark, owner of Seattle bar Seiksuh, had a mostly positive experience when the Huskers rolled into his bar. "Sure, Cody Green dropped his first two beers before he had even taken a sip, but other than that the night was incident free."

The stories coming from bar owners in Manhattan, KS were largely similar. "The offense showed up in my bar and started buying round after round for everyone in the bar. I think I saw one glass get dropped, but it magically bounced back up into another player’s hands," claimed bar owner Billy Snydah.

Broken glasses aren't the only issues plaguing bar owners in the Husker offense rolls in. "Sometimes they even have trouble paying for their drinks," said Bob T. North. "The issue isn't whether they have the money; it is whether they can put it in your hands. Many times they just drop it on the bar and look at it for a while before someone swoops in and picks it up," he continued, "One time I saw them collecting all of their money to buy a bunch of drinks at once and the player carrying it up to the bar dropped it before he had even taken two steps. Sure enough, a Texas player swooped in and picked it up. The Texas player walked out of the bar with it and decided to spend it ay a different bar, do you know how much that cost me?" he asked.

Some bar owners are considering selling their bars and opening new ones in other Big 12 locations. "I'm trying to open a new bar in Stillwater, OK before next weekend," remarked Nate C. Al-Alexson. "I'm sure it is going to be a record day for the taverns of Stillwater next weekend and I might be able to rebound from my failed Lincoln bar."

For now, no one knows when the ban will be lifted. The only thing they know is that they can't afford to provide service to them until they take some serious steps to fix their issues.