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AP News Wire - September 24, 2007

 

UNIVERSITY OF NEBRASKA ANNOUNCES COVERAGE PLANS FOR REMAINDER OF 2007 FOOTBALL SEASON

 

(Lincoln, NE) - Following their exciting 41-40 win at Memorial Stadium over the Ball State Redbirds on Saturday, the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers have released an announcement regarding coverage agreements of games for the rest of the season.

 

"We regret to inform our loyal fans in Lincoln, in Nebraska, and across the country, that there will be no coverage for the remainder of the 2007 season.", announced University of Nebraska Athletic Director, Steve Pederson.

 

Pederson added, "Due to our defensive players, coaches and schemes, there will be absolutely no coverage whatsoever. That goes for televised games and non-televised games as well. There will be no coverage provided by the secondary. There will be no coverage provided by the Defensive Line. And there will be absolutely, for certainty, no coverage provided by our Linebackers."

 

When asked about this announcement, Defensive Coordinator Kevin Cosgrove stated, "This really isn't a big announcement. Anyone that has seen the televised games against Wake Forest, USC or the Pay-per-view against Ball State, can attest that there hasn't been any coverage in those games either." He added, "But if you don't like it, then don't turn on the television."

 

When asked for his comments, Head Coach Bill Callahan spouted a number of coaching cliches including "They're a good football team", "These kids are playing their hearts out" and "We're moving in the right direction". However he never actually answered any real questions.

 

In a related story, residents in Ames, IA, Lawrence, KS, Columbia, MO and Boulder, CO all reported a loud 'tearing and ripping' sound on Saturday afternoon. Further investigation shows that it was every coach and player in the Big XII conference tearing half of their playbooks apart. It is reported that they are all focusing on their misdirection run plays and play action passes, and will be discarding all drop-back pass plays for their matchups with the Huskers.

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